The Unexpected Life of Carnegie Lane (22 page)

“Everyone, this is my dear friend Carnegie Lane.”

There was a chorus of hellos and a lot of head nodding from everyone, then they all went back to whatever it was they were doing. Even the girls turned and began chatting to each other, as if it didn’t matter that the one they wanted had just been stolen by someone twice their age.

“Who’s your care package?” Carnegie whispered to him softly.

“I don’t know. They’re here with someone I suspect…” He winked at her as he walked over to the bar and grabbed her a glass of wine. She accepted it without question. She would have taken it straight from the bottle and sculled it if he offered.

They chatted a little bit about the concert, about the people in the room. Most of them were from different TV stations, Australian promotion companies and magazines… That type of thing.

“Does it ever get boring?” She asked, not understanding how it could, although he had been doing it for a long time… Playing the game so to speak.

“Never boring. Sometimes, you just…wish.” He stopped there and looked at her.

“Wish for what?” She questioned, curious.

“You just wish for Impossible Things.” He answered almost distantly as he turned back toward the room full of mostly strangers and then made his way effortlessly amongst them.

Seconds became minutes and those minutes can fly faster than the speed of time. Eventually, the room began to clear and left behind were just a few. Leonie had been filling Carnegie in on who was who, and why they were here. She explained the entourage of over dressed girls, and why they were invited. It was to impress their agents and executives, some of whom were leaving, escorted by the girls in the hope of something more. Most of them would remain disappointed. Still, their ego had been stroked, simply by arriving and leaving with them in the first place.

“Is there someone in his life Leonie? You know what I mean.” Carnegie felt almost awkward asking, although she did want to know the answer. She hadn’t asked Nate directly in any of her conversations, and he had never offered it anyway.

“There have been many.” She said gently. “No doubt, there will be more. Unless someone can capture his heart, and still give him space to be exactly who he is. Unless
she
exists, I doubt there will be only one.” Leonie was trying to warn her, without outright telling her there was no hope and none. Not that Carnegie was expecting anything... Well, not that she was prepared to let surface enough to admit.

“Do you ever think he gets lonely?” Carnegie asked. She was trying to imagine his life as hers, instead of the one that was responsible for the four sets of lungs breathing heavily in their sleep down the hall. As much as she wanted it, she couldn’t imagine this and not them.

“I know he gets lonely. I’ve seen him with his sister, Lilli and her kids. He just adores them. Often, he says he would kidnap one and keep them for himself. For as long as I’ve known Nate there’s always been a reservation about him, something that stops him from getting too close. It’s like he’s frightened. Maybe he was hurt once. Although, if he was, he’s never told anyone. It’s like a self preservation thing I guess, one that keeps him focused on his career...Which means everything to him.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Leonie went and opened it and in bounded ‘a not very wide awake Sienna’.

“Mummy, I can’t sleep!” She said innocently not realizing there would be strangers in the room, yet she walked straight over to Nate with her arms in the air expecting to be picked up.

“Hey there you.” He said with a smile. The others around him just thought it was cute.

“Hi Nate.” She said in that little Sienna voice that occasionally she could pull off.

She put her head down and was asleep before it hit his shoulder.

“I think you found a friend.” Leonie said, as she walked over to him, ready to take the sleeping Sienna off him.

“She’s a sweet thing this one. It’s ok Leonie, I got her.” He said enjoying the contact.

Sweet…
thought Carnegie…
Little did he know she could grow horns and become the devil in disguise...
Time would tell… She just smiled and tried not to look guilty.

“Here Nate… I better go, I’ll take her.” Carnegie walked over to take Sienna from him, but he shook his head.

“Come on, I’ll walk you back, I’ll carry her.” He turned and said goodnight to those that were left, and how much he was looking forward to seeing them tomorrow night. Then he went with Carnegie out into the hallway and headed back toward her rooms.

“I think I need Sienna after all my gigs. She is the best excuse to send everyone home I’ve found so far.” He looked over at Carnegie and winked.

“Sorry.” She said feeling a little bit like she invaded his space.

“Don’t be, I’m serious. It’s nearly 3am and I have a 7.30am start.”

He put her back in bed then walked into the adjoining room with Carnegie. Finally he had some time to talk to her, without distraction.

“Did you have fun?” He asked, hoping that she had.

“It was the best night I’ve had in ages. Actually I can’t remember one as special.”

“Hope you liked the song. See I told you I would learn it.” Carnegie had another moment where her insides moved. She would never forget that song. It had signaled a significant change in everything she believed she was.

“I loved it.” Was all she managed to say.

“Well, tomorrow, I’m off early. We have TV interviews then three radio shows. I have a photo shoot to do, and I think I’ll be back for a while before the sound check, I’m not sure if I’ll see much of you though.” Nate had invited her, and didn’t want her to think she was being abandoned.

“It’s fine. I haven’t been to Brisbane in ages. I’m sure the kids will want to go do something. Don’t you worry about us?”

There was a pause between them, just long enough for the feeling of expectation to begin creeping under Carnegie’s skin. The night had given her enough revelations of who she was, and the compulsive need she was beginning to feel, to grab hold of this guy and never let him go became stronger, every time he opened his mouth. As much as this friendship between them had been ongoing for a while, albeit from a distance, she still didn’t really understand why. Tonight she had seen the caliber of people he was used to, and a tired mother of four who couldn’t afford the clothes or the hair styles to even come close to them… didn’t seem to make sense to her.

“Nate.” She said, getting his attention. He was happily sitting back on the lounge, staring at…nothing.

“Why am I here?” She asked genuinely.

He turned and looked at her. Studying her again, as he had done before.

“Because I wanted you to come.”

“But why did you want me to come. Why did you do all of this for me? Why do I matter to you, enough for all of this?”

It was a great question. He thought about it for a moment. Still looking at her as he did, ever searching for something familiar.

“Well, I love your book. I love the way you write. I love the way you think.” He reached over and grabbed hold of her hand.

“I never expected to find a new friend, one that was just themselves, without wanting anything from me. You didn’t even know who I was and that in itself is amazing. Carnegie, for whatever reason it came about, you do matter to me. Through you, I get to have what I don’t have, and get to tell someone what I have and how it feels, and know you’re really listening. I treasure your world, and everything in it.” He paused trying to read her acceptance to his words through the movement in her eyes. Then he continued….

“I didn’t drag you down here to sleep with you. If that’s what you’re wondering.”

Carnegie laughed a little. “I get the feeling you’re not that hard up for it.”

“Hey…Don’t put yourself down. You’re an amazing woman. Your talented, your beautiful, and you’re so very special. Soon enough the world is going to know your name. Not for any other reason than because of the talent you are. I knew that the moment I started reading your story. I knew you were special. You’re my friend Carnegie Lane. Don’t ever think anything would change that. I will always be here for you no matter what.” He pulled her over toward him and held her firmly in his arms.

She could have jumped all over him right then and there. He wouldn’t have said no. It was Carnegie that was keeping the distance between them. This man was amazing. He was talented, he was gorgeous, he was independently wealthy. He had an amazing nature, he was everything that any woman in her position would climb over rocky mountains to get at if the opportunity allowed it. It was that box that remained unopened deep inside her that stopped her that night. The one that clearly was labeled… ‘
Don’t ever open again
’.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed

I’m back on Boogie Street

I guess they won’t, exchange the gifts

That you were meant to keep

And quiet is, the thought of you

The file on you complete

Except what we, forgot to do

A Thousand Kisses Deep

“
A Thousand Kisses Deep”

Written by Leonard Cohen and Sharon Robinson

Leonard Cohen – Ten New Songs Album 2001

13

Katalie
hadn’t heard back from Richard, so as far as she knew, he had been happy with her reply. She had no idea of the bombshell he was preparing to drop on all of them. Jase had been somewhat helpful, and had made contact with Lilli, filling her in on what had happened to make Kat angry with the one sibling she had always defended above all of them. It had been Lilli that had pulled Nate through when Taylor died. Taylor was younger than Lilli by two years, although it never got between the friendship they had shared. Age seemed to be no barrier, and there was to this day, rarely one that went by where there wasn’t a fleeting thought about Taylor in her mind.

Watching the rise in musical success of her brother, Lilli often wondered if it would have happened if Taylor was still alive. She never could listen to those first two albums though. She knew exactly what they represented, even if the rest of the world had no idea.

There had been a time, when Nate was between the ages of nineteen and twenty when his recklessness had almost sent him to his grave alongside her. She knew he didn’t care if he lived or died. The cars he crashed, the base jumping off buildings. All of it was to free himself of the guilt he felt for letting Taylor go that night. The reality was, he couldn’t have stopped her even if he tried.

They had been together since they were kids. Always dreaming of graduation, always wondering what it would be like to be married. By the time they were eighteen, Nate had it in his head that he owned Taylor. She would be his bride forever, yet Taylor was beginning to think for herself. Her priorities had changed a little, looking forward to college and maybe some space to find out who she was, on her own. That was what the fight was about. Taylor had applied to a different university than him, and she had been accepted. They were arguing because Nate had naturally assumed they would attend the same one. It was an argument he would live to regret.

He spent his weekends at a cemetery talking to engraved concrete. Lilli remembered the day she went there, in the rain, dragging him off her grave and begging him to let her go. She never knew why he suddenly snapped out of it. Maybe it was the music, maybe he sang all his sadness away. All she was grateful for was, it did end. Yet she wondered if it would ever rare it’s head again. Especially since he had remained somewhat… single. From what Jase had told her, either Carnegie Lane was psychic and didn’t know it, or this story landing on her brothers lap exactly how it had, was some kind of divine fate.

It was impossible that she knew any of this, since it had never been made public. In fact, never in Nate’s long years doing what he did had the media even found out about it. She guessed it was the luck of growing up in a small town that still believed, that what happened in that town, remained there. All she asked was to be kept informed. If there was even an inkling of anything in his behavior that seemed unusual, Lilli wanted to know about it.

She placed the flowers on Taylors grave. It was something she still did, occasionally.

“I don’t know what you’re up to girl, but I get a feeling that somehow you’re behind this.”

If Lilli could hear the dead speak she would have heard a reply. Taylor would have told her…
I am
.

“I’ll keep an eye on him Taylor…I promise.” She said, blowing her a kiss.

Lilli turned and walked back to the car, driving home before her children bounded in the door from school, and before any of them would ask where she had been.

Nate Bowman was eager to get through the last of his interviews. They were so repetitive, yet necessary. Over and over he was asked the same questions. Over and over he answered them, always with a slight variation to the last. There is only so many times you can talk about the creation of a certain song, or album and find something different to say. This time, his questions had an extra one. Who was Carnegie Lane to him? He would always answer the same way. ‘
Just a friend
’.