The Skeptics Annotated Bible (306 page)

2 For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which was with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beer-sheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people.

3 And Joab said unto the king, Now the LORD thy God add unto the people, how many soever they be, an hundredfold, and that the eyes of my lord the king may see it: but why doth my lord the king delight in this thing?

4 Notwithstanding the king’s word prevailed against Joab, and against the captains of the host. And Joab and the captains of the host went out from the presence of the king, to number the people of Israel.

5 And they passed over Jordan, and pitched in Aroer, on the right side of the city that lieth in the midst of the river of Gad, and toward Jazer:

6 Then they came to Gilead, and to the land of Tahtim-hodshi; and they came to Dan-jaan, and about to Zidon,

7 And came to the strong hold of Tyre, and to all the cities of the Hivites, and of the Canaanites: and they went out to the south of Judah, even to Beer-sheba.

8 So when they had gone through all the land, they came to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days.

9 And Joab gave up the sum of the number of the people unto the king: and
there were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.

(24.9)
“There were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.”
This is a ridiculously high number for a battle between two tribal armies in 1000 BCE. (The United States had about 1.46 million active duty soldiers in 2010.)
214 How many soldiers did Israel have?

10 And David’s heart smote him after that he had numbered the people. And
David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done
: and now, I beseech thee, O LORD, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.

(24.10)
“David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done.”
210 Did David sin?

11 For when David was up in the morning, the word of the LORD came unto the prophet Gad, David’s seer, saying,

12 Go and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.

13
So Gad came to David
, and told him,
and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days’ pestilence in thy land?
now advise, and see what answer I shall return to him that sent me.

(24.13) “So Gad came to David … and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days’ pestilence in thy land?”
215 How many years of famine?

14 And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great: and let me not fall into the hand of man.

(24.14)
“Let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great.”
After God threatens to kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people for a census that he inspired, David says, “let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great.”
120 Is God merciful?

15
So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel
from the morning even to the time appointed:
and there died of the people
from Dan even to Beer-sheba
seventy thousand men.

(24.15)
“So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel … and there died of the people … seventy thousand men.”
God’s 85th Killing