The Secret of Life Wellness: The Essential Guide to Life's Big Questions (43 page)

At the end of that evening, the teacher asked if anyone needed some-

where to stay the night. Paul and I raised our hands. Immediately, a woman

offered her place. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the pain and sadness I

was feeling. It was like looking into a mirror. I did not know why we needed

to stay with her, but I sensed it was important.

When we got to her place, she shared with us that she had lost two chil-

dren, a baby, and a toddler, and that her older daughter had recently been

raped and was going through a very difficult time. Later, she told us that

her husband could not deal with the immense pain and trauma that had

afflicted their family and had left her.

This woman had amazing strength, courage, and softness after having

gone through such harrowing experiences. I was speechless and honored to

be in her presence. I had no idea where she found the strength to go on.

The following day we were put into groups of three. I was with a

twenty-year-old woman and a twenty-two-year-old man. In the process, we

had to imagine that we were three people in a boat, lost at sea on our way

to an island. However, the boat could only carry two people, so to survive,

we had to sacrifice a person. To stay in the boat, we had to convince the

other two people why we were valuable and deserved to survive. Everyone

had to be honest.

The process tested one’s self-worth, courage, and will to live. Since at

that point I wanted to die, I knew I wasn’t going to stay in the boat. Once

the decision was made, the person who had been rejected had to stare the

other people in the eyes without speaking.

For me, this was harder than being thrown overboard because now I had

to confront feelings of despair, abandonment, fear, rejection, unworthiness,

261

SeLife_interior_pgs 215–272_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:50 PM Page 262

Inna Segal

anger, and shame. I had to face the pain of being separated at birth from my

mother, separated from my baby, and separated from Divinity.

After, there was a big forgiveness and letting go process, which was

extremely healing.

I knew the next step in my healing journey was to go to a place where I felt

at home. I needed to go somewhere special, a place that was holy for me. Paul

and I decided to go to Europe. During the trip, we met many people who had

lost a child but who never spoke of it. Hearing their stories allowed me to

grieve and them to acknowledge their loss and start the process of healing. In

the UK, we met Uri Geller, the famous psychic, author, and spoon bender. Uri

told us he had experienced the loss of a baby and understood our pain. The

meeting was healing and helped us take another step in dealing with our loss.

Paul and I also wrote a lot of poems and songs to express our feelings.

From that, we wrote our first book,
First Kiss
.

Eventually we had two healthy children.

No one can tell you how to deal with your loss. However, I have found

that giving myself permission to feel, talk about, write, and paint helped

tremendously. I also discovered that if I could find the blessings in my per-

ceived loss, I could move forward in a more courageous, compassionate,

and inspired way.

A few months after we returned from our trip, Paul’s mum, who lived in

Sydney, invited us to come and stay. The day before we were meant to go,

Paul was showering and I was trying to decide what I needed to pack for

the trip. All of a sudden, I saw an older man standing besides my bed. The

man looked familiar, even though I knew I had never met him. Then it

dawned on me: it was Paul’s maternal grandfather who had died several

years before. After my initial shock subsided, I saw he was holding a baby.

He told me not to worry, that he would take good care of our baby. Tears

welled up in my eyes; I knew he meant what he said. I was speechless for a

moment and then he disappeared.

262

SeLife_interior_pgs 215–272_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:50 PM Page 263

The Secret of Life Wellness

While visiting Paul’s mum, we went to see a medium. The first thing the

medium asked us was not to tell him anything. Within moments of tuning

in, he started talking about a man who was standing behind Paul. He

described the man I had seen several days earlier. I asked if the man was

holding anything. At first the medium said he held one red rose. (Paul’s

grandmother’s name was Rose.) A moment later, we watched as his eyes

welled up with tears. I knew he had seen our baby. Softly, he said, “He is

holding a baby.” Paul’s grandfather shared an almost identical message

with the psychic as he had shared with me.

This experience not only confirmed what I had seen but also helped me

deal with my grief.

Stages of Grief

As I mentioned earlier, there are several well-recognized stages of grief. It is important

to understand that these occur at different times and each is unique for a bereaved per-

son. The order can also vary vastly. A huge part of moving through grief can depend on

an individual’s beliefs and education, thus some people may skip stages, while others

may linger in a particular phase.

Shock and Denial

Often, the first stage is shock and denial. Shock can offer protection from being over-

whelmed and going into a complete meltdown. Denial can be seen as refusal to accept

reality. It is important to be aware of this stage and that it will eventually pass, without

getting stuck in it.

Pain and Guilt

When the shock wears off, it can be replaced by severe emotional, mental, and physical

pain. Allow yourself to experience the waves of pain and cry, scream, breathe deeply,

punch a pillow, sing, shake, or box in order to release the charge. The most damaging

thing is to suppress the pain or to try to escape it through drugs, alcohol, or violence.

263

SeLife_interior_pgs 215–272_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:50 PM Page 264

Inna Segal

You may also experience feelings of guilt or remorse, believe that you did not do

enough, or could have done something differently. You need to be gentle and forgive

yourself for whatever you think you did wrong.

Anger

Anger can manifest against Divinity, yourself, fate, medicine, doctors, family members,

and other perceived perpetrators, especially in the case of murder. The most common

questions are: Why me? What is wrong with me? What have I done wrong? Why am I

being punished? It is important to express this anger in healthy ways, through

emotional release processes, writing, painting, boxing, dancing, singing, playing sports,

or working with an appropriate health professional or body worker.

Bargaining

Bargaining typically involves trying to make a deal with whatever Higher Intelligence a

person believes in. It can include making vows never to drink, smoke, abuse, lie, or gam-

ble. It can also entail making promises to Divinity to get clean, help others, be of service,

return to study, look after your health, dedicate your life to Divinity, and so forth.

Although bargaining does not bring someone back to life, occasionally, when a per-

son is gravely ill or in a life or death situation, asking for Divine help can create

miracles. I have also observed people change their lives after making particularly strong

vows or promises to transform.

Sadness, Depression, and Loneliness

Sadness, depression, and feelings of aloneness are normal stages of grief and can occur

at different times in your life, even years after a loved one has passed. These feelings

may last for minutes or linger for weeks or months. You may feel empty, alone, and lost.

Rather than suppressing those feelings, you may listen to a song that helps you

remember your loved one, write down your memories, meditate on what was special

about this person, or see a grief counselor or even a well-regarded medium or healer

who can give you closure.

264

SeLife_interior_pgs 215–272_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:50 PM Page 265

The Secret of Life Wellness

It can be useful to reflect on the qualities you feel you have lost because this person

is no longer with you. Also, try to see who in your life now displays the same or similar

traits or qualities.

Understanding that the life of a soul continues after death and that you will recon-

nect with your family and friends when you pass over can help tremendously in dealing

with feelings of loss.

Moving Forward

During the moving forward stage, you begin to focus on making the best of your life and

looking for ways to heal. You may do some self-help or healing seminars, read spiritual

books, and contemplate your life choices and change your values.

You may decide to travel, move house, change jobs, return to study, or reconsider

your relationships. You then have a possibility to re-enter life with a more positive,

uplifting perspective, to embrace new experiences and live each day to the fullest.

It is important not to make any rash decisions but to, instead, move forward step

by step.

Acceptance and Peace

For a person who is dying, acceptance may come when they make peace with their

earthly life and decided to move on. Usually, they go through a process of reflection and

forgiveness, acknowledge their contribution in life, and express their love to family

and friends.

For the people who are left, acceptance can occur at any moment when they

realize their loved one is now free of pain and suffering and that they have entered a

better place.

Sarah’s Story: A Friend’s Transition

Sarah called me because her friend Delta was dying of cancer. Sarah

wanted to know if I could help her transition.

265

SeLife_interior_pgs 215–272_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:50 PM Page 266

Inna Segal

I agreed to tune in. When I focused on Delta, I saw an image of a female

lying motionless in bed. Sarah confirmed that Delta was in a coma. I saw a

young boy next to her, who I immediately felt was her son. I could tell that

Delta’s soul was held in her body by a thread. Telepathically, Delta relayed

that she was concerned about how her death would affect her son, and was

holding on until she felt he could accept it and forgive her for leaving him.

She wanted me to relay to him that she would be around, watching over

and helping him from the spirit world. Sarah was grateful for the

information and thanked me profusely.

I hung up the phone and went downstairs. All of a sudden, an image of

the Star of David appeared in front of my eyes. The image was persistent

and would not go away. I felt that it related to Delta, so called Sarah. Sarah

informed me that Delta was Jewish. I had a sense that for Delta, the Star

of David was an important symbol. Sarah promised to take her own Star of

David and place it on Delta’s chest.

A few hours later, Sarah called to tell me that, when she went to see

Delta, she found that she already wore a Mogen David pendant. Neverthe-

less, Sarah placed her pendant on her friend’s heart. Within moments, she

noticed a tear streaming down Delta’s face. It was like Delta acknowledged

that she had been heard.

Soon after, Delta’s son came into the room and told his mother that it

was OK for her to move on. Within moments, her heart stopped.

A few weeks later, Sarah came to me for a healing session. Within minutes,

Delta appeared in the room. I decided not to mention it to Sarah. I saw that

Delta came to her, hugged her, and proceeded to hold Sarah’s feet. I asked

Sarah if she felt anything, and she told me that she felt like her feet were on

fire. I shared with Sarah that Delta was right beside her. This was a huge com-

fort to Sarah. Then Delta communicated some important personal and

accurate details about Sarah to me. Sarah was extremely grateful for the

infromation. It was a very touching experience.

266

SeLife_interior_pgs 215–272_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:50 PM Page 267

The Secret of Life Wellness

My Grandmother’s Story: Transition

Although I have already shared two examples of dying and dealing with

grief, I cannot complete this chapter without writing about my grand-

mother’s passing. Her transition was an incredibly difficult and healing

experience, and I feel that many readers would find it quite illuminating.

Less than two months before she died, my grandmother was

diagnosed with leukemia. Since my grandmother had survived World War