The Shore (10 page)

Cody chuckled, “Yeh, that was all Laura. I suck at interior design, but she was pretty good at it.”

“The house is beautiful, Cody.”

“You’re beautiful,” he said and leaned down to kiss her forehead, then her nose. He looked into her eyes as though he was asking for permission. Ryan tilted her head to meet his lips with hers. It was a soft kiss, but one that made them both feel as though things were going to be okay.

After a few moments of swinging in silence, Cody asked, “Do you want anything to drink? I’m going to grab a bottle of water.”

“Water would be great. Thank you.”

Cody gave her a quick kiss and got up from the swing. When he came back he handed two bottles of water to Ryan and went to fill the water bowl for the dogs. They had finally wore themselves out and were resting quietly on the other side of the deck in what little shade they could find.

“I think they’re tired,” Cody said, as he sat next to Ryan and draped his arm over her shoulder.

“Good. I know Berkley needed to get rid of some energy.”

They both turned quiet again, lost in their thoughts. Ryan had a feeling the conversation about Laura was over and Cody was ready to ask his question. He hadn’t identified the topic, but given she told him last night she had been hurt pretty bad by someone, she figured it would be about that.

“So,” Cody started. “My turn to ask a question?” He squeezed his arm around her a little tighter.

“Sure,” Ryan answered, a little dejectedly.

“I can wait,” Cody said. “One big conversation per day?”

Ryan chuckled quietly. “No, I said I would answer your question. Have at it.”

Cody was silent as he determined the best way to ask the question. He knew what the brunt of it was, but didn’t want it to come out insensitive. “Last night when we were talking…”

Ryan nodded. Yep, she had nailed this one on the head.

“You mentioned being hurt by someone.” Cody paused. “Can you tell me by who?”

She inhaled a deep breath. “His name was Jaxon.”

He nodded silently. “Tell me what happened?”

She inhaled again and said. “I met him at a club. I didn’t know Madison at the time, and I was out with a bunch of people I would classify more as acquaintances than friends. They were nice enough, but, anyway…”

“I offered to get the next round of drinks at the bar and while I was waiting for the bartender, Jaxon came up and introduced himself. There was something about him I immediately liked. We talked for so long one of the other girls from the group eventually came down to get the drinks. He asked for my number and I gave it to him.”

“We went on a few dates and seemed to be getting along pretty well. I could tell he was interested in a more physical relationship than I was ready for so we talked about it and agreed to take things slow.” Ryan looked hesitantly at Cody as she said that last part.

Cody nodded knowingly. He understood the connection.

“From there, it seemed as though things were fine. It was probably about three or four months later that we finally slept together.” Ryan looked at Cody again but he did and said nothing.

He knew he asked the question, but the last thing Cody wanted to talk about was her sex life with some other guy.

“So we dated. We were like most couples in their mid-20s: hanging out with friends, hitting the clubs, that kind of thing. The lease on my place was about up and he asked if I would move in with him, but something about it just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I said no. I didn’t want to break up with him, I just wasn’t ready for that next step.”

“One afternoon I left work early to make a surprise dinner at his place. Things had been tense between us since I declined the offer to move in with him, and I thought this would help smooth things over.”

“I heard noises as I approached the door. I recognized Jaxon’s voice and the other voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I opened the door and Jaxon was sitting on his couch, buck naked with his neighbor, Kaley.”

Ryan got really quiet and fought the urge to cry. She looked down at her hands and picked at her fingernails.

“As I walked toward his kitchen, I slid his apartment key off my keychain and put it on the island. I turned around, never looking at him, and walked out the door.

“That was about four years ago. I haven’t spoken to him since that day.”

“Ryan … wow. I’m sorry.”

“I found out from mutual ‘friends,’” she said making quotes in the air with her hands, “that Kaley wasn’t the first girl he’d slept with while we were dating. It seemed the reason he was okay with taking things slow,” she looked up at him, “was because he had plenty of extracurricular activities to keep himself satisfied.” She looked back down at her hands.

They were both quiet for a long minute.

“I’m sorry he did that to you, Ryan,” Cody said. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Ryan nodded, but still wouldn’t look at Cody.

He put his hand under her chin and gently lifted it so she would look at him. “I know we’re just getting to know each other, but I need you to know: I’m not him, Ryan.”

Ryan couldn’t find her voice to say anything as she continued to fight back the tears.

“I’m not him, nor will I ever be. He abused the trust you put in him. I would never do that.”

Finally finding her voice again, she answered, “I know.” She paused. “Or at least, I think I know.”

“The only way I can prove it to you is by showing you. You have my word things will move as slowly as we need to take them.” He nodded for emphasis. “I’m not really in a position to rush things either,” he said with a half-smile.

“We’re both kind of a mess, don’t you think?”

“Not broken, Ryan. Just bruised,” he said. “We’ve both been through some shit in our lives, but we’ve come out on the other end. And we’re stronger for it.”

Ryan liked the sound of that. She knew she was falling for Cody, but she was so damn afraid of being hurt again. At least today she took the first step of letting him in.

They sat on the swing and talked for a while longer before Cody had to get ready for his evening with the guys. It was tradition: the second Tuesday of every month was poker night at one of the guy’s houses. Tonight was Declan’s turn to host.

A few of the guys from his baseball team would be there and absolutely no women were allowed. Many of the guys had wives or serious girlfriends, and they decided this would be their night to just be guys.

Cody hated that he had to go. He considered bailing on his friends, but he had said he’d be there. The conversation with Ryan had been tough and he felt like some less intense time together would help. The stories they told needed to be shared so they had a better understanding of each other, but it didn’t make the topics any easier to talk about.

After sharing a long kiss with Ryan and telling her he’d text her tomorrow, Cody changed clothes and hopped into his truck. Declan lived towards Kitty Hawk, so it was just a short drive. When he got to the house, he noticed vehicles for Will, Cole and Luke. Add him and Declan to the mix, and they would have a good game on their hands.

He didn’t knock as he approached the door and walked in.

“Dude! It’s about fucking time you got your ass here!” Declan said in greeting as he walked toward Cody.

“Sorry man,” Cody replied as he gave Declan one of those man handshake/hug thing guys do. “I was a little busy this afternoon and time got away from me.”

“You mean some girl got in your way, don’t ya?” Cody heard Will pipe in from the other room. He just shook his head and laughed. These towns were so small, especially during the off-season, a guy couldn’t take a shit without someone knowing what color it was.

“Maybe it was,” Cody grinned.

“Good to see you’re back, man,” Luke said as he walked up to Cody and slapped him on the back.

“I wouldn’t say I’m
back
… Can we just play cards guys?” This was seriously the last group of people he wanted to talk to about Ryan.

Everyone laughed and headed to the kitchen to grab a beer before the cards were dealt. Cody wasn’t so sure about being back, but he liked Ryan. They’d have to see where the relationship would take them. In the meantime, he had some money he needed to win back from last month’s crappy game.

A couple hours later, Cody was in the kitchen getting something to drink when Declan walked in.

“Hey bud, how’s it going?” Cody asked.

“You know, same shit, different day, the pile just keeps getting higher.”

Cody chuckled. “Yeh, I know what you mean.”

Declan was quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “So, what’s this about a new girl?”

Cody looked at him. He and Declan had been pretty good friends over the years, but they weren’t the kind of friends who talked about the mushy stuff. Cody was a little surprised by his question. “Just someone I’ve seen a couple of times.”

“That’s really great, Cody. Good to see you moving on.”

Cody tried not to let the “moving on” portion of Declan’s statement get to him. He knew he meant well, but he hated to hear it.

“Yeh,” Cody responded. “We should probably get back to the game.”

Declan nodded, understanding the subject was closed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Leaving Cody’s house, Ryan wasn’t exactly sure how she felt. Cody had opened up to her so much more than she thought he would. And she certainly hadn’t expected to hear about his girlfriend passing away. Her heart hurt for him. First losing his mom and then the girl he thought he would marry. She wasn’t sure how to wrap her head around that.

And Jaxon. Ryan knew, based on the conversations she and Cody were having, that she would have had to tell him about Jaxon eventually. It only made sense. Hopefully her explanation of what happened helped Cody better understand why she was being so cautious.

Since she returned home, Ryan had washed the dishes and vacuumed, and she still felt restless. It was far too early to call it a night, so she decided to take a walk on the beach. Berkley was still exhausted from her play date, so she left her home.

Ryan loved the anticipation she felt whenever she walked the path up the dune. Knowing the Atlantic was on the other side never got old for her. She loved listening to the power of the sea, the waves crashing and the birds in flight. Sometimes she would just sit quietly on the beach and watch the sand crabs. They were hard to see, and it wasn’t until Abby pointed them out to her when they were kids that she even knew they existed. They were kind of cute in their own little way.

She crested the dune and took in the sight. The sun was getting ready to set behind her and the sky was a mixture of pinks and oranges. The beach was empty again. Ryan wondered how the people that lived here could stay away.

It probably gets old after a while.

On second thought, she could never imagine it getting old.

She crossed the loose sand to the water and let the waves wash over her feet. It was still chilly, but it felt good.

Ryan looked north, then south, and decided to head north. It didn’t really matter either way, she just needed to keep track of where she was. She didn’t remember the houses like she did when she was younger and didn’t want to lose her place.

As she walked, she thought about Cody and their conversations. She thought about Abby and how much she missed her, and how much she’d like to knee that jackass of an ex in the balls for what he did to her and Jake. Some people didn’t deserve to be parents.

She thought about how it took driving her Mini into the sand to get her to reconnect with old friends. Granted, she was never close with Mac and Riley because of their age differences, but she hadn't kept in touch with Abby. That was going to change.

Lost in her thoughts, Ryan didn’t notice the guy jogging toward her until he nearly reached her. Her brain didn’t register what she saw, but she wasn’t able to move her eyes from his. As he started to run past her, he abruptly stopped.

“Ryan?” he asked.

“Hi,” she replied, startled.

He bent over with his hands on his knees, catching his breath. Ryan couldn’t help but watch him. She hadn’t seen him in four years and now here he was, in front of her.

“What are you doing here, Jaxon?” she finally asked him. She knew she didn’t own the beach, but Ryan felt like wherever she was, he really didn’t deserve to be. Couldn’t he find another beach to run?

Jaxon stood straight and yanked on the t-shirt tucked into his shorts to wipe off his face.

“It’s been a long time, Ryan.”

Ryan laughed once.

No shit, it had.

“I think that was on purpose, Jaxon.” She sometimes cursed herself for never confronting him after she left his apartment. She never asked him why, or for how long he had been sleeping with Kaley. That information really didn’t matter now, and it wouldn’t have changed the outcome, but it was something Ryan felt she needed to know.

“What are you doing here?” she asked again.

“I’m here dealing with some family business.” He waited for her to respond, but when she said nothing, he added, “What brings you to the shore?”

“Vacation.” Ryan hated that she was being so short with him, but, damn!

Didn’t he realize the last time we saw each other he was screwing another woman?

He could sense the shortness in her tone. This wasn’t the Ryan he knew. The real Ryan was a kind, caring, generous person who wouldn’t be short with a person unless, well, she was really fucking pissed. And he could only imagine she was just that – at him. Jaxon tried to take a small step toward her and she immediately took a step back.

All of the anger and frustration and hurt she felt four years ago came rushing back at her. She had made progress. She had finally been able to think about him and remember the good. Seeing him now just brought it all back.

Sighing, Jaxon raised his hands in defeat. “I’m sorry, Ryan,” he said softly.

Ryan couldn’t help it. She started laughing. Hysterically.

Who did he think he was? He wouldn’t be able to just lightly apologize his way out of this one.

“What are you sorry for, Jaxon?”

She gave him a moment to reply, and when he didn’t, it was as if a tsunami of emotion overcame her. “Are you sorry you were out fucking other people while we were together?”

He didn’t answer. He just looked at her.

“Or are you just sorry you got caught?” Ryan was so angry she could feel herself shake.

“Ryan, I…” he tried to answer, but she cut him off.

“Are you sorry you wasted two years of my life? Are you sorry you pretended to care, when obviously you didn’t? What the fuck, Jaxon?” She could feel the tears start to come but refused to let him see them.

Jaxon had things to say, but he wasn’t sure she’d hear them. He had never seen her this angry before.

“What was it, Jaxon? Are you just going to stand there and look at me or do you have something to say for yourself?”

“I know I hurt you,” he started. “I know I was a complete and total ass. I ruined the best part of my life that day.”

Ryan said nothing. Her body continued to shake with anger.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he finally said with regret in his voice. “I am, Ryan.”

These were the words Ryan had waited four years to hear, and they didn’t do a damn thing for her. She knew her truth – she walked in on him and she learned from his friends there had been others. A man can’t just walk away from that.

“I don’t get it, Jaxon.” she said, her voice still with an edge. “If I meant so much to you, why did you play along like everything was fine? Why did you do this to me? And not just once, but multiple times. Why couldn’t you just be straight with me?”

He didn’t know how to answer her questions without painting himself as a complete douchebag. He only cheated on her when he had been drinking, but he couldn't find the strength to say that to her. Not yet. She didn't know how bad things had really gotten, and he didn't want to worsen the picture she already had of him. “I don’t know, Ryan. I wish I did. I know I owe you that much.”

Ryan realized in that moment she would never get the closure she was looking for. The cards would never be out on the table. He could say what he wanted, but the truth would likely never fully come out. She was going to have to live with what she believed was the truth and be okay with that.

She looked up at him with disappointment in her eyes. “I have to go, Jaxon.” And like the last time she saw him, she turned from him and walked away.