The Secret (21 page)

“What’s that?”

“Regardless of anything else that’s happening right now between you and Sophie, she loves you. It may not be the same as it was before you left, but when we thought you died? It was like we buried her right along with you,” she admits, her voice cracking as she shakes her head at the memory. “We’ve had a hard life, you and I, but I’ve never experienced, never even witnessed grief like that, Jack.”

She gently swipes her tears away from her cheeks, still lost in the memory.

“Ana,” I offer softly. “You don’t have to…”

“Yeah, I do,” she says, facing me. “
It’s time. You need to hear it.”

“Okay,
” I say, releasing a long sigh.

“The day of your ‘funeral’ was the first time she walked out of your room sinc
e we’d gotten the news,” she whispers. “In just those few days, I could tell she’d already lost weight from not eating. I offered to make her something, but she just shook her head. She didn’t say anything to anyone. She walked over to me, gave me a hug, walked to your truck and drove to the church alone. We thought she’d be inside when we arrived, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Right before the service started, I was about to send Maverick to find her when she walked in and sat next to me, took my hand and didn’t say a word.”

Since I’d gotten home, I’d avoided this con
versation like the plague, However, seeing Ana’s face as she tells me these things, I know I can’t ask her to stop. Something tells me that the conversation of this memory I’m sharing with my sister is taking place for the first time for her, too. It’s something she desperately needs.

“
The preacher finished the service and asked if anyone had anything they’d like to say before we headed to the cemetery,” she continues. “For the first time in nearly a week, Sophie squeezed my hand and spoke. She told me she loved me. She stood up and slowly made her way to the coffin I never had the courage to tell her was empty when they’d said they couldn’t find you. She whispered something, kissed the top of the coffin and touched your face in the picture we’d set out. She silently walked to the pianist, handed her sheet music and when she made it to the microphone, she sang, Jack. She was crying her eyes out, but Sophie sang for you like she’s never sung for
anyone
.”

“What did she sing?” I ask, unable to hide the break in my voice as I cry with my sister.

Gripping my hand in hers even tighter, she wipes her tears away slowly and says the words I already know are coming.

“‘Bleeding Love’ by Leona Lewis,” she whispers, watching as it sinks in before she continues.
“Once she was done, she silently walked out of the church and sat in your truck. Sophie didn’t speak again for nearly two weeks and she didn’t sing for a year.”

“A
year
?” I ask, watching Ana nod slowly, unable to believe she’d been able to stop something she loved so much for so long.

“When we made it to the cemetery,
she held my hand silently the whole time. When they played TAPS, I started to lose it and she held me, both of us jumping with every gunshot of the salute. They gave me your flag and when I offered it to her, she shook her head no. She told me about six months later when I asked that it wasn’t right for anyone but me to have it. I insisted, but she refused,” she says, releasing a sigh before bringing her eyes back to mine.

We stay silent as I take in her words, the emotion rolling off of her and coursing straight through to me as she relives the painful memories.

“The day I met Drake is the same day Sophie met Chase,” she tells me, causing me to shake my head.

“Ana,” I start. “I don’t want to…”

“Let me finish,” she cuts me off, her voice stern for the first time all night. “You have to hear all of it, Jack.”

I reach for another beer, knowing I’ll need it for the next part.

“It was our first full day in Rockport and I’d just started working at the bar,” she says. “I’d forgotten my keys so she brought them up and I convinced her to stay and eat. One of the creepy regulars came in and started hitting on her. Chase saw it and ran him off. I’d turned to say something to Drake and that’s when I heard it,” she says, meeting my eyes.

“What?”

“She was laughing, Jack. For the first time in almost a year, Sophie was laughing,” she says, smiling through her silent tears and making my heart ache with her words. “Even though Chase made it obvious that he wanted to date her, Sophie resisted for a long time and insisted they remain friends. One night, she’d been having a nightmare and I went into her room to check on her. We’d been talking and eventually, she told me she liked him, but she felt guilty because she still loved you so much…”

Ana thinks for a long time over her next words before I hear her quiet voice continue.

“The day they told us you were gone Jack, Sophie became a shell, a shadow even,” she says, finally facing me again. “Her eyes were so empty for so long, Jack. I knew if we stayed here, she’d never come back. I couldn’t let her go on like that. I couldn’t lose another person I loved and that’s exactly what would have happened if we’d stayed here, I’m sure of it. Something inside Sophie irrevocably changed when we thought you were gone, Jack,” she sniffs. “Something shifted inside her soul and even though you’re home, it’s never gone back.”

“Yeah,” I reluctantly agree although I know immediately what she means.

Looking down at where our hands are still joined, she lets out a small sigh and gives me another squeeze of reassurance as she faces me.

“
When she and Chase finally did start seeing each other, she slowly became Sophie again. She never stopped missing you, Jack, none of us did, but I still see the love she has for you in her even now,” she admits. “While I’ll admit it’s been really hard to watch you go through this, it’s killed me to watch your heart break,” she says softly. “I know you think that thing that changed in Sophie was her finding Chase, but it wasn’t. The thing that changed her was losing you, Jack. When you lay your head down tonight and every night for the rest of your life, you need to do it knowing that Sophie Ryan loves you. All those things you went through mean something to all of us, but no matter what happens between the two of you now, they will never mean to us what they will
always
mean to Sophie.”

Chase

The day after we got home, Sophie woke up feeling even worse. The emotional stress she’d just gone through added to her already coming down with something was definitely taking its toll on her. After some convincing, she’d made an appointment and let me drive her to the doctor.

“I’m so sorry you’re sick, Baby,” I say softly as I lean over to kiss her hair
, rubbing her thigh affectionately.

She leans her head
against my arm from her spot beside me in the truck and shrugs.

“It’s not your fault,” she whispers as we pull up to the office. “Chase, we do
n’t have to do this. I’m sure it’s the flu or something I can take care of on my own.”

“No,” I argue, shaking my head. “You could have
an upper respiratory infection or pneumonia or anything else, Sophie…”

“Baby,” she groans, rolling her heavy eyes at me. “It’s not pneumonia!
”

“You don’t know that, Sophie.”

“I know my body.”

“Well, I know you’re body pretty well, too, Princess,” I smirk, trying in vain to lighten her mood. “And I think you need a doctor.”

“Well, I think you’re totally overreacting,” she lets out a sigh and leans against me again. “I just need some juice and Nyquil.”

“
We’re here, you’re going, come on,” I tell her, pushing the door open and helping her out.

“Fine,” she says without much inflection. “But ten bucks says it’s the flu.”

After sitting in the waiting room for close to an hour, I watch Sophie walk back out to the receptionist. Rising to meet her, the nurse hands her a small stack of prescriptions, warning her about the importance of finishing each one.

“What did the doctor say?” I ask her as I splay my hand over the small of her back.

As I watch Sophie sign the appropriate forms, she remains silent. She’s been quiet ever since we left Camden, but right now seems a little different, right now she seems… irritated.

She stays tightlipped,
saying nothing other than a quiet ‘thank you’ to the nurse and turns to face me.

“Are you ready?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I answer, taking her hand. “Are you going to tell me why you’re acting weird?”

“I’m
not
acting weird.”

“Okay weirdo,” I tease. “So what did the doctor say?”

“Nothing,” she answers defensively, causing a sharp cough to leave her chest.

Looking back at her, she’
s still wearing her pout as she huffs her way past me to the cab of the truck. I can’t hide the small smirk as she climbs up, prescriptions in hand and scowl in place.

“That’s odd,” I say as I climb in behind the dr
iver’s seat, pulling her resistant body closer to my side.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing… I just can’t believe you sat back there for an hour and the doctor didn’t say
anything
,” I start as I put my seatbelt on and warm the truck up. “I mean, you’re clearly sick, you have prescriptions…”

“I have
pneumonia,” she says, cutting me off and pulling a ten out of her purse, slapping it onto my chest. “Are you happy now? You were right, Chase. It’s freaking pneumonia!”

“Pneumonia?
Are you sure, Baby?” I ask, feigning shock. “I thought you said it was the flu?”

“Shut up, jerk,” sh
e groans, making me chuckle to myself.

Reaching over, I pull her to my chest and press my lips to her hair again
, putting the money back in her hand.

“
Keep your money, I’m just teasing you,” I say softly. “I’m never happy when you don’t feel good, Baby. Come here.”

“Thanks,
Lovebug,” she scratches out roughly as she lets me pull her closer to my chest.

As soon as I get her home, I order her to bed and get her settled before picking up her medicine as well as a few other essentials.

Over the next few days
she mostly sleeps, getting out of bed only to use the bathroom and shower. I’m not scheduled to go back to work for a few more days when we head to Houston, so I’m able to stay with her, which I’m grateful for.

Not only would I hate to
have to leave her when she’s ill, I know she’s been through hell. She won’t talk to me about it and I don’t push it, either. She’s putting up a brave front, but I can see how much everything is still bothering her, understandably so.

When I come in from a juice run a few days later, I’m surprised to find her in the living room. She’s s
itting on the couch, a thick blanket wrapped around her small frame and watching the nearly muted television.

“Hey Baby,” I say quietly as I make my way around to sit next to her. “I’m surprised you’re out of bed.”

“Hey,” she rasps out, leaning against my chest when I stretch my arm out for her. “I’m sorry. I know I promised you I’d stay put, but I’m getting bored in there. I really want to finish my book, but my head hurts too much to read.”

“You want me to read to you?” I ask, causing her to look up at me in surprise.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” I say
with a shrug, not understanding what the big deal is. “I like to read.”

“Babe, that’
s incredibly sweet, but I wouldn’t make you do that,” she says, throwing me a small smirk. “Besides, I doubt the kinds of books I read would be very appealing to you.”

“What kind of books do you normally read?” I ask
as my eyes dart to the television. When she stays quiet, I glance over to see her blushing. “What? You read porn or something?”

“No, I don’t read
porn
, Chase!” she lightly smacks me, turning redder and making me chuckle. “I read contemporary and erotic romance.”

“
Em reads that,” I start before facing her again. “You know what I heard about contemporary and erotic romance?”

“What?” she ask
s, cutting her eyes at me suspiciously.

“That those are f
ancy terms for porn.”

“
You’re such a liar,” she says, rolling her eyes, fighting a grin. “Nobody says that.”

“What? I don’t care if you read porn,” I tease her
as I pull her e-reader from her hand. “That’s actually pretty fucking hot.”

“You’re ridiculous,”
she says, shaking her head and standing, wrapping her blanket around her like a cocoon. “Forget it. I’m going back to bed, I can’t deal with you.”

Letting out a chuckle at her response, I follow closely and watch her climb into bed as I walk into the closet to discard my shoes. Changing into sweats, I settle in next to her and adjust the pillows so I’m leaning against the headboard, powering on her e-reader.

“Chase,” she says as she takes me in. “You don’t have to read to me.”

“Hush, Baby,
come here,” I tell her, stretching my arm out. “Don’t you want to know what happens?”

“Yeah,” she admits
hesitantly, relenting and lying across my bare chest.

“Good girl,” I whisper into her hair.
“Catch me up, Sweetheart. What’s the book about?”

“
Okay,” she starts as I watch the cover fill the screen. “Well, it’s about a call girl whose clients have all these different fetishes. Her best friend lives with her, he’s a doctor, and they have a unique relationship. I think he’s in love with her.”

“Wow, you’re right,” I chuckle
. “That doesn’t sound porny at all.”

“Oh my God,” she groans
at my sarcasm. “You’re going to make this so embarrassing for me, aren’t you?”   

“Hush,
Baby,” I say again, kissing her hair. “I’m only teasing you. I’ll behave.”

“You swear?”

“Of course,” I say, watching her relax against my chest. “Now just lie back, relax and let your man read you some porn.”

“Oh swee
t Lord,” she groans, unleashing a dimple.

Once she’s settled, I begin reading and savor in the feel of her arm resting gently against my bare chest. She listens i
ntently, slowly tracing the lines of my tattoos as the story unfolds. We’re halfway through an intense argument between the main character and her friend when Sophie’s soft voice cuts me off.

“Do you thi
nk it’s always going to hurt so much?”

I raise my eyes to meet her
s, but find that she’s still focused intently on the lines of ink splayed over my chest.

“No,” I whisper into her hair
as I set the e-reader down. “I don’t. I think it never goes away, but it won’t always feel so unbearable.”

“I’m sorry I’m so selfish,” she says after a long moment.

“You’re not,” I disagree immediately. “You’re one of the most selfless people I know.”

“No, I’m not,” she shakes her head
, letting out a low sigh. “If that were true, I’d let you go… Let you find someone who doesn’t have so much baggage, someone who can give you the life you deserve…”

“Sophie…” I say softly, hating her words, despising her pain.

“You’d make an amazing father, Chase,” she cuts me off, her voice cracking with emotion as she rests her hand against my chest. “I’ve always known that. It’s one of the things that first made me fall in love with you, seeing you with JT,” she admits. “This past week though, the way you’ve stood by my side, cared for me while I’m sick? It just further solidifies everything I already knew. I know you say you don’t need babies, but whether you see it or not you were made to be someone’s daddy,” she says, rising on her elbows to face me.

The heartbreak in her eyes kills me, pierces straight through my heart as she rests her palm against my cheek.

“And if I wasn’t the selfish girl we both know I am, I’d walk away from you right now, Chase Mitchell,” she continues, slowly running her fingertips over my collarbone before raising her teary eyes to mine again with a sigh. “I’m just sorry that I’m not strong enough to give that to you.”

“I’m not,” I tell her, tracing her lips with the pad of my thumb.
“Even if you walked away, I’d never let you stay gone, Baby,” I admit, flattening my fingers over her lips when she tries to object. “I already told you. I’ve been down the road that you’re not on and never again, Sophie. If someday you want to try for a baby, we’ll do it. If that doesn’t work, we’ll get a surrogate. If that doesn’t work, we’ll adopt. If you decide you don’t want to do any of that, then we won’t.”

“But Chase…”

“All I care about is that you’re the one who’s with me through all of it,” I tell her, wiping away the single tear that falls slowly down her cheek. “Me and you, Baby. That’s it.”

***

Two days after our talk, Drake calls me and asks me to meet him at the office to take a final look over the plans with him for the job in Houston. Sophie’s been feeling a little better, but she’s still been resting a lot so I feel like shit about leaving her.

I’m only gone for a few hours, but by the time I head back to Rockport,
I’m eager to climb back in our bed with her. When I get home, I’m surprised to find all the lights off. I can hear ‘Untitled’ by Simple Plan from the system in the living room as I walk in the kitchen, so I know she’s here.

Making my way around the
corner, I see her on the couch, her features slightly illuminated from the silent television as thick smoke wafts around her, the smell of the blunt she’s holding unmistakable.

“Hey Baby,” I say softly as her eyes
slowly turn to find me.

“Hey
Lovebug,” she replies in a low voice, swiping a traitor tear away. “I’m sorry, I know this is stupid. I won’t do it again, just please don’t lecture me about it tonight.”

“I’m not,” I promise, tossing my jacket onto the coffee table and sitting beside her.
She says nothing as she runs the ashy end of the blunt against the side of her makeshift ashtray, staring at the bright embers before lifting it back to her lips and taking a long hit. “You wanna talk about it?”

“
You already know everything,” she whispers, her voice thick and low as she leans her head back against the couch, staring at the ceiling as she lets out a thick puff of smoke. “You know every single fucked up part of me now, Chase.”

Hating the sadness in her voice,
I stretch my arm behind her shoulders and pull her into my side. Bending down, I kiss her on the temple as I take the blunt from her.

“What are you doing?” she asks, surprise marring her features.

“I told you, Babe,” I start, holding her eyes. “Me and you.”

Taking a long hit, I savor the slow burn in my lungs as I melt into the couch beside her.
We sit quietly for a long while, slipping further and further into the haze as the blunt shrinks with each pass. When it’s about halfway gone, I tug gently on her hair before flipping the joint over in my mouth and leaning over her.