The Widow and the Orphan (13 page)

“Pepper, darling, I do understand what you’re trying to say. Why waste all the time to put together a big affair, when in the end, it might not really matter?” Gabe shifted in his seat so he could face her. “I’m not stupid. I know that I might not win against this insidious disease. God forbid I should die, don’t you think I want to have the memory of a grand and glorious wedding to see me off this Earth?”

A gigantic lump formed in Pepper’s throat, threatening to cut off her supply of oxygen. The road in front of her became blurry with the tears filling her eyes and she pulled off into the first driveway she could find, bringing the car to a screeching halt. Once again, she’d been so inside in her own mind and worries, she hadn’t even given any thought as to why Gabe would want the things he wanted.
Oh fuck, I hate myself
!

“Don’t do that. Please.” Gabe whipped off his seatbelt so he could lean toward her and pull her close.

“I’m selfish,” she moaned, burying her face in her hands, resisting the urge to fall into his embrace. “How can you love me? I’m so fucking selfish!”

Gabe pried her hands away and pulled her face to his so that he could kiss her firmly, his familiar strength coming to the surface in spite of how sick he’d been. The natural feeling of his lips on hers was calming and it nurtured her aching heart.

“You aren’t selfish, Pepper. I don’t just have cancer, you do too. We’re in this together but we have our own perceptions. We mustn’t stop communicating or else we’ll be pulled apart.”

Pepper nodded and then kissed him back, passion flaring up in her that she hadn’t felt in weeks. All she wanted right then was for them to be home, alone, and without seatbelts and car consoles between them. Or clothes.

* * * * *

Lying in Gabe’s arms, Pepper snuggled tightly with him. She’d been shocked that he had the strength to make love at all having just gotten out of the hospital. With cancer always in the room or bed with them, it had been about two months since they’d been intimate. She was reminded of how much sex and physical intimacy had always been a part of their relationship.

“Darling?”

“Yes, babe.”

“I figured out the upside to chemotherapy.”

Pepper leaned her head back to look at him, surprise spreading over her face. “Really? What’s that?”

“It’s cancer’s contraceptive. No more need for condoms.”

Pepper buried her face in his chest and hooted with laughter.

Surprising her again, Gabe rolled her over to settle on top. With every kiss and caress, their passion reignited. Heat spread through Pepper’s body, making her face flush and she gripped Gabe’s back to pull him closer.

Please don’t let this end, please don’t
.

“Come on in.” Pepper opened the front door for Aiden, whose arms were full of files, mail, paperwork and a bag with lunch from the deli on the corner. “Look out for cats.”

Pepper grabbed the food and some of the paperwork before it could hit the floor.

Aiden grimaced and looked down, but there were no fur balls beneath his feet. “Shouldn’t pets be kenneled when visitors come over?”

Pepper grinned and led him to the kitchen counter to unload. “Shut up, cat hater.”

Aiden snorted and slumped down on one of the barstools. “I don’t hate cats. I’m allergic.” His forehead was slick with sweat and his usually tidy blond hair was windblown. “I’m sweating like a pig.” He rubbed his arm against his face and exhaled loudly. “Where is he?”

“Upstairs, getting dressed.” Pepper unpacked sandwiches and soup and laid it on the counter. “He’ll be down in a minute. I tried to get him to rest another couple of days, but he refused. I knew I should have hidden his phone so he couldn’t call you.”

“How’s he doing?”

Aiden’s tone was casual, but Pepper knew better. No matter how offhand his voice might be, his fists were shoved deep in his pockets and his back was ramrod straight. Aiden had known Gabe a hell of a lot longer than Pepper, so she could totally understand how worried he must have been about his friend. She placed a hand on his arm and rubbed gently. “He’s okay. He caught a bug and it got the best of him. But the docs fixed him up and after a few more days’ rest, he’ll be good to go.”

Pepper watched his shoulders sink an inch or two with relief. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

Gabe appeared on the stairs, freshly showered and clad in simple, black trousers and a plain white tee-shirt. He moved slowly but, as he entered the kitchen, his gait was steadier than it had been in weeks.

“And why is that?” Aiden asked in his haughtiest tone, mimicking Gabe’s elegant British accent.

“Because when I feel better, I will work more. Which means
you
will work more. Ha!”

Gabe slugged him on the shoulder and then took a seat on the stool beside him.

“Sounds fine to me.”

Aiden’s relieved smile was a balm to Pepper’s frazzled nerves.
Just one more person who’s got his back
. She pushed plates of food in front of both the men, but stayed on her feet as she munched her own. She watched every bite that Gabe put in his mouth, silently urging him to eat more. “Yeah, well, you’re still going to be taking it easy for a few more days, mister.” She pointed a finger at Gabe and closed one eye. “You heard the doc.” Turning to Aiden, she gave him the same stink eye. “You didn’t bring him too much work, did you?”

“Nope.” Aiden crossed his heart with his index finger. “Just a few contracts to look over, some new scripts, and mail.”

Pepper nodded and took another bite of her beef barley soup, satisfied with the answer. It was her job to make sure more trips to the hospital didn’t happen any time soon.

“So how’s the wedding planning going?” Aiden asked, as he shooed one of the cats away from the tassels on his loafers.

“Great.” Pepper stared into her cup of soup, and then stole a peek at Gabe.
Pick up that sandwich
.

“Stalled.” Gabe gave her an irritated look while sinking his teeth into his tuna. Dabbing his mouth with a napkin, he turned his attention to Aiden. “I finally got her to agree to a full-on wedding, but she feels overwhelmed by all the work it will take.”

Pepper scowled at Gabe and then stuck her tongue out. He didn’t have to make her sound like a lazy kid trying to get out of her chores. She needed to make sure Viv was up to speed at work, and that his health was leveled off before she could feel comfortable planning a million dollar wedding. She was about to say as much, when Aiden beat her to the punch.

“I could do it for you.”

Gabe’s spoonful of soup hung midway in the air to his mouth. Pepper stopped chewing her bite of sandwich and tried to swallow around the wad of cheese drying up in her throat.

Aiden laughed at their dumbfounded expressions and rushed on before either of them could speak. “Seriously. I oversee all the events at the studio. I organized the last two parties for the most recent premieres. And I practically run that company when Gabe isn’t there. I’d be happy to be your wedding planner.”

Pepper looked at Gabe, waiting to see what his response would be. Aiden was his assistant, after all. She did think it would be fun to work with the kid. He had excellent taste, judging by all the functions she’d attended that he had organized. “What do you think?”

Gabe shrugged and swallowed his bite of soup. “I don’t see why not. We’ve farmed out most of my responsibilities to the other departments. And until Development brings in some new work, it’s a slow time.” He leaned across the counter and looked hard at Aiden. “Are you sure? You know how difficult the missus-to-be is.”

Pepper crumbled up a napkin and pitched it at Gabe’s head. “Hey!”

Aiden and Gabe laughed and then Aiden put out his hand. Gabe grabbed it and gave it a firm shake.

“It’s a deal.”

“I already pay you an exorbitant salary. Now you can earn your money.”

“Hah, wait till you get my bill.”

* * * * *

It was pretty amazing how easily things came together when someone else was in charge of all the details. With Aiden at the wedding ship helm, they booked the perfect venue. The Stafford Inn was a fully restored Victorian-style farmhouse not twenty minutes away from their place. Fully gated for privacy and surrounded by lush gardens and mature trees, it was the perfect setting for the wedding. There were four guest suites with multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, and they even had kitchens. The furnishings were modern, bright and clean, but there were still enough original fixtures and touches to keep things reminiscent of when it was built in the 1940s. It even offered in-house catering, so they wouldn’t have to find a separate company to do the food and wedding cake. Sensing Pepper’s hesitancy for a church wedding, Gabe had approved the location and a non-denominational minister to come in and perform the ceremony. He even agreed that they should keep the guest list to a minimum, knowing that having to shake hands with hundreds of guests would severely limit his time to enjoy the day.

The photographer was booked, the flowers were on order, and the minister hired. Aiden was perfectly comfortable playing the “I have more money than Midas” card or Gabe’s “celebrity” card, but never once had he ever used the cancer card. With so many details taken care of, Pepper felt free to concentrate on following all of Gabe’s wishes for what he wanted on their magical day. Deciding on the color theme, choosing the music, picking out centerpieces so the feel of the wedding would be like British tea time.

It was easier said than done. At first she obsessed and panicked over every decision and dollar spent. Eventually, Gabe told her he would have Aiden make all the choices if she didn’t get a grip. It probably wouldn’t have been a bad idea, since the kid knew Gabe so well. But Pepper couldn’t do that to him. He was swamped enough. So Pepper decided the best way to handle the stress was to avoid thinking about it at all. She would fake it till she could make it. Pepper knew her acting skills weren’t exactly the best, but if she didn’t give it her best shot, then her stupid, selfish personality would end up ruining what was supposed to be the best day of their lives.

Pepper tricked herself into thinking she was excited and not at all worried about Gabe’s health. The doctor seemed to think he was responding well to the chemo and that there was no reason why he couldn’t just resume his normal life as long as he felt good enough to do it. Pepper pretended that all she had to think about was her wedding and finding a dress and all the cozy little details brides were supposed to be consumed with once the rock settled on their fingers. She managed to drown out the voice in her head that shouted the words “cancer” and “death” and “dying.” She even was able to convince Vivienne that she was no longer in a crazy state of mind.

It shouldn’t have surprised her that, in the middle of all that faking it, she was able to find the most perfect wedding dress she could have hoped for. Viv had taken it upon herself to make an appointment at an exclusive bridal shop to make the final push for a gown. Because time was getting short, Pepper knew she was going to have to get something off the rack, and where better to find a stunner than in Beverly Hills?

They arrived at the salon and were greeted as if they were royalty and provided with flutes of very expensive champagne. They even offered a variety of cookies to the baby including regular, gluten free, casein free, and vegan. As they sipped and browsed, followed closely by two bridal consultants named Madeline and Molly, Pepper felt the familiar friendship and camaraderie she and Viv had been missing for… well, for a long time. Since the baby had been born, really. And then when Gabe got diagnosed, they talked on the phone a lot, but it wasn’t the same. Viv was constantly offering her love, help, and just plain presence, but it was Pepper who generally refused the offers. With all her newfound understanding of boundaries, she couldn’t bring herself to lean on anyone. She went in the opposite direction and rejected the assistance, thinking she was protecting Viv from the depressing nature of Pepper’s struggles.

“I really don’t know what you’re looking for,” Viv said, peering around a mannequin decked in a sheath dress covered in Chantilly lace.

“Yeah, I think I looked at too much on the internet. I like elements of different dresses, but there’s no time to get something custom designed.” Pepper fingered the intricate beading on a Pnina Tornai. “I think I’ll know it when I–”

Pepper stopped.

“This,” she breathed.

Vivienne rushed to her side. Looking for somewhere to put her champagne glass, Pepper finally set it down in the stroller’s drink holder. Turning back, she grabbed the dress at its waist on either side, spreading it wide to take it all in. It was a ball gown and that, in and of itself, was something she never even considered. She only had eyes for mermaid and trumpet style dresses to accentuate her curves and sexiness. But the dress in her hands had a sweetheart neckline with a natural waist that would flow away from her body. The most striking feature of the gown was the thin black lines of piping that ran across the bust line and down the front. Only two of the lines went to the hem, while the rest stopped at various lengths.

“Oh, Pepper,” Vivienne breathed, leaning her cheek against Pepper’s arm. “It’s wonderful.”

“Yes.”

It really was. Pepper lifted the hanger off the rack and held the gown as high as she could. It had a chapel train but there was no piping on the back. Somehow, that felt right to her. She wanted to look at the size but was scared to death it wouldn’t be the one she needed. Now that she’d seen the dress, she didn’t think there was any way she could walk away without it. If it was too big, it could be taken in. But if it was too small, Pepper knew she was far too old to crash diet to get into it. Screwing up her courage, she fumbled for the tag dangling at the side. It was a size twelve.
Yes! It’s too big
!

“Really, Pep. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so gorgeous in all my life. Makes mine look like a rag.” Vivienne fingered the delicate black lines.

“Oh, bullshit,” Pepper chuckled. “You drive me crazy when you do that. You were gorgeous and you know it.” She swung the dress around to hold it up against her body as she looked in a mirror halfway across the store. “I really like this, Viv.”

“Then let’s get you in it!”

Molly swooped in to remove the gown from Pepper’s grasp, while Madeline went off in search of veils, shoes and other accessories. Pepper followed Molly and Vivienne was right behind them, pushing a sleeping Jane in her stroller.

“This is really stunning on you,” Molly breathed, as she watched Pepper stroke the front of the dress.

Pepper hadn’t looked up into the full length mirror yet. Suddenly she wasn’t sure if she was ready to see herself as a bride.
What the hell is wrong with me
? Taking a deep breath, she raised her head slowly and then felt her jaw hit the floor.

As cheesy as it seemed, Pepper’s eyes filled with tears. Blurry vision kept her from getting another look until Molly pressed some tissues into her hands. Pepper wiped her eyes and then stared at herself in the mirror. In spite of the size on the tag, the gown fit her like a glove. The cups of the sweetheart neckline were exactly the right size and shape to mold to her breasts, but didn’t push them up or give unsightly cleavage. The waist cinched in, giving her a perfect hourglass figure. The duchess satin flowed away from her hips, but not so far as to make her look like cupcake. Molly fluffed the chapel train behind her. It was just the right length. Not too long, but not too short. Even though the satin was a little thicker, it didn’t weigh her down. A ball gown was really the last thing Pepper ever thought she would choose for herself, but here she was, standing in one and bawling like a baby.

“Hurry, let’s go show her.” Molly touched her on the arm to get her attention.

Pepper gathered the flowing material of the skirt in her hands and hurried to get out of the room. When Viv caught sight of her, tears immediately popped into her eyes. Pepper grinned and hopped up on the dais in front of a three way full length mirror. Every time she looked at one of her reflections, she could imagine Gabe beside her. Or watching her walk down the aisle. “It’s perfect. It’s the one.”