The Way Home (Lights of Peril Book 2) (11 page)

Hood had already been there by the time Shame arrive
d. He had just subdued Warren shortly before. Shame was devastated when he absorbed the scene and what had happened. Shame finished Warren off, Hood had allowed that. Shame completely gutted Warren during the initial news that his lifelong best friend, Hem, was dead. Even in angry biker mode, Hood knew Shame needed that for closure.

It would not matter if I objected
to any of this. He would make me do whatever he wanted. “Okay, but Shame, you know what you’re doing … right? You have to promise me, you know what the fuck you’re doing?”

Instantly, once I conform, he softens.
“Yeah, I got this. I just can’t do it if I’m fuckin’ worried about Hem’s girls. Go. Once I’m sure all is okay, after I make some calls, then I will text Mace and the boys that you can come home and Honor will have Patrick here in the mornin’, first thing before the little shit starts to cry for his mom. Fair?”

“Yes, fair.”
As I gather my ‘shit’ I hear another car door. Shame is all over the door. No one unwelcome could come or go unless an automatic weapon was used. Shame is massive and he takes up the entire space. I hear Cherry laughing and when I see Ace, I sigh. Seeing Ace gives me some peace. He hasn’t left me yet, even though I’ve been a terrible person to him.

“When I saw her I was in love with her. Everything turned over inside of me. She looked toward the door, saw there was no one,
and then she sat on the side of the bed and leaned over and kissed me.”  

-Ernest Hemingway

Leaving my house once the chaos, well Shame, settled, we made our way to Shell Horn’s. My mind isn’t here. I watch all my friends dance and try having a good time. I’ve relieved Mace of her ‘watch drink’ duties and her big ol’ self is now attempting to dance. However, it’s more like she’s just swaying back and forth slightly. She’s smiling a little, so I’m thinking she doesn’t realize she looks like a beached whale out there flopping, surrounded by minnows. Hot guy, good friends, no crazy stalker headed her way. Nope, I
still
don’t feel sorry for her.

I’ve
sent the last text to Honor, making sure Patrick is all tucked in safely for the night. I’ve driven the man nuts. I don’t give two shits about that. Shame has told Mace all is quiet and undisturbed back at the house, but he plans to stay the night there with me since I’m being “nothing less than a difficult wench” – his words, per Mace. He doesn’t trust me to take care of myself, so he’s staying. Again, two shits … not given.

“Are you going to sit here all night on my L-A-S-S-T night here?”

Shit, Peyton spelling words out on a normal day can get annoying, but now she’s well into her fourth drink that she’s actually
misspelling
words. Jesus, how is she standing after four of those damn watermelon drinks? She’s so tiny.

“Yes, I am.
I’m watching drinks so ‘Shamu’over there can enjoy a dance or two or friggin’ ten. It’s about time we head out anyway. I’m ready to go. Cherry and April will ride with you and Honor back, I’m going to take Mace home with me so she can take Shame’s truck once we get back to my place.”

“Do you want me to st-t-tay
with you? Cause S-s-sadey, I will.” Great, now she has the hiccups.

“No.
Derek is going to be waiting for you, honey. I’m sure he’s ready for you to get home. Hell, it’s already past midnight. He’s probably already packed up the entire house by now, waiting to take his woman and ride off into the sunset. I will see you before you leave though, you can stop and say goodbye, like you promised.”

S
he doesn’t acknowledge the time or anything else I said after the word ‘no.’ She casually just gets up and starts walking towards the dance floor in effort to ignore my request to call it a night.

Gunner notices from across the room and I nod
, signaling him to round up the ladies and gents so we can go home. Shame and Ace are probably either sleeping, fighting, or scoping everything out around the house for the eighth time in an hour. Now that I’m out, I don’t really want to go home. I’m too freaked about what happened earlier, but if Shame stays with me, I’m going to sleep well.

Walking in the
front door, Mace and I can see right away that I was right. Shame is sleeping soundly in my recliner and Ace is lying on my couch, yet again. He’s becoming a fixture in my house and I don’t really mind. I’m surprised by my reaction.

“Shame
, baby. Wake up, honey.” Mace lays her hand across his cheek and watches his eyes open and try to focus out of sleep. “I’m going to go home. My stomach is still tight and your son is shadow boxing like Ali up in here. I feel like he’s karate kicking a rib, then right jabbing my left ovary.”

I feel bad for making a nearly nine month pregnant woman go h
ome alone. I can sleep at the club, or at Honor’s with Patrick.

“Mace
, just let me pack my stuff. I will go with you.”

Shame is awake
, but not completely. He grabs a hold of Mace and pulls her down onto him in the chair. He rubs her belly with a small smile. It’s dark, other than the light from a muted television, so she probably doesn’t even notice how content he looks as he holds his unborn son with his giant hands. One day, I think to myself, I will have this again.

“Sweetheart, if Ace is already asleep
, I can let the little fucker sleep on the couch, if Sadey doesn’t care. Think it has already been established that if anyone were to come within a mile of Sadey intending harm, the person would be asking for a long, painful death.”

I glance quickly over
at Ace who looks to be sleeping soundly, “Fine, whatever. I don’t care. Not a problem. I don’t mind. Whatever needs done.” I’m running my mouth in nervousness and saying stupid words in agreement. If I tell Mace how well I sleep when Ace, or anyone, is in the other room, she will twist it in her mind, as always, and push me forward again, before I’m ready.

Damn
, my girl is quick. Before I even turn to put my stuff down on the counter, she’s at me.

“Ok
ay Sadey, Shame and I will go … leaving you and Ace … alone … ya know to sleep … that’s all.” She winks at me and turns back to Shame who is now coming to me with a scowl.

Hell
, why am I in trouble? I didn’t say it, she did.

“Mace
, damn it, knock that shit off. I talked to Ace about all the shit that went down here tonight. I tried to anyway, but he’s got something going and he’s not budging. All he wants is Sadey safe. He’s on duty tonight. Now woman, can we go home, please? Had a shit evening and have shit to do tomorrow, but before that I…”

“Hell
, no. Shut up. Stop talking. Get your shit and go. Not that I’m not jealous that Mace is getting sex regularly, but I can’t sit here and listen to you describe it. God, just
go
.”

Shame smiles, looks at Mace
with those God damn silver-sex eyes of his, and one look, just one, is all that it takes. She follows him out, only to look back at me with a knowing smirk. The woman is the size of a damn house and she still looks forward to him making her ass ‘pink.’ Lucky bitch.

I’ve lock
ed up the house, double checking everything,
yet again
. I indulge myself for a moment or two and look at Ace sleeping on my couch, in my home. I’m remembering times when he and I would make out wherever we could find a quiet place. Not just the night Mace busted us half undressed, in a car at the club, but the other times; at my house when she was with Greyson or at her Mom’s. I remember the way Ace would kiss me.

There is only
one speed for him and it is slow and seductive, never rushed or pushing for more than I offer. Aside from our recent escapade on the porch, I don’t remember what it was like to have a man touch me, really touch me. Every time I feel myself start longing for it again, the guilt takes over and I drop the uninvited thought immediately. I still feel like I’m cheating on my dead husband.

Ace
needs a blanket or he will freeze in here tonight. I keep the house cool to avoid Patrick from getting too warm as he sleeps under the mountain of cuddle blankets I put around him. I pull off the blanket that was laying on the recliner that Shame had used and cover Ace. As he dreams I study his features uninterrupted. He looks even sweeter with his eyes closed. His dimple is at rest, but overall Ace honestly looks lost.

He’s
lying flat on his back, his forearm resting over his eyes. The muscles in his arms and chest are flexing, but his steady breathing tells me how relaxed he is in slumber. I start to move the blanket up to his mid-section and I tuck it around him, taking my time to touch his hard stomach and abs. The man has turned into a powerhouse since last I saw him. I feel him shift under my fingers, so I chance a glance at his face. He hasn’t moved his arm from his eyes, but his breathes aren’t steady anymore. I’ve woken him. Shit.

“Bug, what are you doing?”
His sleepy voice is low and raspy.

Yep, he’s awake and I’ve not
yet taken my damn hands off his person. They are still lingering near the hem of his shirt. I’m about to fuck this friendship up, but it’s been a hellevua day and I want to be wrapped in someone’s arms. “I’m just covering you up. You’ve got to be getting cold.”

“No
, baby, I’m not cold. You want to lay down here? I can move over, make you comfortable.”

The
television is still the only light in the room. Under the cloak of darkness I find bravery. I crawl into his waiting warmth as he moves onto his side into the back of the couch. I can smell him, and I remember his scent from our times before. I shift myself so we’re spooning and I’m not surprised that he always feels comfortable with me, to just pull my body to his front as he rests his arm around my waist.

“Are you tired?
I don’t want to keep you up.” I feel bad about waking him, but I don’t want to sleep.

“Shhh.
I’m not tired anymore. I’m going to hold you. You need this.” Another man telling me what I need.

I don’t respond because any type of denial
that I could conjure would be a lie. I’m quiet for a few minutes, hoping he believes I’ve dozed off. I haven’t, though. I can’t. I’m enjoying this. I’m owning this moment and making it mine. Nearly every memory I have of Ace is logged in my mind as pre-Hem. I need post-Hem memories now; I’ve been living in limbo.

“You’re overthinking.
Just stop.” He moves his hand up my side. My arm is lying on my hip, allowing access to my chest. He stops just under my breast and runs his thumb against the bottom of it through the thin material of my shirt, back and forth. I’m blushing. Not because he’s doing anything I don’t want him to do, but because I’m incredibly turned on.

“Sadey, stop thinking.
You know I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I came back to see you. I meant what I said the other night. I love you.”

As soon as he moves his hand from my breast to my face
, I feel the absence. He uses his palm to turn my head up to him and he kisses me. He’s using his tongue against my lip again, licking it back and forth. He’s asking for entrance and I want this, so I open in response. Jesus, this beautiful man can kiss. Hard, calloused hands begin to explore my body. I’m starved for this, I’ve thought about it in the back of my mind, wondering what it would be like to be with another man, completely.

I’m not without fear
, though. What if another man is never enough? My body only responds, moves, and explodes for Hem. No wait, my body
responded, moved, and exploded
for Hem. Hem is gone. He left me.

Gently
, Ace starts unbuttoning my shirt one button at a time. He’s using the same slow, seductive pace as his tongue does, as it glides in and out of my mouth. I feel the stubble on his jaw from two days without shaving. He’s all man right now, and he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. I haven’t felt like that since making love to Hem the night before he…

“Sadey b
ug, please, just stop with your worry. I won’t hurt you.”

Those words of encouragement make me focus on this moment with him.
I turn my body around, and as I do, it pushes his hand into my breast and he moves the cup up and massages my nipple with his gentleness. My breath quickens and I find the courage to lift his shirt so I can explore his young, hard, and protective body.

He’s added more ink and piercings
since I was last with him like this. For once, I wish the lights were on. I want to see what he’s added and be able to look at all of him while discovering him again.

I need help to keep my memory of
f the only man I’ve ever given myself to. I want to be able to see who is in front of me right now, alive. I’m forcing out the image of someone who is looking at me from a closed door that I can’t go through yet, and hopefully won’t until I’m old and have lived happily for a long time.

Letting
go of all thoughts now, I allow myself to be lost in the moment. Patrick is safe at Peril, safer than he would be if he were here. I’m relaxed after the drinks at Shell Horn’s. Nothing is holding me back so I release myself from the memory of Hem long enough to embrace this. I am giving myself to Ace.

I start to
take off his leather belt, anticipating for him to stop me. Ace has one hand on my back, pushing me into him, and the other is clenching my breast causing me to gasp, though not from pain.