The Trouble With Before (18 page)

“It’s so good for you to be back,” Claire says before I head into David’s office and shut the door.

He stands to greet me. “Lisa Gregory.”

David Kelly is a big man, tall and wide enough that if you saw him outside of the office, you’d assume he used to play basketball or football. He’s at least six three and over two hundred pounds. He has a bright white smile that contrasts against his dark chocolate skin, and his personality is just as big.

“David, I’m so glad see you!”

I never made a lot of friends while working. Most of the teachers here were a lot older than me and waiting for their retirement. The only teachers my age were Tina and Mark, who taught fourth and fifth grade and were already married. David had started only a few months before I arrived, and both of us being newbies, we became instant work buddies. That is, until someone started the rumor that he and I were sleeping together and I was getting special treatment. I’m pretty sure it was Tina—that chick seriously needed to get a life. After that, David and I kept our distance. It was ridiculous that we had to—there wasn’t an ounce of truth to the rumor and David was furious about it—but it was for the best.

“Lisa Gregory in the flesh. How are things?” he asks jovially.

For the first time in a long time, I’m able to relax and breathe without it feeling caught in my throat. I tell him about California—the good parts, at least. I give a few details about having had a bad breakup and coming home to get away from it. I leave out the part about being knocked up and feel a stab of guilt, but unless I want to bunk with Aidan and Grams indefinitely, I’ve got to get my old job back. It didn’t make me a millionaire or anything, but the salary would be more than enough for me to get my own place, pay the bills, and give me a cushion for after I have the baby.

“That’s great, Lisa. It’d be good to have you back,” he says so easily my eyes widen. “The only thing is, I don’t have any full-time positions available, with it being the middle of the school year already.”

My stomach drops. Shit. What am I going to do now?

“But John Dwyer is on leave for surgery. He plans to be out for the next month or two, and I could put you down as one of our permanent substitutes,” he offers sadly.

I’m smiling like a Cheshire cat. A substitute position would be great! I wouldn’t have to work all the time, but I could make enough money to save up, and the schedule would be flexible, so I could go to appointments too. I could even sign up to sub at a few other schools. Why didn’t I think of this?

“Thank you, David. That would be amazing actually!”

He looks shocked but relieved that I took his
bad
news so well. “And we have two teachers set to retire next year, so I could get you back on no problem then.”

My smile fades almost instantly. I don’t know where I’ll be next year, after I have this baby, but being here makes my stomach feel sick, like putting on a pair of underwear that haven’t been washed. But I force a smile. Things could be a lot worse. I tell myself to just be thankful for once and not worry about next year. I just need to get through today. I have a job now, and that’s a big accomplishment for today.

When I arrive at Aidan’s, I park my car next to Grams’s black Trailblazer. Once I’m on the porch, I notice the cute red Corolla parked in front of Grams’s car.

“Hi!” The door has swung open, and Hillary’s standing there with a wide grin.

She’s baaack.

Hillary is Aidan’s sort-of, supposed-to-be girlfriend. Yay!

“Grams said you’d be home soon,” she continues, standing aside for me to walk in.

I wonder if she can see the complete shock on my face, not only from her being here but the fact that she’s calling Grams
Grams
.

“I bet you didn’t expect me back so soon, huh?” she asks. Her long blond hair is up in a bun with noticeable purple streaks. I approve. They look really good.

“I don’t know what to expect nowadays,” I try to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

“You just come from church or something?” she asks, giving me a once-over.

That makes me chuckle. “No, a sort of job interview actually.”

“Cool. How do you think you did?” she asks as if I’m one of her oldest friends.

“I sort of got it, technically. It’s subbing where I used to work, but it helps.”

“That’s great . . . so you plan on staying here a while?” She squints at me as she asks, but she keeps her plastered-on smile and her peppy tone.

But I understand the undercurrent of her statement. She wants me out, and that’s why she’s back. Not that I blame her. I’m the girl who slept with Hillary’s best friend’s husband’s dad, so I can’t really blame her for not believing I’m no threat, but she has nothing to worry about. “In Michigan or here?”

“Both.” She sort of cocks her head to the side, and I let out an audible sigh.

“Didn’t we just speak her up earlier?” Grams bounces in, looking at Hillary as if she’s her best friend.

Hillary smiles back in the same buddy-buddy way, and I fight against rolling my eyes. “Yeah, we sure did. I guess.”

“I can’t believe Aidan has finally introduced me to her. She’s crazy. I love it!” Grams slaps her thigh.

I smile and nod. Maybe Aidan is more serious about her than I thought.

“Wow,” Grams says her face full of realization. “You girls look a lot alike.”

Hillary and I smile at each other tightly.

“You’re both beautiful and blond and tall, and you used to wear those crazy colors in your hair too,” Grams continues.

I glance at Hillary, who has an annoyed smirk on her face.

“You don’t see it?” Grams asks, apparently oblivious to the tension in the air.

“Um, you’re really pretty. It’s a total compliment,” I say, playing the peacemaker.

“Oh, so are you. I actually sort of thought the same thing when I first met you at Chris’s parents’ house,” she says quickly.

I swallow hard. I can’t wait for the day Chris’s name doesn’t give me a mild panic attack.

“So you guys met before?” Grams asks, sounding surprised.

“Long, long story,” I say before Hillary can respond.

I don’t know exactly what all Hillary knows, but I’m pretty sure Grams doesn’t know the exact details of my past and I’d much prefer to keep it that way. It’d be really great to have someone who used to know me and doesn’t look at me as if I’m the devil.

“I have your stuff for you,” I say to Hillary, sounding more nervous than I intend.

“Oh, yeah? It’s fine, I don’t need it back.” Hillary waves me off.

“No, I can’t keep your things. If you follow me to my room, I can give them to you.” I hope she picks up on the fact that I’d like to speak to her alone.

Her eyebrows lift a bit, then she nods and shrugs. “Okay, sure.”

“Be right back, Grams,” I say, hoping she’s not offended.

“I was actually heading out. Hillary, it was so good to meet you. Don’t let Aidan keep you hidden again,” she says.

“Don’t worry. I won’t,” she says with absolute certainty.

“Bye, Grams,” I call, and she says the same before leaving.

“I haven’t said anything to her,” Hillary answers as soon as the door shuts. “I-I don’t know what all she knows, and I just wanted you to know I’d never say anything about . . . well you know.”

I let out a small relieved sigh. “It’s not that I want to lie to her . . .” I scratch my head.

“No, I get it. No worries,” she says reassuringly.

“Thank you, Hillary. I really appreciate that,” I tell her, hoping she hears the sincerity in my voice. I haven’t exactly been the most welcoming to her. Usually I love meeting new people and am the first on the welcome wagon, but I’ve been so stressed lately I think I’ve come off as a complete bitch.

“I meant what I said the other day about us being friends,” Hillary continues. “I know I can come off a little . . . brash, but it’s just how I am. I don’t mean to be.”

“It’s cool. I can come off the same way.”

“And Lauren said you’re really cool. I totally grilled her about you as soon as I got back to Chicago,” she admits.

I can’t help but laugh. “Lauren was really awesome. I wish . . .” I don’t want to get into all the past stuff, but my friendship with Lauren is one of the many things that went up in smoke when the truth came out about Will and me.

“She’s not mad at you or anything. Lauren’s not really one to judge, none one of us are,” she continues.

“It’d just be kind of awkward to call her up when her husband pretty much wishes I was dead.” I add a laugh to make myself feel better.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” she says through an awkward chuckle.

“How is she doing?” I ask a little apprehensively.

I miss my old life when I was a part of the know. I wish I knew what the babies’ names are. I wish I knew what Chris and Lauren are doing with their lives, but I almost feel as if talking about them with Aiden is off-limits. So if Hillary is willing to share, I’ll take whatever she gives me.

“Honey! Going crazy. Did you know she’s having twins?” She laughs.

I nod. That was the one snippet Aidan shared. “Yeah, that’s amazing.”

“So it’ll be like she has four kids. The twins, Caylen, and Chris.”

I’m about to ask about Chris when Aidan opens the door.

“Hey, babe!” Hillary says, jumping into his arms.

His eyes dart to mine, confusion written all over his face. Before he can answer, her lips are on his like a vacuum cleaner. I look away, feeling my face turning red, and excuse myself, realizing that this is probably a prelude to their all-night bang-fest.

Maybe I’ll just sleep in my car tonight.

HILLARY IS HERE
. She’s fucking here. Again. It’s like she doesn’t understand English. Do men and women speak two different languages?

Before she left, I told her I had feelings for her but I needed to sort them out. That I was tired of fighting and just needed to clear my head. Now less than a week later, she’s back at my house, uninvited, and she has the nerve to look hurt when I ask her what she’s doing here?

“You can be an insensitive asshole, you know that?” she screeches.

I let out a deep breath and throw my head back. “I told you I needed some space and then we could pick up where we left off,” I tell her slowly so that she understands this time.

“I gave you a week. Have you not noticed that I haven’t called or texted you?” she asks.

I feel my face scrunch up. I really hadn’t noticed that, but even I know not to say that out loud.

“Look, Aidan, I’m just going to ask you flat out. Am I what you want or not?”

It’s a simple question. It should be simple. I’m a simple guy, but when it comes to relationships and girls and anything outside of sex, figuring out what I want is like putting together a puzzle written in a foreign language. Do I like Hillary? Yeah. Do I like
a lot
of Hillary? No. Would I be pissed if I saw her with another guy? Yes. Do I want to be able to date other girls? Yes.

Things weren’t supposed to get like this with her. We were supposed to be fun—like have a good time and “oh my God, the sex is so good I think I’ve died and gone to heaven” fun—but instead we’re this painfully irritating mess because she wants too much and I want too little. Even worse, our mess has tangled around my entire life due to our mutual friends.

Her eyes are on me, and her stare makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I feel as if I’m on a game show and the clock is ticking and if I don’t give the right answer, I’m going to be dropped into a pit of sharks.

“Yes and no,” I finally answer, and she scoffs.

“What the hell does that mean?” she screeches, adding a stomp.

She’s way too animated. When she said she wanted to move to Hollywood and be an actress, I always thought that she had a good shot. She is the queen of drama.

“I don’t know, but I think it means that. We probably shouldn’t be . . .” I’m afraid to say the next words. As a soldier who’s faced more horrors than the average person can imagine, that says a lot.

“You know what? Don’t say anything. I have had enough bad news today, and you know what I want to do?” She’s surprisingly calm for someone who just spazzed out. She walks toward me, her hips swaying, and bends down so her tits are only inches away from me. “I want to go get a drink, maybe more than a few, and then I’d like to screw. Slow and long. Then maybe we can talk about it afterward.”