The Secret Diary of Ashley Juergens (7 page)

7:17 A.M.

Today Mimsy showed up, which was a big surprise. Not that I wasn’t glad to see her—it’s just that I thought Mom and Amy were going to go to Mimsy’s house and Amy would stay there for a while. Honestly, I was relieved. Instead of subtracting people from this house we’re adding them, and because it’s my grandmother it feels like an added bonus. Grandparents usually side with the grandkids on things because they like to spoil us and that includes supporting us in matters of parental warfare—which may be why Mom didn’t seem so happy. She’s normally the one who organizes stuff like this and when anything goes wrong it causes her to jump off the deep end. So when Mimsy walked through the door my mother’s demeanor pretty much said it all. And Mimsy causes her to teeter near the deep end anyway. So naturally I asked Mimsy if she would stay for a week, and she said she would!

Mimsy would hang out with us all the time when we were younger. We would stay up all night watching movies and talking. Then when Mom would pick us up the next day we would be too tired to do whatever she had planned. It was usually something boring anyway. And she would get so mad at Mimsy and ask her why she kept us up all night. Mimsy would just shrug and say, “Why wouldn’t I make the most of the time I have with my granddaughters? They didn’t come here to sleep, did they? They can do that at home with you.”

I picked up a lot of my arguing-with-Mom techniques from Mimsy. She always says if you state the facts, Mom won’t argue with you. And it’s true. I used this approach once when I was little, after I got home from a visit with Mimsy. I wanted to eat a chocolate bar for a snack but Mom wanted me to have an apple. I refused, saying I have never had a bad candy bar but have had plenty of bad apples. Mom relented and let me have my chocolate. But not before saying, “All right. No bad apples for the bad apple.” It was still worth it. Thanks, Mims. And you’ll be glad to know I’m still working on the most effective part of arguing, which is disagreeing without being disagreeable.

Mom’s relationship with Mimsy kind of reminds me of our relationship. Not that we don’t get along, we do, but we don’t see eye to eye on most things. I drive my mom crazy like Mimsy drives her crazy. That’s why Mom sometimes calls me Little Mimsy.

I’m sure Mom’s also nervous Mimsy’s here because Dad hasn’t moved back in permanently yet and she doesn’t want Mimsy to notice. Mimsy loves Dad. Mom told me when they got married Mimsy kept waving at him from the church pew. You’d think since Mom and Mimsy don’t agree on most things Mom would have ended up with someone Mimsy didn’t like, so it’s funny the complete opposite happened. I bet Mom’s worried Mimsy will take Dad’s side over hers when she finds out they are having marriage problems. Mimsy once joked that if Mom and Dad ever broke up, she would want Dad in the divorce. Mom had probably planned on spending the whole car ride up thinking of ways to get Mimsy on her side.

I found a piece of paper crumpled up in the trashcan in my mom’s bedroom earlier (yes, I was spying). It was a list of reasons she should or shouldn’t stay with Dad. Her reasons she shouldn’t were: he cheated on me, he makes crude jokes, he belittles me, and cheese nuffs. I have no idea what the cheese nuffs are about but I could see her other points. She had only two reasons listed under the “stay with Dad” column: Amy and Ashley. So much for that. She better think fast now that Mimsy’s here.

Or not. Mom told her Dad was in North Carolina to buy furniture. He does go there twice a year to buy inventory for his store, but that’s not for a few months, so he’s obviously not there now, but Mimsy bought it.

I get called out all the time when I lie, so I was definitely tempted to do the same when Mom told Mimsy that stuff about North Carolina. I do want Dad home, though, and it would be nice to have someone else like Mimsy on my side. But I’ll go along with Mom’s lie. I just wish she would come up with better ones. My thought is if you’re going to lie,
LIE
. Like, Dad went to China to research wood stains for some custom pieces he had made or he went antiquing in some old castle in England. Anything but North Carolina.

Mimsy wants Amy to keep the baby. She said adoption is not an option. I hadn’t even thought about adoption. Amy just decided to have the baby and I hadn’t really thought about what happens next. But Mimsy seems to have given it quite a bit of thought. She was telling Mom that Amy and Ben should get married (See? I told you grandparents always side with the grandkids!) and everyone will help out with the baby, including me. That’s fine, I’ll help out. Since Mimsy doesn’t know Dad moved out, I’m assuming “everyone” also includes him. And then . . .

Well, Mimsy got confused between a crib and a kitchen drawer and things went downhill again. I should have known something was going on with her because the last time she visited she came into my room and called me “Anne,” then asked why I had dyed my beautiful red hair black. I thought she was joking because Mom and I don’t really look alike. Mimsy always loved to point out how I was so much like Dad and Amy was like Mom. When I told Mimsy my name was Ashley, she looked startled for a minute, then laughed and said it’s no fun getting old. It’s true at her age and it’s true at mine.

She later admitted to us all that she forgot to take medication for her Alzheimer’s, which we didn’t even know she had. I offered to take care of everyone because, let’s face it: things just continue to get more complicated. Except with me. Mimsy told me to get through this stage of my life and then maybe we’d talk about me taking care of everyone. What Mimsy doesn’t realize is I’m already on the next stage of my life. I started taking care of Amy when I realized she was pregnant, didn’t I? Some nights I don’t even finish my homework and I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. Taking care of Amy does that to me. I even dream about Amy and what else I can do to help her and her baby.

I can see why Mimsy decided to move into an assisted living care facility. Life kind of wears you out.

9:12 A.M.

Amy and I are going to see Dad tonight. I wish we were helping him move back home, but he’s already living somewhere else—like, permanently. Great. The patriarch of our dysfunctional family has moved and we have to go off-site to visit him. Amy and I probably won’t stay very long. Maybe Rod Serling can have his own stool there, too, so he doesn’t have to keep carrying the one he has here back and forth. See? I’m capable of thinking of others sometimes.

I thought Dad moving out would help Mom calm down about things, but boy was I wrong. She’s more on edge than ever. I don’t know why. She’s the one who insisted he move out and now she wants us to report back on all the details of each interaction. If she was so curious, she shouldn’t have made him leave in the first place.

6:07 P.M.

We’re here. Well, actually, Amy’s out in the living room with Dad, Ben, and Ben’s friend Henry, so I had to escape. I came here to visit Dad, not Amy’s boyfriend and his friend. Thank goodness I brought this journal disguised as homework. The place isn’t as bad as I thought, but something’s not right. It seems like the displays my dad sets up at his furniture store. There are pictures of us, and stuff to sit on, but it doesn’t feel like my dad’s staying here. I asked if it’s his girlfriend’s apartment but he said no. Could have fooled me. There’s so much perfume wafting around here I feel like I’m on the first floor of a department store.

Something else doesn’t feel right. There’s only one bed in the guest bedroom. This wouldn’t seem odd except my dad
owns
a furniture store. A pair of twin beds is not hard to come by. So if Amy and I were to sleep over we’d have to share one bed. And since she’s pregnant, technically I would be sharing a bed with two people. Wonderful.

7:13 P.M.

I started going through the room (which is fine, right? It is technically my room after all) and I found a drawer full of condoms. Dad skimped on an extra bed but made sure Amy and I had enough condoms to get through the year? No way, I don’t believe it. Unless Amy’s pregnancy scared him into submission and he’d rather be safe than a grandfather for a second time. Still, it doesn’t make sense. I looked around for a hidden camera but didn’t find one.

Gotta go, somebody’s coming—

7:44 P.M.

That was weird. Ben’s friend Henry brought me pizza. Which was fine except he didn’t leave after he brought it, even after I told him to. He said he was tired of people telling him what to do and he wasn’t going to leave because he’s a
MAN
. Great, he brings me pizza plus all of his emotional baggage. His girlfriend sure did a number on him. So I let him stay and be a man in uncomfortable silence.

I like uncomfortable silences as much as the next person but usually people look around the room or at something else while they’re being uncomfortable. Henry stared at me the whole time, so I had to put a stop to it. I said we could either talk or he could continue staring. He actually wanted to continue staring. Things must be really boring in the living room if he’d rather come in here and stare at me.

He asked if I’m allowed to date since I’m only thirteen. He was flirting with me. Wow, one of Amy’s high school friends was trying to ask me out. A girl can’t even get a slice of pizza from a guy without him wanting something in return. I was glad Dad was still out in the living room so he didn’t hear any of this because he’d just start bragging about how right he is about guys. Then he’d throw Henry out.

Maybe he asked me out because I’m Amy’s sister. Maybe he figures since Amy gave it up then I might give it up, too. I told him since Amy’s pregnant, I’m probably only allowed to breathe and that’s it. I’ll probably get sterilized before freshman year. He said that would be a shame because I’m really pretty. I might even be the most beautiful girl he’s ever met, he said. I was tempted to tell Henry it’s more flattering—and might have a better outcome, seduction-wise—to say, “You
ARE
the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.” But I didn’t want to interrupt him. I have to admit, it was nice to hear. I can see why girls get sappy about that stuff. I can also see why Amy did what she did. Being told you’re pretty leaves you open and vulnerable. And why wouldn’t you be open if it meant you might get more compliments like that? I could tell Henry was in love with someone else and I was just a happy distraction, but it still made me feel good because he picked me as the distraction. How lame is that? I bet Ricky used that same line on Amy at band camp. If only Amy had realized she was merely a distraction. . . .

Also, with all the Amy stuff and my parents probably getting divorced, it was nice to have someone ignore all that and just see me sitting there. To know I was alive in this back room. I felt like I was being paid attention to for the first time in a while. So I was glad Henry didn’t leave. Even if he did keep staring sort of creepily.

I almost forgot—I ended up crying
AGAIN
. Great. So I’m a crier now and a sucker for clichéd compliments
and
my dad gave me half a bed. At least Henry promised he wouldn’t tell anyone about the crying.

8:27 P.M.

The night got worse after that. I should have never let my guard down with Henry, because when you let your guard down and bad stuff happens . . . well, it hurts a lot more.

Dad’s been cheating all right. But not just with any woman. It’s Adrian’s mother (and if mother is anything like daughter we are in real trouble). So he’s not only dating someone else, he’s living with her family. He’s replaced us with a newer model.

Amy figured it out when Ricky showed up to see Adrian. I should have known, a drawer full of condoms next to the bed—of course it was Adrian’s room. How stupid does Dad think we are?

I wanted to ask him if Adrian’s mom is a “nice” girl since that’s what he says guys like. Mom’s a nice girl, even if she does get on my nerves sometimes. He’s such a hypocrite—and now he’s a liar, too, for pretending he’s living alone instead of with a new family. Like we never would have put two and two together.

You know what that means. What reason does he have to ever move back? I know my family is annoying and dysfunctional, but I’d like everyone to be annoying and dysfunctional under one roof. It’s what makes us a family.

9:35 P.M.

Amy and I came home to discover Mom had had company of her own. Ben’s dad, Leo, was over. It was nothing romantic, but still . . . it made me want to put a no trespassing sign on our front lawn. Leo came over to tell Mom he was okay with Amy and Ben dating. Wow, Ben’s dad is okay with his son dating a girl who’s pregnant with someone else’s baby? He’s really understanding. I wonder if he’d let me move into his mansion. I bet I could test his patience.

At least something good happened to someone tonight.

Mom started interrogating us about Dad’s dating life. The last thing I wanted was to talk to Mom about it, but she wouldn’t stop with the questions. I told her about Adrian’s mother but Amy said Dad assured her they aren’t dating anymore and he was just using her condo for our visit. It still doesn’t excuse the fact he cheated on Mom with her, but I’ll take it anyway. Maybe this will make Mom jealous enough to let Dad come back home. But I’m starting to have mixed feelings about that.

Honestly, at this point, I don’t think I need to go to high school because my family is providing me with more drama than I can handle: dating other parents, jealousy, rumors. It’s like some sort of horrible soap opera. Parents are always worried their kids will grow up too fast, but I feel like mine are forcing it to happen. And Amy’s helping, too. I should just move into the garage and use the driveway as a hallway to the main house.

I brought up the “dating other parents” situation with Mom, and then Amy threw Henry in my face. She said I was doing the same thing by getting involved with Ben’s friends. Henry brought me food. What was I supposed to do? I tried to get him to leave and he wouldn’t. She should be getting mad at him, not me. I told her Alice broke up with Henry and they weren’t going out anymore. I could tell Amy was upset that I had found out something about her friends before she did. At that moment, I felt like those loser gossipmongers Madison and Lauren, and that’s not a good feeling. I’d rather be a crier.

So there we were. I was upset, Amy was upset, and Mom was upset. Then Amy said Dad was still living at the furniture store. So that rumor is true? How come Dad didn’t tell me he was living in his store? He always tells me everything. We have an unspoken agreement that I am always the first one he tells things to. Amy said Dad told her while I was hanging out in the guest room. Mom was surprised he wasn’t staying in a hotel or getting his own place. That means there really are money problems.

It made me think of all the times Amy and I used to have overnights at the furniture store. We’d play hide-and-seek and Amy would always hide in one of the armoires and I would hide in the same cedar chest because I hate playing hide-and-seek and since Amy would find me right away that meant the game was over quickly. It was fun then but I don’t think it would be fun now. For one thing I wouldn’t be caught dead sleeping in a display window. Does having no money mean I have to do that?

Being poor was going to make everything topple over. I lost it again. I begged Mom to let Dad move back home. I could talk circles around Amy’s pregnancy and my parents separating . . . but I couldn’t spin not having money. There is no way to talk yourself rich when the truth is you’re poor. (I also don’t think the fact that I’m reading
The Grapes of Wrath
for school is helping matters.)

Mom finally relented. She said he could move back if it was only for a little while, and until they could figure something else out. Having an opportunity at normalcy made me forget how mad I was at Dad. All I could think was that if Dad moved back for a little while, maybe it would become a longer while.

10:29 P.M.

Of course, I forgot my cell phone at Dad’s Condo of Shame. I didn’t mind going back because it meant I could tell my dad the good news in person. But I did mind when I walked in and saw him hugging Adrian. He was giving her something I had needed all day, let alone since I found out Amy was pregnant. This really drove the point home that not only was Dad cheating on Mom, he was cheating on me and Amy. Doesn’t he know his daughters need him now more than ever? Adrian doesn’t need any comfort. She gets comforted all day by
LOTS
of guys, especially Ricky. She doesn’t need a hug from my dad. She can find her own father for that, wherever he is.

I could barely look at Dad, let alone speak to him. So I told Adrian to tell him he could move back in.

This whole time I’ve been trying to get Dad to move back home and convince Amy to stay. And now I’m the one who wants to leave.