The Waitress (32 page)

When Dan came back into the kitchen he was grinning broadly. He laughed and clapped his hands.

‘Gerry’s managed some porridge and my mum’s going to make her boiled eggs with soldiers for lunch. She told me to have a fab time and report back on everything.’ He didn’t add that Geraldine had especially wanted notes on Hugh and Katie’s ‘dalliance’. Or that she was thinking of making an appointment with that amazing local wedding dress shop while his mother was with her, if she was up to it later this afternoon. He knew that Geraldine was far happier being looked after by her future mother-in-law than going to the wedding of her former flat-mate.

And so they set off. Dan and Hugh wanted to do the boy thing and take the front seats, but Katie pulled rank. She was, after all, the only one in the car with a uterus.

‘What’s that got to do with the price of fish?’ asked Hugh.

‘What’s him having
testicles
got to do with it?’ she spluttered.

‘What has anyone’s testicles got to do with the price of fish?’ asked Dan.

‘It’s nothing to do with his testicles –’ said Hugh patiently.

‘Oh good –’ said Dan.

‘– it’s because his legs are longer because he’s a man,’ finished Hugh.

‘That’s an absolutely
ridiculous
argument,’ cried Katie. ‘If I’m in the front, I’ll have the seat forward so he’ll have loads of leg room. We’re the same two people, so it doesn’t make any difference which one of us sits in the front or back. Except that I’m shorter so if I’m in the back, I get to see much less because he’ll be blocking my view and I’ll be all squashed up.’

Hugh thought about this. Katie hadn’t been a champion debater at Oxford for nothing. ‘So why did my mother always sit in the back when we went on family holidays?’ he asked.

Katie shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Because your father drove like a maniac?’

Hugh’s eyes widened. ‘Oh my God, I think you’re right. I was always car sick in the front.’

Dan started laughing and Katie and Hugh turned to him. He crossed his arms and gave them both a big grin. ‘Oh boy,’ he said, shaking his head, ‘this journey is going to be such fun.’

The journey was a lot of fun, although only in retrospect. Living through it was hell. After they had picked up
Dan’s
bag then Katie’s bag, struggled to open the roof of Hugh’s car, packed their bags in his boot and draped the creasable outfits beside Dan in the back, they were all sweating. Katie waited eagerly for the car to pick up enough speed so that the wind could blow through her hair and into Hugh’s face, making it impossible for him to talk. But he didn’t drive that fast, partly because he had a lot to get off his chest and partly because he firmly believed that speed limits were there for a reason. Hugh needed to talk about the builders. This Katie understood. Dan joined in too. They all had their share of builder anecdotes to last them to the motorway. Then Hugh decided to regale his passengers with hilarious tales from his and Katie’s past. This she could not understand, but she could enjoy. To her surprise she found it a nice trip down memory lane and before long was giggling with Hugh at shared reminiscences. Yes, that had been funny when she’d gone to a lecture after an all-nighter and only realised it was the wrong one when it slowly dawned on her that everyone was speaking French.

‘I just thought they were talking fast. Anyway,’ she said, ‘this must be very boring for Dan.’ But he insisted it was fascinating. ‘Always good to know the truth about your staff,’ he said, which riled her from so many angles she didn’t know where to start. So she just sat back and reminisced with Hugh until his driving rendered her no longer able to talk.

‘Have you ever had to go on a journey with her?’ Hugh asked Dan, and before Dan had a chance to answer or Katie to shut him up, he went on, ‘Un-bloody-believable.’ He was already starting to laugh. ‘She couldn’t find her
way
out of her own toilet. She needs wallpaper that’s a map with “You Are Here” on it.’

‘Do you mind?’ tried Katie.

‘We had more rows about that than anything else.’ Hugh turned to her. ‘Do you remember when I was waiting in that café for four hours?’

‘The map was out of date.’

‘It was two streets away from your flat!’

‘But –’

‘And have you ever asked her to make a decision about something important?’ he asked Dan. He could hardly talk for laughing now. ‘It’s like watching a cow with CJD.’

‘Right,’ cut in Katie. ‘Stop the car. I’m getting out. On behalf of cows everywhere.’

Hugh finally shut up and the three of them sat in silence for a while, Hugh to enjoy the drive, Katie and Dan to focus on not being sick. It had turned out that Hugh thought the way to drive was to exert minuscule pumping movement after minuscule pumping movement on the gas pedal. After half an hour she wondered if she could convince Dan to sit in the front. After an hour she wondered if she could convince Hugh that travelling in reverse used less petrol. After an hour and a half, she wondered if she’d ever feel normal again. She’d never before been glad to hear twelve songs from Celine Dion in a row, but at least it meant she could moan without anyone being able to hear, often in tune.

‘So!’ said Hugh so suddenly and loudly when the tape finished that she would have jumped if she’d been physically capable of moving. ‘How’s the famous “café” going?’ By now, Katie was frightened to open her eyes, let
alone
her mouth. She decided to let Dan do the talking. He was in the best seat, after all.

‘Dan?’ Hugh turned to look at him, swerving the wheel as he did so. Katie felt her breakfast lurch up into her chest.

‘Mm?’ said Dan weakly.

‘How’s the wonderful café going?’

‘Fine thanks.’

‘I think you’ve done a marvellous job,’ Hugh said. ‘Absolutely marvellous. You’ve shown real balls.’ He let out an enthusiastic burst of laughter. ‘You know what I mean? Real
balls
.’

‘Thanks,’ managed Dan.

‘Mon plaisir, capitaine,’ smiled Hugh, ‘mon plaisir.’

Now Katie felt really sick.

‘And it’s a lovely little café,’ continued Hugh. He suddenly sat bolt upright, and leant over to the glove compartment in front of Katie. He pulled out a map-book and threw it on to her lap. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘I need directions from here.’

‘Hugh,’ Katie sat up. ‘You know I can’t read maps.’

‘I know!’ cried out Hugh. ‘It’ll be just like old times.’

‘But we’ll end up in Wales.’

‘Right, there’s a roundabout coming up soon,’ said Hugh patiently. ‘Do I go right or left? It’s easy, right’s the one on the right. Left’s the one on the left.’

‘And Pillock is the one behind the wheel.’

Hugh laughed good-naturedly. ‘You see?’ he said. ‘Just like old times.’

Katie turned round to Dan, who gave her a wobbly smile. She pleaded silently with him, but he raised his
eyebrows
in mock ignorance. ‘We’ll get there faster if you do it,’ she mouthed. He sat up and grabbed the map from her.

When they arrived at the hotel, they had just over two hours to get ready before the wedding was due to start. Or in Katie and Dan’s case, one hour to be sick, one hour to recover and ten minutes to get ready.

As they drove, jerkily, up to the hotel they were momentarily hushed. Ahead of them stood a fourteenth-century castle, turrets stretching up to the aqua sky, swans floating round it in the moat below. They pulled themselves out of the car rather unsteadily and crunched over the gravel to the entrance where they were signposted to the cosy reception desk.

Had there been any doubt in anyone’s mind that a wedding was taking place here this afternoon, all doubt now vanished. Had there been any doubt that daisies were the theme of this wedding, all doubt now vanished. The hotel was adorned with daisies: the imposing oak-banisters that spiralled from entrance hall to dining room and beyond were bedecked with them; every low, oak-beamed door (complete with attached cushion for those who might forget to bend) was smothered in them; in the small, private lounges, the vast fireplaces were festooned with them. There was a summer wedding here and daisies were the theme.

Hugh became jittery with excitement. He unwrapped one of the boiled sweets in the bowl on the check-in desk and popped it into his mouth and then took a quick look round the place, while waiting for the receptionist to
confirm
their details. Some of the other wedding guests were also checking in and Dan and Katie smiled at people holding overnight bags and carrying creaseable outfits over their shoulders. Old college friends who had not been seen since the engagement party were greeting each other with whoops of delight, claims of great excitement and then uncomfortable silences.

‘Right,’ the check-in receptionist smiled briefly at them both and held up a key. ‘Suite Number 121. Luxury four-poster bed as requested.’

‘Oh no,’ said Katie quickly. ‘We’re not together.’

‘No,’ said Dan half under his breath. ‘She’s with the buffoon in the lounge eating the Murray Mint.’

Katie gave him a haughty glance. ‘You mean the buffoon who gave you a free lift all the way here?’

‘You’re right,’ said Dan mildly. ‘I meant the “bastard” in the lounge.’

They stared at each other until the check-in receptionist gave a practised little cough, and Dan started giving his details. It turned out that he was in Room 120 opposite, so after Hugh had found them again – ‘I’ve just seen Todd Jackson! He’s completely bald!’ – they climbed the thickly carpeted main stairs and then a narrower winding stairway.

‘You’ve got the four-poster you requested,’ Dan informed Hugh.

‘Excellent,’ beamed Hugh, which hadn’t been quite the response Katie had expected. ‘Have you got one too?’

‘Don’t know yet,’ said Dan.

‘What a shame Geraldine’s missing all this,’ said Hugh.

‘Yes,’ said Dan. ‘She’d have loved the drive down.’
Katie
had to stifle a smile. They reached their doors and Dan turned on his heel to face them both. He was holding his uncrushed dinner jacket and shirt behind him on its hanger, his hair slightly ruffled, his cheeks flushed, his head slightly cocked to one side. Katie looked away, stared at her closed door and then looked back.

‘Well,’ said Dan. ‘Enjoy the four-poster.’ He gave Hugh a boyish wink and then turned to unlock the door to his room.

Katie stood looking at the suite, feeling suddenly glum. It was spectacular. The windows did not merely have curtains, they were garlanded with them. The bed did not merely have a quilt, it was swathed in fabric. The bathroom did not just have a bath, it had a small swimming pool. She was standing in the middle of the bathroom, performing a 360-degree stare, when she heard Hugh curse loudly. She came back into the bedroom to find him sitting on the four-poster, his travel bag beside him, holding an envelope. She was about to remind him that he had promised he’d sleep on the couch when she realised he was pale. She walked nearer.

‘Hugh?’

He waved the envelope dismally at her.

‘It’s Maxine’s writing,’ he said. ‘She’s here already.’

Katie hadn’t given it a moment’s thought that Hugh had been driving towards a confrontation with Maxine. No wonder he’d wanted Dan to join them. Safety in numbers. He’d probably have asked the rest of the café if they’d been invited. She sat next to him on the bed and
looked
at Maxine’s writing. She wasn’t giving much away. Smack bang in the middle of the envelope was the letter ‘H’.

‘It was her nickname for me,’ said Hugh, miserably.

‘It might be nice,’ she said hopefully. ‘Come on.’

He opened it and while he read it, she held his hand, looking away. He sighed heavily. ‘Oh God.’

‘What?’

He gave her the letter.

H
,

I thought it best to let you know that I’m here with David, my boyfriend. I didn’t think he’d get a late invitation, but Sandy called this morning to say that Geraldine wasn’t coming, so she had a spare space. It means swapping a few people around, but she did it. She just wants everyone to be happy on her big day. As do I. I hope you can find it in yourself to be happy for me
.

See you at the altar. I’ll be the one in lilac
.

M
.

They sat in silence until eventually Hugh said, ‘He was my carpenter.’

‘I know.’

‘He’s a good carpenter.’

‘Oh.’

‘Not very punctual.’

‘Mm.’

‘That’ll annoy her after a while.’

‘Good.’

‘Our bedroom’s lilac.’

‘Oh.’

‘It’s the only room in the whole bloody house I like.’

Katie smiled. ‘I’m surprised she didn’t wear magnolia.’

He gave a half-hearted chuckle. Then he held her hand and thanked her for being there with him. She squeezed his hand and told him it was her pleasure. Then he hugged her and said he didn’t know what he’d have done if he’d been there on his own. She hugged him back and said it was her pleasure. Then he rested his head on her shoulder, and she got up to quickly unpack her outfit.

They arranged that Hugh would get ready first because Katie’s dress was so tight she wanted to get in some extra breathing before putting it on, but as the length of Hugh’s baths had been legendary at uni, she asked for the bathroom first for a quick shower. At this he promised her that he didn’t mind if she wanted to share bathroom time with him, and she told him to quit while she still felt any sympathy. Then he gave such a heart-wrenchingly sincere apology that she felt sorry for him all over again. When she came out, she lay on her bed in an oversized towelling robe, channel flicking, while he submerged himself for so long she thought even his internal organs must have gone wrinkly.

As she heard a bold knock on the door she assumed Hugh had ordered some drinks and jumped up eagerly. ‘Ooh,’ she called to him, as she opened the door excitedly. ‘Is this what I think it is?’

‘Doubt it,’ grinned Dan, leaning nonchalantly against the door frame.

They both stepped back, Katie’s hand instinctively jumping up to her robe.

‘Hello,’ she said in a small voice, the towelling feeling suddenly very thin.