The Trouble with Polly Brown (88 page)
“Most magnanimously kind lady, what more can I say? It has been nothing short of a real pleasure to make your acquaintance, and I assure you, hand on heart, that nothing you care to give to such a needy cause as ours will, in any way, be squandered. Let me assure you now that every single penny will be put to good use in making these poor and desperate children's lives just that little bit more bearable. And let meâ”
“Thank you, Boritz, for your heart-wrenching words cannot fail but bring tears to my eyes,” Lady Butterkist interrupted.
“But please, dear lady, you must leave now. Otherwise, it will be dark before you arrive at your destination,” he keenly stated. “So allow me the great privilege of escorting you all to your car.”
“How very noble of you, Boritz,” Mildred muttered through clenched teeth.
“Why, thank you again, Boritz, for I am deeply touched by your concern, although I have to say that dear Blenkinsopp was a bit of a rally driver in his time, and therefore he knows these roads like the back of his hand.”
“Oh, Lady Butterkist, I have no doubt that he is the best money can buy! But all the same, the tight curves make these roads quite dangerous, and rather absurdly many youths who have barely abandoned their school ties and geometry sets are disposed to challenge the universe as well as their own mortality as they race each other down them at nothing but top speeds. In all sincerity I am left with no other alternative but to advise that you and your party take even greater measures than normal to stay safe.”
“Sir, we will indeed take great heed of your kind and thoughtful warning,” Giles interrupted.
“Well, in view of all this, it would seem most unreasonable to keep you here a moment longer. Yes, it would be most inconsiderate and ungentlemanly of me, to say the least,” he fawned.
“You are quite right, Boritz, so without further adieu we will say our pleasant good-byes and then be on our way. I will keep in constant touch regarding Polly's progress, and on my return I will do as promised by giving you a most generous donation to help with the running of this home.”
“Lady Butterkist, what can I say? You are indeed a wonderful and most charitable woman,” he stated, beaming from ear to ear. “So come on, Polly dear. Hurry up and finish your milk, and then you and your young friend must prepare to leave by putting on your coats and scarves before you go on your way.”
As Boritz and Mildred stood at the front porch to see the party off on their way, Boritz then followed them to the car and attempted to give Polly one final hug.
“Well, Polly, we expect you to be on your very best behavior. And don't forget to write, as we will all be eagerly longing to hear news of you,” he brightly chirped as he anxiously waited for Polly and Lucinda to climb into the backseat of the car before slamming the door shut.
“Au revoir and safe journey,” he loudly cried as their car revved up and then proceeded to leave the driveway. Pitstop dutifully stood alongside his master, his long, miserable tongue despairingly hanging from his mean and droopy face.
“What an intolerable old trollop she turned out to be,” Mildred snorted. “Yes, âgood-bye and good riddance to the lot of them' is all I can bring myself to say,” Mildred meanly muttered under her breath as, forcing herself, she continued to apply herself to the task by outwardly waving them off with plentiful, overly generous kisses into the air.
“Mildred, if I may say so, you seem a bit down in the doldrums, dear.”
“Well, trust me when I say that it's not been that easy,” she admitted.
“Well, now that the day has finally drawn to a close, let us waste no time in heading back inside to reap the full benefits of the warmth before I go to my desk to do a final count of all today has brought us,” Boritz suggested as, feeling all nice and fuzzy inside, he placed a loving arm around Mildred's miniscule waist.
“Yes, let's. And if you would care to see to it that Pitstop gets his belated dinner, I for my part will go and check on the children before we retire early.”
Boritz was in the middle of feeding Pitstop his long-overdue dinner when Mildred anxiously rushed back into the room.
“Oh, dearest one, never in a month of Sundays are you going to believe this one!”
“Well, just try me, for after all we've been put through this day I am sorely inclined to believe just about anything and everything, dearest.”
“Well, I went to check on the children, and what I saw beggars all belief. Yes, it has shocked me rigid to the very core of my being.”
“Tell me truthfully, holding nothing back: what precisely is going on?”
“Well, as I turned on the light, I was shocked to discover that the room was literally littered with hundreds of small white feathers. I asked the children to explain themselves, and, in a nutshell, they couldn't. But as I stood, hand on hip, refusing to budge until I had an answer that suitably satisfied me, I suddenly realized that this was by no means the only strange thing that had gone on in my absence.”
“Quite what do you mean by that, Mildred?”
“Well, earlier on this afternoon the older ones had begged to be allowed to watch a most unsuitably violent film they were all very eager to see. I, of course, quickly caved in to their request, mainly due to the fact that they all did their bit today in helping bring in the funds.”
“Go on,” he urged.
“Well, as I stood in the center of the room I quickly realized they had changed channels from the violent movie, and now they were all watching a sickeningly schmaltzy family film, yes, one far more suited to the younger children's needs.”
“Hmm. And what of the older children? Surely they weren't the least bit happy with this state of affairs?”
“Well, that's what one would imagine⦔
“Yes, one would, so do be a dear and get on with the story,” he urged, giving her a most disconsolate frown.
“Oh, all right, dear. Well, the strange thing is this: not only were they all happier than I've ever before witnessed, but the younger children were settled comfortably on the older children's laps, with the older ones feeding the younger ones large spoonfuls of that overbearing lady's apple pie! I've never seen anything like it, no, never in a month of Sundays!” she said, scratching her head as she felt she had need of reemphasizing her considerable disbelief.
“Oh, pull the other one; it's got bells on it!” he scornfully remarked as he continued to empty the tin of dog meat into Pitstop's empty bowl.
“You don't believe me, do you?” she furiously challenged. “But if I'd come in here to tell you I'd just swallowed a whole camel along with its entrails, you'd probably find that much easier to believe.”
“That's probably true, dearest,” he apathetically responded.
“Well, so much for your great ability to judge!” she sneered.
“Forgive me, Mildred dearest, but this is truly one of your wildest stories to date. It certainly beggars all belief,” he quickly retaliated.
“Well, if you truly believe this to be just some fanciful, made-up story, then please feel free to come see for yourself,” she chided before turning on her heels to quickly leave the room.
“Oh, trust me, as soon as I'm done feeding Pitstop, we most surely will come down to their playroom to see for ourselves,” he needlessly replied, for the now very disgruntled Mildred was long gone!
Meanwhile, back in Piadora the noise of great laughter was heard resounding throughout the entire kingdom as all in the land continued to enjoy Ralph's, or rather Lady Butterkist's, effortlessly eloquent yet absolutely riveting performance
.
“Hodgekiss, Ralph really is superb at playing Lady Butterkist. He really has found his niche,” one person cried out
.
“Yes, and he is getting better by the minute,” another member of the crowd shouted out
.
“His antics are little short of hysterical,” another voice joined in
.
“Yes, you are all absolutely correct, for he has certainly become something of an all-around entertainer,” Hodgekiss beamed. “But come, gather 'round and listen, for it is almost time for the next round of auditions to take place. Remember, we are still looking for someone to play the part of a very wise man. He will be required to speak with a believable cockney, yes, a real East End accent. He should be short and dumpy, and I think he should almost be bald. He also needs to be quick thinking, witty, yes, good with words, and given to cracking endless, very irritating jokes at the drop of a hatâyes, a bit of a wisecrack, really. And so, I think at the end of the day he should bear the title âMr. Wiseman.'”
The crowd was in uproar as they listened to the credentials that were necessary if they were to have any hope of getting the part
.
“According to Mrs. O' Brien, who is standing right next to me, we have well over five thousand persons of interest who have put their name down for a chance to star in this interesting role. She also tells me that some of you are feeling a trifle despondent, as this character will surely take many months to fully master. So let me encourage you by saying that you still have plenty time, as the final auditions are still many months away. Let me also just add that if you fail to get chosen for this part, there are still many other absorbing characters that have yet to be disclosed, characters such as the very Rev. Mumbo-Jumbo. Now, if after reading up on this character you believe yourself to be worthy of a tryout, then kindly put your name down, along with the briefest of comments as to why you think you are the perfect applicant for this special role. So, everybody, please keep up the rehearsals, for remember, practice makes perfect.”
“Yes, we most surely will,” the crowd gleefully roared
.
“Oh, and before I forget, there is another wonderful role that I am about to cast.”
“Ooh, tell us more,” the delighted crowd cried
.
“Well, I have the forms right in front of me for anyone wishing to audition for the part of Mr. Madgewick, the happiest man on Earth.”
There was a great rumble, as the whole crowd moved forward to take a form as well as beg for the part
.
“Much as I guessed, there is not one among you who could not easily play this particular role, for I need no reminding that you are all deliriously happy all of the time. Anyway, even though this particular audition might be considered by some as being perfunctory, we would still like to see who amongst you very happy people will play the part to its absolute best. I also promise these auditions will continue on until we have seen to it that everybody gets their moment of opportunity to shine and perhaps win a part in the next stage of Polly's very unpredictable, topsyturvy life,” Hodgekiss cheerfully informed his very attentive mixed bag of hopefuls
.
“Oh, Hodgekiss, we are all so excited, for it is plainly obvious to all that we are in for a wealth of fun in the up-and-coming months,” Mrs. O'Brien said, giving one of her deep and generous smiles
.
“We certainly do have a lot to look forward to, Mrs. O'Brien. That we certainly do.”
“Well, I'd best get back to my wonderful cookery class. The darling princesses are eager to get on with today's lesson, for they are all very excited about making their very first ever plum puddings.”
“Before you go on your merry way, I have rarely seen such excitement at being a part of young Polly's next journey, so I have to warn now that as there are more applicants than ever wishing for a small part in this next, most critical intervention, we really do have our work cut out in choosing the perfect ones for the different roles,” Hodgekiss quietly commented in Mrs. O'Brien's attentive ear
.
“I agree, but we do have a number of months before she once again heads on another journey. So, there's time enough to practice, and up here we all love a hearty challenge, don't we? It also tickles me pink to think that most earthlings too readily believe that we sit around all day playing our harps so as not to die of boredom.”
“Well, won't they be in for a big surprise when they finally depart Earth, only to discover the truth,” Hodgekiss cheerfully commented, breaking into a warm smile. “All the same, it might be good for you to learn to play the harp.”
“I very much doubt that! For Hodgekiss, as you well know, I have little spare time on my hands to even consider learning to play such a beautiful instrument,” she mused. “Besides which, I've always been such a slow learner that it would be quite painful for anyone to listen as I practice.”
“Well, that may be true, Mrs. O'Brien, but consider this: you do have the rest of eternity at your disposal to become an expert in this particular field of music.”
“Trust me when I say that in my case, I don't believe even that time frame would nearly be long enough,” she playfully retorted
.