The Stage (Phoenix Rising #1) (28 page)

“Why do you think he’s helping you, Mia? Does Kolton have feelings for you? Are the two of you having an affair?”

“No, of course not. Kolton’s like a big brother to me and Riley.”

“Mia, did Kolton Royce buy you an Audi A5?” I’m sure she’s seen the records or talked to the Audi dealership. I look to my publicist who nods.

“You, know. My parents’ cars were both burned up in the fire because it started in the garage. My parents only had liability insurance to cover them. We’d fallen on hard times when my dad lost his job and didn’t have a lot of insurance to cover that kind of stuff. So, I have a really junky car because I’d bought it myself when I was sixteen. Anyway, it was parked outside on the curb the night of the fire and didn’t get destroyed when everything else did. The other day, my tire was flattened, and I think he felt bad for me.”

“Who flattened your tire?” she asks. I look at Gina again.

She mouths,
It’s okay.

“I don’t actually know, but Kolton’s ex, Katharina Inez, confronted me at a show right before that. She said she’d figured out my identity and then my tire was flat.”

“Are you saying she did it?”

“No, I’m not. It could be a coincidence, but it scared me a lot.”

“I understand Kolton has added you, Deloris, and Riley to the restraining order he has against her.”

“I didn’t know that, actually,” I admit. “I trust him, though, to do the right thing.”

“But he bought you a fifty-thousand dollar car. Isn’t that proof that something’s going on between you two?”

“You have to understand. To him, that’s not a lot of money. I get the feeling he spends that much money anytime he wants. Still, I didn’t accept the car because, as you said, it’s too expensive and I can’t afford to pay him back. His feelings were hurt, but he understands. He hasn’t said another word about it.”

“Does he act jealous, Mia? Is that why you mentioned he hasn’t been happy about your refusal of the car?”

“Honestly, I think he didn’t understand until I refused it that it was a forward thing to do, or that it was inappropriate. He was trying to be nice because my car had been vandalized.” I ignore the jealousy comment. Answer the question how I want. Gina gives me a nod and a thumbs up.

“But why is he being so helpful? He hasn’t done this for any of the other contestants on his team.”

“I hate to admit this,” I say, giving the audience some suspense. “But the reason he’s helping us is because he knows what it’s like to lose both parents. How hard it is to be alone like that. He just wants me to have the same chance as everyone else.”

“So, you’re saying that you and Kolton Royce are
not
involved romantically.” I smile because I can nearly answer this truthfully. We’ve had some moments, but there’s nothing going on now.

“No. We’re not. The most important thing between a coach and a contestant, I think, is trust. He’s never severed that trust or crossed the line with me. He’s just a really nice guy with a big heart.”

“But how can you explain the difference in Kolton’s behavior? LA’s most active ladies’ man seems to be off the market.”

“Being on the show is a lot of work, and isn’t he recording another album, too? Maybe he’s too tired to be going out all the time. People can change, right?” Even as I say it, the question is more for me than it is for her or the audience. Has Kolton changed? Her words ‘off the market’ are ringing around in my subconscious.

“But why have you two been so secretive about the arrangement?”

“Because we knew it would be taken wrong. But, to be clear, the producers of the show have always known he hired Deloris to take care of Riley, and they’ve always known that he let us stay at his penthouse while he’s been staying elsewhere.”

“So, Mia, are you saying that nothing inappropriate is going on between you and Kolton Royce?”

“Not unless you call his kindness inappropriate,” I say. It’s not like I’m lying. I’m telling the partial truth.

“What are your feelings for the man, the rock star, one of the sexiest men alive?”

“I am deeply in his debt. I was very afraid about how I was going to compete when there was no one to take care of Riley. We survived the fire but it’s been so hard going on with our lives. This is our second chance. I’ll never forget the help that Kolton has given us. He’s asked for nothing in return, and we’ll always be grateful.”

She nods and smiles. She believes me?

“We’re still watching the taped shows. Can you tell us whether we can expect you on the live shows, too?”

“Aww, you know I’d tell you if I could.” I smile and wink.

“Thank you so much, Mia, for your honesty today. We, here at
Minute by Minute
wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you so much.” I smile again and we shake hands.

A few of the lights turn off and she leans in. “Is he good in bed?” she asks. “I’ve heard some things,” she winks.

“Denise! I told you. We’re just friends.” I get up and start to take off the mic clipped to my white shirt.

“Off the record, I swear.”

“Kolton and I have never slept together.” I look her dead in the eyes with a clear conscious. She studies me for a second. I notice the red light of the camera behind her head; it’s still filming.

“Gawd! You’re the only single woman he
hasn’t
slept with then. Why do you think that is?”

“He’s probably just not attracted to me like that.”

“You haven’t been watching the show, then.”

“What do you mean?” I ask. I’ve watched some of the shows, but not all of them.

“Pure chemistry. I mean, that’s the biggest thing people are talking about right now. Besides all the talent and the rivalries, the way he looks at you is a hot topic. You don’t notice it? It’s primal. It’s hot. He looks at you like all women want to be looked at someday.”

“Maybe I remind him of someone he used to love.”

“Who might that be,” she asks, her voice playful.

“His mother, who passed away when he was very young.” I take the little mic off of my top and shake her hand. As I walk away, I wonder if he’s going to be mad at me for saying that on camera. You can bet your ass she’s going to include it in the final version. It was just too intimate a thing for me to know about him.

But she threw me for a loop with that comment about him looking at me. This was a mistake. I walked in thinking I was saving both our asses. Now I realize, I’ve messed it up more that it was before.

Hover

T
he interview aired yesterday. I watched it, too, and I thought my responses were very believable. And, yes, the end of the interview when I was getting up to leave was edited into the final show. But it made me appear more candid than I did before. Especially since I was willing to be honest about why he might want to help me, especially that detail about Kolton and my connection and who I remind him of.

It makes sense, really. I wonder if people will think it’s weird that he compares me to his mother. I admit, it could seem icky. His feelings toward me reminding him of his mother, I think it brings him back to a time when he was loved. In that way, I remind him of safety, of comfort. And then, I’m not like the other girls.

He helps me because of what we have in common. It makes him human and me less of a target. I’m hoping that the other contestants, like Kimber, will stay off my back. Nothing’s happened to me since that drug was absorbed into my skin. Why would a drug dealer just give it away for free? I wonder if they had something to do with it.

Since the show aired, now that everyone knows about him helping me, Kolton and I are even more in danger of being caught if we went anywhere together or if he came here—although I haven’t seen him at all.

I hold onto the idea of an
us
during the darkest moments because it felt real, and I have to admit to myself that I wish it was.

*     *     *

“The way he looks at you is trending on Twitter under the hash-tag, #Koltonstare.” Gina says. “There’s even some pictures of him doing it online.” She picks up her laptop and hands it to me. He looks heated and, yes, primal. As I scroll through the slideshow, he’s scary intense in some. In other’s he’s smiling or looking on with admiration written in the creases of his forehead.

“Don’t read the comments,” she says so I hand it back to her without checking.

“I’ve been retweeting, and then posting comments as if I’m you on Facebook.”

“Is that okay?” I ask.

“Most stars have someone handle their social media for them,” she says. “But you can post if you’d like. I just ask that you let me approve them before you publish.”

“
I have grown sick of shadows
,” I say, reciting one of my favorite poems.

“I’m sorry?” Gina asks.

“It’s just, I realize how much this isolation and image stuff makes me feel like
The Lady of Shalott
,” I explain.
Kolton is my Lancelot
, I think, wanting to swoon. But then I remember that Lancelot’s affair with the queen is what led to the demise of the kingdom. Now I feel worse.

“It can feel isolating and like you’re locked in a tower, getting your knowledge of life from false sources.”

“You’ve read it?” I ask.

“I was an English major in college, but image is everything, Mia.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just so surreal. What do fans say about me?” I ask.

“The comments run the gamut. But the really negative ones where you’re called a slut and all that,” she says. “Those are just trolls.”

“Huh?” My imagination is going wild. I think I’m going nuts with all these comparisons to Tennyson’s poem and now I’m imagining trolls under the bridge talking shit about me.

“Trolls are people who post mean comments on purpose. Usually their profiles are fake and they bully people from behind their computer screens. Ignore them.”

“Oh, I know what trolls are. I was just thinking of something else.”

“The fans,” she says, “are loving that Kolton is changing and helping you for all the right reasons. It’s working as planned.”

But, yesterday, as the interview was ending, a promo for an interview with Katharina Inez still has my palms sweating. I keep playing it in my head. Katharina said, “Kolton and that girl Mia are lying. There’s definitely a relationship.”

“Do you believe their relationship is a physical one?” Denise Chung asked her, in that way that makes the question seem very important.

“No,” Katharina responded, rubbing her chin with the tips of her fingers. “But that doesn’t make it less wrong. What he’s doing with that girl is worse. He’s playing her emotions, making her think she’s the center of his world. Just like he did with me. And then that’s when he brings in the need for other women. She’ll never be enough for him. Never.”

The dramatic music and abrupt ending left me on edge to see what else she’ll say because it sounds partly true. Did he do that with her? Make her think she’s the center of his world and then demand more women?

Did he wait to sleep with her until she was ready to trust him fully? Did he let her fly his helicopter and show her his secret house? Did he look at her scars and call her a warrior and watch Dirty Dancing with her? Did he swear off all other women for months? Did he push her away even though they have crazy chemistry because she wasn’t ready?

Unless he’s done that, I’m calling her bluff.

It’s only that it’s a fear I have. She knows how to tap into it, pry open the little door to the loud voice inside me that reminds me I’m not enough, and I never will be. I decide then not to watch her interview. It will only make me feel worse about myself, and I need to move forward to the live shows, fearlessly.

That night after Gina leaves and I help Riley into her pajamas and tuck her in, I go upstairs and I turn on the TV. I flip through channels until I find an old film of Julia Child making an omelet. Her voice is fascinating, and I’m not super great at omelet making, so I lie back and watch.

She cooks one side of it, but when she picks up the pan to flip it to the other side, she hesitates and the egg folds. She says that what she’d just done wrong was to let fear get in her way. She conjures up some courage, stands straighter, and flips the omelet a second time, it’s perfect. Not because she’s lucky, but because she believed in herself.