the STRUGGLE (18 page)

“Why not?”

“I just don’t, that’s all.” Hannah hurried across the room and opened the bottom dresser drawer. “I have a Christmas present for you, too,” she said, handing him a box wrapped in white tissue paper.

Timothy took a seat on the bed and opened the gift. He was a little hurt that Hannah didn’t want to use the bird feeder right away, but he hid his feelings, not wanting anything to ruin the day. Inside the package he found a pale blue shirt and a pair of black suspenders.

“Danki,” he said. “These are both items I can surely use.”

Excited voices coming from outside drew Timothy back over to the window. “Looks like Esther just arrived, so Samuel will soon present his kinner with the new pony he bought them for Christmas,” he said. “Let’s get Mindy up and go outside and join them.”

“You go ahead,” Hannah said. “Mindy needs her sleep. Besides, I don’t want her getting all excited over the pony. She might think she should have one, too.”

“In a few years, maybe we ought to get her one,” Timothy said.

Hannah shook her head vigorously. “Ponies are a lot of work, and I don’t want our daughter thinking she can take a pony cart out on the road. That would be too dangerous.” She frowned. “If you want my opinion, Samuel shouldn’t be giving his kinner a pony, either. They’re all too young and irresponsible.”

“What Samuel does for his kinner is none of our business, and since Mindy’s too young for a pony right now, there’s no point in talking about this anymore.” Timothy turned toward the bedroom door. “You can stay here if you want to, but I’m going outside to see the look of joy on my nieces’ and nephews’ faces when they see that new pony for the first time.” Timothy hurried out the door.

Arguing with Hannah was not a good way to begin the day—especially when it was Christmas. But he wasn’t going to let her ruin his good mood. Why couldn’t things stay positive between them, the way they had been when he’d given her the bird feeder? Would they ever see eye to eye on anything that concerned raising Mindy? Was he foolish to hope that at least Christmas would be a tension-free day?

Allen sat at his kitchen table drinking coffee and stewing over what Bonnie’s dad had told him last night. Now he wasn’t sure what to do. Should he go over to Bonnie’s for dinner this afternoon or call her and say he’d decided to stay home? He could probably use the weather as an excuse. The roads had been terrible last night, and from the looks of the weather outside, they most likely weren’t any better today. Besides, with it being Christmas, the state and county road workers were probably stretched pretty thin, with only a skeleton crew filling in on the holiday. But blaming the weather for his absence would be the coward’s way out, and running from a problem wasn’t how he handled things. Of course, he’d never asked a woman to marry him, only to find out from her father that she’d given birth to a baby and given it up for adoption. It might not have been such a shock if Bonnie had told him herself. But the fact that she’d kept it from him made Allen feel as if she didn’t love or trust him enough to share her past. Was she afraid he would judge her? Did she think he would condemn her for something that had taken place when she was young and impressionable?

How do I really feel about the fact that the woman I love had a baby out of wedlock?
Allen set his cup down and made little circles across his forehead with his fingers, hoping to stave off another headache.
Is that what really bothers me, or is it the fact that she didn’t tell me about the baby? If we’d gotten married, would she ever have told me the truth? Do I really want to marry her now?
There were so many questions, yet no answers would come.

Allen sat for several minutes thinking, praying, and meditating on things. The words of Matthew 6:14 popped into his head:
“If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

He groaned.
I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve done things I shouldn’t have in the past. It’s not my place to judge Bonnie or anyone else. The least I can do is give her a call and talk about this—let her explain why she didn’t tell me about the baby
.

Allen was about to reach for the phone, when the lights flickered and then went out. “Oh great, now the power’s down. Someone must have hit a pole, or it’s due to the weather. Guess I’ll have to use my cell phone.”

Allen went to the counter where he usually placed the cell phone to be charged and discovered that it wasn’t there. “Now what’d I do with the stupid thing?” he mumbled.

He checked each room, looking in all the usual places. He also searched the jacket he’d worn last night, but there was no sign of his cell phone.

Maybe I left it at Bonnie’s
, he thought.
If I could use the phone and call her, I could find out. Guess I’d better drive over there now and hope she has power at her place, because if I stay here with no heat and no way to cook anything, I’ll not only be cold, but hungry besides
.

Allen grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. When he stepped into his truck and tried to start it, he got no response. Either he’d left the lights on last night, or the cold weather had zapped the battery, because it was dead.

“This day just keeps getting better and better. That settles that,” he muttered as he tromped through the snow and back to the house. “Looks like I’ll be spending my Christmas alone in a cold, dark house and nothing will be resolved with Bonnie today.”

C
HAPTER
22

T
hat’s a mighty cute pony Samuel bought for the kinner, isn’t it?” Fannie said as she, Hannah, and Esther worked in the kitchen to get dinner ready.

“Jah, it certainly is.” Esther smiled. “And I think the name Shadow is perfect for the pony, because it sure likes to follow the kinner around.”

“Looks like they all took to the pony rather quickly, too,” Fannie added.

Hannah rolled her eyes. “If you ask me, Samuel’s kinner are too young for a pony. They can barely take care of their dog.”

“They’re not too young,” Fannie said with a shake of her head. “Marla and Leon are plenty old enough to take care of the pony.”

“I agree with Fannie,” Esther said, reaching for a bowl to put the potatoes in. “Having a pony to care for will teach the children responsibility.”

Hannah made no comment. Obviously her opinion didn’t matter to either of these women. She picked up a stack of plates and was about to take them to the dining room when Esther said to Fannie, “When Suzanne and Titus were here last night, she mentioned that she’s been feeling sick to her stomach for the last several weeks. I was wondering if she said anything to you about that.”

“No, but it sounds like she might be expecting my next
kinskind
.” Fannie grinned. “And if that’s the case, I think it would be wunderbaar, because Abraham and I would surely welcome a new grandchild.”

Hannah swallowed hard. She couldn’t help but feel a bit envious—not only because she wanted to have another baby and hadn’t been able to get pregnant again, but because she saw a closeness developing between Esther and Fannie.

It’s not right that Fannie’s nicer to Esther than she is to me. I’m her daughter-in-law, after all. Esther isn’t even part of this family yet
. Hannah wished, yet again, that her parents could have been here for Christmas. It would help so much if she and Mom could sit down and have a good long talk. Hannah’s mother had always been there for her and would surely understand how she felt about things.

Trisha yawned, stretched, and pulled the covers aside. She couldn’t remember when she’d slept so well. “Oh my, it’s so late,” she murmured after looking at her watch and realizing it was almost noon.

She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, just as her cell phone rang. “Hello,” she said, suppressing a yawn.

“Trisha, this is Carla.”

“It’s good to hear from you! Merry Christmas.”

“I wish it was a merry Christmas. Jason and I just received some bad news.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What’s wrong?”

“Jason’s mother was taken to the hospital this morning, so we’ll be heading to Ohio right away.”

“That’s too bad. I hope it’s nothing serious.”

“They think she had a stroke.”

“I’ll be praying for her, and for you and Jason as you travel.”

“Thanks, we appreciate that.” There was a pause. “I’m sorry we won’t be here to have Christmas dinner with you.”

“That’s okay. I understand. Now be safe, and I’ll talk to you again soon.”

When Trisha hung up, she hurried to take a shower and get dressed. She probably should have checked out by now and might even be holding things up for the owner of the bed-and-breakfast if she had Christmas plans, which she probably did. Most everyone had plans for Christmas—everyone but her, that is.

Maybe I should have stayed in Fresno instead of taking off on this trip
, she thought.
At least there I could have spent Christmas with Margo and Shirley. Well, it’s too late to cry about that now. I’m not in Fresno, and I need to get back on the road. With any luck, I may be able to find a restaurant in Hopkinsville that’s open on Christmas Day. That is, if I can even find Hopkinsville
.

Trisha picked up her suitcase and went downstairs, where a tantalizing aroma drew her into the kitchen.

“I apologize for sleeping so late,” she said to Bonnie, who stood in front of the oven, checking on a luscious-looking turkey. “I was snuggled down under that quilt, feeling so toasty and warm, and I didn’t want to wake up.”

Bonnie closed the oven door, turned to Trisha, and smiled. “That’s okay. I’m glad you slept well. I figured you must be tired after your drive here last night. I know from experience that driving in such bad conditions can really exhaust a person, especially when they are unfamiliar with the roads.” She motioned to a tray of cinnamon rolls on the counter. “Would you like a cup of coffee and some of those?”

Trisha’s mouth watered. “That sounds so good. I’ll just eat one and be on my way.”

“Do you have any plans for today?” Bonnie asked.

“Not anymore.” Trisha told Bonnie about the call she’d had from Carla. “So, if you’ll be kind enough to tell me how to get to Hopkinsville, I’ll see if any restaurants are open there. After I eat, I’ll probably head on down the road.”

“I doubt that any restaurants will be open today. And if you did find a restaurant, what fun would it be to eat alone?”

“It’s never fun to eat alone,” Trisha admitted, “but I’ve gotten used to it since my husband passed away.”

“Why don’t you stay here and join me and my dad for Christmas dinner?” Bonnie offered.

“It’s kind of you to offer, but I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition. There’s plenty of food, and if you’d like to spend another night here, that’s fine, too.”

“Really? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks, I think I’ll take you up on that.” Truth was, this charming B&B had captivated Trisha—not to mention that it would be much nicer to have a home-cooked meal in the company of Bonnie and her dad than to sit alone in some restaurant to eat.

Trisha glanced around the room. “Is there anything I can do to help you with dinner?”

“I appreciate the offer, but there’s nothing that needs to be done until closer to dinnertime. So why don’t you just relax for now?”

“Maybe I’ll take my coffee and cinnamon roll upstairs. I really should call a few of my friends from California and wish them a merry Christmas.”