The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...) (4 page)

When the bottle was empty, Jesse helped me up to my room and I fell onto my bed. “So what happened?” he asked as he pulled off my shoes. “You and Lana have a fight?”

“Yesterday...” I told him about the shopping trip and the argument we had had. “But I ‘pologized to…day.”

“She didn’t forgive you?”

“Nah. She did. Spent rest…the day ‘er…and Wucy.” My words were getting slurred and I tried to concentrate on forming them. Not that it mattered, all my band brothers had spent so much time around me in a drunken state that they had picked up the language. “One of… best days of my wife,” I admitted.

“So why the fuck are you drinking?” Jesse demanded.

I glared at him. Was he crazy? How could he not know why I was drinking? Was he blind? “‘Cause I want ‘er so fuckin’ much! ‘Cause I feel like I need ‘er to breathe. ‘Cause she is seventeen fuckin’ years old!” I shouted.

The drummer dropped down on the edge of my bed. “Dray, she’s beautiful. A blind man could see how beautiful she is. And it isn’t just on the outside. She’s really sweet, man. Lana is special.”

I knew all of that. It made all my feelings that much more intense. Lana was my angel. And I couldn’t touch her. “I know that,” I whispered.

“And I think she has some strong feelings for you too.”

I knew that too, but for Lana it was just a crush. A girl her age couldn’t understand the feelings I had. I couldn’t imagine her feeling for me what I felt for her. No, I refused to even think about it. I was her friend. That was all.

“What are you going to do?” Jesse asked after a few minutes.

I scrubbed a hand over my wet eyes. “Nothin’.”

“Nothing? So you just go on being friends, but killing yourself with alcohol to numb your pain?”

I shrugged or at least thought I did. “I can’t touch ‘er. I
won’t
touch ‘er!”

“Have you at least talked to her about this?” Jesse demanded, sounding frustrated.

“No. She’s too young ter understand. I’m not going ter burden ‘er with it.” I didn’t want to put my nightmares in her head. That ugliness didn’t belong inside my angel’s mind. “Shanks for taking care of me, man…” I attempted to say as I let myself float off to sleep…

The dreams haunted my sleep. The fight, the gun shots… Emmie crawled into bed with me, holding me close and whispering things that I couldn’t make sense of through the drunken haze. My tears dried and the shaking in my limbs slowly faded. Her presence alone soothed some of my pain, her fingers stroking through my hair like a lifeline connecting me to the present.

As I drifted back off to sleep, the dream was still waiting to consume me, but it took a different turn than usual. Instead of a nine year old Emmie sitting on my couch, it was Lana. She smiled up at me in that mysterious angelic way of hers, but it didn’t calm me like it normally did.

The trailer was dark, the heat from the summer pressing in on us as Rusty came down the hall. He said something and I watched as Lana turned to me with a disgusted look on her face. Then she faded from the couch as if she had never been there…

Lana

I should have known it was going to be a sucky day the second I woke up.

The sound of the alarm only made me groan. Since we had moved to Malibu I had to get up an hour earlier so I could get to school on time. Normally I would shower, but this morning I wasn’t in the mood to get my hair wet. I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom. As I passed the sink, the mirror caught my attention and I saw the effects of a sleepless night.

After falling into bed last night, I hadn’t been able to get to sleep. Instead, I had stared at my cellphone, mentally willing Drake to text me. I didn’t know why, but I had this ache in my gut and a weight around my heart. Once or twice I was sure that I was actually having a panic attack. I had never experienced something like that.

Something deep inside told me that Drake needed me, and I wasn’t sure how I could help. If I went over to the main house and told them that I couldn’t sleep because I was scared something was wrong with Drake they’d think I was a freak. Having gotten to know Shane a little over the last week, I knew that he would only laugh at me.

But the feeling hadn’t gone away, and I tossed and turned all night, finally falling into a restless sleep only an hour or so before the alarm went off.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Not in the mood to put on makeup. I didn’t like to wear it anyway, I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and added a headband to keep the stray strands out of my face. Picking up my backpack from the bedroom floor, I found Layla’s car keys and headed for the door.

Layla came out of the kitchen, a package of Pop-tarts and a small bottle of orange juice in her hands. “Drive carefully,” she told me with a warm smile.

For some reason tears burned my eyes, and I could only nod as I left the guesthouse. Layla was my rock. She had been the mother I needed when I was growing up. The day that our mom tossed her out was the worst day of my life. I cried myself to sleep for six months, wanting my sister to tuck me in because Mom wouldn’t. I was only nine, but within a week I was doing things that some grown women didn’t even know how to do
—like cooking my own dinner and washing my own clothes.

Just before Mom died she and I had been arguing a lot. I was scared to death that she was ready to kick me out too. Lucy was still so young, so defenseless. It sounds inhumane but I had breathed a sigh of relief when Lydia Daniels died. Moving in with Layla had been the best thing to happen to me since the day I had last seen her.

I was five minutes late for my first class because traffic was so horrible that morning. The teacher let me off with a warning and a lecture on punctuality. Really, I would have rather taken the detention than hear that bag of hot air preaching to me. At lunch I had to settle on a bag of chips and a bottle of water because nothing the lunch ladies had fixed looked edible. Of course Mr. Mills was his usual douche bag self to me during English. I was about five seconds away from telling that prick off when my phone vibrated.

Glancing down at my desk, I saw a text from Drake.

Wanna grab dinner later? Me, you and Shane?

Definitely!
I quickly answered back.

I thought my shitty day was over until I got into Layla’s car after school and the damned thing refused to start. Muttering a few choice curses that would land me a scolding from my sister, I popped the hood on the old car then wondered what I had expected to accomplish by doing that. I wasn’t exactly mechanically inclined!

I thought about calling Layla but knew that she wouldn’t know what to do any more than I did. Fishing out my phone from my back pocket, I texted Drake.

Know anything about cars?

A little.

Layla’s car won’t start…
I texted, not sure if I was asking him to be my white knight or not…

On my way, Angel!

My heart turned all mushy when he had quickly come to my rescue without me really even asking. It took him thirty minutes to get to my school. A taxi pulled up beside me and both Drake and Shane stepped out. I was one of three cars left in the parking lot. As soon as I saw them, I got out of the car. I put the time to good use by finishing up my Calculus homework while I waited.

Shane had a backwards ball cap on his shaggy head and sunglasses over his eyes. Drake was sporting some scruff on his sexy jaw, and I was almost hypnotized by him. “Thanks for coming. Sorry to pull you guys away from the studio.”

“You’re more important,” Drake said, making my heart melt all over again. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Layla’s car on the other hand? Well, I’ll leave it to you guys to determine that.”

Shane fiddled with some wires, checked some fluid levels, and then tried to start the engine. It did more for him than it had for me by making a gravely noise, but it still didn’t start. He pushed his glasses up on top of his hat and shook his head. Hi
s
dangerous good looks were startling when you had those blue-gray eyes looking right at you. He and Drake looked so much alike they could have passed for twins at first glance. Drake was a few inches taller than his brother, but Shane was wider in the shoulders.

“I’ll get it towed,” Shane said after he told me what he thought was wrong with it. I didn’t really understand anything that had come out of his mouth, but I knew that it wasn’t a good thing.

“Great,” I muttered. “How am I going to get to school tomorrow?”

“We can drop you off before we go into the studio,” Drake assured me. I started to argue that it would be too far out of their way, but he gave me a look that told me I was best to keep my mouth shut. Not wanting to start another fight when the last one had left me miserable, I just nodded.

The tow truck arrived, and Shane called a taxi for us. I had already texted Layla with what was going on so she wouldn’t worry that I was so late getting home. But apparently she had already known about the car trouble and that the Stevenson brothers were helping me out.

“Let’s grab something to eat before we go home,” Shane suggested. “I’m freaking starving.”

“I could eat,” Drake agreed. “What do you feel like eating, Angel?”

I sat between them in the back of the taxi, leaning into Drake more so I could have an excuse to touch him. “I don’t care. Anything sounds good right now.” It was almost dinner time, and I was running on a Pop-tart and a bag of chips. I was hungry enough to be borderline ravenous.

The little Italian place that Shane picked was amazing. I ate all of my Chicken Parmesan and was still hungry, so I started picking off of Drake’s plate. His Triple Trio of lasagna, bruschetta, and shrimp with spaghetti was amazing. The company was even better than the food. Just being with Drake eased something deep inside of me. I enjoyed being around Shane almost as much. He had a way of making me laugh when I didn’t want to.

As we lingered over dessert—some kind of incredible Tiramisu that made me moan on the first bite—I found that I didn’t want the evening to end. The day in general had sucked, but the evening couldn’t have been more perfect if I had tried. I tried to make every bite of dessert last a little longer.

“Don’t you like it?” Shane asked as he took his last bite.

“It’s delicious,” I assured him.

“Got a text from Jesse,” Drake said as he dropped down in his chair after having come back from the bathroom. “We aren’t going into the studio tomorrow or the rest of the week. Emmie had to go to the doctor this morning and she has to rest.” His brow was wrinkled in concern. “The doctor is still talking about a C-section.”

“Well she is kind of tiny, Dray.” Shane tossed back the rest of his wine. “And if that kid is anything like Nik, she’s going to have a huge head. This will probably be better for Em.”

“I guess,” Drake muttered, swallowing the last of his coffee. “I guess I’m just terrified of the unknown.”

“She’s in the best hands, bro. You know Nik wouldn’t let her be in anything but.” His words were to offer comfort, but I wondered if he was trying to comfort himself too.

I knew that Emmie was special to the four members of Demon’s Wings. She was the sun that they all seemed to revolve around. I loved that they could feel so deeply for her. It showed me that beneath the badass rocker persona they were good guys. Up until I met them I had thought that all rockers were the same. Douche bags and assholes. Mom’s life had shown me that side of the rocker world, and I had hated every second of it. Drake and his band brothers had proved to me that there were some good guys floating around in the rock world after all.

“Do you have homework?” Drake surprised me by changing the subject.

I shook my head. “I finished my Calculus while I waited for you two to show up.”

“Think Layla would get mad if we didn’t go straight home?” He was pulling his wallet out and tossing a few large bills on the table.

Had he read my mind? I wasn’t ready to go home either. “She texted me and told me that she was having dinner with Jesse. They’re taking Lucy out for mac and cheese.”

Shane laughed. “He loves his mac and cheese. Now he has an excuse to get it as often as possible.”

“Let’s go to a movie,” Drake suggested. “I haven’t been to a movie in forever.”

Shane snorted. “No thanks.” He stood. “Since we aren’t going into the studio tomorrow. I’m going to find something a little more X-rated to keep me occupied.” Drake muttered something under his breath, causing Shane to laugh. “You got it, bro.”

“Don’t make Emmie worry. Come home tonight.”

“I’ll do my best.” But Shane was still grinning. He placed a kiss on top of my head. “Have fun. See you later.”

“Bye, Shane.” I watched him go and then turned back to the big man seated across from me. “Still want to see a movie?”

“If you feel up to it.” But I could tell he was really looking forward to going to see one. The idea of being in a dark theater with Drake sitting beside me was too appealing to turn down.

“Anything scary out?” I loved scary movies. The way the suspense made your heart race was incredible. Usually, I was the girl screaming, but I never covered my eyes to hide from the monster on the screen.

His eyes sparkled. “I’m sure we could find something scary.”

Paranormal Activity 2
had me clutching Drake’s arm throughout the movie. I screamed a few times, but I wasn’t the only one. I felt safe with the big man seated next to me, his arm resting along the back of my chair and the popcorn sitting between us. It felt so good, so normal.

--

The weeks passed so quickly I didn’t have time to really look at what was going on outside in the real world. Jesse and my sister were getting serious. Emmie’s belly was getting even bigger. School was the same old shit over and over again.

What I had labeled as a crush was turning into something deeper, and it scared the hell out of me. Drake was becoming very important to me, and I didn’t know how to handle it. All I did know was that I couldn’t go two minutes without thinking about him. I felt like if I didn’t see him every day, or get a dozen texts from him, I would go insane with this all-consuming love inside my heart. As hard as I tried to keep reminding myself that we were just friends, my heart refused to listen.

Layla threw Emmie a surprise baby shower, and it was a big success. Emmie, the hard-ass that normally took care of everyone else, was getting taken care of for a change, and she cried like the hormonal pregnant woman she was. It was a great day.

The next day Jesse loaded us up and took us to SeaWorld. The four of us felt like a family that day, and I felt like I could get used to it. Jesse was constantly holding Layla’s hand and even carried Lucy on his shoulders when her feet got tired. The only thing that could have made the day better was if Drake had come with us.

But he had still been in bed when we left that morning. I wasn’t blind to Drake’s flaws. I knew that he was a heavy drinker. I wished he would find a way to give up his addiction. I wanted to be more important to him, special enough for him to give up the liquor for me, but I knew that that wasn’t going to happen. I was just his friend—okay, I was likely his best friend—and it wasn’t going to change.

The next weekend I got the surprise of my life when Drake pulled out all the stops and threw me a surprise birthday party. I was officially eighteen now, and there was no one I wanted to celebrate adulthood more with than Drake… His present on the other hand caused a mammoth fight.

The white Audi A6 was a dream car. It was also pretty expensive in my book. I didn’t want to take it. Hadn’t the stupid man realized that I didn’t want him to buy me things like this? I almost refused it, but Emmie stepped in and made me feel like the biggest bitch that walked the earth. “It’s yours. Your name is on the paper work. Take the car and stop tormenting him!”

I hadn’t realized that I was tormenting him, but once she had said that I knew it was true. He only wanted the best for me. Layla’s car had broken down more than once in the last three weeks. One of those times I had nearly been in an accident because the car had stalled in the middle of an intersection. The car was his way of keeping me safe.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for the car, Drake. I love it! Will you come with me while I test drive it?”

Just like that I was forgiven. He didn’t even scold me when I got out on the highway and pushed the Audi to its limits. At one point I glanced over at him and he had the biggest grin on his face. When he smiled like that, his eyes glowed with pure unadulterated joy, and it took my breath away.