The Weakness in Me (32 page)

“Are, like, all of your friends guys, Lucas?” he asked, the disgusted look back on his face.

“No,” I shook my head in emphasis, “I have a few chick friends, but it’s too much drama.”

“My sister said you surround yourself with guys because you are looking for a husband and that I should stay away from you,” he told me, his face so serious, I almost couldn’t contain the laughter bubbling inside
me.  “She said she doesn’t believe that you aren’t dying for a commitment.”

“Um, wow, I don’t even know what to say to that, Adam.”

“Well, she said it was either that, or you’re a slut.”

My mouth dropped open, reflexively, and I heard Amy coughing behind me, just as shocked by his words as I was.  “Those aren’t the words the average guy uses to get me into bed, but damned if it didn’t make my panties melt, Adam,” I said, with no emotion.  “You’ve got me, I’m a giant slut.  Let’s go fuck behind the trash cans,” I waved my hands in disgust.  It wasn’t something I should’ve said at work, even though it was after 10pm and the lobby was empty, but I couldn’t believe his nerve!

“I told her that you weren’t a slut, Lucas,” he said, rolling his eyes at my display.  “But I’m not entirely convinced that you don’t want more than you are letting on.  Especially after Saturday, I mean, you just
let
me take care of you.  I need to get my head on straight and decide if I’m ready to be what you need,” he continued, assuming he knew what was best for me.  Apparently, the three years he had on me, age wise, provided a wealth of experience I could only imagine.

“I let you bring me soup when I was sick, I didn’t realize that signaled a lifetime commitment,” I snorted.  “Whatever, man, it’s cool,” I continued, blowing him off.

“Don’t be like that, I want us to be okay,” he sighed.

“Believe me, we’re fine,” I said, turning back to my end of shift balancing and dismissing him.  “Oh and Adam?”

“Yeah?” he said, turning back to me.

“Go Bucks,” I gave him the biggest smile I could muster in the situation, which got even bigger upon his scowl.

On my way across the street, I decided to call my booty call number one because I, obviously, wasn’t getting any from Adam anytime soon.  Society’s rules would dictate Adam’s sister was right and I was a slut, but I didn’t feel that way.  I had standards of who I would and wouldn’t sleep with.  I preferred sex to relationships because sex always made me feel good, whereas relationships were full of drama and having to meet his friends and blah, blah, blah. 

I didn’t have time for a relationship, between working and going to school full-time.  I was a couple of years away from a bachelor’s degree in engineering, so my books were my boyfriend.  I did, however,
make
time for sex.  It was one of the best stress reducers I could find that was legal and didn’t require a prescription, aside the birth control I needed to regulate my periods anyway.  I had three guys I could always fall back on if I needed to get laid and wasn’t seeing anyone.  They were more than willing to drive to my house when I needed and leave before the sun came up. 

“Hey, hot stuff,” Eric’s smooth voice answered.

“Hey, man, what are you up to tonight?” I asked.

“Ugh!  I wish you’d called me thirty minutes ago,” he whined.  “I was in Tempe, and I would’ve been sitting outside your door right now like a stray puppy, but I’m all the way in Gilbert already.”

“Ugh, and I can’t convince you to turn around?” I pouted.

“I wish!  I pulled the early shift tomorrow, so it’s straight to bed, no extracurricular activities for me tonight,” he lamented.  “What happened to Adam and Trevor? Not that it matters, I mean, if you want to hold off ‘til tomorrow?”

“Let’s not talk about Adam and Trevor,” I growled as I pulled into my parking space in front of my apartment building.

“And now we have to,” Eric mused.  “You not wanting to talk about something always means good things, well funny things.”

“I cut Trevor loose,” I told him.  “We were too incompatible.  He was weird and don’t even get me started on his penis!”

“Gerkin?” he asked, wryly.

“If only,” I answered, wistfully.  “The thing was enormous.  The entire time I felt like he was trying to rip me in half.  Not even remotely satisfying, only incredibly painful.”

“Gee, way to give a guy a complex,” Eric muttered, as I approached my third floor apartment, sending a nod to Ron, the pimp who lived three doors down, who was sitting in the hallway with one of his ladies.

“This is why I didn’t want to talk about it!” I unlocked my door and shoved into my nearly empty apartment.  “I don’t know why guys think a gargantuan penis is ideal, because I’d much prefer one that doesn’t bounce off my cervix.”

“Well, I accept your seal of approval for normal sized junk, then,” he Chuckled.  “And Adam?”

“Fuck, I hoped we could move on,” I grumbled, setting my tiny purse and keys on the card table that doubled as my kitchen table and walking toward the walk-in closet in my vanity area to feed my cat.

“No such luck, kiddo.”  I pulled a can of food down from the shelf and took a deep breath.  As I pulled back the tab, my cat appeared beside my ankles, weaving in and around.

“Fine,” I sighed.  “He’s decided that either I’m a slut, or I’m just begging for a man to come and rescue me.  I’m sorry, I mean, his
sister
decided.”  Putting the food in her bowl, I moved to my galley style kitchen to toss the empty can in the trash before heading back through the vanity area to my bedroom.  My apartment may not have been in the greatest of neighborhoods, but it seriously rocked.  It was massive, and cost me less than a dollar per square foot, including pet rent and utilities.  It had dingy periwinkle carpets, a pest control problem, and did I mention I lived three doors down from a pimp?, but it was home.

“Wow, Lucas, I didn’t know you were a lesbian?”

“Um, just cause I kiss the occasional girl, doesn’t mean I like to visit the lady cave.  That one time with you was an exception,” I said, pulling off my work uniform and changing into shorts and a t-shirt.

“I just meant that the guy sounds like he’s a giant vagina.  I wouldn’t worry about making room for him in the rotation, he’s not worthy,” Eric yawned and I couldn’t help but Flynnle, the dude knew how to make me laugh, but he couldn’t be faithful to a girl to save his life.

“So, yeah, I can wait until tomorrow for action, I suppose,” I agree, bringing our conversation back to the original purpose of my call.  Heading toward the stack of books on my living room floor, I let out an involuntary sigh.  “I’ve got a test tomorrow anyway.  I don’t know what possessed me to sign up for an intersession class during break.”

“Then you need to get on top of your books tonight, Lucas, not on top of me,” he admonished.

“Fine, see you tomorrow,” I said, ending our conversation and turning to the never ending pile of notes on my bare floor.  That was the only thing about my apartment that I didn’t love: the only furniture in my living room were two seats, a rocking chair and a bean bag, as well as my desktop computer, which was sitting on my floor beside the aforementioned bean bag chair.  It did help with parties though, because everyone just slept in a heap where they passed out. 

Resisting the urge to log onto the computer, I buried myself in my notes until my eyes burned.  Later that night or very early the next morning, I drug myself to my empty queen sized bed for the night, content that I’d spent the day not thinking about the way Brady had made me feel on New Years’ Eve. I decided to chalk it up to a fluke.  I’d never responded to Brady that way before.  I couldn’t have feeling for him.  I wouldn’t.