The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette (20 page)

The liveried palace footmen lowered their eyes and bowed deferentially as I clattered in my high heels through the succession of rose and lavender
pot pourri
scented white and gold reception rooms that led to my mother's sitting room. The rooms were crammed full of courtiers, all of whom had clearly heard the news and were keen to catch a glimpse of me as I made my way to my destiny. They broke off whispered conversations and stared at me boldly as I walked past, barely acknowledging them with the flicker of a smile and the smallest movement of my head.

Amalia was waiting for me by the door to Mama's room, splendidly dressed in a gown of yellow and pink silk with a delicate lace fichu arranged over her plump shoulders. 'Be brave little one,' she murmured into my ear as she embraced me then swiftly kissed me on both cheeks. 'Do not be afraid.'

A footman opened the double doors and I took a deep breath and stepped into the room, jumping a little when the doors closed with a sharp bang behind me. Mama was sitting behind her desk when I entered but stood up with a smile and came forward to take my hands and lead me to a small, gold upholstered sofa placed beside the stove. 'My dearest child, come here and sit beside me.'

I obediently sat down and arranged my hands neatly in my lap then looked at Mama from beneath my lashes, waiting for her to say something.

'My dearest child,' she murmured, touching my rosy cheek with her fingertips. 'I am so proud.'

I looked at her properly then. 'Oh?' I did not know what else to say. Even though everyone else in Schönnbrunn knew the news, it seemed important that I should at least pretend to still be in maidenly ignorance of my fate.

Mama smiled and took both of my hands in hers. I could feel the cold chill of her diamond rings against my fingers. 'My dearest girl, the King of France has asked for you,' she said triumphantly. 'It is all settled at last and you, my darling, are to be married to his grandson, the Dauphin.' Tears of pride sparkled in her light blue eyes. 'You will be Queen of France, Antonia.'

'Queen of France,' I murmured, trying in vain to imagine myself with a cold, weighty crown upon my head. 'It will be very strange.'

'It is a great honour,' my mother reminded me. 'France is one of the greatest countries in the world and you are fortunate indeed to have such an opportunity.' She stood up then and went to the open window, where she stood for a moment inhaling deeply. 'You will primarily reside at Versailles, which is of course is famed throughout Europe for its magnificence and splendour and of course Paris will be close at hand.' She turned back to me with a smile. 'You will want for nothing and will live in the very lap of luxury. I must confess that I am a little jealous.'

I didn't believe her; my mother had never wanted anything other than to be in Vienna and to rule her Empire as her father had done before her. In the eyes of my mother, there was no finer destiny on Earth than to be herself.
 

'I know that it will be hard to go so far from home and everything that you know, but King Louis has expressed his desire to treat you as his own dearest grand daughter and I have no doubt at all that I will be placing you in the very best of hands.'
 

I found my voice then. 'And what of the Dauphin? What about him?'

My mother looked confused. 'The Dauphin?' she echoed with a frown. 'Well, he has nothing to say about the matter but I hear that he was very pleased indeed with your portrait.'

I shook my head. 'But what is he
like
? Is he handsome? Does he like to ride? Will we be friends?' It had been considered essential that my portrait be seen in Versailles before an offer for my hand was made but it seemed that at no point had been considered a good idea that I should be allowed to peruse the likeness of my prospective husband. Left to my own devices, I imagined him to be much like my brothers in terms of appearance and tastes and this thought comforted me very much.

Mama looked a trifle embarrassed. 'I have really no idea,' she said. 'I have heard that he is well favoured and intelligent and that he likes to go hunting with the other young men of the court. Is that what you mean?'

I sighed. 'I suppose so. Yes, that is what I meant.'
 

'I do hope that this match pleases you,' Mama said then, taking my hand in hers. 'I have been working for so many years towards this alliance with France and now finally it is within our grasp.'

I looked at her in some surprise, knowing that really my opinion mattered for absolutely nothing and that it didn't matter whether I approved or not because I knew that I was going to France, even if they had to bundle me kicking and screaming into the carriage, but for some reason my mother needed reassurance that I was happy with the choice that had been made for me.

I took a deep breath and thought of Paris, Versailles and that cold, weighty crown. 'Yes, of course it pleases me.' I smiled and squeezed her hand. 'How could it not?' I thought then of my sisters, sobbing and struggling against the destinies that had been forged on their behalf. I thought of Josepha, pale faced and solemn as she went to her doom and of Carolina, crying in her bedroom on the morning of her wedding and of Amalia, who was being torn away from the man that she loved in order to marry a complete stranger. I thought of all this and felt suddenly as though I had betrayed them all by so compliantly allowing myself to be given away.
 

'My dear, what are you thinking of?' my mother asked with a quizzical smile. 'You look so odd.'

I turned to her then and gave a shaky laugh. 'I was just thinking that you must find my lack of resistance rather disappointing.' I remembered then the public ceremony that had marked Amalia's betrothal, which was in such a stark contrast to this private, cosy little chat. Mama had clearly decided not to chance another display of public disobedience.

She laughed then and hugged me close. She smelt of roses and lilies. 'No, not at all. If anything, I find it
refreshing
.' She sighed and kissed my forehead. 'I am used to tears and tantrums and woe and drama but really, you know, marriage is not such a very terrible thing. One man is much the same as another and they are all equally easy to control. I do not quite see what all the fuss is about.'

This from the woman who left no stone unturned in her quest to marry the man of her choice and avoid the match that had been arranged for her.
 

Wednesday, 7
th
June, waiting for dinner.

Abbé Vermond came to see me this morning, even though all of my lessons were cancelled for the day. He congratulated me and then we sat for a long time in silence, not knowing what to say now that it has finally all become real.

'What is the Dauphin like?' I asked at last, leaning forward with my hands clasped before me. 'No one seems to know.' In all our talks about the history and grandeur of France and its royal family and its nobility, we had not so much as touched upon the subject of the boy, only one year older than myself, who was to be my husband. 'Have you ever seen him?'

The Abbé looked startled. 'Why, yes, of course, frequently but...' He paused then pressed his fingertips together and raised them to his lips as he considered what to say next. 'What would you like to know?'

I shrugged. 'What are his tastes? Is he handsome? Will I like him? Is he like my brothers?' I lowered my voice, suddenly uncertain. 'Will he like me?'

Vermond smiled. 'How could he not like you?' He sighed. 'The Dauphin Louis is much the same as other young men of his age and is extremely fond of horse riding and hunting. He is not precisely handsome but he is tall and well built and has blond hair and pleasing blue eyes.' He smiled. 'I think that you will like him very well. He is not so lively as you are, Your Highness, and is much addicted to his books and lessons but he is a kind hearted boy and one that it would be easy to become fond of.'

I could not help but frown during most of his speech. 'So not handsome then?'

Vermond laughed. 'My dear, outside fairy tales there is no such thing as a handsome prince.'

'And he likes to read?' My heart sank as I imagined myself married to the sort of boy who likes to sit indoors reading books when I would much rather be running around outside with my dogs. 'Will he think me very stupid because I do not like books very much?'

The Abbé smiled rather sadly and patted my hand. 'I am sure that he will think nothing of the sort, Your Highness.' He coughed and looked embarrassed. 'You realise of course that in a state marriage you will not be expected to spend much time in each other's company?'
 

'Oh.' I felt very deflated and foolish and could feel a flush of embarrassment rising about my ears. 'Oh, yes, of course.' I attempted a brave smile. 'I knew that, yes.'

Vermond looked unhappy. 'Your parents were extremely close were they not? It is not always so when the parties have been married for reasons of policy and not because of their own personal inclinations.' He patted my hand again. 'Your parents were fortunate and we must hope that you will be fortunate also.' He did not sound very optimistic.

Friday, 9
th
June, I am supposed to be working on my French.

Amalia and I have just spent an hour with one of the finest dressmakers in Vienna, being fitted for the magnificent gown that I am to wear to the
fete
at Laxenburg that has been planned for my name day.
 
It is cloth of silver embroidered all over with silver and pearls and cobwebby, silvery lace. I stood very still, hardly daring to breathe while the seamstresses crawled about on the floor pinning up the voluminous skirt and allowed myself to only very lightly touch the wide panniers that stretched out from either side of my narrow, corseted waist.
 

'You look wonderful,' Amalia said with a smile. 'Just like a princess should.' She had already tried on her dress: an exquisite raspberry pink gown embellished with green ribbons and bows and was now comfortably ensconced in a low arm chair, watching my fitting.

'I hope so,' I frowned as I timidly touched one of the large silver ribbon bows on the stomacher with my finger. 'It is terribly heavy.' I gazed at myself in the ribbon and lace swathed full length mirror and thought that I looked terribly small and really very sad.

Amalia laughed then. 'I am sure that it is but you will get used to it.'
 

The dressmaker turned to Amalia with a smile. 'Your Highness will no doubt be delighted to learn that your wedding dress is almost completed. It is the most beautiful creation imaginable and I cannot wait until you can see it for yourself.'

Amalia stopped smiling. 'Oh. Yes. I had forgotten,' she said in a toneless voice that held no enthusiasm. She is to leave Vienna to be married in less than a month and any mention of the fact is most unwelcome.

The dressmaker and her seamstresses looked at each other in confusion. 'I am sorry, Your Highness, I did not realise...' the woman's voice trailed away.

Monday, 12
th
June, Laxenburg, waiting for dinner.

We arrived at Laxenburg earlier this afternoon and I am exhausted and famished. The journey was very exciting as most of the court came with us for the
fete
tomorrow and Amalia and I were able to wave and smile at the young men of the court as they rode alongside us on their horses and grinned down at us in our carriage. One or too even threw nosegays of sweetly scented flowers in through the open windows, which we clasped to our bosoms in a theatrical manner and giggled over. Mama was in her own large carriage up ahead with Elizabeth and Marianna and so remained oblivious to what was happening in her wake.
 

Ah, here comes the footman to escort me down to dinner! Finally! I hope there are dumplings and plenty of cake.

Tuesday, 13
th
June, very late.

I have had the most wonderful day. I am so tired now and should really just go straight to bed but I want to write it all down before I forget.
 

It started with a private breakfast with Mama, Joseph and my other brothers and sisters, including Christina and Albert, who have their own charming house nearby. It was all very jolly and Mama herself helped me to a cup of hot chocolate and one of my favourite sticky almond pastries.

After this we went into Mama's sitting room and here I received my presents which included a set of magnificent pearls from Mama and Joseph, a diamond and pink velvet collar for Mops from Amalia, a very pretty set of drawings of Laxenburg and Schönnbrunn from Christina and Albert and other sundry but very lovely things from everyone else. Then the footmen opened the doors and the ambassadors entered bearing gifts of flowers and baskets of fruit. Monsieur de Durfort presented me with a lovely diamond bracelet from his master the King of France and an emissary from Carolina in Naples gave me a beautiful pair of pearl earrings along with a letter from my sister.

'Well!' said Christina eyeing my splendid gifts rather sourly. 'You have been well and truly spoilt! I do hope that you won't allow your head to be turned by all of this fuss, Antonia!'

'Of course not!' I replied with my sweetest smile. 'I would be ungrateful indeed, though, if I did not enjoy the honour that everyone is kind enough to show me.' I saw Joseph hide a smile behind his hand and knew that for once I had said just the right thing.