The Stage (Phoenix Rising #1) (33 page)

I didn’t like being drugged but I kinda wish I could be, just a little, right now. Just enough to dull the stomach rumbling, hand shaking, nail polish chipping, starting to sweat behind my neck, soul-wrenching fear of the unknown.

The three of us are moved backstage for the performance. I watch the monitor and Kolton’s introduction. The lights are low and all we can see is his silhouette.

His voice comes through in the dark with stars sparkling behind him.

“Out of the ashes she rose.

Fire tried to take her voice—

Strong like lightening, soft like silk.

Bright like the light from the sun.”

His voice is to be savored. He’s putting his all into it: his body tensing up, his face contorting in that sexy way he does. He puts the mic on the stand, spreads his legs, and strums the guitar.

“She was born in fire

She makes me lighter

She was born in fire

She takes me higher

I’m stunned. It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful. The look of pain etched in his expression, and that the words come partly from the months we’ve been apart, but also because the wounds of the past I remind him of. The many ways he’s helped me feel joyous and true, like this all means something more than the sum of their parts. The lights come on behind him like wings, stretched out to reach the truth.

“Out of the ashes she rose.

Wings stretched. She’s on her toes

She showed me her scars

Love like the stars”

The beat is warm like hearts pounding together as one. And then it skips. Pop, pop, pop.

“Put your arms up,

Hands in my hair

So I can feel it when you stare

Those eyes, they’ve seen me now.”

He’s seen the real me. The one I hide with make-up and long boots. And I see him, too, the little boy who lost his parents. Who never knew love. Who wants me to love him, too.

I have chills.

“She was born in fire

She makes me lighter

She was born in fire

She takes me higher

My hand is on my heart as I walk up to the monitor and tune into him. When he looks into the camera, I see more than what the naked eye can see. It’s the kind of pain that lays dormant, coming out when you’re forced to change.

“You can pull back the layers

I can show you what I’ve never known

You can see what’s underneath

This is what I’ve never shown”

She was born in fire

She makes me lighter

She was born in fire

She takes me higher

When you gonna catch up

I feel it in my bones

This kinda love don’t stop

I’m ready to step it up.”

I’m pulled into our history. My history, and his, and how we came together. It’s nothing short of a miracle.
Step it up
, he said.

That’s what we’re going to do. And part of me doesn’t care if I’m kicked off the show because then I could let go of these dreams and just be. Not have to hold it together alone and hold in our feelings toward one another.

We were born in fire

This love I’ve never known

Don’t ask me to let go

He ends the song by holding the note, his voice soft like silk blowing in the wind. I’m breathing heavy, my whole body fluttering as fast as my heart. Tears are forming at the edges of my eyes. It’s like slow motion when he points into the camera and smiles. There’s sweat on his forehead and his hair is wild. He looks shy when he brings his hand back, proud of himself.

“We’ll be right back, ladies and gentlemen, for our live elimination. Who’ll it be?” Chuck Faraday says.

The PA stands us on our marks. The make-up lady dabs my face with powder and fixes my hair. I grab Jessie’s hand. “It won’t be you,” I say. “You did such a good job.”

“I hope it’s not you, either. I know I don’t talk to you much but I’m not like the rest of them. I’m just really focused.”

“I know, Jessie. I do.” I say. The lights come on and Chuck walks forward three steps. I put my head back because I feel car sick. I’m counting things—lights, cameras, people, people with rings on, people with hats.

I hear him talking but I don’t know what he’s saying. “…Semi Finals…votes counted…text votes…iTunes…counting toward totals…separated by five points…and the person not moving on to next week is…” The music speeds up, sounding like the tick-tock of broken dreams.

“Sam McDaniels.”

He didn’t say me? I look over at Sam, whose knees buckle for a second. Jessie hugs him; she was in the middle. Sam was nice to me once. That’s a weird thought right now. I hug him, too.

“Tune in next week when our coaches sing with their performers, and you get to choose the songs. See you next time. Until then, all the world’s a stage.”

I’ve reached a place where my emotions have been so hijacked that I’ve shut down. I’m numb. Distant. I walk toward stage left and into Riley’s little girl arms.

That’s when I break down. I’m sweating and spent and want to sleep. But I’d promised Kolton we’d go somewhere together, and I want to, but I need Riley right now just as much as she’s needed me in the past.

As Kolton walks by, he leans in and says, “I’ll meet you on the roof. Ten pm.” I turn around and he’s already walking away.

As I watch him, fully aware that anyone, including cameras, could have heard him say it. I wonder if we’re making a mistake. But, for once, I don’t give a shit.

Caught Up

R
iley is asleep as soon as her little blonde head hits the pillow. I wash off the stage make-up and apply some simple eyeliner and mascara, add some lip gloss. I brush the hair spray out of my hair and pack a small bag with a change of clothes and some essentials. I walk out and say goodbye to Deloris. She doesn’t say anything negative, but looks a little worried as I step out into the elevator. It’s a short trip up and, when the doors open, the slightly cool LA-in-December air hits my face.

I can hear the helicopter whipping around and when I step out, Kolton, dressed in dark jeans, a black T-shirt and hoodie is waiting at the top of the stairs. I close my eyes for a second. He’s gorgeous, standing there with his sleeves rolled up and his jeans low on his hips. He breaks out in full blown side grin and clenches his jaw as he takes in my short grey dress and tall boots.

He puts his hand out and I reciprocate, allowing him to help me up that one last step.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, tucking my hair behind my ear.

“I was thinking the same about you.” He sticks his bottom lip out and shakes his head like he’s making fun of me for saying that. But then he takes my hand in his and brings it to his lips. He looks into my eyes as he kisses the top of my hand, rubbing slow light circles with his thumb into my palm. The way he’s looking at me causes me to clench up inside and press my thighs together.

I resist the urge to shy away from him. “Come on, duck your head,” he says as he pulls my arm and we both duck our heads, running toward his helicopter. I have to hold my dress down as he leads me around to the passenger side and opens the back door. With my hair blowing around like a storm, he puts my bag in the back and helps me into the front passenger side.

I swing my leg over the cyclic in the middle, straddling it like last time. I have to tuck my dress down between my legs or I’m going to be showing more than I’d planned. When I look up, he’s smiling wickedly. “Put your headphones on,” he yells over the whipping sound of the blade.

I put them on as he’s running around the front. By the time his door is open, I’m snapping in the seatbelt.

I take a moment to watch him in his element. It’s so exciting to see how in command he is, checking the pedals, the controls, and pressing switches. I could watch him for hours; the intent look on his face, the creases in his forehead, the stubble on his chin. The way his jaw clenches when he’s busy. The muscles in his forearm as he takes the cyclic in his hand and begins to take off. All of it.

He’s talking gibberish with someone on the other end of the headset and then we start to climb. My heart skips and my stomach falls like a hammer. Flying is scary and exciting in the same breath. But I trust him to get me there in one piece.

I’m eager to find out where we’re going, but I’ll let the man keep a few secrets. We’re rising above the city and the cars, which look like red and white stripes in the dark.

I flip my head around when we don’t go toward his parents’ house and move straight out toward the ocean. “Whoa!” I say.

“Don’t ask, it’s a surprise.” When I turn to look at him, he’s beaming.

As we approach the night ocean, it’s pitch black and shiny. I study the ebb and flow of it for many minutes; the life force of all living things comes from right here. It’s so surreal. Putting all our troubles in perspective. From this perspective, all the drama in our lives feels so small.

Kolton is humming. His voice is a comfort in the night air above the black shiny ocean. When land finally comes into view, I’m trying to remember what the islands out here are called; although I’ve never been before, they’re pretty famous.

“That’s Twin Harbor,” he says, as we fly along in what feels like a glass bubble.

“Doesn’t sound familiar,” I tell him, a hint that I’m dying for him to tell me where we are.

“Catalina,” he says, as we fly into an area that dips inward more than the rest. “This is called Isthamus Cove.” It’s not heavily lit, so he turns on the lights under us. It illuminates all the water like a globe light and we fly over two small roads that don’t cross, but meet in the middle, and start to lower the helicopter to the right of a large house.

We hop slightly before coming to rest and I’m dying to find out what his plans are.

“Hey,” I say, smacking him on the arm as the rotor stops turning above us. “You didn’t offer to let me fly.”

“You’ve had the controls for long enough,” he says, and the way it comes out sounds like my bad boy is still there. But this time, I’m not intimidated. It feels like a promise, one that I might want to accept.

He comes around to my side and helps me out. “I wish I’d worn regular shoes,” I say.

“Don’t worry. There’s a path and I’ll help you if you get stuck.”

“Isn’t Catalina full of tourists?” I ask, worrying about us getting caught.

“Not this side. They usually stick to Avalon. This part is pretty remote. Plus, it’s winter. This is a summer island.”

“Okay,” I answer, trusting him. Trusting him. That’s huge. I’m
trusting
him!

“Let me get your bag,” he says, pulling it out. With his other hand, he grabs mine and starts walking with me toward the big Spanish style house.

“Where are we staying?” I ask nervously.

“It’s a surprise,” he says.

“I trust you, Kole,” I say, and he stops, turns to face me, and leans forward, letting me feel his warmth.

“Say it again,” he whispers, looking me in the eyes, the ocean sounds in the wind and the scent of the outdoors all around us.

“I trust you,” I repeat, smiling real and true. I put my hand up into his hair, and he sinks into it like a wounded animal that needs to be loved. I lean in close enough that I feel his breath on my face.

He kisses me then, slowly, like he’s worshiping my mouth. It feels better than I remembered. It seems like we were rushed those other times, but not tonight. I feel everything, pressing my body into his. He pulls away slightly and looks down at me.

“So, I take it you liked the song.” He laughs and pulls back slightly, his wet lips shining from my kisses.

“I like a lot of things you’ve done for me.” He takes one fingertip and runs it along my jaw line, making me shiver in the best way.

“Come on,” he says, grabbing my hand and leading me toward the house. We’re holding hands. In public, just like he wanted to. The moment doesn’t pass without me being grateful for it.

We walk up to the white house, and inside it says
The Banning House Lodge
on the wall behind the desk.

Kolton gets our keys and takes my hand again, leading outside. I’m wondering why we’re outside again when he takes me up some stairs toward a balcony with two chairs and a table. It’s a private room where no one will see us, or know we’re here. He opens the glass door and we set our bags down on the bed. He’s looking at me like a kid on Christmas morning, all full of hope and excitement.

“Ready?” he asks. I raise my eyebrows. “There’s more.” I nod and he takes my hand again, down the stairs, and onto a path made of white rocks that leads us toward a cove. It’s kind of a long walk in these boots, but I’m fueled by adrenaline. My skin tingling, my lungs full of ocean infused air.

I’m laughing as he jumps down the steps and we land on dirt. I take a moment to appreciate the feel of ocean breeze as it blows my hair around in circles. Kolton leads me out onto some sand and onto a long wooden dock.