The Slacker's Guide to U.S. History: The Bare Minimum on Discovering America, the Boston Tea Party, the California Gold Rush, and Lots of Other Stuff Dead White Guys Did (35 page)

In the early 1970s, both American bong makers and American automobile buyers agreed that bigger was better. With the growing popularity of mind altering drugs in the 1970s, pot was not only plentiful it was socially acceptable. With supply high and enforcement sporadic, there was no reason for hippies of the me generation to forego an extra large bong to help them burn the cannabis.
BY THE SAME TOKEN, WITH GAS REASONABLY PRICED, THERE WAS NO NEED FOR AMERICANS TO ENDURE THE UNCOMFORTABLE RIDE OF A SMALL CAR WHEN THE BIG THREE U.S. AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURERS WERE EAGERLY BUILDING CARS LARGE ENOUGH TO TRANSPORT THE REAL-LIFE CAST OF
JON & KATE PLUS 8.

During this time of discos and swinger parties, Americans gave more thought to the cost of condoms than they did the cost of gasoline. Buying gas was cheaper than scoring a sheet of acid picturing John, Paul, George, and Ringo wearing Sargeant Pepper suits. Unfortunately, this cheap petroleum fest came to an end on October 17, 1973, when the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries refused to pimp their fuel to the United States in retaliation for its increasingly active support of Israel.

Earlier in the month, on October 7, 1973, Syria and Egypt began hostile military action as it attacked the holocaust-recovering country of Israel. This armed conflict was quickly coined the Yom Kippur War. The Israelis enjoyed very little popularity in the Middle East, and the attacks by Syria and Egypt were widely supported by Arab leaders. On the other hand the United States government has always had a fetish for Israel, and it moved to support the Israeli government by resupplying the Israeli armed forces. America's supporting of Israel like a push-up bra helped further the hatred for America in the Middle East.

With America's support in the open, on October 16, 1973, the Arab constituents of OPEC cut oil production, placed an embargo on exporting to the United States along with any other country aiding the Israeli war effort, and significantly raised the price of oil. This show of power was the first time that the oil-rich countries of the Middle East collectively showed their Hogan-like strength and their importance to the lifestyle of Americans. With only 6 percent of the world's population and a third of global oil consumption, the effects of the embargo were felt immediately in the United States.

With gasoline in short supply, the United States government focused on reducing consumption and rationing supply. Speed limits on highways were reduced to the cruising speed of 55 miles per hour in an effort to force drivers to operate at a speed that maximized fuel efficiency. Gas was rationed at the pump, and Americans' hands shook like those of your everyday meth addict while pumping the addictive fuel. Drivers whose license plate ended in an odd number were allowed to purchase gasoline on odd-numbered days. Drivers whose license plate ended in an even number were allowed to purchase gasoline on even numbered days. Despite the government's effort to control the flow of gasoline, long lines filled with angry and frustrated drivers became the norm.

On March 18, 1974, OPEC felt that its message had been heard and kindly lifted the embargo; oil from Arab countries began to flow back into the United States. Despite the lifting of the embargo, oil prices did not return to their pre-embargo levels, and it was not long before the memories of a full tank of gas and a Bee Gee's 8-track for under seven bucks was all but forgotten. This dance of hatred between oil-producing Arab nations and the United States continues on today with no realistic end in sight.

There are several lessons to be learned from the OPEC oil crisis but none more important than the need for Americans to understand the Arabs' Jewish neighbor. Unpopular with those it shares a border with, Israel has always enjoyed a near Canadian-like acceptance from the government of the United States. However, for Americans outside the confines of the federal government's inner circle, there is a lot about Israel that is misunderstood. For instance, why is Israel so hated by those around them, and really, what does kosher mean and how do you properly use the term in your day-to-day conversations?

Since hate is so hard to understand, it is best to just either go with it or ignore it, but kosher, that is something you can really wrap your head around. If you take the time to learn what is kosher, it's something you can impress your Jewish and non-Jewish friends with. To excel in using this term correctly, you need to understand that the word
kosher
has made a successful transition into the world of American slang. It is important, therefore, that you learn to use the word properly outside of its original intended use. Like people,
kosher
has grown and matured, and to fully understand your Jewish neighbor you will need to grasp the full use of the word.

Please refrain from doing any further research with respect to the word
kosher
. It is important that this test be taken completely unaided by the benefits of studying. Upon completion of this short quiz you will not only have a better understanding about what is kosher but you will have a better understanding about how Jewish-friendly you really are.

1. True or False: The use of a recognized rabbi to bless the food you are about to eat will in fact make the food kosher.

a. True

b. False

2. Can Chinese food be considered kosher?

a. Yes

b. No

3. If your best friend breaks up with his girlfriend, is it kosher for you to begin dating her after three months?

a. Yes

b. No

4. If you are invited to two parties on the same night, is it kosher to lie to the host that you like the least and then attend the get-together at your preferred location?

a. Yes

b. No

5. True or False: For meat to be considered kosher, the animal must be slaughtered in front of a certified rabbi.

a. Yes

b. No

6. If you make a run to McDonald's to grab some lunch, and a couple of your friends ask you to pick something up for them, is it kosher for you to keep their change?

a. Yes

b. No