The Skeptics Annotated Bible (107 page)

7 And
ye shall not go out from the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die
: for the anointing oil of the LORD is upon you. And they did according to the word of Moses.

(10.7)
“Ye shall not go out from the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die.”

8 And the LORD spake unto Aaron, saying,

9
Do not drink wine nor strong drink
, thou, nor thy sons with thee,
when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations:

(10.9)
“Do not drink wine nor strong drink … when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die. It shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations.”

10 And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;

11 And that ye may teach the children of Israel all the statutes which the LORD hath spoken unto them by the hand of Moses.

12 And Moses spake unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons that were left, Take the meat offering that remaineth of the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and eat it without leaven beside the altar: for it is most holy:

13 And ye shall eat it in the holy place, because it is thy due, and thy sons’ due, of the sacrifices of the LORD made by fire: for so I am commanded.

(10.14-15) Keep doing these wave and heave offerings “by a statute forever.”
20 Does God desire animal sacrifices?

14 And
the wave breast and heave shoulder shall ye eat in a clean place
; thou, and thy sons, and thy daughters with thee: for they be thy due, and thy sons’ due, which are given out of the sacrifices of peace offerings of the children of Israel.

(10.14)
“The wave breast and heave shoulder shall ye eat in a clean place.”

15
The heave shoulder and the wave breast
shall they
bring with the offerings made by fire of the fat, to wave it for a wave offering before the LORD
; and it shall be thine, and thy sons’ with thee, by
a statute for ever; as the LORD hath commanded.

(10.15a)
“The heave shoulder and the wave breast … bring with the offerings made by fire of the fat, to wave it for a wave offering before the LORD.”

(10.15b)
“A statute for ever as the LORD hath commanded”

16 And Moses diligently sought the goat of the sin offering, and, behold, it was burnt: and he was angry with Eleazar and Ithamar, the sons of Aaron which were left alive, saying,

17 Wherefore have ye not eaten the sin offering in the holy place, seeing it is most holy, and God hath given it you to bear the iniquity of the congregation, to make atonement for them before the LORD?

18 Behold, the blood of it was not brought in within the holy place: ye should indeed have eaten it in the holy place, as I commanded.

19 And Aaron said unto Moses, Behold, this day have they offered their sin offering and their burnt offering before the LORD; and such things have befallen me: and if I had eaten the sin offering to day, should it have been accepted in the sight of the LORD?

20 And when Moses heard that, he was content.

11
And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying unto them,

2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying,
These are the beasts which ye shall eat
among all the beasts that are on the earth.

(11.2)
“These are the beasts which ye shall eat.”
13 What should we eat?

3 Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat.

4 Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

(11.5-6) The Bible says that hares and coneys are unclean because they “chew the cud” but do not part the hoof. But hares and coneys are not ruminants and they do not “chew the cud.”

5 And
the coney, because he cheweth the cud
, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

(11.5)
“The coney, because he cheweth the cud”

6 And
the hare, because he cheweth the cud
, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

(11.6)
“The hare, because he cheweth the cud”

(11.7-12) Pigs, clams, oysters, crabs, lobsters, and shrimp are all abominations to God.

7 And
the swine
, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he
is unclean to you.

8 Of
their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch
; they are unclean to you.

(11.7-8)
“The swine … is unclean to you … their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch.”

9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.

10 And
all that have not fins and scales in the seas
, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they
shall be an abomination unto you
:

(11.10)
“All that have not fins and scales in the seas … shall be an abomination unto you.”
(God Hates Shrimp)

11
They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

(11.11)
“They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.”

12
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

(11.12) “
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.”

13 And
these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls
; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray,

(11.13, 19)
“These are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls … the bat.”
Bats are birds to the biblical God.

14 And the vulture, and the kite after his kind;

15 Every raven after his kind;

16 And the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind,

17 And the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl,

18 And the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle,

19 And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and
the bat.

20
All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.

(11.20)
Four-legged fowls!
“All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.”