The Rookie (Racing On The Edge #7) (25 page)

When Dad stood, I made Casten follow him. “Go with him.”

“No.”

I held up my fist. “Don’t make me punch you in the ear again, asshole.”

He went.

Casten had been gone a while when I was starting to get worried about what happened.

“Check this picture out.” Tommy said sitting down next to me where Casten had been sitting.

Never look at photos on Tommy’s phone. Ever. Willie’s phone either. Made that mistake a time or two. Willie went through a stage a year ago when he thought it was funny to show people his balls. And sometimes his dick. He’d text Casten pictures but leave the pictures on his phone.

The dude had issues.

“No.”

“Oh come on,” he nudged my arm. “You probably want to see it.”

“Why?”

“Oh maybe because I was taking a photo last night of Willie and Dave and look who’s in the background…”

Naturally he made me look. The picture was of me and Rager slow dancing. I took his phone and deleted all his pictures. “What picture?”

It took him a moment to realize what I’d done and then he was pissed. “That was fucking rude.”

“Fuck you.”

“You know,” he stood, glaring at me which couldn’t be taken seriously. This is Tommy we’re talking about. “You’ve been hanging out with Jameson too much.”

Another doctor appeared, this time there were two and they seemed to be arguing over who would come over and talk to us. It appeared one lost the bet and approached us in a rushed manner, as if he was going to say what he had to say, and then run away.

“It’s going to be about four more hours.”

“What?” My heart was in my throat. “Why? It was only supposed to be three and that was two hours ago.”

He swallowed and I could see his hands shaking at his sides. “Her blood pressure dropped but she’s doing fine now. We ended up having to do a radical mastectomy and taking more than planned and several of her lymph nodes. They’re starting the reconstruction surgery now.”

And then he left. He didn’t wait for us to ask any questions.

I’ve heard people say fear isn’t in you, it’s learned. I don’t believe that. It’s like a sixth sense. Always there, just stimulated differently.

I have fear. I have a lot of it. Enough to fucking go around this hospital. I can’t imagine what dad’s going to do when he hears this.

Dad and Casten returned.

“The doctor came by.” I told dad when he sat next to me.

“Which one?” He looked over at me but didn’t meet my eyes. “The one I don’t like?”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down. There’s like a hundred you seem to hate.”

He rolled his eyes and shifted his position to slouch in the chair. “What did they say?”

“That it was taking longer, they took more than planned and now they’re starting the reconstructive surgery.”

Dad wouldn’t sit down after that. If he did, his head was in his hands most of the time and when he did leave, he came back with bloodshot eyes that wouldn’t meet any one’s eyes.

I wanted to comfort him but he wasn’t having it. Every time I went to say something, he’d start pacing. I’d never seen him like this before. So raw and emotional. So dependent on one outcome. Even during his racing, he was never this way. He had control over that situation and this one was completely in someone else’s hands. My dad is a huge control freak and relinquishing control to someone else wasn’t in the realm of possibilities for him. Dad was on the edge of breaking, everyone saw it.

“We gotta calm him down.” Axel said, wanting to do something.

“We can’t. He can’t.”

There was no way we would be able to calm down right now. Though the doctors had assured us she would be okay, there was really no guarantee that was true. And that scared him and all of us.

Casten, slouched in the chair next to me, looked over at Willie and glared when he heard him making noises. “What is that noise?”

“I’m eating a pear.” Willie held out the pear, juice dripping down his arm.

“Well do that somewhere else.” Casten mumbled, turning away from him. But then he turned back when he took a big bite out of it chewing in Casten’s ear. “Jesus, do you eat pussy like that? You’re getting that shit all over the place and on me.”

Safe to say we were all on edge. Everyone was getting testy.

Dad got up after that and left. Axel turned away from Casten as if what he said made him uncomfortable. It probably did knowing him.

I made Casten follow him and this time they were gone for an hour but only Casten returned.

Casten sat down beside me with a bag of Skittles.

“Where’d you get those? And where is dad.”

He popped two in his mouth, chewing slowly and then regarded me again. “Dad broke the glass to the vending machine when he punched it. Everything is free.”

Tommy and Willie took off toward the machine like it was front row seats to a wet t-shirt contest.

I sighed hanging my head. “Where’s dad now?”

“In the ER getting ten stitches in his hand.” Casten leaned into my shoulder. “I told them to give him drugs. Think they’ll listen?”

“For their sake, let’s hope they do.”

“Keep an eye on him.” I told Axel, pointing to Casten. I was going to find dad.

Axel nodded, his arm around Lily as she slept on his lap. Grandma and Alley had taken all the kids home but everyone else remained. Emma and Aiden sat next to Lane and Bailey near the windows. Logan next to Tommy and Willie, now watching a movie on their iPad. We had pretty much taken over the waiting area and it was clear we weren’t going anywhere.

I needed some fresh air, and intended on finding my dad but I went walking instead.

Every time a doctor walked by, fear pricked my skin at what could go wrong.

As I wondered through the hospital, I found an empty corner and leaned against the wall. When I sat against that wall, that’s when it hit me. It was sudden, like a wrecking ball to my gut, a reminder of neglect and so many things unsaid between me and my mother. I was going to change that. She needed to know everything about me. I never realized, until then, that I needed her more than I ever thought.

I wanted her to know me in the ways I knew her. I did know her too. I knew the giggler in her, the lover of one man. The woman who stole the hearts of two little boys first and gave us breath. She’s forty-seven. She’s too young to die or go through any of this. This family couldn’t work without her. She’s our window net, there to hold us all together.

There was never a time when she wasn’t there for any of us. Never had she shut me out and how had I treated her?

I made more of an effort this last year but I vowed to myself I was changing that now.

As I sat there against the wall, I saw a figure appear at the end of the hall walking toward me. I knew that walk.

He was the last person I would have expected to see at that hospital and strangely, exactly who I wanted and needed to see. Someone who would just be there. His mind wasn’t elsewhere. It was on me and just being there for me and my family.

Rager never said a word, as he slide down the wall and sat beside me. I laid my head on his shoulder, he did the same.

His arms wrapped around my shoulders pulling me to his side, so warm and comforting I could have slept against him for the first time in days.

He kept his arm around me, his thumb caressing my shoulder.

Sometimes I wondered where I stood with a lot of people, and even Rager at times. Who was I to this person? To him?

Was I Jameson’s only daughter? Was I Easton Levi’s wife? Or was I Arie Riley?

A lot of people never saw me for who I was. I can probably count on one hand the ones that did. They couldn’t. Not in the shadows in which I lived. I didn’t want the spotlight. I wanted sunlight, beautiful warm rays where, for once, I was just Arie.

Right now, even through the heavy day, I got a little glimpse of that light and what it felt like to be her.

I guess I wanted to forget what was happening so I laughed. “I had sex with you.”

He laughed, a gentle chuckle that shook the both of us. “
Damn
. I missed it…”

“In my dreams.” I clarified twisting around to look at him. “I had sex with you in my dreams.”

“Oh, well,” he drew in a deep breath. “I’ve been there before. I say give me details but that’s probably not appropriate right now, huh?”

“Probably not.”

We were both quiet for a moment when he said, “Tell me your favorite memory of her.”

I smiled knowing what he was doing right now. He was distracting me but also, helping me look at the good things in this life. I twisted back around and relaxed into his chest. He kept his arm firmly around me as I spoke. “Christmas morning when I was twelve. I wanted tickets to a concert…hell, I don’t even remember the concert but dad said I couldn’t go. She went out, got the tickets and gave them to me for Christmas. My dad was pissed but he understood when he saw how excited I was over it. She never thinks about what others will think. She just focuses on one and makes them feel like they’re appreciated. I don’t even know how she does it. It’s natural for her.”

Rager’s lips pressed into my temple, his breathing light and easy. “You’re like her in more ways than you’ll ever understand.”

Was I?

Did everyone else see it and I didn’t?

“I’m tired.” I said, snuggling into him closer. This probably didn’t look good, but he was what I needed right now.

“Well, I’d say lay your head down in my lap but that’s probably not a good idea.” He teased, winking at me.

Mom was out of recovery early Saturday morning. Casten had found Rager and I in the hallway but never said a word about it. I think the day had gotten to be too much for him.

We let mom rest that morning, the only one in her room was dad. Axel, Casten and I couldn’t leave though. We ended up falling asleep in the waiting area.

Axel, Casten and me always pulled together when needed. When Axel wrecked and had a bad night racing, we were there. When I chose shitty guys, my brothers were there to catch me.

When our parents were struggling, we were there in case they needed anything.

Around seven that night they let us go in there.

She looked good, cheerful almost but I think it was the pain medication talking.

Dad was sitting next to her and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. She smiled at him.

“Wait a second…” Mom looked at dad’s hand reaching for it. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

He handed her a package of Skittles. “Want some?”

Mom rolled her eyes but took the Skittles.

Alley, Emma, Aiden and Spencer had come in there too when Emma asked how she was feeling.

“I feel great. And they look real!” Mom said.

I knew where that was going. The medication was making her loopy.

My brothers did too and immediately walked out when mom pulled the blanket down. Before anyone could stop her, she showed her boobs.

Dad was pissed. “What. The. Fuck?”