The Trouble With Before (32 page)

“N
O, NO, NO
, no, no!” I plead with the chocolate cake that’s just fallen as if there’s been an earthquake in the kitchen. It’s a complete mess.

Today is Aidan’s birthday. He’ll be home in two hours, and the cake I’ve made is a complete disaster.

“Shit!” I whine.

“Okay, hon, what are you in here talking about?” Grams asks as she come in wearing a grin.

I don’t find it amusing. “I just ruined Aidan’s cake. I’m probably going to ruin the dinner, and it’s just a bad sign.” I sigh, biting my finger.

She chuckles, patting me on the back. “I doubt a flat cake is a bad omen. I’ll make him another one. I’ll run out and get the stuff.”

I let out a frustrated breath. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted to make it, but the cake Grams buys will be much better than mine.

Things have been so great over the past few weeks. I’m engaged. God I don’t even know how this has happened, but I am. Four months ago, if you’d told me Aidan would be the person who makes me happier than any other man in the world, I would have laughed in your face. Now I just want to be the person who makes him the happiest in the world. I let out a sigh and sit in the chair.

“Honey, what’s wrong, it’s just a cake,” she tells me squeezing my shoulder.

“I just wanted today to be good for him,” I tell her quietly.

“Today is going to be great for him. Lisa, I’ve never seen my grandson this happy,” she says with a soft smile, one that she usually doesn’t wear. She’s jovial, and it’s funny to see her so vulnerable.

“Aidan’s always happy,” I remind her.

She rolls her eyes. “No, Aidan’s fun, a jokester. He’s my blood, after all. But before this past month—before you got here actually—I’ve never seen him at peace. You bring him peace.”

I smile. “I don’t think peace is the word.”

She chuckles.

“Maybe the quiet before the storm, but we’re more of the storm,” I muse.

“He loves you,” she says.

I nod. I know he does, and there’s no greater feeling than knowing the person I love loves me back and it’s not a guessing game.

“Let me head out to get the cake,” she tells me, leaving the kitchen.

“Oh, try to find one that’s not frosted. I promised Willa we’d decorate it!” I call to her.

While she’s gone, I finish all the last-minute preparations. I’ve put balloons and streamers like this as a throwback to the parties his parents threw when he was little. The doorbell rings. It’s Gwen with Willa—I know because she always rings the bell a million times at once.

“Coming!” I call as I jog to the living room.

“Hi!” Willa squeals, jumping into my arms.

I freeze in place when I look up and see him. My best friend, my
old
best friend, standing in front of me.

“Hey,” Chris says, his voice low and shaky.

“Are you going to eat some birthday cake, Chris? Lisa says I’m going to decorate it!” Willa says, oblivious to the tension exploding on the porch.

Chris is here. My ex-best friend who hates me, who cut Aidan completely off and told him they’re no longer business partners because of me.

“Um, I need to talk to Lisa for a minute, Willa.” His voice is sweet and kind, how I remember him being so long ago.

“Yeah, why don’t you go look at the decorations? There’re some more balloons to blow up,” I tell her excitedly.

“Cool!” She runs past me, leaving Chris, me, and the tense awkwardness behind.

I look at him. He’s looking at me as if he’s obligated to see me but is hating every second of it.

“I know you hate me, and I deserve every bit of that hate, but shutting out Aidan, killing your deal, that’s not cool,” I say, trying to not be angry. I’m trying to understand that his hatred for me made him break their deal, but I’m so disappointed.

“I didn’t kill the deal. Aidan did when I told him he was a traitor for marrying you.”

I swallow hard.

“And I don’t blame him. If someone said to me about Lauren the things I said to him about you, I would’ve done worse than break a deal,” he mumbles, rubbing the back of his head.

I feel my cheeks heat up, and my stomach sinks for the first time it has since Aidan proposed. “Chris, I-I know my words don’t mean much, but . . . I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you or your family. I was stupid and young and selfish . . .” I feel tears come to my eyes.

He presses his lips together and I think I see tears in his eyes, and my heart breaks into a thousand pieces. The last time I saw him, after I told him everything that had happened between Will and me all those years ago, he was beyond furious. Now though, I see the hurt. I knew it was there, but seeing it is different than knowing.

“I don’t expect you to
ever
forgive me, I don’t deserve it, but please, please don’t hate Aidan. You know that neither one of us has a lot of family, and all of you guys are his family. Please don’t take that away because of me,” I plead.

He looks down at his feet.

“I didn’t have anyone, Chris. No one, and Aidan . . . I think he was just . . . he didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m sure if he could choose, he would’ve picked anyone but me,” I say.

“Lisa, stop,” he says, letting out a deep breath. “I can’t hate you anymore.”

I look at him, confused.

“I can’t hate you, or my dad, anymore. I can’t be who I need to be if I keep holding on to it.”

My eyes widen. Is he saying what I think he’s saying?

“It doesn’t mean I’m ready to be your friend again,” he says quickly.

I nod. As long as he doesn’t hate me, I’ll take anything I can get.

“I just . . . I can’t hate my best friend’s wife, I guess,” he mumbles.

I have to bite my cheeks to keep from smiling.

“So if you can convince him that I’m a jerk but a jerk who’s apologized . . . and hope’s hell forgive me,” he shrugs with a slight smile.

I nod. “I think I can do that.”

We look at each other, and I think we both see our childhood, all the times we laughed together, the times I cried on his shoulder and he cried on mine, and we mourn that. Our friendship . . . I killed it, he buried it, and we know that we’ll never have that back.

It’s an unspoken bittersweet moment for both of us.

He clears his throat. “I’ve got to get back to the house.”

I nod. We look at each other for a few more seconds, then he turns to leave. With each step he takes, I feel hope and heartbreak wrapped into one. Before he reaches the last step, I call out to him. He turns around hesitantly.

“Thank you,” I say, demanding myself to hold a small smile and not allow any tears to fall.

He gives me a small smile and a slight nod back before leaving.

“ONE MORE PIECE
!” Willa demands, bouncing around between Lisa and me. She’s started gymnastics at an afterschool program and is practicing her handstands in between sentences.

“Willa bear, no, I think you’re already about to sugar overdose,” Lisa laughs, and Willa frowns. She then looks to me for reinforcement.

“Aidan, tell Leese she’s being mean,” she pouts with the cutest whine ever. I pick her up and whirl her around.

“She’s being very mean, and I’ll make sure to punish her later,” I tell her, winking at Lisa who rolls her eyes at me but can’t help but grin.

“Tell Aidan happy birthday, and then I’m going to tuck you in,” Lisa tells her, taking her from my arms.

“Just five more minutes,” she whines as Lisa puts her down and takes her hand.

“You already outlasted grams; if you stay up any later her feelings will be hurt,” Lisa tells her and Willa finally relents.

“Happy birthday Aidan,” she tells me before giving me a big hug. I lean down and she kisses me on the cheek, before she takes off running to what used to be Lisa’s bedroom. We’ve painted it purple, Willa’s favorite color, and now she has her own room here. I clean up the kitchen which wasn’t very messy since it was just me, Leese, Willa, and Grams, but out of all the birthdays I’ve had, even the ones at bars, and house parties with tons of people, I’ve never been more happy than on this birthday.

“Look at you,” I turn around and see Lisa leaning in the doorway. Her arms crossed over her breasts, and I love that I get to stare at them without her calling me a perv.

“Perv,” she giggles.

I lied, I love when she calls me perv.

“I’m your perv,” I counter and her face breaks into a smile. She comes across the kitchen and wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my back.

“Is Willa asleep?” I ask curiously. I feel her nod.

“Out like a light,” she replies, swaying her body against mine slowly.

“Happy birthday, babe,” she tells me, squeezing her slender arms around my stomach. I let the water out of the sink and turn around, pick her up, and kiss her lips.

“You’re all wet,” she squeals.

“I bet you are,” I whisper in her ear.

“Maybe,” she giggles into my neck.

“God, we have to move,” I say with a groan, fighting the urge to lay her across the table and have her as my dessert. Her eyes meet mine and they’re mischievous as if she’s reading my mind.

“You look so sleepy, are you ready for bed?” she asks innocently.

“So ready,” I tell her, lifting her up and carrying her to our room. As soon as the door’s closed she pushes me away. I pick her up and run to the bed, and we both tumble unto it. She laughs as I start to pull at her clothes.

“Wait. Wait,” she mutters, as I pull her shirt over her head.

“Isn’t it my birthday?” I ask, giving her my best version of puppy eyes. She bites down on her bottom lip and kisses me gently, but pulls away as I try to deepen it. She pats the bed next to her and I groan, but I sit still.

“Chris came by today,” she says, holding my hand. I feel my body tense up and my eyes narrow in on hers.

“I wanted to tell you earlier but so much was going on,” she says climbing on top of my lap. She massages my shoulders, sensing how tense I’ve gotten.

“What did he say to you,” I ask her, my throat tight. My eyes are on her and I’m relieved to see that the light that used to be gone is there, and that I don’t have to go and kick my best friend’s ass.

“He wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry, and he wants you to forgive him,” she’s says quietly as she runs her hands through my hair. My eyes look into hers.

“Do you want me to?” I ask, and she gives me a look that says of course she does.

“I wish he could just get past everything that happened,” I tell her, caressing the small of her back, and the little moan she lets out makes me harder.

“That’s not going to happen, Aidan,” she tells me in a soft voice, but her tone is stern.

“You can’t ask him to do that because of what’s happened with us,” she tells me lifting my chin up towards her.

“I do think that we’ll be able to peacefully co-exist at least, from what he said, and
that’s
more than I ever dreamed of,” she says with a small grin, and then she gives me a long hug.

I hold her tight and rub her back and think of all the days I wanted to hold her like this but knew that I couldn’t or I shouldn’t. Now I can do it as long as I want. I get to run my fingers up her thighs, and slide them inside of her, and listen to her moan in my ear, kiss her breast, and suck on her like she’s my favorite candy. My favorite part out of everything is hearing her tell me she loves me though, and she gives me all of that and more, making it my best birthday ever.