The Way Home (Lights of Peril Book 2) (12 page)

Once my hand makes its way inside his jeans
, I feel him pulse and flex to my touch. He shifts his hips forward so that my grasp becomes tighter and I oblige him by running my hands up and down his shaft at a quickened pace. I feel the head of his cock and I know he’s turned on, the dew on my fingertips evidence of his absolute surrender.

“Ace…”

I want to tell him to touch me, anywhere and everywhere. Before I can, he has moved his mouth to my neck and he’s biting and sucking the skin below my ear. My only response to this is to push my hand further into his jeans. At the same time I’m moving my hips to the rhythm of his, silently asking more.

“Ace
, hey...” I want him to move us to my bedroom. I know he won’t deny us this and I’m not going to fool myself, trying to hide how much I want him.

He’s not responding to my words, he just continues to use my own body against m
e. His hands are rubbing me inside my jeans now, I’m wet and should be utterly humiliated, but I’m not. The only thing I feel right now is wanting.

“Sadey, are you sure?
This isn’t just about sex, is it? I don’t want to be in someone’s shadow. I don’t know if I could do that again. I feel like I’ve lost you so many times before.”

He’s pouring water on this
. Cold fuckin’ water.

Son of a bitch
.

“T
here is someone else there waiting on me to let you go.”

Fuck.

Now
, Hem? You’re coming to me,
now
?

I halt my hands progress.
Ace tenses. He can feel my conflict before I’ve even delivered the verdict. He knows me and knows how hard it has been for me to move on because of all my nightmares, but he doesn’t know about the living ones. The voice I long for, wait for, and respond to with my eyes wide open. He doesn’t know that for the last six months I’ve been losing my mind, piece by painful piece.

“
You’re right. Ace, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

I start to push him off me
, but he holds tight. He moves his hand from my chest and the other from of my jeans, then covers my bare breast by closing my shirt. He’s so close to my face I can feel his breathing against my hair.

“Not ready.
I knew this. I feared this. There won’t be another chance, Sade. I’m going back. I don’t know when exactly, but I think it’s time I go, maybe sooner than later.”

His words score me.
I don’t want him to go just because I’m not ready to let him make me his. Sex has never been just sex for me. I never slept with anyone before Hem, so I’m nervous and scared to give myself away again, only out of it to be broken, again.

He is moving my hair from my face, pulling it
away from of my neck and moving it down my back, as I look at him face to face, eye to eye.

“I told Mace the last night I was here, the night of Hem’s
proposal, I couldn’t stay and watch you with him, but, Sadey, now you’re not with Hem. Even though you’re not,
he’s still with you.
”

What?
Mace knew this whole time why he left? She knew and didn’t tell me how he felt. I let him touch me. I climaxed at his hand, and I let my guard down. I’m fuckin’ furious.

“No, please
, don’t go. Don’t just leave me again because I’m not prepared. It isn’t all you Ace.
I’m
just not ready. You have to believe that. Please tell me you believe it. You mean a lot to me. I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.”

He strengthens his
grasp around my waist with one hand, holding me tight against his body. The other hand guides my head, tucking it under his chin. His legs are wrapped around me securely, embracing me to him.

I can
feel him capturing this moment, holding it in a freeze frame, as if he will never get another picture like it.

“Bug, I’m not leaving
because of you. I just need to go back.” After he confirms what he said a few minutes before, I’m left thinking. My mind is left to replay the events of the last few days. I don’t sleep at all after that. I’m awake so long that I watch the sun arise, still enveloped in his arms.

“Love always hangs up behind the bathroom door. It smells like Lysol. To hell with love. Love is making me happy and then going off to sleep with your mouth open while I lie awake all night afraid to say my prayers even because I know I have no right to anymore. Love is all the dirty little tricks you taught me that you probably got out of some book. All right. I'm through with you and I'm through with love."

-Ernest Hemingway

“All of these
, too. They all need a good washing. I’m running out of time here. Work faster, people. Ryder is coming soon, I can feel it. When I woke up this morning, my back felt like it had been slammed against a wall, and not in that good, hot, sexy, satisfying way that Shame likes, either.” She’s dancing around back and forth, from one foot to the other. Good grief, woman, use the toilet.

Mace is
frantic. She’s nesting. She called a gathering of all the girls to help her with the remaining tasks of getting Ryder’s home ready. She hasn’t left her house in four days, the night she left me with Ace at mine.

She and I had it out the
next day after Ace left. I am still livid with her for not telling me about how he felt and the actual reason why he left all of us. I hardly gave her a chance to give me her reasons for doing it. I wouldn’t have heard them at that point anyway, so I cut her off, using my words to hurt her.

It’s a rare event that I’m so pissed at Mace I can’t look at her, but that definitely qualified as one.
After taking an entire day without her so I could think, she sent me a string of jabbering text messages, telling me how sorry she was and that she didn’t want to ruin my wedding plans, then my wedding, then my honeymoon, etc. etc. She said there just wasn’t a good time to break it that it was me he was leaving, not anyone else, just me. She didn’t want to put all that on my shoulders.

I still refused to talk to her.
After another day of pondering her excuses, while still pissed at her, I answered her invitation to come and get her shit straight for the baby’s sake, not hers. So here I am, with all the girls, gathered around trying to settle her nerves and prepare her for motherhood.

“Have you talked to Ace?
He’s broken and he’s not talking about it.” Cherry looks directly at me with her questioning glare.

Her words
trickle with cynicism and her look of disdain matches it. She’s pissed and she doesn’t even know the whole damn story. She’s actually trying me without evidence, because I couldn’t, and I didn’t, sleep with Ace.

“No, I haven’t
talked to him. Sorry.” She’s not getting any more out of me than that. If he wants to tell her, fine. They are tight, but I’m not going to open that up and listen to her verdict of me through
her
uniformed and biased eyes.

“Where the hell is Mace?
She was just here. Where did she run off to now? She’s supposed to be helping us work over all this crap and she’s vanished, probably napping again.” Alright April, we can see that this isn’t your cup of ‘Jo.

April has made it clear that domestic duties
aren’t her strong suit. Granted she loves kids. Well, she loves Patrick. She doesn’t participate in cleanup of the spoils, though. Just stay and play, that’s all she’s in for. Diapers changed, laundry done, meals cooked, and toy clean-up are not on her route. If she and Honor ever get really serious, he’s going to have to understand he’s gotta wear the apron. He won’t like that. He’s sweet, but he’s not about to be neutered for any woman. I could be wrong.

As I’m listening to April complain about having to fold and put away more clothes than
‘any biker child needs’, I hear a cell phone ringing. No one here at this table is moving from their resting spots to get it, so I start to look around and notice it is none other than our hostess’ phone.

Caller ID says Shame
, and here we are at round five. Keeping in mind the man has already called four times since the cavalry arrived, checking to see if his woman is feeling okay, I answer with patience.

“Hello.”
Simple, easy.

“Hello
, beautiful girl. You still sore from last night?” Raspy, sexy.

How did my best friend capture this man
’s heart again? Just those few words prove to anyone that he’s only hers, forever.

“Thanks Shame, but if Mace hears you say
that to me, she’s going to gut you.” Sarcasm drips with every word.

I hear him smile into the phone seconds before I see Mace
approaching us in the living room from wherever she’s been. Her face is wrinkled in pain. She’s gripping her stomach and she’s starting to bend over and moan. I’m well aware what is happening. I’ve been through it, and although I should interject, I don’t want to panic Shame or any of the girls.

“Guys, I think somethi
ng is wrong.” Her face is pale. She’s looking at me for help, but I have no idea how to help her until I calm her enough that I can tell her and Shame with certainty that their boy is on his way to meet them. She’s not due for another two weeks.

I want to laugh out loud because I just caught sight of her maternity pants
. They are a dripping mess and she’s trailing water from the bathroom into the kitchen as her shoes squeak with every step. Oh yeah, I think I can tell him now.

“Sadey, what’s
wrong? Are you still there? Is that Mace? Is she alright? Sadey, damn it, fuckin’ talk to me.”

Let’s rip the band aid off, quick.

“Shame, your girl just blew out her cork and she’s a dripping mess. Let’s go, Ryder is ready to meet his Daddy.” Shame doesn’t even say goodbye, I just hear a click and the line goes dead. So, the madness begins.

The waiting room of hospitals are so
morose. I need a break from
all of them;
Mace, Shame, and the new bundle of friggin’ joy.

Ryder is
a nine pound seven ounce parcel of Shame Carrick. He’s a hefty boy. The child also has a set of lungs that Mace had to have blessed him with and now a headache has overwhelmed me.

I need a few
quiet minutes to myself to calm my nerves and keep my head from exploding. Seeing Ryder makes me miss Patrick and I need to call my mom to make sure he’s doing alright over there.

My quiet time is short lived
as I see Ace walking straight towards me. Damn, I don’t want to deal with him right now. Please, please, please, someone make the madness stop. My best friend just delivered, I haven’t seen my son all day, and since he’s gone with my parents, I’m going home alone. I do not need the extra chore of dealing with Ace.

He doesn’t wait around for small talk, just hits me with his news,
“Sade, I know you don’t want to see me, that you’re upset about what I said, you know, about Hem. I’m in a bit of a hurry, but wanted to see you before I left. I’m taking off tomorrow, early.”

“What?
You just decided this? That you’re leaving tomorrow? Guess I should be thankful. This time I got a goodbye.” That was low, even for me.

“It’s not like that.
I just … things are complicated … being here with you, I just feel…”

“Say it
. Stop being so passive, Ace. Tell me what the hell is going on. Since you’ve been back here you’ve been acting bizarre. You’re secretive, paranoid, and when you don’t have your tongue in my mouth or hands on my chest, you’re telling me nothing about what is
really
going on. This is not just about how you feel about me, is it? Tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“You can. You just won’t. There’s a damn difference.”

“No
, Sade, I
can’t
.”

“Then go
. You can leave. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t be what you want. I’m a mess. Ace, I’m a ghost of who I once was. I’m sorry I can’t be the person that you want me to be again. Keep in touch and…”

His focus is no longer on me, bu
t something behind me. I don’t get a good vibe from him, so I stop talking. He looks scared. Then I hear the screeching voice coming from behind me as it approaches.

“So here she is
, Sadey Lyons. Ace, this must be the infamous girl that got away. The girl who only loves Hem. Look at her. She’s so pretty, too.”

What the fuck?
I’m still looking at Ace, afraid to turn around. He is staring at who is standing over my shoulder and the small space is now engulfed in some perfume that would make Hai Karate seem expensive.

He looks directly
briefly into my eyes and whispers, “I’m sorry, Sade. Don’t hate me.” Then he takes a step back from me as I turn around and watch him walk to…her.

Sh
e’s about my height, weight, and she has my same shade of hair color. Her face holds more freckles, although it’s hard to tell under all that dark make up. The woman seemingly hates me. I just have no idea why.

“He talks about you all the time.”

Shit, now s
he’s slinking towards me as I stand by Mace’s hospital door. I want to run, but I’m frozen scared in place.

“Sadey b
ug, this … Sadey bug, that… Do you have any idea, at all, how it makes a woman feel when her husband talks about another girl, especially after he’s just left his cum inside her?”

Oh my fucking God
! Ace is married.