The Secret Diary of Ashley Juergens (10 page)

I know a lot of girls my age dream about their wedding day. I can’t say the same for me. You might think it’s because of Amy and the whole pregnancy thing. It’s not. My parents’ impending divorce might have something to do with it, but I think the real reason is I’m just not a romantic person. There is nothing scarier than that walk down the aisle, when everyone is looking at you and smiling. I don’t know what my dream wedding would be like because I’m not sure I’ll ever want to get married. I think it’s strange to dream about a wedding day. Shouldn’t you be dreaming about the life you have after your wedding? It’s not about the party, it’s about who is still there to help you clean up after the party’s over.

But Amy is getting married at Albertson’s, and while it’s very funny and sweet, it’s not the wedding Amy deserves. That’s why I’m glad it’s not legal. Hopefully Amy can have the kind of wedding she’s always wanted, someday when things aren’t so complicated.

8:27 P.M.

These people I’m going to high school with next year can’t dance. I could break out a couple of my Cotillion dances, but the only one I really remember is the Mexican hat dance. So unless someone throws a hat onto the center of the dance floor, I’m not going near there.

Here are some of the heinous moves I witnessed at Amy and Ben’s wedding reception:

• The Sprinkler: perpetrated by the groom, Ben. He tried to act like he was doing it as a joke but I don’t think you can be that good at “the sprinkler” without practicing at home.
  
• Raise the Roof: this was Jack’s go-to move. The only problem was nobody reciprocated and he was raising that roof all by himself.
  
• The Running Man: Tom liked to do this one. Tammy liked to do this move as well, so I guess for her it would technically be called the Running Woman. They make a cute couple. I like her attitude.
  
• The Cabbage Patch: Oh, Henry. Poor Henry. Putting this visual in Alice’s head is not going to win her back.
  

I can forgive the poor dance moves, since they did show up to support Amy and Ben. I just hope they get some practice in by the time Amy and Ben get married for real. I think I’m also getting a preview of what prom will be like and I am not pleased.

Instead of dancing, I hung out by the food table. Surprisingly, the Sausage King’s son didn’t really bring it, food-wise. A big disappointment. Other than that the reception was actually kind of fun . . . from a people-watching perspective. I thought Henry would come over to talk to me, but he didn’t. He was too busy watching Alice dancing with Jack or trying to cut in on Alice dancing with Jack. Looks like the girl who might be the prettiest girl got dethroned. It’s fine. I’ll recover.

Most eyes were on Adrian. Just like they were when I went to the football game and she was standing out with the other majorettes on the field. At first I thought Adrian just likes attention from boys, but now I know it’s because she’s competing with Amy. Adrian’s jealous of Amy. And the funny thing is Amy has no idea there’s a competition, she’s just a girl who got stuck in this situation and Adrian’s a girl who wants to be in her situation. Adrian wants to be with Ricky and have his baby, but Ricky brought Grace to the wedding and he’s tied to Amy for the foreseeable future. And it’s driving Adrian insane. She can’t even spell
YMCA
right now because she’s so distracted.

I ran into Adrian in the bathroom. I didn’t mention her obvious jealousy toward Amy. I did mention her trying to take my dad. She said she wasn’t. I said in that case she must make it a habit to hug dads, and she was quiet. I told her he’s got enough going on without taking on someone else’s problems. Adrian said she knows and didn’t mean to make me feel like she was taking my dad. She was trying to help him out that night by letting him use the condo and when he saw she needed help, he returned the favor by offering her advice and giving her a hug. She told me I was lucky, which I already knew, and then she apologized. I was expecting her to be more standoffish but she seemed to admire me for standing up for myself.

I thought I would go unnoticed by avoiding the dance floor, but people talked to me as they grabbed food so I got to know Amy’s and Ben’s friends a little better. Alice came over and asked if I was dating Henry. I told her we were just friends. She said, “Good. Not because I’m in love with him or anything, but because ninety-five percent of all rebound relationships end within the first month.” I asked why and she said because that’s when the other person realizes they can’t move on yet. I asked if she and Jack were part of that lucky five percent and she said she didn’t think so, but asked me not to tell Henry that. I told her not to worry. Henry doesn’t need to date me to know he can’t move on yet, either. Alice said, “Really?” I nodded and she smiled. Before she walked away she told me my chances of enjoying this party would increase fifty-seven percent if I attempted to dance. I told her I liked my odds where I stood.

Then Jack came over. You would think he hadn’t eaten in a week. I asked him who the best kisser was: Grace, Adrian, or Alice? After almost choking on his food, he finally said Grace. And how did I know he had kissed all three of them? I said I saw him kiss Alice tonight, I know he dated Grace and besides, he can’t stop staring at her, and as for Adrian, well . . . the odds were in my favor on that one. I suggested he lay off the onions if he was going to kiss anybody else tonight. He thanked me for the tip and left.

Grace came over to get some water and asked if I was having a good time and I said no. She asked why and I said because it’s hard to let loose and dance when Amy’s pregnant and so much is going on. She said she understood. Then we both looked at each other. I said let’s just acknowledge the strange, gross elephant in the room: your mom used to be married to my dad. She said yeah, it is pretty weird. She still can’t picture her mom with my dad. She can’t picture anyone with my dad, no offense. I said none taken, but he does have his moments. Grace then said in some weird way we’re almost like stepsisters. I said not really. She said but wouldn’t it be nice to pretend, because then we could confide in each other and—I had to cut her off. I told her it was a nice gesture but I have my hands full with Amy. She said I seem like a very good sister. As she headed back to talk to Ricky I told her to be careful and use a condom. She said she didn’t need a condom because she wasn’t going to have sex. I’m sure Amy thought the same thing a few months ago.

Then Lauren and Madison came over, ugh. They wanted to reassure me there were no hard feelings even though I was chosen as the witness over them, Amy’s best friends. I asked if they were jealous that Amy got married when they didn’t even have boyfriends yet. Madison said she has a boyfriend, so that question was more for Lauren than for her. I said her boyfriend has been telling everyone at the reception he’s with her only because he’s a “lazy dater,” so she might want to find someone else. They glared at me, and then walked away. I’m still mad at them for blabbing about Amy being pregnant. Although the fact that they showed up at all did surprise me.

Tom and Tammy came over to rest and asked if I would be their witness for their wedding, since I did such a good job at Amy and Ben’s. I told them I was retiring, but why not ask Grace? They said Grace doesn’t support their decision to get married so they have to find someone else. I told them they might want their families to be at their wedding. I have a feeling Amy will regret not telling Mom and Dad. I know Ben wanted his father here. Tom and Tammy said they couldn’t tell their families because they would probably try to stop them from getting married. Then they left to go find alternate witnesses, while I wondered what was taking Dad so long.

Ricky wandered over to the table and we looked at each other. It was awkward. Neither of us spoke because, well, where do we begin? Good thing we didn’t have to say anything because that’s when Dad and Leo, Ben’s dad, came barging in. I had bet money we wouldn’t make it to the reception, so Dad must be losing his touch. Nothing breaks up a party faster than two old people who weren’t invited. They marched us all the way down to the lobby. Ben and Amy didn’t even get to say good-bye.

Dad dragged us back home to his garage pad and began lecturing us on the obvious: fake
ID
s are illegal and Amy and Ben’s marriage isn’t legal. Duh. Amy tried to argue the marriage vows they exchanged were real, but I guess that doesn’t carry a lot of weight with someone who’s getting divorced. She did go down fighting, though.

I expected Dad to tell Mom, but he said he had enough problems and didn’t need one more. Great—
ANOTHER SECRET
! Those always end so well.

By this point I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed, but of course Mom was up and wanted to talk. Mom does this a lot now that we’re getting older. She usually tries to ply us with food and have girl talk. I always cave because I’m hungry and I don’t usually have a lot to say anyway. But this time I had already eaten
and
I had a lot of information I didn’t want to risk spilling. At least Amy was there to share my discomfort. Mom wanted to make pancakes and hear all about our double date. Fine, besides the fact that my date and the best man tried to get another girl’s attention all night long. I should have saved us all a bunch of trouble and just answered, “You mean wedding.” When she asked whose, I would have said “Amy’s.” Then my next words would have been “good night” and Amy would’ve had to clean up her own mess.

But I didn’t. I had to lie, lie, and lie. I find that when you’re trying to cover up something with a lie and someone starts asking questions, it’s best to be bare-bones literal.

How did tonight go?

“Fine.”

Which it did until Dad and Leo came. I know Mom was talking about me and Henry, but we didn’t really interact much. Once his ex-girlfriend Alice showed up with Jack, he couldn’t be bothered with anything else. I wanted to tell Henry to grow a backbone, but that would have taken away from Amy and Ben’s sweet-yet-not-legally-binding moment. After paying me a compliment he could have easily given the shrub outside, I told Henry I wanted the freedom to see other people. But back to Mom’s girl talk:

What’s Ben’s house like?

“Big.”

Yes, I’ve never been there. But it’s the Sausage King’s house and a driver takes him to school every day. I’m gonna go with big.

How big?

“Bigger than ours and a whole lot bigger than Dad’s.”

I figured since Dad is living in the garage this was a safe assumption.

Amy and I made a quick exit to our rooms. I was able to escape after three painful questions. And honestly, I felt bad for Mom. She seemed really excited about my (non) date, so you can imagine how she’ll react when she finds out she missed Amy’s wedding. That’s supposed to be a big emotional bonding time for a mother and daughter. And even though it turned out not to be legal and Amy will probably have another one someday, there will always be this first one Mom missed because we lied to her about it.

I told Amy I was mad at her. She doesn’t seem concerned that everything’s building on top of everything else and once the baby gets here, we’ll look back on these days as the easy ones. She doesn’t fully realize it yet, but these commitments she’s making right now are lifelong ones.

12:38 A.M.

I thought this entry was done for today but I was wrong. I think my parents are having sex in the garage. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m hearing. Dad can install a urinal in there but he can’t soundproof the place? I wonder if this means they’ll get back together. I wonder if Amy’s hearing any of this. It’s so weird that Amy’s the one who got married tonight but my parents are having the honeymoon. Why does this family do everything out of order?

All right, I’m going to bury my head under every pillow I can get my hands on and try to go back to sleep.

7:17 A.M.

I did not want to be around my parents this morning, especially knowing what I know.
THAT THING WHICH I WILL NOT SAY OUT LOUD
. But I had to go into the kitchen. That’s where the food is.

I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad because they’d probably be in good moods, right? I mean, they were both in good moods last night.

WRONG
.

They were arguing. I offered to walk the five miles to school but they wouldn’t let me. Mom really wanted to take Amy and me to school so she could try to get more information about our “date.” Ugh, secrets are so much work, plus I didn’t get that much sleep because of . . . well, you know, so my brain wasn’t functioning at one hundred percent.

But Mom switched gears and asked the new Mrs. Boykewich about the job situation.

THANK YOU
!

Amy mentioned she and Ben were going to try to find something after school. Since there was a wedding last night, everything Amy now says is accompanied by “and Ben.” Mom seemed satisfied and went into the other room. I thought everything had gone well, but Amy panicked and suggested we just tell her. Excuse me? I’ll let the one who actually got married tell her about the wedding. Just because I was a witness doesn’t mean I have to tell people what I saw. Well, actually it does, but since the wedding wasn’t even legal all my responsibilities as a witness are now null and void. I never saw anything because nothing even happened . . . at least according to the state. Besides, Dad didn’t say we
HAD
to tell her. As long as we are obeying at least one parent, then we’re being pretty decent kids.

11:02 P.M.

Amy came into my room tonight. Mom knows about the wedding. She ran into Marshall Bowman and he told her everything. Then Mom found the lovebirds at Ben’s
BIG
house. (See, I wasn’t lying about that.) She wasn’t mad she missed Amy and Ben’s wedding, she was mad Amy still doesn’t have a plan for her and the baby. And a wedding doesn’t count as a plan. Yes! Mom and I agree on something else! Rod Serling just came in with something to say:

I didn’t tell Amy I agreed with Mom because I didn’t want her to get distracted from Mom’s message. And trust me, if I told her Mom and I agreed on something, Amy would’ve gotten defensive and all the good points Mom made would’ve been lost.

Amy stayed awhile and talked to me about it. Mom seemed to get through to her tonight. Amy said Mom talked a lot about responsibility and how it’s not something you get with a marriage certificate. It’s something you take. And Amy needs to start taking responsibility for things now.

I think the baby liked what Mom said, too, because he/she’s been moving like crazy. Amy let me feel her stomach. She had a big smile on her face when the baby moved. I didn’t want to gross her out, but the first thing that came into my mind was that part in
Alien
when the alien bursts out of that guy’s stomach. Good thing Amy’s baby isn’t being born like that, although I think the pain level might be the same. I need to stop watching movies late at night. Unless Mom and Dad have sex in the garage again. Then I’m turning up the volume to eleven.