The Space Within (The Book of Phoenix #3) (4 page)

Chapter 4

I leaned my elbows on the wooden conference table in the small meeting room, dropped my head between my arms, and rubbed my hands over the back of it. The news kept getting worse and worse.

“You don’t have to make a decision today, Jeric,” Asia said from across the table.

“So far, the Guardians have been able to protect all the Gates,” Yoshi agreed from my right, “but if the souls from the Dark worlds grow any more persistent in opening them, I don’t know how long we’ll be able to keep the Gates sealed.”

“And if sealing them doesn’t keep the Lakari out, our only option is collapsing all of the Gates?” I clarified. “We’re sure there’s no other way?”

“Not that anyone knows of,” Melinda said quietly. She and Uri sat on the other side of the table by Asia.

I banged my fists on the table, making everyone jump. “There
has
to be, damn it! There must be a way for us to pass through or we wouldn’t be able to help the Broken and the Lost.”

“He’s right,” Asia said. “Why would the angels, or whoever they are, give us this job without alternative passages for times like this? If God and the universe work in mysterious ways to help us with other problems, why not with this?”

Nobody could provide an answer.

“I can’t believe there are no records,” I said. “
Nothing?
Nowhere?”

“If there are, nobody remembers,” Uri said. “The information got lost between generations somewhere along the way.”

“Well, then, we need to fucking remember,” I growled. “Aren’t there hypnotists who do age regression? Maybe they can help. Or, here’s an idea—maybe Leni wasn’t the only one smart enough to create something to leave clues. Maybe there are more journals … somewhere.”

“There are items, but Leni’s not the only one who’s forgotten what they do or how to use them,” Tasha, Yoshi’s other half, said, her English strong, though edged with a Japanese accent. “It’s the curse of the Guardians. No matter how hard we try to keep the information flowing generation to generation, it gets lost or jumbled up. It’s part of our test in each life to figure everything out.”

I shook my head. “I don’t buy that. If guarding the Gate and helping the Darkening, Lost, and Broken souls are so important, why wouldn’t we be armed with as much knowledge as possible? Why make our jobs more difficult than they already are?”

Again, silence answered my question.

“It seems to happen after we go to another world,” Yoshi finally said.

“What does?” I demanded.

“The forgetting.”

I cocked my head toward him. I’d never heard a plausible theory that explained why the Guardians couldn’t seem to keep their shit together when it came to remembering past lives.

“I’m all ears,” I said.

Yoshi lifted his hands. “There’s not much more to say. We’ve all noticed that every time we come back after a life on Earth, it’s easier and faster to remember things, especially our need to go to the Gate. True?”

I nodded—it had been easier and faster for Leni and I to remember than it had been for Jacey and Micah. Everyone but Asia nodded also, or agreed aloud. She only shrugged. Why was that?

“But after several lifetimes on Earth, we move up to higher worlds,” Yoshi continued. “And it’s always once we come back to Earth that we seem to have forgotten everything and have to start over.”

“Why can’t the Guardians who’ve been on Earth for a few cycles be able to tell them everything?” Asia asked. “That’s what doesn’t make sense. There’s always Guardians here to pass on information. But not even the Guides remember.”

Yoshi shrugged. “Good question. Except when Tasha and I came back to Earth two lifetimes ago, all of the Guardians in this world were either newer—soul mates still making their way to the higher worlds, and therefore never knew our full history—or Twin Flames, Separated and back to start over. All of them on their first or second cycle since being Separated. None of them able to remember anything useful from previous times on Earth.”

“In fact, all they could remember clearly was back to their Separation,” Tasha said.

I scrubbed my hand over the stubble on my jaw. Leni and I had only been able to remember back to our Separation, as well. We remembered being on that world and some of its specifics, but we clearly recalled Enyxa’s Lakari sweeping in and the bitch herself following, ripping our soul apart. Memories of any lives before that, whether on Earth or on other worlds, only came in bits and pieces. Brock and Asia had said the same, confirming Yoshi and Tasha’s observation.

“So coming back here from other worlds causes us to lose our memories of this one?” Asia clarified.

“Or Enyxa does something when she Separates us,” I suggested.

Everyone in the room reacted to this theory, but Asia and I exchanged a look. Either of these explanations meant that even if we could get Brock and Leni back to Earth, they may not remember anything, including us.

“Whether it’s the Gate, or other worlds, or Enyxa who does this to us, though, we can’t be the first ones to figure this out,” I said. “There must be something somewhere that can give us more answers.”

“Well, that Book of yours is a good start,” Melinda said. “As part of the Sacred Seven, surely you all would have kept the best records.”

“The Book went with Leni,” I muttered. “She had it with her when shit hit the fan.”

“And since we don’t know what the Sacred Seven even means, who says we’re the keeper of records?” Asia asked. “Maybe we’re too
sacred
to be recorded.”

I snorted, catching her sarcasm. We weren’t elite or special or anything. In fact, being apart from our other halves, we were pretty damn useless as Guardians. Only good for making the decisions nobody else wanted to make.

“You know how Asia and I feel about collapsing the Gates,” I said. “It’ll probably end up killing us and our other halves, so we’re not too fond of the idea. But it means more than that. It affects everyone—all of the Guardians who will no longer be able to do their jobs and the souls of Earth. So I’m not taking this decision lightly, and I’m not making it on my own.” I stood up and leaned my hands on the table. “We’re taking a vote.”

All of the others in the room looked at each other and back at me.

“Who’s voting?” Tasha asked.

“If there were a way to get the whole world to, all of Earth’s souls since they’re all affected,” I said. “But since that’s impossible and illogical, all of the Guardians.”

Nobody argued. They only stared at me for another long moment. Then they dove into conversation about how to make a vote happen, which meant calling all Guardians in from their missions. They seemed to be on board with this idea.

Some might call me a coward for failing to make the decision myself, but that was their problem. Maybe I wasn’t the leader they expected me to be, but I wasn’t stupid and power-hungry. They all had a right to weigh in because collapsing the Gates permanently could mean an end to the Phoenix Guardians.

“What do we do if they vote to collapse them?” Asia asked me later that day as we ate dinner. Or, more accurately, pushed the food around our plates, unable to actually eat it.

“I don’t know yet, but I’m thinking we go through before they do it.”

“We won’t be able to come back,” Asia said.

“True. But neither will Brock and Leni. So hopefully we can find them through the Gate.”

“But what if they do? What if they use the Book to come back? Then we’re the ones trapped in the Beyond, and they’re here.”

* * *

The next day, while the Guardian leaders worked on setting up a vote, Asia and I stood outside at our usual places by the water’s edge. A brown, rectangular object tumbling at the crest of a wave caught our attention. When it washed ashore, Asia ran for it and brought it back to me. Her eyes had grown wide and watery, and her chin trembled. I opened my mouth to ask what it was, but when my gaze dropped to her hands, my jaw snapped shut.

She held the Book of Phoenix.

My heart skipped a beat as the thought that Leni and Brock must have made it back jumped into my mind. But then it sank to my feet with the realization that we would have felt their return. The brown leather and paper were waterlogged, dripping all over Asia’s feet. The Book hadn’t recently arrived, bringing our other halves with it. It had obviously been in the bay for a while. Which meant Leni had never taken it with them. And that meant she couldn’t use it to bring them back.

I sank into a squatting position, and then fell backwards on my ass. I dropped my head into my hands with defeat.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. The Book had been my last hope. If the Guardians voted to collapse the Gates, I’d been banking on Leni using the Book to bring her and Brock back. Now that hope was crushed, along with my soul.

“Stop it, Jeric,” Asia said sharply. I looked up at her questioningly. “You’re not going to feel sorry for yourself. We’ll figure this out.”

“Figure out what? It’s not up to us anymore. The Guardians are going to vote, and Leni and Brock can’t use the Book to return. There’s not a whole hell of a lot we can do.”

“Sure there is,” she said as she jerked the old journal in the air, shaking the water out of it. “We need to figure out how to use the Book like Leni did. Surely she can’t be the only one who can make it do whatever she made it do.”

I arched a brow. “She used it to get from place to place on Earth. That’s not going to help us.”

She returned my skeptical expression. “Who says? Maybe the Gate didn’t move like we thought it had that night, but Leni used the Book to open up a different portal. One to another world.”

I stared at Asia for a long moment, then out over the water while rubbing my brow ring. “She did have it with her,” I murmured. “I guess she could have triggered something …”

“Exactly,” Asia said, plopping down next to me. “We just have to figure out what.”

She handed the journal to me. The old, brown leather cover looked darker than usual from its dampness, except in parts of the image embossed on it—a weeping willow with a phoenix carved into the trunk that stood on a small island surrounded by water. That area that was supposed to be the water gave off a kind of glow, almost like that part of the leather had a different, smoother texture than the rest, although that wasn’t the case.

“Do you know what Leni did?” Asia asked when I’d failed to try anything.

“All I know is she put her finger on the phoenix, like this.” I pressed my finger against the bird in the trunk. Nothing happened. No smoke-like, colorful phoenix rose from the cover and surrounded us like it had when Leni had done the same thing. No sparks or ash or bright light. No transporting of Asia and me to a different place, let alone a different world.

“Hmph,” Asia said. “That obviously wasn’t
all
she did.”

“Then you figure it out,” I snapped, and I tossed the journal into her lap. “For all we know, it only works for Leni.”

“I don’t think so. She said she remembered making it for us—the Sacred Seven—right? Or, at least, those of us who’ve been around lately—you guys, us, and Rebethannah and Nathayden. We may not know what the Sacred Seven means, but why would she say that if only she could use it?”

I shook my head and lifted my shoulders in a half-assed shrug because I had no answer for her. The Book had always been a mystery to me. Leni was always the one figuring things out. But I supposed that didn’t mean she was the only one who
could
figure things out.

“Nathayden used it, right?” Asia continued, as though arguing with herself since I hadn’t given her anything. “He communicated with it. So that must mean the rest of us can use it.”

She lifted the Book up to her face and studied it closely. Her fingers trailed over the parts of the image. She pressed a tip to the phoenix, but still, nothing happened. She wiped her thumb over other parts of the cover. Then she scooped some sand on top of it.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I had a thought …” She rubbed the sand around the cover. Again, nothing happened. So she proceeded to push the entire book into the sand, face down.

“What the hell, Asia?”

“Remember how we told you we’d found the Book when Brock and I first met, too?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t have your previous story in it. You read ours from our last life—Jacey and Micah.”

“Right. And later, something happened with it. The Book did something, but I don’t know how. I was trying to recreate that.” She sighed when she pulled it out. “It’s not working, though.”

My stomach shriveled tighter than ever. “Do you think it’s ruined from soaking in the bay all this time?”

She gnawed on her bottom lip. “Let’s hope not. Maybe it needs to dry out first.”

“Yo, bitches,” Mat called from behind us.

Asia brushed the Book off before we both stood and turned to face the manor. He and Kel were headed out to us.

“The Guardians have decided,” Kel said as they still walked our way. While he was thick with muscle and kept his hair buzzed, his boyfriend was his complete opposite. Mat’s muscles were long and sinewy, keeping his body thinner though strong, and his dark hair flopped over his eyes and hung to his shoulders. He reminded me of the look of my band mates and me long ago, while Kel was closer to the post-accident, sick-of-bullies me.

“What do you mean?” I asked as they approached. “They’ve voted already?”

“How?” Asia asked.

Mat and Kel both shook their heads.

“There’s not going to be a vote,” Mat said, tossing the hair out of his eyes.

I stared at them for a long moment, realized they were serious, and pushed past them to stalk toward the manor. Yoshi, Tasha, Melinda, Uri, and some other “senior” Guardians met me at the big, wooden doors, with Asia, Mat, and Kel right behind me.

“What do you mean there’s not going to be a vote?” I demanded of them.

“The Guardians don’t need to vote,” Melinda said. “Word’s already passed around to all the Gates and everyone’s feelings are the same.”

Asia pushed past Mat and Kel to stand next to me.

“They can’t choose anyone’s soul over others,” Uri said. “They won’t choose Earth’s souls over yours or vice versa.”

I groaned. My hands flew to the back of my head, where they clasped as I paced a few times. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“Nice. How the hell did I get here?” I muttered. Barely more than a year ago I was modeling in France. Not exactly my cup of tea, but I’d trade anything to go back to that instead of where I was now: leader of some Sacred Seven bullshit that led this faction of people who were responsible for Earth’s souls. And now I had to make a choice that could destroy our world either way I decided. My agents and business managers had always talked about win-win situations. Well, I was in a lose-lose one, and had no fucking idea what to do.

“They’re not going to make you choose, either,” Melinda said.

I turned on her. “Someone’s got to!”

She shook her head. “Nope. The Guardians have unanimously agreed to fight.”

Asia inhaled sharply. “Seriously?”

Tasha gave her a smile—the type that was meant to be kind, not full of happiness. “Seriously.”

Yoshi shrugged and offered a smirk rather than a smile. “Sure. We’ll just put on double or triple the forces at each Gate, twenty-four seven. We can handle this.”

Mat let out a whoop.