The Stillness Of You (12 page)

“
Awesome.
Now you have Joe watching out for me? Calling you because you don’t
trust your fucked up baby sister?”

“
No, I
had Joe let me know when you came home because I screwed up and I’m
sorry, and I was worried about you. I needed to see you,
Georgia.”

All my
anger deflated at the look in his eyes. My shoulders slumped
forward and it took a lot to keep from crying.

“
It’s not
fair,” I said shakily. “I don’t want to be like this…like her, and
it’s not fair.”

“I know.”

For a
moment there was silence, each of us lost in our thoughts…our
memories. “Nothing happened,” I said eventually. “Between Ben and
I.” God, the ache was awful. “A lot of guys would have left when I
put the brakes on, but he stayed and we slept together, but nothing
happened.”

“I know.”

“I suppose Ben
thinks I’m a freak.”

Matt
moved toward me and I inched to the left so that there was room for
him to slide in beside me. His arms went around my shoulders and I
turned to him, shuddering and wheezing as the tightness in my chest
moved up to my throat, scrubbing at my face as a tear escaped and
slid down my cheek.

“I’m pretty
sure he doesn’t think that.”

“
Did you
tell him?” I asked hesitantly, dreading his answer. Did Ben know
how truly defective I was?

“
No.
That’s your deal and you can tell him when you’re
ready.”

I heaved
a sigh and shifted, my eyes on the floor. “Well, since I doubt I’ll
be seeing him anytime soon, I guess I dodged that
bullet.”

“He wants to
see you, G.”

I turned
to Matt in disbelief. “I find that hard to believe, but even if
it’s true, you’re okay with that?”

Matt held
my gaze. “You’re better now, Georgia, and I’ve got to trust that
you’re going to make good decisions. Seamus is helping and you’re
taking your meds. You’re not a kid and if Ben Lancaster is
important to you, I’m not going to stand in the way.”

What the
hell?

“
Last
week you told him that I was messed up. That I would mess him
up.”

“Last week I
was an asshole.”

“You got that
right.”

He
smiled, a sad sort of smile that tugged at my heart. He squeezed my
shoulder gently. “I’m proud of you, G. You faced a monster and
you’re dealing and I’m just…I’m just grateful we caught it in time.
I’m grateful that you’re strong enough. I’m grateful that you’re
here.”

Another
tear slid from my eye and he wiped it away. “You’re not Mom. I get
that now. She never accepted what needed to be fixed but you have,
and you deserve to be happy.”

I still wasn’t
sure what was happening.

“You just…” he
said softly.

“Just
what?”

“You need to be
honest with him about how you are…how you were, so he knows what
he’s getting into.”

That was
the surest way to send him running. What twenty-four year old guy
with the world at his feet was going to want to deal with me and my
problems? I exhaled and glanced up at the ceiling. “He doesn’t want
to see me anyway, so you don’t have to worry that I’ll screw up
your golden boy. I haven’t heard anything from him since I
left.”

“I have.”

A small
glimmer of hope erupted inside me. It flushed hot and wove through
my body, tingling where it touched. I squirmed and raised my
eyebrows. “What are you saying?”

Matt
grinned. “Look. He was pissed when he came back from his run and
you were gone. Pissed, and then worried, and then he made it clear
to me that he was going to continue to see you if it’s what you
wanted. He’s not a pussy that’s for sure and I could tell that he
was really into you. I could tell that he meant what he
said.”

I took
his words and held them close, letting them resonate inside me for
a moment. One blinding, happy, euphoric moment. And then it
passed.

“He may have
been into me for a few days but he never called or texted
once.”

“
That’s
because he’s waiting for you to come to him. He wanted to give you
some space and I gotta say, that’s pretty big of him. It’s up to
you, G, but if you want to see Ben he’s out at his new place. Got
the keys yesterday.”

Matt gave
me a hug before sliding off the bed. “I’m meeting some guys at
O’Reilly’s later, so if you want to borrow my wheels, feel
free.”

He tossed his
keys onto my dresser and left.

I stared at
them for so long my vision began to blur and with a groan I rolled
onto the bed, fingering the edge of my pillow as my eyes drifted
toward the sunlight streaming in from the window.

I wanted
Ben. I wanted him badly.

But was I
brave enough? Strong enough?

After a
few moments I rolled back over and got to my feet, taking the three
steps it took to bring me to my dresser. I scooped the keys into my
hands and held my breath, and then something broke apart inside me,
like a little valve had just released. I exhaled
nervously.

I guess I was
going to find out.

Ben

I heard the
doorbell from my perch in the back yard just as I cracked open a
cold beer. I was hot, thirsty as hell, and had just doffed my dirty
T-shirt when my sister Eden poked her head outside.

I had
gone home to Canada for a few days and she’d come back with me. She
was supposedly ‘helping’ me get settled but we both knew that was
bull. She’d just ended a pretty shitty relationship—a guy she had
lived with since college, a guy who had fucked around on her more
than once—and was feeling blue. I had offered her a distraction and
she’d taken it.

“
Pizza?”
I said, taking another swig. I’d worked my ass off trying to get
the yard cleaned up—cutting back the weeds, running the new riding
lawnmower around like a hillbilly—while she’d sunbathed on the
deck. I had a landscaping crew coming out in a few days to do the
real heavy work, but I couldn’t stand to look at the mess until
then.

Besides,
I needed an outlet for all the nervous energy that had been
building inside me for days. Ever since that morning with
Georgia.

Eden
shook her head. “No, sorry I forgot to call our order
in.”

Her brow
furrowed and she stepped out onto the deck. She wore a skimpy black
bikini top and a pair of old, worn jean shorts. Her long dark hair
was tied loosely on top of her head, her brown eyes direct as she
looked at me.

“
What?” I
took another swig of my beer but her words stopped me
cold.

“
There
was a girl at the door but she left before I got a chance to tell
her you were out back. She looked a little upset and she seemed
real surprised to see me.”

My heart
took off and I jumped from low slung bench near the
barbecue.
Georgia.
It had to be her.

Shit.

“Who is
she?”

I hopped
the railing, ignoring Eden’s question, and ran around the house
hoping like hell she hadn’t left yet. I rounded the corner and
caught sight of Matt’s car as she tried to maneuver it around my
truck.

The
relief I felt was short lived because she’d just managed a three
point turn and was about to take off. With a burst of speed I shot
forward, jumping in front of her, a grin on my face, my hands
outstretched as she slammed on the brakes, the bumper missing me by
an inch.

She could
have knocked me down but I would have been right back up and in her
face. Now that she was here I wasn’t letting her go
anywhere.

I’d been
thinking about this girl every single minute of every single day
for the past week and to see her so close, to be in her space,
filled me with something I wasn’t going to even guess at. But it
was good, whatever this was…hell yeah, it was good.

I’d
decided the day before to give Georgia until tonight before I made
a move to get in touch with her. I wanted to respect that Georgia
needed some time and space, but on the other hand, I was so hot for
her that I found it hard to concentrate on anything. Hell, I’d
played the shittiest round of golf ever, because I couldn’t get her
of my mind. And considering it was in my own charity golf
tournament, well you can imagine the ribbing I took.

But it
was all good now. She was here. Right here in front of
me.

For
several long moments we stared at each other and when I was sure
she wasn’t going to pull away, I advanced, watching her eyes follow
me until I stopped beside her window.

Slowly it
slid down and I bent over, leaning my elbows on the lip of the
window, my gaze taking in the face that had starred in more porn
star fantasies than I would ever share. Those eyes. That hair. That
mouth.

I was
tight, my muscles bunched, my heart beating way too fast. But even
more pressing, I ached to touch her. To reach forward and claim
that mouth and to taste her again. When the hell had I ever felt
like this over a girl?

She cleared her
throat and tapped the steering wheel with her fingers. A blue
halter dress left her shoulders and most of her legs bare, and my
mouth went dry as my eyes took a trip down her body. When they
traveled back up, goose bumps rolled across my skin as we made eye
contact.

“Hey,” I said
softly, drinking her in, in one long gulp.

She jerked her
head, a quick little nod, but didn’t say anything, her expression
shuttered, closed…and if I didn’t know any better I would say just
a tad bit jealous.

My grin widened
and a scowl touched her mouth.

“
What’s
so funny?” she asked sharply.

There
were no questions, no nice, safe conversation. There were her dark,
furled brows, her steadily tapping fingers and her green-eyed
jealousy.

“Are you going
to turn off the engine and get out of this car?”

“Nope.”

“
Huh.” I
leaned an inch or so closer. Holy hell the smell of summer caught
me hard and my gut clenched as I let the scent waft over me. In me.
Through me.

“So you came
all the way out here to ring my doorbell and then leave without
even saying hi?”

She licked her
lips, that soft pink tongue mesmerizing as it swiped along her
bottom lip.

“Ben, I don’t
know what I was doing coming out here, but obviously you’re busy
and I don’t want to interrupt.”

“
Busy?”
My grin was goofy. Oh, this girl was so jealous and I fucking loved
it. It meant that she cared. It meant that she’d made it through
whatever it was she’d needed to work out. She’d come for me and
that was enough.

Her face was
less than two inches from mine and my gaze roved over her features
hungrily as she arched a delicate eyebrow. “The girl?”

“The girl.” I
repeated cheekily.

Her eyes
flashed and her nose pinched in that delicate way that drove me
crazy. “The girl in your house? The one who’s half
dressed?”

I leaned
all the way inside, taking her by surprise, my mouth seeking hers
before she had a chance to move away. For a moment there was a
slight hesitation and then I felt her surrender. Her lips parted
and I slipped inside, my tongue tasting, licking and taking from
her as my hand crept into her hair so that she couldn’t
move.

It was a
long, slow kiss, one that delved deep and had us both panting
heavily when I finally pulled away. I had to take a moment and
catch my breath. “That girl,” I said huskily, “is my sister,
Eden.”

Her eyes
widened and I traced the line of her brow with my thumb, before
caressing the corner of that mouth that was driving me insane.
“Oh,” she said softly.

I pushed away
from the car, liking the way her gaze swept over my bare chest,
before settling onto the steering wheel—the one that her hands
gripped so tight, her knuckles were white.

“
So are
you going to park this thing and come inside?” I paused and then
whispered. “I missed you, Georgia.”

She
exhaled—a long, shuddering sort of breath and then cleared her
throat. “Okay,” she said simply, and I moved away as she reversed
her car once again and slipped it beside my truck.

As soon
as she was out of the car, I had her in my arms, hugging her close
just so that I could feel her again. Every single inch of her
pressed up against me. I groaned and sank my nose into her neck,
chuckling when she shuddered.

I
couldn’t help myself and my hands danced along her spine, slowly
moving over her hips until I cupped her ass and just held her. I
held her for a long time and the only sound in my ear was her short
staccato breaths, and the rush of blood in my ears.

I was
hard, Christ was I hard, and she knew it, and there was something
insanely sexy about that. About the way she slowly moved her hips
and that damn noise that sat in the back of her throat. The one
that sounded like need. And want. And desire.

I didn’t
know what the week of silence was all about and I didn’t care. All
I knew was that she was here, and I was happy that she was here and
I was suddenly wishing we were alone. If Eden wasn’t in the house I
would have pulled her inside and had her naked before she had a
chance to say Geronimo.