The Skeptics Annotated Bible (234 page)

BOOK: The Skeptics Annotated Bible
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15 And
he came unto the men of Succoth, and said, Behold Zebah and Zalmunna, with whom ye did upbraid me, saying, Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in thine hand, that we should give bread unto thy men that are weary?

(8.15)
“He came unto the men of Succoth, and said, Behold Zebah and Zalmunna, with whom ye did upbraid me, saying, Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in thine hand, that we should give bread unto thy men that are weary?”

16 And
he took the elders of the city, and thorns
of the wilderness
and briers, and with them he taught the men of Succoth.

(8.16)
“He took the elders of the city, and thorns … and briers, and with them he taught the men of Succoth.”

17 And
he beat down the tower of Penuel, and slew the men of the city.

(8.17)
“He beat down the tower of Penuel, and slew the men of the city.”

18 Then said he unto Zebah and Zalmunna, What manner of men were they whom ye slew at Tabor? And they answered, As thou art, so were they; each one resembled the children of a king.

19 And he said, They were my brethren, even the sons of my mother: as the LORD liveth, if ye had saved them alive, I would not slay you.

20 And
he said unto Jether his firstborn, Up, and slay them. But the youth drew not his sword: for he feared
, because he was yet a youth.

21 Then Zebah and Zalmunna said, Rise thou, and fall upon us: for as the man is, so is his strength.
And Gideon arose, and slew Zebah and Zalmunna,
and took away the ornaments that were on their camels’ necks.

(8.20-21) Gideon orders his oldest son to kill Zebah and Zalmunna. But he had to do it himself since his son was a chicken shit, cup-drinking, sit down pee-er.

(8.20-21)
“He said unto Jether his firstborn, Up, and slay them. But the youth drew not his sword: for he feared … And Gideon arose, and slew Zebah and Zalmunna.”

22 Then the men of Israel said unto Gideon, Rule thou over us, both thou, and thy son, and thy son’s son also: for thou hast delivered us from the hand of Midian.

23 And Gideon said unto them, I will not rule over you, neither shall my son rule over you: the LORD shall rule over you.

24 And Gideon said unto them, I would desire a request of you, that ye would give me every man the earrings of his prey. (For they had golden earrings, because they were Ishmaelites.)

25 And they answered, We will willingly give them. And they spread a garment, and did cast therein every man the earrings of his prey.

26 And the weight of the golden earrings that he requested was a thousand and seven hundred shekels of gold; beside ornaments, and collars, and purple raiment that was on the kings of Midian, and beside the chains that were about their camels’ necks.

27 And
Gideon made an ephod
thereof, and put it in his city, even in Ophrah:
and all Israel went thither a whoring after it
: which thing became a snare unto Gideon, and to his house.

(8.27)
“Gideon made an ephod … and all Israel went thither a whoring after it.”

28 Thus was Midian subdued before the children of Israel, so that they lifted up their heads no more. And the country was in quietness forty years in the days of Gideon.

29 And Jerubbaal the son of Joash went and dwelt in his own house.

30 And
Gideon had threescore and ten sons
of his body begotten:
for he had many wives.

(8.30) “Gideon had threescore and ten sons … for he had many wives.” Gideon had 70 sons (no one knows how many daughters) “for he had many wives.”
16 Is polygamy OK?

31 And his concubine that was in Shechem, she also bare him a son, whose name he called Abimelech.

32 And Gideon the son of Joash died in a good old age, and was buried in the sepulchre of Joash his father, in Ophrah of the Abiezrites.

33 And it came to pass,
as soon as Gideon was dead
, that
the children of Israel
turned again, and
went a whoring after Baalim
, and made Baal-berith their god.

(8.33) “As soon as Gideon was dead … the children of Israel … went a whoring after Baalim.”

34 And the children of Israel remembered not the LORD their God, who had delivered them out of the hands of all their enemies on every side:

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