The Wicked Confessions of Lady Cecelia Stanton (9 page)

It seemed at that same moment, I heard my husband shout as he found his release.

When I reflect on those minutes, I believe I must have very nearly have fainted. My body was paralysed with pleasure and my swollen belly contracted with such force, I feared that I would lose my waters and bring forth the babe. Mayhap this is exactly what the odious physician had warned me about.

It took me a while to rouse myself, and when I had done so, I discovered that my husband had righted himself and sent the duly chastised Nancy away.

Perhaps I’d gone mad from watching my husband rut with another, perhaps the pleasure had destroyed my reasoning. Whatever it may have been, I no longer cared for concealment and without further delay I pulled back the curtains to reveal my presence to William.

It is fair to say that my unexpected presence caused my husband a great deal of shock. So surprised was he to see me revealed, he uttered a horrified cry and collapsed on the Grecian couch so recently occupied by my faithless wet nurse.

‘Ceecee! Dear God!’ he finally exclaimed and buried his head in shame.

I wanted to laugh. ‘William, get up,’ I said ensuring my words held no taint of malice. I had much I needed to discuss with him, and it would not do to have him thinking I despised him.

Slowly William brought his face to mine stained puce with shame.

‘I…’ he began, wringing his hands together, clearly wondering how much I had witnessed of his degradations. I decided to answer him before he finished.

‘I saw it all,’ I said, my gaze not leaving him.

He shook his head and his dark hair tumble across his face, as if to hide his humiliation. ‘I…’ he stumbled again, his hands now wide and imploring. ‘I am a wicked, terrible man. I accused you of adultery, held you in suspicion for months, yet it is I who am the devil here.’

I shook my head softly. ‘Sit by me, William.’

I sank down onto the couch, my sex still pulsing with the memory of its recent fulfilment. My belly tightened and I suspected it was a warning of the babe’s arrival.

‘Do you forgive me, Ceecee?’ he asked, though his voice was not plaintive.

Did I forgive him? Of course, I loved the man, amusing but philandering cad he was.

‘I do,’ I nodded. ‘However, there is much we need to speak about. It is intolerable to continue our marriage in this vein.’

William nodded slowly. ‘I understand how dreadful and hateful it must be to be married to me, but, forgive me once more for I cannot and will not ever grant you divorce.’

I looked at him askance. ‘I do not wish for divorce.’

His shoulders relaxed. ‘God be good.’

‘It has nothing to do with God,’ I began. ‘I have a few confessions for you, my husband.’

‘You do?’ He looked vexed.

‘Mayhap I am as wicked as you, but…’ My face flamed. ‘I found it…’ I hesitated, barely able to believe that I was about to confess my unnatural desires. ‘I found it most pleasing watching you with Nancy.’

William’s face showed nothing but surprise for a whole minute. ‘You did?’ he asked, his voice thick. I saw also his cock had stiffened in his unlaced breeches, and I longed to stroke it, though I kept my hand stationary.

‘Perhaps it is I who needs forgiveness. Mayhap I am as wicked and terrible as you for delighting in such a scene.’

William’s face twisted in a rude smile. ‘Not terrible, nor wicked. Oh, Ceecee.’ He kissed my lips with a firm and passionate heat. ‘Would that I had known you were watching, I would have offered you a better show.’ He laughed delightedly. ‘You please me beyond words. When that babe is from your belly I shall have you and take in every way imaginable. It is true, I hunger for you, more so now than ever.’

I blushed. ‘Do you have to wait for the babe to be birthed?’ I whispered, and now I let my hand stroke the bulge in his breeches.

William’s eyes fell to half-mast, and his staff surged beneath my hand. ‘The physician…’

‘Damn the physician, I hate the man. Our child shall be born soon. I know it. Please, do not deny me now. My skirts are soaked with need.’

My mind revised the wicked scene with lascivious detail, and my body stirred again.

‘I…my love, I must not.’

‘You must.’ I urged and began to disentangle his cock from the clothing. ‘Take me now, as you did Nancy. Would that I can watch you again, but for now I must have you in me. I shall die without you.’

His member sprung forth proud and thick from his breeches, a pearl of seed already beading from its ruddy head.

‘I should never forgive myself if something happened to the child.’ He groaned, but I was already gathering my skirts and positioning myself rudely over the lounge. ‘I have a party to attend…’

‘Nothing will happen to our child. Do not deny me. You have had your wicked way with the wet nurse, I demand you have it now with me!’ My abdomen was so taut I thought it might burst. My sex seeped with dew. He grazed his hand over my exposed rump and delved a finger into my soaking quim.

I groaned. ‘Oh please.’

‘Ceecee,’ he muttered and grunted.

I cried out as his penetrating staff stretched my sex wide. I sobbed and he stiffened, horrified.

‘The babe?’ he gasped.

‘No, please move with me.’ I pushed myself back onto his hard length, feeling every thick inch of impalement. When my sex had swallowed him whole, I ground myself against him. The heat swelled in my body, and he finally began to move.

He was more careful than he was when I was not with child, but I cared naught. Pleasure sparked from my womanhood as he thrust and kneaded at my rump.

‘William,’ I gasped as my body tightened. I could hear the wet, gentle thump of thighs against my rear. ‘Oh!’ The sensation became too much, I had no mind but that hot hungry mouth between my legs. Then it was released – I had a paroxysm so strong and sweet that it drew forth my husband’s seed and he shuddered within me as I shuddered around him.

We stayed as such for a few moments to regain our composure.

It was William who spoke first. ‘Are you well?’

‘Indeed,’ I could only whisper. He pulled from me and I sank down on the Grecian couch my skirts a wild tangle around me. ‘Thank you.’

After this coitus, I found my belly hard as a canon ball, and I knew within a day or two, our child would enter the world. Though I withheld this knowledge from William lest I frighten him away from me once more.

‘What a scandalous thing you are,’ he teased me, and offered me a kiss. ‘If I had but known how watching me with the wet-nurse excited you so, I would have done it much sooner.’

I smiled. ‘Had I but known it would, I’d have espied you long ago,’ I quipped.

We spoke at length then and I knew I should send my husband down to favour his guests, but I was greedy for him. It seemed we had been apart such a long time, if not physically, then at least in our hearts.

Inevitably our conversation turned towards our children. I confessed my desire for no more and William’s face grew guarded.

‘I understand your reticence,’ William soothed, ‘but I shall not abstain from you, Ceecee, not now, not again…’

I shook my head. ‘I do not wish you to abstain from me, but surely in your…adventures in London you must have seen the women do something to prevent the making of a child. Could we not do the same?’

William’s face darkened, though possibly not with shame.

‘You are a lady, they are whores. I could not possibly …’

‘Enough of that,’ I interrupted. ‘Have I not just confessed I like to watch you with other women? That seeing you rut another turns my sex to water? Do not preach to this lady of what is, and what is not ladylike.’

William laughed, ‘Quite.’

‘Well?’ I insisted. ‘What do you do with those women to prevent bastards?’ Then the mortifying thought struck me. ‘You
do not
have bastards, do you William?’

‘Lord no, I…used a…a barrier, made of animal gut…’ He chuckled embarrassedly under his breath. ‘It acts as a receptacle to receive my seed rather than spill within the woman. Honestly, Ceecee, need I say more?’

I was intrigued and not at all concerned for William’s discomfort in the subject. ‘It sounds like a marvellous contraption. Do you have one I may observe?’ I asked.

‘Ah…well, yes.’

I felt a flush of anger then. ‘Why have you never told me of this device?’

‘It is not the thing one discusses with his wife,’ William rebuffed.

‘My word, you sound as stuffy as Lord Bexley.’

William laughed riotously then and leaned forward to kiss me.

Our conversation turned to the pending birth of our child, and William and I bandied about names. The companionship between us was wonderful. Yet still something hung above my head. There was but one more confession that must be spoken.

‘You should see to your guests,’ I gestured to the window. ‘They will find it odd you do not grace them with your presence at your own party.’

‘I should very much rather stay here with you,’ he retorted. ‘And smell my seed upon you, and see the blush of your cheeks, and…’

I smiled and pressed a finger to his lips to still them. ‘There is one more thing I need to speak of.’

‘I think we have spoken more this afternoon than in seven years,’ he replied. ‘I feel I know more of you now than ever.’

‘You misunderstand. I wish to confess something to you.’

The slight smile died on his lips and his eyes grew guarded. ‘What? Pray not speak of Brentwood’s accusations.’

I sighed. I could feel his seed cooling beneath my skirts, and I wanted him in me again. ‘I fear we must,’ I answered.

His face fell. ‘Then you have had lovers,’ he began, ‘during my absences in London?’

I looked at him, holding his blue gaze steadily. ‘Not as you would believe it.’

‘Then how?’ he said, his tone increasingly wary.

‘I have long had another lover. I will not deny it any longer. Not now, when I feel so in love with you.’

William’s face turned bitter, and I could see him struggle to master his jealousy and anger. ‘Trying to sweeten the sting? Who are these lovers? I shall need a lot of honey to relieve me of this pain.’

I could not help but smile, though the situation could easily deteriorate. ‘I have not had lovers in the plural,’ I replied, careful to hold his gaze. ‘I have had but only one.’

William elicited a crude curse but looked somewhat defeated. ‘Who is he then? Who is this devil? I shall cut him up for this insult and beat your rump raw for slighting me and enjoy myself mightily doing it.’

I rest my hand on William’s clenched fist – his skin was hot and tight. I felt a smile tug the very corners of my lips. ‘Not he but she.’

Confusion exploded upon my lord husband’s face.

‘She?’ His words were but a whisper.

‘She,’ I confirmed.

There was a very long and heady silence. I could hear the sounds of the party rising from the garden below, for the first time in our acquaintance my husband was struck mute.

Eventually, he coughed and rubbed his chin with his hand. His face was growing amused.

‘Who is this woman then? This woman who has known my wife so intimately? I believe I should very much like to meet her.’ His eyes sparkled, with what, I could not say.

I wondered what he would do with my confession. Would he dismiss Bess? Confront her? Despite her faults, I loved and cherished Bess too much to place her in harm’s way.

‘I shall not confide her name until I know your motives. Do you mean her harm? I want your assurance that she will be fairly treated.’

William laughed then. ‘Fairly treated!’ He moved to kiss me, though my distended belly seemed to impede him somewhat. ‘
I want to thank her.
’

I confessed my unnatural relations with Bess to William then, and did not feel a jot of guilt for it. I dare say my confession aroused and excited him wildly.

‘You have said to me you liked to watch me with another woman.’ William whispered and kissed my ear. ‘I would
very
much like for you to do the same thing.’

Confusion flushed through me but before I knew it he’d scooped me bodily into his arms. Quite a feat when I was so ungainly with child. He kissed me hard.

With that, William and I had no more secrets.

After a time, William retreated down to the party and spent the rest of the day there. I spoke with Bess and told her of the revelations.

I was unsure how she would respond to it all. She blushed when I said I’d told William about us, and she blushed some more when I said he would like to perhaps join us abed.

‘Would you share me with him?’ I asked her.

She looked at me steadily, with those sombre eyes. ‘I have for seven years, and will forever more if you asked me.’ I kissed her then, hard and fast, my hands moving to her face and stroking her soft skin.

‘I do love you,’ I said.

Marriages are strange things, none stranger perhaps than this betwixt me and my lord husband. In the eyes of society, William and I shall be permanently observed and spoken about. My husband is a known rake, and courtesy of Mister Brentwood, there will ever be suspicions about my unnatural desires. These suspicions I merrily confess are all very well founded. I could have no more pleasure and love than that I receive from my William and my Bess. Mayhap I am wicked, mayhap I am depraved. But I can tell you one thing is most certain – I like it this way.

Post Script

I gave birth to a healthy infant girl, we named her
Elizabeth
for Bess.

The Secret Diary of Lady Catherine Bexley

by Viveka Portman

In the vein of Portia Da Costa and Charlotte Featherstone, Regency England gets just a bit raunchy in this novella about a gently-raised lady who wants to feel like a woman…

“I have never seen fit in my life to divulge my secrets in a diary, yet now, after today’s proceedings, I do…”

Lady Catherine Bexley is new to marriage and the marriage bed, but surely there must be more to it than this? Her husband is proper and perfunctory — treating her with careful respect but leaving her aching for more.