The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...) (5 page)

The following weekend all hell broke loose. Jesse took Layla to a party at a friend’s Drake stayed home with me, and we made popcorn and watched a couple of movies. When I asked about their friend Tom and realized that Tom was Tommy Kirkman, I went a little ballistic.

“No!” I jumped up, already reaching for my keys. Lucy was asleep in the bedroom. I couldn’t leave her alone. “Fuck!”

“Angel, what’s the matter?” Drake demanded, concerned. No wonder, I was acting crazy.

“I have to get to Layla!” I had to get her the hell away from Tommy Kirkman. My sister was going to need me. “Can you stay with Lucy?”

Drake grabbed my arms, stopping me from running out the door. “What is the matter, Lana?”

Lana. He never called me Lana anymore. It was always Angel. I was his angel and that was the way I wanted it to stay. “Tommy Kirkman?” He nodded his head. “He’s Layla’s dad.”

That was all he needed to know for the moment. He called Nik and told him to come over to stay with Lucy, and then he was dragging me to the Audi and pushing me into the passenger seat. Within minutes we were headed toward Beverly Hills. Then he was demanding answers. “Why didn’t you tell me Tommy was Layla’s father?”

“Because we don’t talk about our dads. They are touchy subjects that neither one of us are willing to bring up. I had no idea that your friend Tom was Tommy.” It was a nightmare that the guy that Drake had told me was the guy that had taken him and the band under his wing was the dirt bag that had fathered my sister.

“Who is your father, Angel?” Drake suddenly asked.

I closed my eyes. Sadly enough, Tommy Kirkman was just as bad as my own father. “I don’t want to talk about it, Drake.” I whispered.

“Angel…”

“He isn’t important,” I told him. “He didn’t want me and I don’t want him! Please, just don’t make me talk about him.”

Drake was quiet the rest of the drive into the Hills.

The rest of that night was crazy. Layla left the party with me and Drake, leaving Jesse behind. I was sure that Layla was going to pack us up and move. I could feel the tension building in Drake with each passing minute. A long while later, Jesse showed up beat all to hell. He had a bruised kidney, and the band ended up taking another week off from going into the studio.

Emmie scared us all the following Monday. Her water broke a week before her scheduled C-section, and she had to have an emergency C-section. Layla texted me from the hospital, and I left school to pick up Lucy. By the time I got there, the baby was already making herself known to the world!

I watched while the guys passed the little bundle of pink sweetness around. It was freaky to see all those big men with the tiny baby in their arms. They all stared down at her in wonder, and I could actually see their hearts getting tied to her. When Drake held her for the first time, I had to keep from crying. He was so careful with her, so lost in the moment of holding his little
niece
.

I had a mad moment of insanity and actually imagined him holding our baby like that one day. But I was only dreaming. No way was that going to happen. Drake made it clear and more clear every day that we were only friends.

Drake

The addiction that I had for Lana and the peace she brought me escalated. Before I realized it was happening, I was spending every spare second with her. Sometimes I would have dinner with her and her sisters, or I would take her into the city and we would have a night out. At one point she even talked me into karaoke. Lana might look like an angel, but she didn’t have the voice of one. I laughed until she punched me in the stomach when she sang
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
.

The night of Tom’s party was a bad night for me. Tom had been like a father figure to all of us, and that night I got to see just what kind of scumbag he really was. On top of that, I was terrified when I realized that Layla might leave. I didn’t know if I could handle it if she took Lana away and I couldn’t see her every day. To say I was relieved when she and Jesse made up was an understatement if I ever heard one.

Everyone was trying to prepare themselves for Emmie’s C-section. The doctor asked all of us to come in and sat us down to explain what to expect the morning of the delivery. I thought I was ready. Really I did…

When she went into labor early and had to have an emergency C-section, I realized that no amount of planning would make me ready to see the fear in Emmie’s eyes as the doctor prepped her for surgery. I just wanted to hold her until it was all over, but only Nik was allowed in the OR with her. Layla offered us all some comfort, rubbing my back as we waited for Nik to come out and tell us that Emmie was okay. It was soothing, but I wanted Lana there.

My angel didn’t get to the hospital until it was almost time to see Emmie and the baby. When I saw her walking into the waiting room with Lucy beside her it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest and I could breathe again. After tossing a greeting out to everyone, she sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me.

“Congratulations. You’re an uncle!”

I laughed and pulled her close, brushing a kiss over her cheek. “I guess I am.”

Holding Mia for the first time was a thrill in its own way. She was so tiny and I was terrified of dropping her. Lana showed me how to hold her head, and I had a moment of insanity and refused to even acknowledge the thought as soon as it flashed through my mind. When I saw her with that pink bundle in her arms, smiling down at my niece, I couldn’t hide from it any more.

What would it be like to hold
our
child?

That was never going to happen! Lana was my friend, my
best
friend. When she had babies, I wasn’t going to be their daddy…

That thought just made me pissed, and I left the hospital earlier than the others. I got lost in a bottle of Jack when I got home and stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to think about Lana’s future, especially if it included a husband and kids. That night as I fell into my nightmares, they were different. Instead of the past they were the future. I woke up in a pile of sweat just as Lana was walking down the aisle to some faceless prick.

I tried to pull back a little after that, but my resolve lasted about an hour before I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Still, I tried to make it clear to Lana—and in turn clearer to myself—that we would only ever be friends. I could see that her feelings were growing for me, and I didn’t want her to waste her time and have her fall for me when I wasn’t good enough for her…

The week after Thanksgiving my feelings were shoved down my throat. I had to wake up quick to what was going on around me, especially when I walked into the guesthouse to find Layla packing. Her suitcase was sitting beside the door, and she had obviously been crying.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I exploded, unable to contain the fear that made my chest ache.

She shrugged. “Packing.”

“No. No way.” I shook my head, my hair falling into my face but I ignored it. “Where is Angel?” I demanded, glancing around for any sign of Lana. Jesse had pulled her outside with him, and I had figured that they were over here at the guesthouse.

“I thought she was with you.”

“Jesse grabbed her and left. I figured she would be here.” I glared at her. “Why are you packing, Layla? Why are you crying?”

“Because we are leaving.” Her matter of fact tone had the blood draining from my face. “Look, you will still see Lana anytime you want. Just because we leave doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends.”

“No. You aren’t leaving!” I shouted. “I can’t… You can’t…” I wasn’t even making sense to myself let alone to her.

“Drake…” Layla started to say something, but I took a step back. This woman was about to take the best thing in my world away from me. I needed Lana and the peace she brought with her. I wouldn’t survive without her.

The door opened and Lana walked in. Relief washed over me when I saw her. “You can’t go, Angel!” I grasped her hands and held on tight. “Tell her!” I begged.

Her arms wrapped around me, and I buried my face in her neck. “Of course I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered.

I pulled her to the couch and fell with her on my lap, keeping my face in her neck. The scent of her shampoo and lotion calmed me ever so slightly. Her fingers stroked over my jaw, making me hold on tighter. I couldn’t let her go. No matter what, I needed her…

Oh, fuck! I was in love with her.

I loved Lana.

Not as just a friend, but I really loved her. It was new to me, and I was still determined that I wasn’t going to touch her—at least not until she was older. In that terrifying instant I knew I was going to marry this girl. One day. She just needed time to grow up and experience the world a little more. And I would keep her safe until then.

“What are you doing, Layla?” Lana demanded quietly.

“Packing. We
are
moving, Lana. Tonight.”

“Why? Why do we have to go?”

I tuned out Layla’s answer. I didn’t want to know why she was trying to take away my whole world. I might have even hated her right then. I didn’t care if she was upset with Jesse. If she couldn’t see how much my friend loved her, then that was her problem.

Lana jumped to her feet, and I missed her warmth. “Have you lost your mind?” she yelled at her sister. “Do you not see how much he loves you?”

“I know what I heard, Lana.”

“You only think you do! Go talk to him. Let him explain.”

“No, thank you. I’ve heard all I need to know.”

Lana crouched down in front of me. “Drake, go get Jesse. Get Emmie too.” She pulled me to my feet. “Tell them to hurry.”

Knowing that if I didn’t get Jesse to come fix whatever was broken with Layla, and Lana wouldn’t be there come morning, I ran into the house and found Emmie in the living room with a cup of milk in her hands. She took one look at my face and grabbed me.

“Drake? What’s the matter?” she demanded.

“Lana…” I shook my head, unable to form words with my heart beating so fast.

Emmie’s eyes darkened. “Of course. It’s always got something to do with Lana,” she muttered. “I’ll deal with it.”

I didn’t have time to correct her. Instead, I took the stairs three at a time. Jesse’s bedroom door was closed; I didn’t even knock as I barged in. He wasn’t there, but the shower was running in the bathroom connected to his room. I didn’t hesitate as I opened up the shower door. It wasn’t the first time I had seen Jesse’s junk, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“Dude!” Jesse yelled.

“Layla’s packing! She’s going to leave.”

“What?!” He was covered in soap but that didn’t stop him from grabbing for a towel. He nearly fell on his ass as he ran past me, wrapping the towel around his waist.

With Jesse gone I was left alone in the steamy bathroom. The events of the past half hour started to catch up to me, and I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t handle another second without a drink. I stumbled down the hall to my room and found my last fifth of Jack.

Lana

As soon as Jesse arrived, I knew that everything was going to be okay. Drake’s reaction earlier had bothered me, and I wanted to go check on him. If he was this upset over me leaving Malibu, how would he react when I left for college? Emmie followed me out of the guesthouse, still in a huff because Layla had overreacted and thought the worst of both her and Jesse.

I stopped on the patio and turned to face her. “Why is it that every time Drake is upset you automatically assume it’s my fault?” I asked.

She sighed. “Because since you came along, it is your fault when he’s that upset.” Green eyes glared at me. “You have the power to make him fall on his knees, Lana. I don’t think you realize it, but sometimes I wonder if you do and you get off on making him hurt.”

I blanched at her words. “I would do anything to keep him from hurting, Em,” I whispered. “If you don’t know that, then you don’t know me.”

Hurt by her words, I scrubbed at the tears that leaked from my eyes and hurried into the house. I looked all over the house, trying to find Drake. Finally, I climbed the stairs and knocked on his bedroom door. He didn’t answer, but I could hear him moving around inside. Carefully, I opened the door.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. Fifteen minutes—tops—had passed since I had last seen him. I wasn’t sure if the bottle had been opened before now or not, but it was halfway gone. His face was pale and his fingers trembled. I crossed to the bed and dropped down beside him. Drake didn’t even raise his head.

“Are you okay?” I murmured.

“Getting there,” he muttered, taking another chug from the bottle. Two more swallows and the bottle was empty. I grimaced as the bottle hit the floor and he fell back on the bed, one arm covering his eyes.

“Does that really help?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“It does a pretty good job. But, no, it doesn’t really help.” He sighed and lifted his arm from his eyes. “Is she still ready to leave?”

“I’m confident that once Jesse has talked to her she will be packing her bags for another reason.” His face darkened and I sighed. “Jesse bought the house two houses over. He’s going to ask my sister to marry him. I’m leaving, but I’m not going very far, Drake.”

“Oh,” he muttered.

I fell down beside of him, using his shoulder as a pillow for my head. “Are you drunk yet, Drake?”

“Yes and no. I shouldn’t have drank that so fast. It’s going to catch up to me soon.” His arm wrapped around my waist. “I don’t want you to go, Angel.”

I smiled and leaned in to kiss his rough cheek. “I’m not going anywhere right now, babe.”

Somehow, I managed to get us both turned right on the bed and under the covers. Drake had chugged the whiskey, leaving him half asleep, so I settled down to take a nap, not wanting to be anywhere but right here in his arms. Just before I closed my eyes, my cellphone buzzed, and I pulled it from my hip pocket to see that it was from Jesse.

She said yes! Do me a favor and stay in my ro
om tonight. You don’t want to come home
.


I grinned, happy for my sister and Jesse.

Finally, I let myself drift off to sleep, safe in the arms of the man I loved…