The Stillness Of You (9 page)

I wanted
her for myself and to hell with whoever the fuck she’d come here
with. That thought made me frown and her forefinger trailed along
my jaw until she slid it between my lips.

I bit her,
lightly, and she arched an eyebrow, her hips and that sweet spot
between her legs pushing into me as she did so.

“
Where is
he?” I asked roughly, face flushed and tense at the thought of her
with someone else. Which was kind of ridiculous considering she
wasn’t exactly my girlfriend. I didn’t know what she was, but the
one thing that I was real clear on was that whatever this thing
between us was, it wasn’t neat and tidy, or casual.

“Who?”

I sucked
on her finger but didn’t smile when I heard her groan. There was
nothing smiling about me at the moment. I sucked harder and watched
her eyes widen, before I let her finger slip from my mouth.
“Sylvester the fucking cat.”

I knew in that
moment I sounded like a jealous teenager, but I didn’t give a shit.
She was the hottest thing in the entire place and the thought of
her looking like that for someone else drove me crazy.

She
didn’t say a word and I wished she’d answer because I was starting
to feel like an immature asshole. I was sixteen all over
again.

“Seamus?” she
asked lightly. “Are you jealous?”

“Fucking right
I am,” I answered without skipping a beat.

She
licked her lips and I settled her against me, one hand still on her
ass, the other at the back of her head. My erection was hard and
heavy and she felt it. I made sure of it.

She stared up
into my eyes as the music continued to fall over us. As the couple
next to us basically had sex, the guy’s hands up her shirt while
she grinded herself against his thigh.

Georgia’s
chest heaved and I knew she felt the same. I thought of her words
the day before, “
I feel you,”
and it felt like I was coming apart.

When had a girl
ever gotten me to feel like this?

Never.

Slowly she
reached for me and when her soft mouth slid across mine, I fucking
saw stars. No joke. I think if she wasn’t wrapped around me I would
have fallen to my knees, or passed out from sheer anticipation of
what would come next.

She nibbled her
way up to my ear and whispered, “I came with my friend Kendall, who
happens to own a vagina, so you don’t have to worry.” She did this
slow, torturous roll of her hips and I inhaled sharply because it
felt like my dick was going to explode.

“Ben,” she
said, a touch of rasp in her voice.

“Yeah,” I
managed.

“What about
Matt?”

“Fuck, Matt.
We’re not teenagers.”

She rubbed
herself against me one last time, like she was a cat, and it was
almost too much. “Ben,” she said again.

“Yeah.” I
pulled back so I could see her clearly.

Her hair looked
like long, silky strands of black ink and it was everywhere, her
mouth was wet and open and her eyes were direct.

“Take me home
so we can get naked.”

She didn’t have
to ask twice.

Georgia

We stumbled out
of Kachenga, Ben holding my hand as we walked toward his rental.
Thank God it was parked just a few blocks away because my legs were
trembling, and the only thing that was keeping me on my feet was
Ben—and the shot of adrenaline that was currently letting off
sparks everywhere.

My
thoughts wandered. They wandered to places that were delicious and
exhilarating and hot.

Naked. Me
naked with Ben. Ben naked with me. Over me. In me.

My mouth
watered at the thought and I tripped over my feet, but he caught me
and didn’t break stride.

We didn’t
speak on the way home. I think Ben mumbled something about the
temperature but I just nodded. It could have been as cold as the
Arctic inside his truck, but I was as hot as hell.

Everything inside me was tight and fragile and filled with
need. It had been so long since I’d been with anyone that I was
scared. Me, the girl who less than a year ago would fuck pretty
much anyone she wanted. Back then, I fucked just to
fuck.

This was
different—Ben was different—and that’s what scared me. It wasn’t
the fact that I’d only known him for less than a week, stuff like
that doesn’t bother me too much. I mean, I’d had more than a few
one night stands, but who hasn’t? I don’t judge.

But, back
then I’d been reckless with my body, A) because I felt above it
all, as if I could do anything without consequence. And B) I didn’t
form an emotional bond with anyone so sex was never about a
connection, it was about the moment. It was about getting off and
feeling alive...in that moment. It was never about what happened
after.

Seamus
told me it was because of my condition. That it was common for
people with bipolar to be, promiscuous, (a word I fucking hate.) I
didn’t consider myself to be promiscuous. I was a girl who liked to
have a good time, and I was a girl who liked to have a good time
without any strings.

End of
story.

I suppose I
could have been a little more selective and steered clear of Matt’s
boys. But in my defense, there was something insanely hot about
hockey players and at the time I was if anything, slightly
insane.

So for a while
there I was goodtime Georgia, however, I wasn’t dumb and I wasn’t
reckless with my safety. I’d never had sex without a condom. Ever.
And a few of the guys I’d been with? I’d made them double up
because they were whores.

STD’s are nasty
shit and the last thing I wanted was to own a defective vagina.
That and the fear of pregnancy kept my drawer filled with condoms.
I can’t even tell you how many girls I know had had abortions and
some more than once. I didn’t get it. It was easy to own your own
body these days and to be responsible for every part of it.

But this
thing with Ben was different and I was scared because I already
felt a connection to him and it was that connection that I craved.
What if Ben was just into the sex? Would I be able to handle that?
Would I be able to handle being the one left behind?

And why
the hell was I feeling like this about a guy I had just met? When
had that ever happened to me before? Answer?

Never.

I glanced
at him, and instantly my heart took off, running to a beat of want
and need and something else. I didn’t want to think too much about
the something else so I pushed everything aside and sent Kendall a
text.

I basically
told her that if she showed up at the loft I would have to kill
her.

Her
response:
u getting laid?

Mine:
hope 2

Hers:
Shit, Georgie I had the singer 4 me and
guitarist lined up 4 u

Mine:
you can have them both
.

Hers:
cool beans. ttyl
.

I cracked
a smile but it faded when we pulled up to Matt’s building and Ben
handed the keys over the garage attendant.
We walked inside, still no words between
us, and we waved to Eric who was the night guy on our way to the
elevators.

It felt
like a long ride up though I knew it was less than twenty seconds,
but my knees were knocking together so badly I’m sure a moron could
have tapped danced to the beat. My stomach rolled and damn, it was
hot. So, so, hot.

The
elevator slid to a halt and Ben grabbed my hand, yanking me after
him as if we were late to an important meeting….or sex romp. He had
the spare key Matt had given him in the door before I could even
grope for mine in my purse.

And then we
were inside and there was nothing to stop us from doing exactly
what it is we both wanted to do.

My mouth was
dry and I briefly thought that maybe I should have popped a breath
mint, but there was no time because the thought had barely formed
when Ben turned, his arms on either side of me, caging me against
the wall.

Holy fuck
and mother of Christ, but he looked hot.

His hair
waved around the collar of his white button down shirt and it was
all I could do not to bury my hands in the thick mess and bring his
mouth down to mine. His dark chocolate eyes were hooded, and that
amazing mouth of his was open, his breaths almost labored as he
stared down at me.

For the
longest time it seemed we just stared at each other and I jumped
when he trailed a finger along my jaw and then slowly traced the
shape of my mouth. He wore cologne, a subtle earthy scent that was
just right.

And did I say
how hot he looked?

I leaned
my cheek into the palm of his hand and thought that right now, in
this moment, my life was changing. Something was happening and
whether it was going to be good or complicated or bad I didn’t
know, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let any of that stop
me.

Since my
release from Oak Run I’d felt half alive, as if there was something
missing. I knew it was the crazy part and I also knew that it was
for the best, but still, there were times when I missed the highs,
though the lows…not so much.

And
sadly, I’d given up hope that I could ever feel this way again.
Excited. Terrified. Horny. Sexy. I thought that maybe the drugs I
needed to control my condition coated everything in a dull,
ordinary palette. It’s why I hadn’t been able to paint anything
interesting. And for someone like me, a young woman still on the
cusp of discovery, that was a shitty thought.

But now…now Ben
was here and I was alive again.

“You’re driving
me crazy, you know that right?” Ben whispered hoarsely.

“Sorry.”

His
finger continued to tease, slowly moving back and forth across my
bottom lip. “Don’t say you’re sorry.” His voice was husky.
“
Show
me you’re
sorry.”

He dipped
his head and nuzzled my neck causing all sorts of electric shocks
to go off inside me. God, it felt like I was coming apart and the
throb between my legs was intense. So intense that I began to
slowly move my hips against him, whimpering and moaning at the feel
of him.

His mouth
found mine, his lips firm as he opened over me. He slowly leaned
into me as we kissed. And holy shit what a kiss. I tasted beer and
mint and Ben. It was a heady combination and every time his tongue
slid inside my mouth, some new part of me liquefied. He suckled on
my bottom lip and I could do nothing but gaze up into his eyes,
little sounds of need burgeoning from the back of my
throat.

He pulled away,
his breathing rough. “I fucking love that.”

“What?” I
managed.

“
That
noise you make. It’s driving me insane.”

God, I thought,
I’m already there.

Ben
leaned back a bit, his gaze moving down my body, a slow, sensual
perusal that had my nipples standing erect and shouting hello
before he even got there. As if reading my mind he bent forward,
and then his hot mouth closed over my nipple, the heat penetrating
through the fabric of my dress instantly and I sagged into
him.

“Oh, Ben.” I
whimpered.

My hands
fell to his shoulders for support and when he cupped my butt and
pulled me against his erection I might have screamed. Or moaned.
God I hope I moaned because a scream was a little much. But there
you have it. That’s how worked up I was.

His hands
were slowly inching my skirt up and then I felt his open palm on my
butt cheek gently coaxing me up. I let him. I let him lift me and I
wrapped my legs around his waist as if he was my savior. By this
time my dress sat above my hips and he had full access to
everything below it.

And boy
did he let his hands wander. They slid over my hips and caressed my
cheeks, sending little sparks of desire along my skin.

His mouth
caught mine again, our lips meshing with need... urgent, hot need.
I wanted him so badly that all coherent thought fled. And as his
hands slowly kneaded the small of my back and made their way down
to my ass, every touch of his fingers and stroke of his tongue had
me in flames.

His
mouth. His hands. The combination was nearly more than I could
take.

We kissed
for so long that my head spun and when his mouth finally left mine,
I shuddered against him because he immediately sought out the small
dip in my neck. We stumbled back into the wall and his hands became
more urgent, his large palms full of me as he grinded his erection
into my crotch.