The Sweet Gum Tree (35 page)

Not once during that week did I see or hear from Nick, although I jumped every time the phone rang. Daniel still came to work each afternoon, but I made it a point to keep my distance from him. He looked so much like Nick that it was painful for me. If he found my behavior strange, he didn’t show it.

Thursday morning I took the Chevy to the farm, parked it under the shed, and climbed into Jenna’s Lincoln. We drove to Jonesboro, and when we came back I was driving a brand new, bright red Isuzu Trooper, a vehicle about as unlike the Chevy as I could find.

It was late that evening when my doorbell rang. I wasn’t surprised. Cody had stopped by for a few minutes almost every night. I knew he still felt guilty about leaving me alone at the store that night, even though we were both very careful not to mention the incident again. I think he believed I’d go into screaming fits if he said anything, and being male, he was pretty helpless around crying women, sheriff or not.

I put the last dirty dish in the dishwasher, and went to answer the door. To my surprise, it wasn’t Cody, it was Hugh.

“Hi.”

“Hello.” Puzzled, I simply stood there, frowning.

He shifted his weight from his right foot to his left. “Mind if I come in for a while?” 195

Katherine Allred

Well, why not? This entire week had a surreal quality about it. Finding Hugh on my doorstep was just the latest in a long string of weirdness. I pushed the door open and led the way to the kitchen.

“Tea? I just made a fresh pitcher.”

“That would be great.”

I dumped some ice into glasses, poured the tea, and carried it to the table.

Hugh took it, staring at it like he’d never seen tea before. “I guess you’re wondering why I’m here.”

“It did cross my mind.” I took a sip from my glass.

“Would you believe I miss you?”

“Sure you do. Like a plague victim misses the rat that carried the fleas.” He looked up, smiling. “You weren’t that bad.”

“Well, that’s certainly a load off
my
mind.” His smile dimmed. “I really do miss you, Alix. In spite of everything I did to hurt you, I loved you. Part of me always will.”

“Just not the right way,” I said quietly.

“No, not the right way.” His gaze shifted down again. “Being with you was like being married to my sister.”

I reached across the table and took his hand. “Hugh, it wasn’t your fault any more than it was mine. We were too young when we got married, and we did it for all the wrong reasons. It’s a miracle we stayed together as long as we did. And if it’s any consolation, you really weren’t that bad either.”

“Not even in bed?” He laughed at the expression on my face, and I returned his grin.

“Well, let’s just say it’s hard to start a fire when all you have to work with are two broken sticks. I don’t think either of us put our heart into the effort.”

“Maybe if we’d tried harder…”

I released his hand and leaned back. “No. It still wouldn’t have worked. We both loved someone else.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“So, how’s it going with Jenna?”

He grimaced. “It’s not. She won’t talk to me anymore. I haven’t seen her since that night at the roadhouse. I wish I knew what she wanted.”

“That’s easy enough,” I said softly. “What she wants is someone who’ll be proud of her, someone who puts her first.”

With a sigh, he lifted a hand to rub his eyes. “I’ve been a real asshole, haven’t I? To you and her both.”

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“We’re only human, and we all make mistakes. I’ve made some real dillies so don’t think you’ve cornered the market.”

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

“You’ll have to ask her that.”

“What about you?” His gaze met mine. “If it’s not too late, I’d like to have my friend back.”

Tears filled my eyes and I could barely answer him. “You’ve got her.” We hugged for a long moment before Hugh gave a shaky laugh. “I better get out of here before they reopen the betting pool at the barbershop.” I released him, took a step back and wiped my eyes. “Who won the first one?”

“Mooney Orr.”

My mouth dropped open. “The slimy little shit who beat me up in fourth grade?” He grinned. “That would be the one. He said after Nick broke his nose and knocked out two of his teeth defending you, he knew you and I didn’t stand a chance.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

When we reached the front door, he paused and looked down at me. “Can I call you some time, just to talk?”

I smiled. “You can call me any time.”

“Thank you.” He dropped a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you later.” He was whistling as he went down the sidewalk and I hoped he was on his way to see Jenna. In spite of all we’d been through, or maybe because of it, I knew what a nice guy Hugh could be.

The next day, Friday, went pretty much like the rest of the week had gone. I drifted through it in a semi-daze, opening new accounts for several customers, doing what little paperwork Aunt Jane left me, and generally feeling useless. I even ordered more of those blasted birdbaths just to stay busy.

It was something of a relief when everyone went home that evening, leaving me to gather the receipts and lock up. I piddled for a while, delaying my departure, but there really wasn’t much reason to be there. I thought briefly about taking my Trooper for a long drive, but I wasn’t in the mood for that either.

In the end, I stopped at the store to pick up some groceries and headed home, knowing tonight would be no different than any other in the last week. I’d watch some boring show on TV until I could barely hold my eyes open, then go to bed and stare at the dark ceiling for the rest of the night, thinking about Nick.

What I didn’t expect was to find Daniel sitting on my front porch waiting for me.

I parked the Trooper, got out my bags, and was halfway across the yard before I saw him. Suddenly, my heart was lodged in my throat and my pulse was hammering until I could barely breathe. I realized I’d come to an abrupt halt and forced my awkward feet to move forward until I was standing at the bottom of the steps.

197

Katherine Allred

“Daniel?”

When he glanced up, he looked as haggard as I’d been feeling.

“Daniel, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Dad.” His throat moved as he swallowed, and fear shot through me.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong!” He sounded so desperate that I closed my eyes for a second against the pain.

“Come inside. We can talk there.”

Taking one of the bags from my arms, he followed me to the kitchen. I gestured toward a chair. “Sit down.”

He slumped onto a chair and I took the one next to him, the groceries forgotten in my worry. “Tell me,” I said quietly.

“I think he’s trying to kill himself.”

“What?” The words hit me like a fist, sent me reeling dizzily, and I knew the blood had drained from my face.

“I don’t mean he’s got a gun or anything like that, but I don’t know what else to call it. He stays locked up in the house all the time, and he won’t let Bowie work on the garage or the house. He won’t eat, or shave, or anything. He just sits there. We’ve tried to talk to him, to find out what’s wrong, but he doesn’t listen and he won’t answer. And I know he’s not sleeping because I hear him walking around at night after he gets home.

I’ve never seen him like this before.”

I was shaking so hard it was a miracle I didn’t fall off the chair. “Wait, I thought you said he stays home all the time?”

“During the day he does. But every evening for the last two weeks, he leaves at the same time and doesn’t come home until after dark. We didn’t know where he was going until yesterday.”

A feeling of dread swept over me. I didn’t want to ask the next question, but I had to know. “What happened yesterday?”

Daniel looked up, his gray eyes, so much like Nick’s, meeting mine. “I followed him. He went to that cemetery near the Baptist church. Do you think that’s where his father is buried?”

“Oh, God.” I covered my face with my hands. “No. No, it’s not where his father’s buried.” It was where our daughter was buried.

“Alix, you’ve got to help him. He’s been in love with you forever. We all know it. If anyone can get through to him, it’s you.” His voice dropped to a scared whisper. “If you don’t, he’s going to die. I don’t know what else to do anymore.” I dropped my hands and did my best to pull my shattered heart back together.

“You said he leaves at the same time every evening?”

“Yes. At seven.” Hope lit his eyes. “Does this mean you’ll talk to him?” 198

The Sweet Gum Tree

I glanced at the clock. It was already six-thirty. “I can’t promise it will do any good, Daniel, but I’m going to try. I’m going to try real hard.”

“Should I wait here?”

“No. I don’t have any idea how long this will take. You might as well go home. I’ll call you later.”

He stood and hugged me tightly, and I prayed he would never find out that his father’s condition was all my fault.

Moving like a robot, I put the groceries away and then went to change out of my business suit. I wanted to give Nick time to get there ahead of me, because I was afraid if he saw me, he’d leave before I had a chance to talk to him. I didn’t have any idea how I was going to get through to him; I only knew I had to find a way. And who better than I? If anyone knew about grief and shutting down your emotions, I was that person.

Even if the only reaction I got from him was hatred, it was better than nothing.

I waited until fifteen minutes after seven, then climbed in the Trooper and drove slowly across town, and parked in the church’s lot. The house Nick had rented wasn’t too far away, and I realized he must have walked the distance. His truck was nowhere to be found.

I saw him immediately. Katie’s grave was near the back of the cemetery, under a big sweet gum tree, not far from where my Grandmother French was buried. And if I hadn’t been expecting him, I’m not sure I would have recognized him.

He was standing there, staring at her headstone, hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. His T-shirt was wrinkled and hung on him loosely, as though he’d lost weight. A beard covered his jaw and his hair looked like it hadn’t been combed in days. And my heart broke all over again. I was responsible for this. I had done this to him, and now I had to make it right.

I stopped behind him and he was so oblivious, so lost in his own thoughts, that he didn’t know I was there until I touched his arm. When I did, he jumped, then spun to stare at me from red-rimmed eyes. But only for a second.

Before I could form a word, he jerked his gaze away and started to turn. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I’ll go.”

“Nick, wait. Please.”

He stopped, his head lowered, still refusing to look at me.

“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered. “I came here to talk to you.”

“Talk to me? How can you stand to even look at me after what I did to you?” I moved until I was in front of him, forced him to meet my eyes. “Listen to me, Nick. You didn’t do anything to me. I did it to myself. No one forced me to marry Hugh. No one forced me to turn my grief over Katie’s death into anger and hate. Do you understand? I did it to myself.”

“You were right to hate me. I left you. You were carrying my baby and I left you.” His tone was flat, unemotional.

199

Katherine Allred

“I don’t hate you!” I was desperate, yelling in my fear for him. “I wanted to hate you. I even convinced myself that I did. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop loving you. I love you, damn it!”

“Don’t. There’s no way you could love me, and I don’t need your pity.” He backed up a step, but his attention was caught by Katie’s headstone again, and he stopped. “I never got to see her.” His voice was raw with bottled-up pain. “I never got to hold her.” And suddenly I knew how to get through to him. I had to force him to let go of those emotions choking him. Get them out so they could stop poisoning him. It was something my family should have done for me a long time ago, something that Jenna had finally managed that night we sat in her kitchen and cried together.

Frantically, I dug through my purse until I found my wallet. Once I had it open, I took out the picture of Katie I kept with me and handed it to Nick. He took it like a man in a trance, his gaze fastened hungrily on her tiny face.

“Let me tell you about Katie,” I said quietly.

And for the next hour, that’s exactly what I did. At some point I became aware that tears were running down his cheeks, and silent sobs shaking his body, but I swallowed my own pain and kept going. When I finished, I took the step that separated us and put my arms around him, knowing that his attention was focused on me intently.

“You were only twenty when you left, Nick. Not much more than a boy. You did what you thought you had to, and that’s the best any of us can do. Katie died from SIDS. Even if you’d been here, there was nothing you or anyone could have done to stop it. But you saved the child you could. You saved Daniel, and he’s wonderful. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me for the way I told you about Katie, but for Daniel’s sake, don’t keep doing this to yourself. He loves and needs you, and he’s scared to death for you.”

Almost reflexively, his arms lifted, went around me so tightly I could hardly breathe. With his face buried in my hair, we both cried. We cried for our child, for the hurt we’d caused each other, and for all the time we’d lost. And when there were no tears left, Nick lifted his head and looked down at me.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Then come home with me,” I answered.

And he did.

When we reached the tiny house I was renting, he asked where the bathroom was. I pointed him in the right direction and then went to the kitchen. While he showered and shaved, I called Daniel and told him his father was going to be late and not to wait up for him. And then I held the phone away from my ear, smiling at the deafening yell coming across the line.

By the time Nick showed up in the kitchen, cleaner and minus the beard, I had a stack of sandwiches ready. He dug in like he was starved, polishing off almost the entire pile by himself.