The She-Hulk Diaries (19 page)

Old playground structures had been repurposed into sculptures, railings, light fixtures, and seating and painted in cheerful colors. Peppy techno tunes pulsed through the club, but not so loud that people had to shout, which was unusual and surprisingly pleasant.

There was a tier above the first level with private areas, and another tier above that enclosed with mirrored glass.

D and I agreed it was really nice. The more we said the word, the odder it sounded, but I was also feeling anxious about seeing Sven.

A hostess guided us to him at a private table on the first tier. He’d
seemed really handsome at the office, but now he was so ridiculously attractive all I could do was stare.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Sven said in a low voice, so that I had to bend my head close to his to hear him. He placed his fingertips on my arm as he spoke, and I almost shivered with nerves.

I introduced Dahlia, who tried to act cool, but I could see her eyes go wide with OMG! amazing! interest.

“I enjoy watching everyone from this level,” he said, “but if you would like more privacy, we can go to the VIP room below, or to the upstairs gallery.” He said privacy the British way, so it sounded more suggestive. At least I thought it did. I’d have to get Dahlia’s opinion.

We wanted to people-watch, too, so we stayed where we were.

He had a bottle of champagne and we drank that. People stopped by to say hello to Sven, and he introduced us to entrepreneurs, restaurateurs, and socialites. Shulky was pals with half the people here, but they didn’t notice me even when their eyes went to our table. Sven attracted all their attention. He was
that
handsome and self-possessed. If I’d brought another scientist here—say, my cousin Bruce—he would have been hunkered down in a dark corner and glowering.

When Dahlia left to hunt down a famous stylist who’d entered with a marvelously coiffed entourage, I went blank before saying, “Sven, thank you for inviting us. I appreciate the chance to know more about you.”

“Ah, and I invited you here to learn more about
you
,” he said with a charming smile. “Ladies first.”

Dahlia had ordered me to find out if he was married, so I asked, “Is your family living here, or abroad?”

“I am quite alone in the world.” His expression darkened slightly. “Perhaps that is why I invest so much time in my work.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt like confiding, so I said, “I lost my mother some years back and I always wonder how I’d be if she were still alive to, well, guide me.”

He placed his cool hand atop mine and gave a light squeeze. “It seems to me that you are doing extraordinarily well, Jennifer.”

I thought he was flirting, but maybe he was being friendly. I couldn’t tell.

After a moment he removed his hand, refilled our flutes, and said, “How did someone who is in the highest echelon of the legal profession come to be friends with a… with your friend?”

His expression was warm, so I tried not to react too defensively. “I’m fortunate that Dahlia befriended me when we were college roommates. I was prelaw and she was a Western history major. She’s one of the brightest, funniest, kindest people I’ve ever met. Everyone wanted to be friends with her, but she always took the time to draw me out, to make me laugh and feel… less lonely. She loves hairstyling as much as I love law.”

He lifted his glass. “To your magnificent friend.”

I smiled and toasted with him. I asked, “Were you always interested in biology?”

“Science and engineering have been my passions since childhood. Junkyards were my playgrounds, where I’d find broken machines and use the parts to create something new. I lived in my imagination, and my imagination was limitless.”

I caught myself gazing at him and said, “Oh, gosh, forgive me for staring.”

“No doubt you have caught me staring at you, too. You’re a beautiful woman, Jennifer Walters,” he said somberly.

Compliments make me uneasy. I decided to talk about a safe subject, so I said, “Interesting that Joocey Jooce has sponsored this event. Do you like their smoothies?”

Sven tilted his head quizzically, probably trying to figure out if I was really such an inept conversationalist. Luckily Dahlia returned to our table with one of her clients in tow and a second magnum of bubbly. When we’d all had another glass, Dahlia got to the point and said, “Sven, are you flying solo, or is someone waiting at home for you?”

“I’m quite available should I meet a woman who lives up to my standards, a woman who is as brilliant and kind as she is lovely,” he told her as he looked at me, making me blush. “Of course, my standards are impossibly
high because I’m an idealist. I always think I can achieve anything with enough effort.”

Dahlia tennis-balled her eyes back and forth from me to Sven, and I was thinking this was going a little too fast, so I said, “Sven, so nice to see you before the case starts. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow and it’s very late.”

“Won’t you stay just a little longer?” he said.

“I wish I could, but I would be neglecting my responsibilities to my top client, and he deserves the best representation I can offer,” I said. “Dahlia, if you’d like to stay…”

“No, I’m coming with you. I’m
definitely
coming with you.”

We said our good nights, and when we were out of Sven’s hearing, Dahlia hooked her arm through mine and said, “I’m coming with you because, OMG, you
need
to tell me more about Sventastic! He looks like a model for German luxury cars, and he was totally giving you the hairy eyeball!”

“One, so I wasn’t imagining that? Two, ugh, hairy eyeball sounds like something Rodney hacks up, so please refrain from saying that again about my future honey. And, three, do you think he was being a European fancy-man on the make, or do you think he actually was into me as a human being?” I turned to her and was saying “I mean, was he
into
me
into
me,” as I walked smack into a solid wall of something. A man-shaped wall of something. To be precise, an Ellis C. Quintal IV-shaped wall of something that was, in fact, Ellis C. Quintal IV.

Amber Hammerhead was beside him and she smeered, “Try to have a little decorum about drinking in public, Jennifer.”

She caught me off-guard because I could feel a fizz of champagne and I had bashed into Ellis. He was looking at me with that crazy spark of mischief, so I said, “Excuse me. I wasn’t looking.”

“
Obviously
,” she said, and that is when I realized that she would always say this to me in the same nasty tone for the rest of eternity. I could see us both on the Supreme Court, me with a sensible gray bob and comfortable black muumuu and her with sleek golden locks and a tailored silk robe, and she’d be sniping “
Obviously
, Justice Jennifer!” and one of the men
Supremes would say “Meow!” with a clawing motion of his gnarled hand, and the rest of them would fall down in hysterics.

Dahlia studied Amber with the same disgusted fascination with which most people looked at Rodney. Then Dahlia saw Ellis and her expression turned flirty. “Hi,” she said to Ellis. “Too bad we’re just leaving. I know who you are and I’m Dahlia Arras. An easy way to remember is Dahlia Ar-ass, rhymes with bare-ass. I know you like rhymes!”

“Absolutely,” he said with a smirk. “Some names rhyme better than others. Ellis doesn’t rhyme with anything, and Amber rhymes with, hmm… nothing either.”

“We’re just leaving,” I said. “Enjoy yourselves.”

Once we were outside, feeling the cold air hit our warm skin, Dahlia said, “Was that the evil hammerhead!?”

“Yes,
obviously
.”

“OMG, Jen, Ellis is still smoking hot! I think she must have brainwashed him. You’ll have to kidnap him and have him deprogrammed. I’ve got handcuffs and do you know anyone who has a van?”

“I would rent one, but kidnapping would get me disbarred.”

“So you have thought of it?”

“
Obviously!
But only as an act of hostility to the hammerhead. Need I remind you that Ellis never ever phoned me after our date—okay, our drunken hookup—and he broke my heart?”

“You are not as delicate emotionally as you think you are, Jen. You just need to be a little more confident,” she said, about to launch into her empower-yourself speech, which I could recite verbatim.

Suddenly a phalanx of black Hummers roared down the street. Everyone watched, thinking that someone famous had arrived, and men began swarming out of the cars. They were dressed in black with black masks and heavy boots. I spotted two with Kalashnikovs, and others had sidearms.

“Holy—!” Dahlia said, but I’d already grabbed her hand and yanked her with me and around the back of the building, where one light fixture illuminated the kitchen door and trash bins. We could hear shouting and screams.

I turned her to face me, and I said, “Dahlia, I trust you completely, but I need to know right now if you want to deal with a life-or-death secret about me. I never wanted to burden you with it, and it’s totally your choice. Say no and run away until you’re far from here.”

“No way am I going to leave you! I’ll always have your back, Jen. No matter what horrible thing you’ve done. Give me the shovel and I’ll help bury the body. Or bodies, whatever. I’m your girl.”

“That’s a good thing to know, but it’s not
that
bad.” I checked to make sure no one was around and then I peeled off my dress, revealing a fuchsia-and-gold bodysuit beneath, and kicked off my heels. I shoved my clothes and shoes in my tote bag and pulled out a pair of gold pumps while Dahlia watched wide-eyed.

I said, “Whatever you see, do not freak out. You’re going to be safe, okay?”

She nodded, and I felt a deep sense of gratitude and affection for the marvelous and crazy little bitch.

And then I shifted.

The feeling was incredible. My ooky feelings dissolved as my body took on solid muscle mass and bodacious curves, and my skin bloomed vivid green.

Shulky shook out her luxurious green-black hair and slid her feet into the shoes. “Stay here, cupcake! I’ll come back for you, but
stay
here,” she said to my stunned friend, who crouched behind a trash can.

Shulky didn’t have time for niceties, not that she ever saw the need for them. She tore open the heavy steel back door and stepped into the kitchen. Pots still simmered on the commercial range, and abandoned platters of food covered the counters. Since the catering staff hadn’t run out the back door, Shulky thought they must be hiding downstairs in the VIP rooms. If the attackers trapped people down there, bad things could happen.

She strode into the dark club, where the music had stopped and nervous shrieks and cries filled the air. The attackers were shoving the crowd to one side of the room, and Shulky hoped they weren’t planning execution-style slaughter. Everyone was so focused on the thugs that they didn’t notice the six-foot-seven jade Amazon back by the kitchen doors.

One of them, the leader, shouted to the guests, “Dr. Sven Morigi—come out! You cannot hide from us.”

Shulky spotted Sven trying to come forward, but Amber clung to him, holding him back, and clamping her hand over his mouth. He tried to free himself, but she held tight to her company’s new asset.

Some guests cowered under tables, and more than a few men hid behind their female dates, which Shulky thought was not very gallant. Two armed intruders swung their weapons around to demonstrate just how much of the crowd they could take out in a burst of fire.

Shulky’s M.O. was to dive directly into action, but she couldn’t with so many bystanders.

The leader looked at the huddled guests and shouted, “Sven Morigi! Show yourself or we’ll begin eliminating the obstacles!”

Then Ellis pushed people aside and shouted, “You can talk to me,” and he caught sight of Shulky by the kitchen doors and lifted one brow in subtle acknowledgment.

The leader looked at Ellis, confused. “You’re not Morigi.”

The brawny man stepped into the center of the dance floor and said, “No, Morigi’s over there!” He pointed away from the crowd and threw out something that burst into flames. The intruders were startled long enough for Shulky to vault to Ellis’s side.

“Wanna dance with me, baby?” Shulky purred to him.

Ellis said, “Thought you’d never ask, gorgeous,” just as the first assailant charged Shulky with a dagger.

Ellis ducked behind the assailant, and Shulky slapped the knife away and Three-Stooged him backward.

“Slowly I turn,” Ellis shouted.

“Good idea!” In one of her signature moves, she yanked the thug up by his ankles and swung him around like a club, laughing as he knocked over his comrades, one after another.

As the thugs stumbled, Ellis seized their knives, clubs, and handguns. He ordered the club guests “Keep back!” but they were already rushing out the front door, adding to the chaos.

I didn’t mind chaos because I’d learned that no one complained much about the damage Shulky caused when all hell broke loose.

A thug charged at Ellis’s back, but Ellis flipped him onto a table, which split in two.

Shulky noticed a huge ice luge and said to a rushing attacker, “I’ll take mine on the rocks, thank you very much!” She grabbed his forearms and squeezed them against his body. Then she lifted him and slammed him down the luge, sending him sliding to the floor with a shriek and a crash.

Ellis punched a thug in the nose. While the thug staggered back, Ellis clobbered him with a chair.

Shulky shrugged and said, “I’m guessing it’s too late to hug it out,” and then hurled the next attacker down the length of the long bar, laughing as he knocked over drinks and bottles. He flew off the end and smashed into the nearest wall.

The few remaining thugs scurried forward, but only to pick up their fallen comrades and carry them outside.

Shulky did a quick survey of the room to make sure all the guests were safe. She saw that Sven had freed himself from Amber’s clutches and was trying to calm a hysterical bartender.

Shulky’s eyes met Ellis’s shining brown ones. He was breathing hard, and he gazed at her with wonder and excitement. She stared at him for long seconds, a smile playing on her lips.