The Taming of the Shrew (10 page)

BAPTISTA
    Why, that’s all one.

BIONDELLO
    Nay, by
Saint Jamy
⁷⁴
,
    I
hold
⁷⁵
you a penny,
    A horse and a man
    Is more than one,
    And yet not many.

Enter Petruchio and Grumio

PETRUCHIO
    Come, where be these
gallants
⁷⁹
? Who’s at home?

BAPTISTA
    You are welcome, sir.

PETRUCHIO
    And yet I
come not well
⁸¹
.

BAPTISTA
    And yet you
halt
⁸²
not.

TRANIO
    Not so well apparelled as I wish you were.

PETRUCHIO
    Were it better, I should rush in thus.
    But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?
    How does my father?
Gentles
⁸⁶
, methinks you frown.
    And
wherefore
⁸⁷
gaze this goodly company,
    As if they saw some wondrous
monument
⁸⁸
,
    Some
comet
⁸⁹
or unusual prodigy?

BAPTISTA
    Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day.
    First were we sad, fearing you would not come,
    Now sadder that you come so
unprovided
⁹²
.
    Fie,
doff
⁹³
this habit, shame to your estate,
    An eyesore to our
solemn
⁹⁴
festival!

TRANIO
    And tell us what
occasion of import
⁹⁵
    Hath all so long detained you from your wife,
    And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

PETRUCHIO
    Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
    Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
    Though in some part enforcèd to digress,
    Which at more leisure I will so excuse
    As you shall well be satisfied withal.
    But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.
    The morning
wears
¹⁰⁴
, ’tis time we were at church.

TRANIO
    See not your bride in these
unreverent
¹⁰⁵
robes.
    Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.

PETRUCHIO
    Not I, believe me. Thus I’ll visit her.

BAPTISTA
    But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

PETRUCHIO
    
Good sooth
¹⁰⁹
, even thus: therefore ha’ done with words.
    To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.
    Could I repair what she will
wear
¹¹¹
in me,
    As I can change these poor
accoutrements
¹¹²
,
    ’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
    But what a fool am I to chat with you,
    When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
    And seal the title with a
lovely
¹¹⁶
kiss!

Exeunt
[
Petruchio and Grumio
]

TRANIO
    He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
    We will persuade him, be it possible,
    To put on better ere he go to church.

BAPTISTA
    I’ll after him, and see the
event
¹²⁰
of this.

Exeunt
[
Baptista, Gremio and Attendants
]

TRANIO
    But, sir, love concerneth us to add

To Lucentio

    Her father’s
liking
¹²²
, which to bring to pass,
    As before I imparted to your worship,
    I am to get a man — whate’er he be,
    It
skills
¹²⁵
not much, we’ll fit him to our turn —
    And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
    And make assurance here in Padua
    Of greater sums than I have promisèd.
    So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
    And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

LUCENTIO
    Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
    Doth watch Bianca’s
steps
¹³²
so narrowly,
    ’Twere good, methinks, to
steal our marriage
¹³³
,
    Which once performed, let all the world say no,
    I’ll keep mine own, despite of all the world.

TRANIO
    That by degrees we mean to look into,
    And
watch our vantage
¹³⁷
in this business.
    We’ll
overreach
¹³⁸
the greybeard, Gremio,
    The
narrow-prying
¹³⁹
father, Minola,
    The
quaint
¹⁴⁰
musician, amorous Litio,
    All for my master’s sake, Lucentio.

Enter Gremio

    Signior Gremio, came you from the church?

GREMIO
    As willingly as e’er I came from school.

TRANIO
    And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

GREMIO
    A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a
groom
¹⁴⁵
indeed,
    A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.

TRANIO
    
Curster
¹⁴⁷
than she? Why, ’tis impossible.

GREMIO
    Why he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

TRANIO
    Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam.

GREMIO
    Tut, she’s a lamb, a dove,
a fool to
¹⁵⁰
him.
    I’ll tell you,
Sir
¹⁵¹
Lucentio, when the priest
    Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
    ‘Ay, by
gogs-wouns
¹⁵³
’, quoth he, and swore so loud
    That all amazed the priest let fall the
book
¹⁵⁴
,
    And as he stooped again to take it up,
    This mad-brained bridegroom
took
¹⁵⁶
him such a cuff
    That down fell priest and book and book and priest.
    ‘Now take
them
¹⁵⁸
up,’ quoth he, ‘if any list.’

TRANIO
    What said the wench when he rose again?

GREMIO
    Trembled and shook,
for why
¹⁶⁰
, he stamped and swore,
    As if the vicar meant to
cozen
¹⁶¹
him.
    But after
many
¹⁶²
ceremonies done,
    He calls for wine: ‘A health!’ quoth he, as if
    He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
    After a storm,
quaffed off
¹⁶⁵
the muscadel
    And threw the
sops
¹⁶⁶
all in the sexton’s face,
    Having no other reason
    But that his beard grew thin and
hungerly
¹⁶⁸
    And seemed to ask
him
¹⁶⁹
sops as he was drinking.
    This done, he took the bride about the neck
    And kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack
    That at the parting all the church did echo.
    And I seeing this came thence for very shame,
    And after me, I know, the
rout
¹⁷⁴
is coming.
    Such a mad marriage never was before.
    Hark, hark! I hear the
minstrels
¹⁷⁶
play.

Music plays

Enter Petruchio, Kate, Bianca, Hortensio
[
disguised as Litio
]
, Baptista,
[
Grumio and others
]

PETRUCHIO
    Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains.
    I know you
think
¹⁷⁸
to dine with me today,
    And have prepared great store of wedding
cheer
¹⁷⁹
,
    But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
    And therefore here I mean to take my leave.

BAPTISTA
    Is’t possible you will away tonight?

PETRUCHIO
    I must away today, before night come.
    
Make it no wonder
¹⁸⁴
. If you knew my business,
    You would entreat me rather go than stay.
    And
honest
¹⁸⁶
company, I thank you all,
    That have beheld me give away myself
    To this most patient, sweet and virtuous wife.
    Dine with my father, drink a health to me,
    For I must hence, and farewell to you all.

TRANIO
    Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.

PETRUCHIO
    It may not be.

GREMIO
    Let me entreat you.

PETRUCHIO
    It cannot be.

KATE
    Let me entreat you.

PETRUCHIO
    I am content.

KATE
    Are you content to stay?

PETRUCHIO
    I am content you shall entreat me stay,
    But yet
not stay
¹⁹⁹
, entreat me how you can.

KATE
    Now, if you love me, stay.

PETRUCHIO
    Grumio, my horse.

GRUMIO
    Ay, sir, they be ready, the
oats have eaten the horses
²⁰²
.

KATE
    Nay, then,
    Do what thou canst, I will not go today,
    No, nor tomorrow, not till I please myself.
    The door is open, sir, there lies your way,
    You may
be jogging whiles your boots are green
²⁰⁷
.
    For me, I’ll not be gone till I please myself.
    ’Tis like you’ll prove a
jolly
²⁰⁹
surly groom,
    That
take it on you at the first so roundly
²¹⁰
.

PETRUCHIO
    O Kate, content thee. Prithee be not angry.

KATE
    I will be angry. What
hast thou to do
²¹²
?—
    Father, be quiet. He shall
stay my leisure
²¹³
.

GREMIO
    Ay, marry, sir, now
it begins to work
²¹⁴
.

KATE
    Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner.
    I see a woman may be made a fool,
    If she had not a spirit to resist.

PETRUCHIO
    They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.—
    Obey the bride, you that attend on her.
    Go to the feast, revel and
domineer
²²⁰
,
    
Carouse full measure
²²¹
to her maidenhead,
    Be
mad
²²²
and merry, or go hang yourselves.
    But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.—
    Nay, look not
big
²²⁴
, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret.
    I will be master of what is mine own:
    She is
my goods, my chattels, she is my house
²²⁶
,
    My household
stuff
²²⁷
, my field, my barn,
    My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything,
    And here she stands, touch her whoever dare.
    I’ll
bring mine action
²³⁰
on the proudest he
    That stops my way in Padua.— Grumio,
    Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves.
    Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
    Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch thee, Kate.
    I’ll
buckler
²³⁵
thee against a million.

Exeunt Petruchio, Katherina
[
and Grumio
]

BAPTISTA
    Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

GREMIO
    
Went they not
²³⁷
quickly, I should die with laughing.

TRANIO
    Of all mad matches never was the like.

LUCENTIO
    Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?

BIANCA
    That, being mad herself, she’s madly mated.

GREMIO
    I warrant him, Petruchio is
Kated
²⁴¹
.

BAPTISTA
    Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom
wants
    For to
²⁴²
supply the places at the table,
    You know there wants no
junkets
²⁴⁴
at the feast.
    Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place,
    And let Bianca take her sister’s
room
²⁴⁶
.

TRANIO
    Shall sweet Bianca practise how to
bride it
²⁴⁷
?

BAPTISTA
    She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.

Exeunt

Location:
a country estate

Enter Grumio

GRUMIO
    Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all
    
foul ways
²
!
    Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so rayed? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and
    they are coming after to warm them. Now, were not I a
little
    pot and soon hot
⁴
, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my
    tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I
    should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire
    shall warm myself, for, considering the weather, a
taller
⁸
man
    than I will take cold. Holla, ho, Curtis!