Authors: Shannon Barczak
Riah blanched at my words and took a step back before I continued. “You should have been there with me. Polly’s dad is a drug dealer and her mom is a massage therapist who gives rubs & tugs. Do you know how many comments I had to hold back because Patcoena and Jeremiah never would’ve gotten them?”
Riah smiled and stepped forward. “When Jeremiah told me I was not happy that I had missed that little foray into the Wood’s family homestead.”
I threw my arms around his neck and held tight. He held on to me, and we stood there for the longest time. I inhaled his familiar scent and sighed as I pushed him away finally.
“I’m not going to lie and say that I am happy about any of this but if you didn’t do it I think I would’ve been more pissed.” I said
“I know,” he replied. “When Milton volunteered I knew I couldn’t let him do it…”
“Milton?” I asked in disbelief. “The geek has more balls than you? That’s almost embarrassing.”
“Christ, Willa,” he said. “No one wanted to do it, trust me when I say that it goes against everything we stand…”
“I know but Milton?”
“We’re sorry Willa,” Robert chimed in from the corner. I hadn’t even seen him because I focused my attention on Riah. His ginger hair and soft brown eyes stared back at me in remorse, and I remembered that Mathias said Robert and Katya had wanted nothing to do with any of this, for some reason that just endeared him more to me.
“Hi Robert,” I said before giving him a quick hug which he returned. “How’s Katya?”
“She’s worried about you of course,” he said
“Can I see him?” I asked after an awkward silence came over us. Robert and Riah stepped aside to open the door to a long hallway. I saw Lucian sitting in a chair at the end. He glanced up when he heard the door open and raced down to greet me.
“Hi Willa,” he said softly
“Hey Luce,” I whispered. “Is he, I mean, does he know I’m here?”
Lucian nodded and exchanged a long look with Mathias. I was surprised when they both left me in the hallway alone. Mathias had spoken to me in my head before he shut the door.
Call me if you need me or when you want to leave
I will,
I said as I walked slowly down the hallway. I didn’t know what to expect or what he would even look like, but my heart started racing furiously. I wanted to be strong, but I was pretty much reaching the end of my rope. I stopped in front of the cell and saw a figure huddled in the dark corner. I was surprised that it wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be.
Someone had obviously tried to make this as homey as they could for my father. A large bed was pushed against the wall and next to that was an overstuffed chair with a tall lamp. There were bookcases with books and pictures of me and my mom. The large earth toned color rug from their bedroom softened the concrete floors.
But it was still a cell with thick steel bars.
“Daddy?”
I whispered. “Daddy I’m here.”
My voice cracked in the end, and all thoughts of being calm vanished when he turned around. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could just make out the outline of his face and my heart broke when I saw the anguish etched deep in his mouth.
“Are you alright?” he whispered
“I’m doing better,” I said. “I don’t think you’ll have to visit me in a padded room anytime soon, so that’s good news.”
“I don’t think I’d be able to visit you,” he said softly. “Tell me what happened.”
“We can talk about that some other time,” I started to say but he cut me off
“I want to know,” he whispered again. I peered into the darkness, but he had turned away from me to face the wall. I told him everything that had happened from the time I left until now. I saw him bow his head a few times and sigh in either frustration or sadness every so often, but he didn’t say a word or ask me any questions until I finished speaking.
“Have you seen your mother?” he asked
“No,” I said. “I wanted to see you first.”
I saw him shake his head. “Your mother is more important Willa. You need to take care of her now.”
“Dad, I know that you think you’ll probably never recover but look at Lucian. He’s…”
“He’s over six hundred years old,” he said loudly
“Oh please,” I said. “It only took him a few hundred years, if not less, to be able to be around people with magic in their veins. That’s nothing in the grand scheme of this whole immortality thing you got going on now.”
“Do you think I want to live that long?” he asked
“You don’t have a choice,” I said. “Look dad, I know that what you did was for me, and I’m not mad at you. I would’ve done the same thing in your place.”
“You’re not mad at me?” he asked with a brittle laugh. “You should be mad at me Willa. You should want to rip my dead, cursed heart out and stomp on it until it’s nothing but dust.”
“So you’re blaming yourself now, is that it?” I asked. “Please put the blame on who deserves it the most. Lord Fonn is at fault here, not you.”
“No,” he said. “The fault lies with me and me alone.”
“Oh, God, dad,” I groaned. “What did you take a page out of mom’s guilt trip manual?”
“This is my fault,” he suddenly roared and I took a step back at his fury. “I’m your father. I should have protected you better, but I didn’t. My grandfather put this plan into motion hundreds of years ago without a thought to what it might do or how it would affect everyone. I love my mother, but a child, or God forbid a grandchild should not have to fight their battles. You and I were both pawns in a game.”
“I don’t see it that way…” I started to say
“Of course you don’t Willa,” he yelled. “You see it as your duty. You see it as saving thousands of people’s lives but do you want to know how I see it? I see it as me failing you as a father.”
“Dad,” I said. “That’s not true. You’ve been the most amazing father to me.”
“Have I?” he asked. “Have I really?”
“Stop this,” I said sternly. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
“I always thought you were a gift to your mother and me,” he said. “You were our sun, our moon and our stars. It was the cruelest joke though, wasn’t it? The Gods gave us you and for the last several months we have almost lost you time and time again. When will it be the last time, Willa? When will it be too much for you?”
“I don’t know if you’ve heard but I’m pretty indestructible now,” I said
“From the moment we left Arizona you have been in danger,” he whispered. “I wish we had never had come here. I wish we had run to some remote corner of the earth.”
“I don’t,” I whispered back
“No, I’m sure you don’t,” he replied. “I don’t begrudge you falling in love with Mathias but I’m sorry if I could turn the clock back I would in a heartbeat.”
“What about Aunt Gussie and Julia?” I asked. “They would be rotting away as blood whores right now if I hadn’t come to the island.”
“I’m not saying there wouldn’t be some victims of circumstance but at the end of the day Willa, you’re my child and I would do anything to protect you.”
“Obviously,” I said
“I want to kill you,” he said and I stood there shocked at his words. “I’m standing here thinking to myself that I know you smell better than any being on this earth, and I’m aware that I would die if I tasted your blood, but there’s still a part of me that wants that more than anything.”
“That’s just blood lust,” I said calmly. “You will eventually learn to manage your cravings.”
“Willa, I want you to kill me,” he stated seriously
I rubbed my fingers on my forehead. “Dad, I’m not going to kill you. Please do not ask me that like ever again, ok?”
“I want you to kill me,” he said again. “Then I want you and Mathias to take your mother somewhere far away from here. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going, just go and never come back.”
“I’m sorry but I can’t do that,” I said
“Please, Willa,” he pleaded. “If you love me at all…”
“Don’t say that,” I yelled. “Don’t you ever fucking say that to me again. I do love you. You gave me life. You taught me how to walk and talk. You taught me how to be a decent human being. You sacrificed how many years of your life so I could grow up in a safe, all American normality that so many people take for granted. You are the reason I want to help save the lives of thousands of people.”
“Your life is not worth more than anyone else’s to me Willa,” he shouted. “Your life is more important and if something ever happened to you I would die.”
“You’re already halfway there,” I shouted back. “Something did happen to me and guess what? I survived. You need to get over this self-pitying bullshit and move on as well.”
“I’m not self-pitying,” he said as he turned around and faced me. “I’m trying to protect my child.”
“You did for almost twenty-six years,” I replied. “I’m not a child anymore. Let me help you. We can work together and try to heal you.”
“If you’re not going to kill me and leave with your mother than I have nothing more to say to you,” he said
“Excuse me?” I asked. “Are you threatening to excommunicate me?”
“I want you to leave Willa and don’t come back to visit me.”
I started laughing almost hysterically before I grabbed the bars and threw myself as far as I could go between them. “I may have lost my mind briefly but I didn’t lose myself. I will come back to visit you every single day until you get better. I will fight for you because that’s what you do when you love someone.”
“I’m begging you to not subject yourself to my pain and self-loathing.”
“Remember when I was a freshman in high school and you and mom wouldn’t let me go on a car date with that junior who I had a massive crush on?” I asked
“What?” he asked agitated
“I begged and pleaded, but you two wouldn’t budge, so I screamed at you that I hated you and never wanted to talk to either of you ever again,” I said. “For an entire week I gave you guys the silent treatment but you kept talking away. You even wrote me notes and slipped them under my door. I finally gave up on my vow of silence because it got to the point where I almost forgot why I was mad at you.”
“Willa, I’m not a teenage girl who has a crush on a boy,” he sighed
“Well then stop acting like a melodramatic high school chick,” I said. “I’m not killing you and I’m not leaving here with mom. You’re with us for the long haul.”
“Are you sure you want to be stuck with me now?” he asked as he finally walked into the light. He sprinted suddenly to the bars and grabbed my hands tightly. His red eyes looked wrong on his face. I would give up every penny I had at my disposal to see them change back to green again. I winced slightly as he crushed my hands painfully.
His eyes widened when he realized what he was doing, and he went back to the corner. “I’m sorry Willa. Please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I answered
“You should go see your mother,” he said in resignation
I nodded. “Do you need anything?”
“I think we already established that you can’t give me what I want,” he snapped
“I love you daddy,” I said. I saw him shut his eyes, but he stayed silent. His lack of response sliced me to the core. My dad had never let me leave the room or hang up the phone without him telling me he loved me. I knew what he was doing though. He wanted to hurt me so I wouldn’t come back to see him. He should have known that it would take a lot more than that to dissuade me.
I want to leave,
I said in my head to Mathias. He opened the door right away, and I ran out as fast as I could. I barely said goodbye to Lucian, Riah, and Robert. Mathias came after me as I reached the outer door and when I stepped outside I ran through the thicket of trees onto a small rocky beach. I stopped short when I saw a small cottage.
“Whose cottage is that?” I asked him
“I built it a few years ago,” he answered. “I don’t know why but I felt the need to do it at the time. I’m glad I did because now the cottage is your mother’s new home.”
I ran towards the front door and tore it open. My mother stood up from the chair she had been sitting in and embraced me. We cried in happiness at being together and then we cried in sadness. Both our hearts had been torn to pieces, and I didn’t realize until this moment how much I needed my mother.
“Did you see him?” she asked several minutes later as we sat on the couch together with a cup of tea
“I did,” I replied. “He asked me to kill him.”
Cecily rolled her eyes. “He’s getting on my nerves with that kind of talk.”
“He’s serious,” I said
“I know he’s serious but, it’s ridiculous,” she said. “He needs time Willa. He needs time to acclimate, and he needs time finally to come to terms with the fact that you’re a grown woman.”
“Wow, when did you finally accept that I wasn’t a child anymore?” I asked
“When I found out my daughter was having an affair with a vampire, who had also been my Guardian from the time I was a baby,” she said wryly. “All of a sudden the image of you in pigtails is now the image of who you have become.”
“What was that?” I asked, “A slut?
A ho?”