The Trouble with Polly Brown (66 page)

“Well, one thing's for certain. You can't leave things as they are, can you?”

“Yes, but your ladyship, I really did try. Honest! I went to the hospital, and I left a present and a Christmas card with the nurse on duty. And let me tell you that to date there has been not a single word of thank you regarding my thoughtful gift, and so I presume—”

“Oh, William Montgomery, how dare you presume anything! Come on, young man, you are only suffering from a bruised ego, for do you really think a card and present would be enough? I mean, did you not promise her that you would never abandon her? Come to think of it, do you even remember that promise?”

“Yes, now that you mention it, I do,” he hoarsely whispered.

“Well then, young man, you are guilty of doing the same irresponsible and utterly irreprehensible actions as have always been done to her in the past.”

“And what is that?” he loudly moaned.

“You, young man, broke your promise, and in doing so you joined the long list of heartless people who over the years have completely failed her and have badly let her down.”

“Oh, but I never meant to,” he cried.

“Few people ever do,” Lady Butterkist murmured. “Oh, yes. I believe we are all full to overflowing with good intentions, but may I remind you, young man, that the very road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions.”

“Oh, dear,” he groaned.

“It is indeed better never to promise than to promise and never fulfill. Our word should indeed be our bond. Although I am fully aware that to say such a thing is not exactly popular these days.”

“Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you, Lady B. I have totally let her down. Yes, at the end of the day I've been such a blind and callous fool,” he whimpered, a look of deep remorse written all over his face.

“Yes, you have. But don't be so hard on yourself, William, for at least you finally have the courage and honesty of heart to admit such things,” she said in her bid to console him.

“And, speaking of such things, what of your gift and card? Do you even know that she received them?”

“No, that's true. I have absolutely no idea.”

“Then come on, William. Forgive her also for imagined failures. Get up from the ground and go be her man. Be her hero, her Sir Galahad, her gladiator. Yes, stand and fight for her, as I know she would surely fight for you,” she cried as, emotionally stirred, she stood to her feet and began to march around her tartan blanket.

Blenkinsopp, also clearly feeling very emotionally moved by her passionate and most rousing speech, jumped up from where he was seated and began to do likewise. “Go get her,” he excitedly cried as he joined in and expressed his approval and agreement with both Will and her ladyship.

Moments later they were all shouting “yes, yes” at the top of their lungs as they marched 'round and 'round the large wicker basket. Finally, in a state of utter exhaustion, they all collapsed back down on the tartan rug. Will was fully determined to get his breath back.

“Well then, I take it that we're all unanimous in our verdict,” a heavily breathing Lady Butterkist announced. “Therefore, our new and very dear friend William must immediately leave us to go and become Polly's most valiant knight in shining armor, ready and willing to slay any amount of ferocious dragons that dare cross his path, if he must, in his desperate and chivalrous bid to rescue her.”

By this point Will felt so fired up he was ready to charge at anything and everything, if only he knew how.

“Lady B., please help me out, for I don't how or where to go from here,” he cried.

“Well, my dear boy, remember that where there's a will, there's—”

“Usually a dead body,” Blenkinsopp quickly chipped in.

“My, my…Blenkinsopp, up until this moment in time I was quite unaware of your razor-sharp wit. You have clearly hidden it from me all this time.”

“Well, madam, it is my humble opinion that some things are best kept to oneself,” he quietly suggested as he stared down at his feet.

“Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, where there's a will, there's usually a way, and therefore you, William, must pursue every avenue until you find a meaningful way back into her life. Is that understood?”

“Oh, completely!” he uttered, his heart bursting and his eyes now radiant with hope as he quickly got to his feet to go on his way.

“Lady B., not only has it been an absolute honor to meet you, but this whole chance meeting has changed everything,” he said as he took hold of her hand to give it a gentlemanly old-fashioned kiss. “Had this meeting been just a consummation of tea and friendship, well, that would have been enough in itself, but to come away with sound advice and a heart filled with fresh vigor and determination, well, that is most surely the icing on the cake.”

“Why, thank you for the wonderful compliment,” Lady Butterkist said with a smile. “It is very much appreciated,” she said, her wide smile showing that she was bursting with pride.

“Yes, my lady, the tea has been simply splendid, but my sorrowful heart has indeed been rid of many a deep burden. I must leave immediately to go and do all within my power to sort things out. I shall start with my mother and then take it from there. Lady B., trust me when I say that I will go to the ends of the earth if necessary to find and help Polly. This I promise.”

“Oh, William dear, a quick word of warning: take heed of careless words.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean be careful what you promise, for one day you might well find yourself eating your words.”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I just said, for it's terribly easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and make promises that later, when things have cooled down, you cannot or simply do not intend to fulfill. You've let her down once, so I ask just one thing of you: make sure it doesn't happen again.”

“Oh, Lady B., I assure you now that I am adamant in all I state, and so in front of witnesses I am more than prepared to declare that for Polly's sake I will go to the ends of the earth if need be. Such is my determination.”

“Splendid.”

“So thank you once more for all your graciousness, and promise me right here and now that you will indeed keep in touch,” he said as he heartily shook her hand.

“William, I assure you, hand on heart, that my word is indeed my bond, and therefore I will be in touch in the very near future.”

“Giles, thank you also, for it has also been a real pleasure meeting you too,” Will said as he stuck out his hand for the butler to shake.

“I believe the pleasure to have been all mine,” Blenkinsopp humbly stated. “But before you leave to go pursue this mission of righting the whole world's wrongs and rescuing troubled princesses from high towers, I happen to believe that you still have something on your person that rightfully belongs to me.”

Will found himself struggling to understand the meaning behind Blenkinsopp's last and surprisingly surreptitious comment. He was inclined to think it was obviously “a man thing”; otherwise, surely he would just come out and say what he needed to say.

“Hmm,” was all that Blenkinsopp cared to mutter as his eyes furtively moved away from Will's eyes to come to a sudden halt somewhere near his midriff.

Will followed his eyes but still failed to understand the butler's strangely covert message.

Blenkinsopp coughed. “My personalized serviette, sir.”

“Oops!” Will burst into laughter as he immediately looked down and realized he was adding insult to injury, for he was about to leave and go home with the poor man's prized serviette still dangling from his trouser belt.

“So sorry, old chap. Do forgive me,” he said as he released the serviette from his belt and handed it over.

“Sorry to even have to ask for it back, sir, but there's a limit to how many intolerable pink hankies patterned with smiling teddy bears I will gladly endure for Queen and country,” he said, giving Will a warm, hearty smile.

That same night as Will removed his shirt to get into the shower, he was alarmed to discover many white feathers fluttering onto the bathroom floor. He stooped down to pick one up, and as he held it in front of his eyes to examine it further, he could not even begin to understand quite where these feathers had originated from and, more to the point, how they had come to get inside his shirt.

“How perfectly strange,” he muttered as he lathered up his hair with an excessive amount of shampoo.

Chapter Twenty-Six

THE TROUBLE WITH TEA

D
R
. N
INKUMPOOP WAS
thoroughly enjoying his early morning cup of classic Earl Grey tea as with his feet propped up on the table he continued to do the daily crossword in his favorite newspaper. He undeniably had to admit that rather atrociously he had spent far too long making up his mind as to which tea he should try out today from his personally imported private stash of exclusive teas, which remained hidden away for his use only in a locked drawer of his filing cabinet. But as he continued to sip away, the delicious aroma not only permeating the room but also reaching deep into his nostrils, he knew he needed no further persuasion that he had indeed made the correct decision with regard to his choice of tea for this particular morning. He also knew with much certainty that just as some well-known author had cared to remark, tea should indeed be taken in solitude, and therefore he had not been the least bit negligent in fully appropriating this most profound piece of wisdom. Yes, tea should be enjoyed in splendid isolation and not in the presence of some fidgety and tiresome old nurse indefinitely prattling away in his ear, for this would indeed have been most wearisome and would definitely have spoiled, if not entirely destroyed, this superbly heady moment of supreme indulgence.

He momentarily stopped what he was doing to glance down at his watch and was delighted to discover he had at least another fifteen minutes of pure, unadulterated leisure time left before he was required to join the nurses for his routine and very mundane tour of all the wards, with their mishmash of deeply troubled patients.

“Wonderful. I have almost finished my crossword, for I have only one clue left to answer before I am obliged to call it a day and head up to the wards,” he murmured as with an air of immense satisfaction he began rubbing his chin as he tried to give great thought to the clue printed on the page in front of him.

“Right. Hmm. It has eight letters, and the first letter is an
A
. Oh, humbug! What is the word I'm looking for? Hmm. Let me go back and see if this word fits. Oh, how annoying. This word has one too many letters to fit into the column,” he said, feeling most perplexed with himself.

Eventually he was forced to go back and read the clue one more time in the forlorn hope of coming up with the correct word to fit in the eight small boxes. “Ah, here we are: ‘contempt or disregard for others,' and it begins with an
A
. Oh, dear. What is the word I am looking for? No, for once I can't think what it could be, and usually I am so proficient when it comes to doing these little crossword puzzles.”

Suddenly there was a frantic knock on his office door.

“Go away, whoever you are,” he cried out, as he made little to no attempt to hide his utter annoyance at being bothered in this manner.

Still the knocking continued.

“Please, may I remind you that as of this moment I am still off duty for another fifteen or so minutes, so do me the courtesy of coming back later.”

“Doctor, doctor, this is Nurse Shufflebottom, and I urgently need to speak with you.”

“Later, nurse. Later. Don't you understand that this is my precious and most private time of the day? Please do not provoke me into saying anything unkind in my attempt to get you to leave me well alone,” he angrily shouted out in her direction.

“Doctor, I am fully aware that you're still off duty, and so I apologize profusely for this infringement on your time. I would not consider bothering you if it were not important, for I have someone with me who urgently requires a private audience with you,” she shouted through the closed door.

“Oh, don't bother me now. Take whoever it is up to the canteen and ply them with as many revolting cups of hospital drain water, I mean, tea, as their delicate and tender stomachs can possibly withstand. Oh, and then do tell them that I will be up there to meet with them as soon as I am able.”

“But doctor, I believe this visitor to be no ordinary visitor, and she informs me that she has come such a long way to see you. So can I persuade you to change your mind?”

“Oh, Nurse Shufflebottom, I hardly think so, for who on earth could be of such importance that I would wish to forfeit my perfectly good cup of tea and abandon my near complete crossword to go play the perfect host? Pray, tell me now: has our good Queen decided to pay an impromptu visit, as she is in dire need of a bit of tea and sympathy, or perhaps the president of the United States of America has decided to pop by for a cuppa and a round of golf?” he stated, very annoyed.