The Trouble with Polly Brown (85 page)

“Also, before I leave this stage to go be with the children, I wish to say that we have been highly honored in having a very special guest in our midst. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, may I present the dowager countess of Scunthorpe.”

He paused to allow everyone present to give another thunderous round of applause. “Yes, I wish to say a special thank-you to this most delightfully charming lady for making the effort to join us here today, and also to her butler, who joined the tea party very late but to whom we are deeply indebted, for without his help and mechanical expertise none of this would have taken place today. So we thank you kindly from the very bottom of our hearts,” he said as he then began furiously clapping to show his full appreciation. “Remember now, if any of you need help with writing out your checks or are simply in need of a pen, Mildred, my dear wife, is on hand to assist you in any useful way that she can.”

He was about to leave the stage when he remembered he still had one thing that he had quite unwittingly forgotten to address.

“Oh, and on one final note: please do remember to use the bathroom before you reboard the coach, as the driver insists that the next stop will not take place until you have been back on the road for at least a couple of hours. Thank you, and have a pleasant and safe trip home. Oh, and God willing, we hope to see you all again next year.”

Boritz's heart was racing, and his eyeballs were bulging out their sockets as, thrilled to the core of his being, he witnessed a large number of the pensioners still sitting in their seats as with severely shaky hands they struggled to write out their personalized checks. Boritz saw it as his solemn duty to go up to each individual, and standing over them with tears smarting his eyes, he personally thanked each and every one of them for their extraordinary kindness and outstanding generosity.

Finally he made his way over to where Lady Butterkist and her party still sat as Giles continued to drink endless cups of tea.

Lady Butterkist, now feeling very tired of waiting around, picked up Tiddles from the floor and began playing little kissing games with her.

“Lady Butterkist, I do hope you have enjoyed this special occasion,” he beamed.

“Oh, thoroughly! It has been a most wonderful and most interesting experience to say the least,” she said as she playfully patted her pooch on the head.

“Well, Lady Butterkist, Mildred and my good self would be more than delighted if you were to agree to come and join us in our private sitting room for further refreshments before you take to the road. Quite frankly, it would also be good to talk with you some more before you leave.”

“Well, Boritz, that would be fine, but before I agree to such a thing, I would very much like to see the children and offer them all some of my delicious appletude pie. Also, I am most concerned that young Polly should be allowed to see her younger brother and spend a short amount of time with him before she joins us to head off down to the west country.”

“Oh, Lady Butterkist, consider it done. First we will round up all the children, and once they have met with you, we will then share around your pies. You may also, if you wish, accompany Polly up to the dormitory to meet her brother. In the meantime I will organize for a fresh pot of tea to be brought down to my private sitting room.”

“Well, Boritz, I fear to turn down your kind offer of more tea, as sadly for me I have a bladder more consistent with the size of a shelled peanut,” she mischievously commented. “But thank you all the same.”

Mildred dutifully escorted Lady Butterkist down many corridors until they finally reached the television and game room. The room they entered was in complete darkness with the exception of the light coming out of the television screen. Mildred turned and switched on the light.

“Aw, turn that bloomin' light off now,” an irate voice boomed out.

“Yeah, we like watchin' the TV in the dark, so quit messin' about, will yer?”

Mildred marched over and immediately switched the off button on the television.

“Children, forgive the interruption, but Lady Butterkist has requested to meet with you all. So, kindly stop complaining, and be good enough to get up from where you're seated to come and introduce yourselves and shake the good lady's hand.”

Once again, the tension was palpable.

“Aw, do we 'ave to? We've already done as you asked by entertaining that load of old codgers, and now we are in the middle of watchin' one of our favorite programs,” one boy bitterly complained.

“Shucks, why do we 'ave to meet the old dear? After all, she's your bloomin' friend, not ours,” another older child moaned.

“Silence, all of you!” Mildred quickly snapped. “Stop being a load of Moaning Minnies, and just do as you are told by getting off your idle backsides to come and pay your respects. Lady Butterkist has, after all, come a long way today, and what's more, she has a special little teatime treat in store for you all.”

“Oh, great. I hope it's a bar of chocolate,” Natalie Nitpick excitedly suggested as she quickly jumped to her feet.

“Nah, I bet it isn't,” one of the other girls sulkily joined in.

“Well, maybe it's a whole bag of sweets for each of us,” another hopeful child stated, giving a toothy grin.

Lady B. decided that was as good a time as any to begin. “Children, firstly: well done, all of you, on giving a first-class show. My guests and I were highly entertained and therefore very delighted to be given the opportunity of watching you all. And Toby, I have to admire you for carrying on despite your obvious injuries. I do so hope you have fully recovered without too many bruises,” she said with a warm smile. “Now, I have brought a few delicious apple pies with me that, once you have tried them, I am sure you will agree they taste simply heavenly. So, gather around and try some. I have already cut the pies into small, serviceable slithers, and Mildred is over there putting the delicate portions of pie onto some small plates. So go and grab one now. What are you waiting for?”

None of the children needed to be given this order for a second time, as they raced over toward Aunt Mildred and the table covered with small disposable plates of apple pie.

What took place next had Lady Butterkist feeling thoroughly shocked, as she bore witness to the children not only pushing each other but viciously grabbing hold of one another's hair and clothing in order to get ahead of the person in front of them.

“'Ere, maggot face. I was 'ere first,” one boy snarled as he grabbed hold of a plate and almost pushed it into face of the boy standing beside him.

“Get your filthy 'ands off me, or I'll punch yer in the kisser,” another ferociously threatened.

A now speechless Lady Butterkist, already shocked by the high levels of animosity between them all, stood in amazement as her eyes followed after a plate of pie as it flew at great speed through the air before crash-landing at Pitstop's feet. Showing no manners or politeness whatsoever, Pitstop dropped his head and savagely demolished the pie in less than a couple of seconds. Then, with slimy, thick saliva drooling from his ferocious jaws, he inched nearer the table desperate to get his teeth into more of the pie. In no time at all the scene became little more than a bun-fight, with the children jostling and hurling every imaginable insult at each other as, stopping at nothing, they did all within their power to obtain what they considered to be their fair share of the pie.

“Oy! Give it back to me,” an angry voice yelled.

“No chance, mate. I got 'er first,” came the quick and abrasive reply.

“Grr. I swear you'll pay for this later when you get the fat lip you deserve, moron,” the other boy gruffly hissed. “Yeah, I'll punch yer lights out, really I will.”

“Yeah? You and whose army?” the other boy spat back.

The younger ones wisely and therefore cautiously held back while the older children carried on.

“'Ere, don't shove me out the way!” another boy yelled as he put up his fists to show he was more than ready for a fight if need be.

Lady Butterkist watched and waited to see if Mildred would take charge and use some much-needed discipline, but it was not to be. It was as though she were either blind to the deep, underlying frustration of the children or she didn't care. Either way, Lady Butterkist felt she was left with little choice but to try and intervene before things got a whole lot uglier than they already were.

“Children, shame on the lot of you!” she loudly and abruptly cried. “Please do us all a favor by stopping all this nonsensical squabbling immediately!”

All the children stopped in their tracks as though they were in the middle of a game of musical statues. The older ones stood with their mouth wide open, looking utterly dumbstruck as they tried and failed to comprehend quite what was going on. Their anger showed itself in their bright red faces and quivering lips, as they now struggled to hold back their outrage.

“Come along, children. It is time to show some manners,” Mildred brusquely intervened, her motive clear to all. This was her domain and so therefore her problem alone to address if need be.

Lady Butterkist ignored this as she continued to speak her mind. “Surely you could at least show some kindness to one another. And as for the older ones amongst you, would it not be considerate to let the younger ones help themselves to some pie first? In fact, some of you older children should surely help the younger ones by kindly bringing a plate of pie to them,” she dared to suggest.

Mildred stopped serving the pie, as she also was now desperately struggling to hide her anger at the continued actions of the impudent Lady Butterkist, who by taking over and challenging the way things were done, was, in her eyes, completely out of order!

So, Lady Muck now thinks she can step in and become Lady Bloomin' Bountiful, does she? And without my express permission! Mildred fumed. How dare this cantankerous old biddy even begin to think she can override my authority in such a despicable manner. I've had more than a bellyful of this so-called lady
.

“Mildred, I profusely apologize for interfering in matters that ordinarily should not concern me.”

“You're quite right there!” Mildred replied as she failed miserably to hide her annoyance.

“However, this is not the first but the second time today that I have borne witness to the most unbelievably hostile and extremely unpleasant manners and attitudes; therefore, I can no longer remain silent as a lamb, as I am most incensed by all I've seen. These children are, I believe, in very short supply of kindness toward each other, and it cannot fail but make me wonder quite what else goes on behind these castle walls.”

Mildred stiffened as she tried hard to swallow her pride and show some humility in her answer.

“Lady Butterkist, please try hard to forgive us all our sinful weaknesses, for there are mitigating circumstances here, I assure you. The children are very exhausted, for they have stayed up extremely late the entire week, as they wished to properly rehearse for this event. None of them are usually this grumpy and mean with one another. I fear they are all just a trifle overtired,” she said as she tried hard to excuse all that had taken place.

“I should say so,” Lady B quickly interjected.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, the play also got them all a little overexcited, and when they are anxious, they do indeed become more aggressive. But much of that has to do with their unfortunate childhoods, so the blame for the majority of today's bad behavior, I believe, primarily lies elsewhere. Anyway, these are small, insignificant details; the bigger picture is surely what matters. Don't you agree?” she said as, smarting from the criticism, she felt an urgent need to justify herself.

“Mildred, I quite understand that the children are overtired, but it still does not excuse all I have witnessed, and if I am in any way to offer financial assistance—for I believe that is what you are hoping for—well then, these so-called small details require your full and immediate attention.”