The Trouble With Before (14 page)

“You couldn’t look more awkward if you tried,” Lisa says, sliding into the seat next to me. In her hand is a clipboard with a form.

“What’s that?” I ask, looking it over.

“Insurance questionnaire and stuff about my girly parts,” she teases.

I immediately look away, and she laughs.

“Relax, Aidan. Just imagine, you could be sitting here someday as an expecting father.” She giggles, and I frown.

I glance back at the 7.5 with the haircut like Demi Moore from
Ghost.
“Hey, what all do chicks come here for?”

She continues to write on the forms. “What do you mean?”

“Like, if this is the lady doctor, you guys don’t come here for colds and stuff, right?”

She stops looking at her paper and looks at me strangely. “Are you serious?”

I cross my arms, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Um, no, this is where women come for women’s issues, like if you’re expecting or for annual exams, birth control, stuff like that,” she says, clearly trying not to laugh.

“So it’s not just if you’re knocked up or have STDs?” I ask.

She busts out in laughter, making everyone in the waiting room look at us. “No. Is that the only reason guys go to the doctor?”

I shrug, and she rolls her eyes.

“Oh God, Aidan, how many STDs have you had?” she asks, and I shush her.

“It was only one time. That chick Cindy burned me junior year, fuckin’ chlamydia,” I say angrily, and she shakes her head at me. “Don’t act like you’ve never been burned before.” I nudge her, and she looks at me in horror.

She laughs. “I haven’t actually. Getting an STD isn’t a rite of passage experience.”

“Ha ha.” I pull out my phone, but it’s only on two percent, so I stuff it back in my pocket. I’m so freakin’ bored. I pick up one of the magazines and flip through it. “Ew.”

Lisa looks at me blankly. “What?”

I point at the picture in the magazine of the guy holding what looks like an alien.

“It’s the placenta,” she says dryly.

“It looks like it’s from another planet.”

“You’re six years old,” she says with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“So does that ask how many dudes you’ve boned?” I ask, looking over her shoulder at the form.

“Okay, just go wait in the car and listen to sports radio or something.”

“I’m just curious,” I say innocently.

“Yes, it goes over your sexual history,” she says, continuing to scribble on her paper.

“Like what’s your favorite position?” I joke.

This time she swats me but grins. I’d rather her smile than be nervous. This place is giving me the creeps even though I already know there’s no possibility of me being pregnant or having an STD. Lisa eventually gives me her phone, and I end up playing
Subway Surfer
until the receptionist or nurse calls her name.

“Are you going to be okay with coming in, or do you want to stay out here?” she asks, standing.

“Will I get to see your boobs if I go in?” I tease, and she rolls her eyes at me.

“Maybe even both of them,” she says, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the chair.

I follow her. I watch Lisa get her blood pressure taken and step on scales. I’m trying to figure out what exactly this appointment is for. She hasn’t mentioned anything about having the baby and I’m not sure if she’s made up her mind yet, but I am glad she’s doing something. After they’re done poking and prodding her and taking her blood—and they took a lot—they sit us in a little room, me in a chair and her on top of a tall doctor’s table.

“Hey, Aidan?” she says quietly. “I’m the one with the baby inside me. I should look more nervous than you.” She gives me a wink.

The doctor comes in. She’s tall, like almost basketball player tall, and she has pants and a red top with ruffles at the top under her white coat. I don’t think I’ve done a chick as tall as her before.

“Hello, how are you guys doing today?” Her voice is warmer than I imagined it being.

“Good,” Lisa squeaks.

“Okay over there,” I say, and she nods.

“That’s great. I’m Dr. Morris, and I see that you guys are expecting,” she says with a wide smile as though we’ve won a prize on a game show.

My eyes widen.

“Oh no, he’s not . . . I am. He’s my friend,” she tells the doctor quickly.

Dr. Morris looks back and forth between us with the same wide smile. “Well, that’s great. It’s so important to have moral support.” She doesn’t miss a beat, looking at Lisa’s chart. “So I take it I have permission to speak freely with Mr. . . . ?”

“Riles, but Aidan’s cool,” I tell her, my voice sounding higher than normal.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Lisa answers meekly.

“Great. So the blood test confirms that you are indeed pregnant,” she says in a congratulatory tone, and Lisa smiles tightly. “It looks like, according to the last day of your menses, you think you’re at about ten weeks?”

Lisa nods with a look that makes me think she isn’t in a celebratory mood.

“So on your form, it seemed like you indicated you weren’t sure if you wanted to continue with the pregnancy?” Dr. Morris asks, her expression showing concern.

Lisa lets out a deep breath and nods, glancing at me. “I just . . . it’s not the ideal time or situation for me, but whenever I think of ending it, so to speak, I just . . . I can’t really see myself doing
that
, but I-I don’t know.” She shrugs and glues her eyes to her lap.

“Well, you’re still early and there are a few options to consider if you want more information on aborting the pregnancy. However, it sounds like you’re more interested in adoption if I’m reading this correctly?” she asks.

“I-I think so. I guess I want more information on it,” Lisa says.

My eyes widen. I never considered Lisa going through everything and handing over her kid. I mean, she’s done it once, but that was to her aunt. I feel my stomach toss, and I shift in my seat.

“Adoption could be a really great thing. Have you discussed it with the father?” Dr. Morris asks.

“He’s okay with whatever I want,” Lisa answers just above a whisper.

“We have a lot of resources we can connect you with if that’s an option you want to explore, but for now, let’s take a look at how things are going,” Dr. Morris says in an upbeat tone. “I’m going to step out while you change into that gown, and we’ll see if we can find the baby’s heartbeat.”

“O-okay,” Lisa answers, looking at me.

“You can hear that now?” I ask, surprised.

“We should be,” Dr. Morris says cheerfully before she leaves the room.

I
SEE A
lot of things when I look at Aidan. Ex-soldier, sports fanatic, best friend, Captain America . . . okay he really reminds me of Captain America. He’s like the poster child for him. All-American football player since freshman year, blond hair, blue eyes, perfect smile, lips drawn by God himself but a body sketched by the devil, mouth as filthy as a garbage can . . . well maybe an evil Captain America.

A doppelganger or something.

But I’ve never imagined Aidan as a prospective dad. When we first arrived in the clinic, he was typical Aidan, making crude jokes, looking as uncomfortable as if we had landed on a different planet. It was annoying but sort of cute and definitely what I needed to calm my nerves. I hadn’t needed to hear that he’d gotten an STD from that skank Cindy though. His nervousness once we got to the exam room was expected, but when the doctor got out the Doppler and the baby’s heartbeat started to blast in the room, I never imagined the look on his face.

“It’s like a washing machine,” Aidan says excitedly. His eyes are wide and bright and full of excitement.

“Most people say that,” Dr. Morris answers with a smile.

“That’s so cool. That’s inside you?” he asks me in amazement.

My cheeks heat up. I think back to the first time I heard Willa’s heartbeat thudding. At the time, I didn’t know if she was a Will or Willa; I tried not to think much about it. At the doctor’s office, I pretended I was watching a TV show and my life was someone else’s. My aunt Danni was the excited one, asking questions and confirming two or three times that everything was going well and that the baby was okay.

“Good strong heartbeat,” Dr. Morris says.

“Can you tell if it’s a boy or girl?” Aidan asks, and I can’t help but genuinely laugh.

“No, it’s a little too early for that,” Dr. Morris says, as amused as I am when Aidan’s face falls. “So I’m going to get the nurse to gather up all of the resources we have for the options we talked about, and after you mull over it, give us a call to schedule your next appointment and we can talk more then.”

“Thank you, Dr. Morris,” I tell her.

“Any questions for me right now?” she asks.

“Um, so if she wants to do adoption, does she have to decide that right now?” Aidan asks, surprising me.

Dr. Morris seems just as surprised. “No, of course not. Typically, it’s something that most women have to prepare for—it takes a very strong person to go that route, I must say. However, even if it’s something that Lisa decides to do, there wouldn’t be any paperwork signed until after the baby is born, so that gives her a lot of time to come to terms with whatever she decides.”

A grin spreads across his face that makes my heart skip a beat, then she turns to me.

“Other decisions, we don’t have the luxury of so much time. If it’s something that you’re still debating, I suggest that you very carefully consider all of your options while they’re still viable,” she says gently, looking directly into my eyes.

“I understand.” I look over at Aidan, who is frowning up with his arms folded.

“For now though, I’m going to set you up with some prenatal vitamins, some iron pills since you’re a bit low there, and folic acid. I know you mentioned you weren’t having much, but I’ll give you a prescription for something to help with morning sickness if it pops up,” she tells me.

“Thank you,” I say.

“It was nice to meet you both,” she says before leaving the room.

When she does, I see Aidan staring at me with a smile, but it’s strained. “That was nuts.” His stone face breaks into genuine enthusiasm, but I can tell he’s fighting it and unsure of what emotion he should display.

“Yeah, it’s surreal to hear the heartbeat, huh?” I say lightly, and he nods enthusiastically.

“You’ve really got something in there,” he says in wonderment, staring at my stomach as if for the first time realizing that I’m actually pregnant.

“Yeah,” I say, touching it. I look up and see he’s biting his bottom lip, his face furrowed in deep thought. “Aidan, I was kidding about the boob thing. I need to change,” I say playfully.

He laughs, standing from the chair. “Conned again.”

He heads to the door and stops with his hand on the knob. He turns around, and his expression is soft. When his blue eyes fall on mine, I feel my heart skip a beat and I swallow hard.

“Leese, I just wanted you to know, whatever you decide to do, I-I’ll be there for you.”

My eyes water. I think back to the night I told him about what I had done with Will and what a mess I was. I told him by accident sort of—well, sort of during a drunken outburst followed by an epic drunken meltdown because I just knew he was going to run straight to Chris and tell him. He and Chris had always been close, just like Chris and I had been close. But with Chris’s going back and forth from Michigan to Chicago, Aidan and I just kept our routine of hanging out and ragging on each other. I never really knew if it was genuine or just done out of loneliness or boredom, but the way he’s looking at me now, I realize that our friendship isn’t just one of convenience or mutual love for another person. It’s real, and I really,
really
missed it.