The Widow and the Orphan (9 page)

Pepper checked her phone at least a dozen times, even though Will and Viv only lived a couple of miles away and the drive was short. Gabe still had not responded to any of her texts. When she pulled up into the driveway, his car was still gone and she felt her heart sink. As she parked and got out, she sent him one last message before going into the house.

Home now. Please come back soon.

“Hey guys,” she called to the kittens as she came through the front door. The three of them immediately began mewing at her and she was surprised to feel glad that at least someone was here to welcome her. She unlocked the gate to set them free, then padded off to the kitchen. Smudge followed her, and Wolfie and Crank darted off to explore.

Pepper grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and poured herself a very large glass. Standing at the kitchen counter, she sipped it slowly at first and then found herself gulping it down to try and drown the fear and anxiety that had taken up residence in her gut. When the glass was empty, she refilled it but forced herself to sip slowly. She watched the kittens romp around, hoping Gabe would be back soon, wondering where he could be, whether or not Will had been able to catch up with him.

Pepper was pretty pissed at herself for having turned into a silly pile of goo, first in the shower and then at Viv’s. She knew she had every right to be upset, but she couldn’t remember a time in her life when she’d ever been
that
out of control. It wasn’t like her. It didn’t fit the Pepper profile.

“I have
got
to get my shit together,” she said to Wolfie, who had found his way into the kitchen and was rubbing against her leg. She reached down and plucked him off the ground. Holding him up to her face, she rubbed her nose gently against his. “I’m a tough bitch. I need to be strong for Gabe.”

Wolfie eked out a little bit of a purr, then struggled to get down. She released him and he skittered away, looking for one of his brothers to play with. Taking her wine along, Pepper went to the sofa to wait for Gabe to come home.

As she sat there, staring off into space, Pepper felt a deep and powerful urge to curse God. She didn’t have any religious or spiritual background to speak of, having been raised in an agnostic home that bordered on atheism. She’d never been to church as a child and any kind of higher power was never discussed, but she’d probably believed in one all these years even if she never thought about it that much. Sure, she used all the usual euphemisms: god dammit, for god’s sake, for the love of god. But she’d never really bothered to think long and hard if she believed there really was some omnipotent being up in the sky somewhere.

Now, though, she wanted to throat punch whatever force in the universe saw fit to bestow such an insidious disease on her guy. “What a bunch of horse shit,” she spat, giving Crank a bit of a spook. He hissed at her and ran off to smack Wolfie in the head as revenge.

As the level of wine in her glass went down, the rage in her heart went up. Gabe was the kindest, most loving man Pepper had ever had the good fortune to meet. Assholes and douche bags ran amok in the world, but whatever higher power existed chose Gabe. It was all just a load of crap in her mind. There couldn’t possibly be a kind and benevolent God up there.

* * * * *

“Darling, wake up.”

Pepper’s eyes fluttered open. She was curled up on the couch with one kitten snuggled against her stomach, one behind her knees, and the other at her feet. “Are you okay?” she mumbled, trying to sit up.

“Yes, I’m fine. Don’t move.”

Gabe carefully redistributed the felines so he could sit on the couch and pull Pepper’s feet onto his lap. He kneaded them and leaned his head back. The smell of ale wafted into her nose.

“Where did you go?”

“Nowhere, really.” Gabe smiled at her, but his eyes looked dark and sad. Pepper’s heart hurt to see him so bleak. “I just drove around, thinking about things. And then Will found me.”

“Tell me.”

Not caring if she disturbed the sleeping kittens, Pepper sat up. She put them beside one another in the little corner space between them, where they yawned and stretched and then fell back to sleep. Pepper reached to put her hand on the back of Gabe’s neck and she massaged the hardened muscles.

“I’m pretty damn sorry I didn’t go to the doctor now.”

Pepper swallowed a gasp. “You couldn’t have known.”

“No.” Gabe sighed and rubbed his face, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “I’ve spent the last several hours feeling sorry for myself. And for you. And for our future together. But I did come to a few conclusions.”

Pepper stared at him and nodded, too afraid to speak. Too scared to hear what he was about to say, but knowing she had to listen no matter what. It was her job now to be strong and supportive.

“I’m going to fight this thing. I won’t give up.”

The breath she was holding whooshed out so fast, she couldn’t have stopped it if she wanted to. “I’m very glad to hear that.”

“We’ve only just found one another.”

“Well, not
just
.” Pepper was able to give him a teasing grin.

Gabe chuckled but there was little humor in it. “Well, it’s only a drop in the bucket for the years I had planned on spending with you. And I won’t be cheated out of those years. Cancer does not have to be terminal. I refuse to allow this diagnosis to turn into a death sentence. I’ve made more money than I’ve known what to do with these last few years, but now I know precisely how to spend it. There are new drugs, new treatments and I will try every single one of them if it means I get to spend an extra minute with you, my love.”

That did it. Pepper couldn’t have held up against that kind of sentiment. She burst into tears and crawled over the pile of cats to settle squarely in his lap. She pressed her lips to his over and over, swearing her love and devotion to him.

“I won’t give up, Pepper,” he answered. “You mean entirely too much to me.”

“I won’t let you give up,” Pepper promised. “We’ll fight this together.”

Aiden did not take the news very well when Gabe told him the day after the initial diagnosis. It looked as if despair and fear might consume him, but Pepper nipped that in the bud, wishing someone had been able to do that for her. “This isn’t about you. It’s about Gabe. Your job is now to help us fight. Keep us organized. Get us on a schedule and keep us there.”

Aiden didn’t have to be told twice. Within hours of getting the news, he had calendars set up, appointments made, and meetings scheduled within the company so that delegation of duties could begin and be smoothly executed. Pepper felt less overwhelmed knowing that Aiden would be helping her to coordinate the very best care Gabe could get.

The next several weeks went by for Pepper and Gabe in a flurry of doctor appointments for second opinions, follow-up visits, a hospital stay for a biopsy and countless tests. Because of Gabe’s wealth and reputation, they were able to move things along a little faster than if he’d gone the straight insurance route. Opting to pay cash for whatever was required freed up appointment slots that might not have otherwise been had. Pepper was torn between sending out thanks to the universe and still wanting to fuck up that higher power for forcing them into the position in the first place. If it hadn’t been for Aiden keeping track of everything and coordinating the schedules, Pepper thought she would have ended up tearing her hair out by the roots.

“I can’t thank you enough,” she told Aiden over lunch shortly before chemo was to begin. Gabe was in meetings that he would not allow anyone else to handle, so Pepper hovered around the office with Aiden. She knew she should be at her own office, but Viv had told her to get the hell out. Jane was with the nanny and Viv was more than ready to get back to work.

“No thanks are necessary. He’s just as important to me as he is to you,” Aiden admitted as they ate at his desk. “He gave me a chance when no one else would. I owe my career to him.”

Pepper rolled her eyes. He was smarter than hell and could have been doing anything he wanted. Why he chose to stay with Gabe as an assistant was beyond her comprehension, but she wouldn’t deny being grateful for his presence during the transition from their once carefree lifestyle to that of cancer fighters. “You are way more than just an assistant, Aid. I hope you know that.”

He nodded while he chewed a fork full of salad. “I do know. And Gabe is more than a boss. He’s been the father figure I never had.”

Pepper didn’t know much about Aiden’s background, but didn’t press the issue. The only thing Gabe had ever told her was that he’d come from a pretty rough upbringing by a single mom addicted to drugs. Whatever the circumstances of his childhood, he was sure as hell a put together, organized guy now.

“How are the rest of the people taking it?” She pushed her unfinished sandwich away. Aiden pushed it back at her.

“Eat. You need to keep up your strength, too. People are shocked. The VPs are scrambling to make sure they’re up to speed on all the current projects. The development department is in high gear, pushing for any pending deals to be finalized so that the company will keep moving forward.”

Pepper nodded and nibbled on her sandwich. “I worry there’s going to be some kind of a takeover. You’ll tell me if you hear anything, won’t you?”

Aiden glowered at her. “Of course, I will. No one is going to take Gabe’s place unless he makes the decision. The fact that he’s keeping such a high profile around here is keeping everyone in their place.”

“Good.”

“The guys he started the company with are his friends. They’ve stayed that way.”

“I’m glad.” It was all information she knew, but it was a boost to hear Aiden reaffirm it.

Pepper tried hard to finish her lunch, but every bite tasted like sawdust and sat like a rock in the pit of her stomach. Finally, she wadded the rest of it up in the paper wrapping and shoved it into an empty bag so that Aiden couldn’t force her to eat it. He gave her another pissy look, but didn’t say anything.

“How much longer is he going to be, do you think?”

“I told you when you got here, it’s going to take a few hours. You should have just dropped him off and gone on to work yourself.”

Pepper shrugged and then nodded. “I know. It’s just so hard to have him out of my sight right now.”

Aiden’s gruff demeanor vanished and he reached over to take her hand. Squeezing it, he smiled. “I can understand that. But if you hover, he’s going to get pissed off. You have to go on with as normal a life as possible.”

Pepper knew he was right, though it was a hell of a lot easier said than done. She knew there were things going on at the Foundation she needed to take care of because Viv hadn’t yet returned to work full time. When she did come in, she brought Jane with her and ended up spending more time tending to the baby than accomplishing anything else.

“All right. Tell him I’ll be back to pick him up at four. I’ll go to the office. But you call me if anything comes up or changes. Promise?”

Rolling his eyes, Aiden nodded at the same time. “Yes,
mother
.” He shooed her out of the offices of EJR and told her not to come back.

On the drive to the Foundation, Pepper’s nerves were getting the best of her. She was worried that Gabe would have some kind of episode and she wouldn’t be there. Since the diagnosis, he’d continued to say he didn’t feel sick. All of the symptoms that had brought him to the doctor in the first place persisted, but they weren’t troublesome enough to keep him from doing everything he would normally do. His appetite continued to decrease, which was the only cause for real concern. She knew if he didn’t keep his strength up, the chemotherapy scheduled to begin next week would completely wreck him.

Pepper knew she was going to have to work harder than she ever had before to keep her thoughts focused and her anxiety to herself. She had to make sure that Gabe got what he needed at all times and that he was priority number one.

Pepper fluffed the little yellow petals surrounding Jane’s head so her daisy Halloween costume would have the full effect. Next to Christmas, Halloween was her favorite holiday of the year. She loved passing out candy and seeing all the kids in their costumes. This year, she was trying hard to enjoy it and block out all the trauma going on in her life. Pepper needed a break, needed to forget about death and dying and cancer. One night wasn’t too much to ask to pretend her life was normal, right?

“You are too sweet, baby girl!” Pepper planted three quick kisses on the baby’s cheek. Jane clutched her Auntie’s finger for a quick second.

“Yes, the costume is cute,” Viv admitted, “but you still aren’t taking her out trick or treating.”

“Aw, Mom–”

“Don’t ‘aw, mom’ me. I’m serious. If you want candy, go buy it. It’ll all be half off tomorrow.” Viv quirked one eyebrow and grinned in Pepper’s direction, then turned back to pouring candy into a gigantic plastic bowl.

Pepper snatched a tootsie roll and popped it into her mouth, tossing the wrapper into the little trash can in the foyer. When the doorbell rang, she smiled with an excitement she didn’t quite feel but hoped would come as the night progressed.

She handed out treats to the gaggle of kids standing there shouting “trick or treat” at the top of their lungs. The sight of the princesses and cowboys and super heroes began to work its magic on her. Pepper’s mood lifted and she exclaimed over each and every one of the kids as she dumped candy into their pillowcases and plastic pumpkin heads. It brought back vivid memories of the Halloweens she and Vivienne had gone out for.

“Remember the year you were Princess Leia and I was Han Solo?” Pepper called over her shoulder.

Vivienne giggled. “Yes, of course! Those plastic cinnamon bun things left dents in the side of my head for days!” She came up behind Pepper, carrying Jane in the bucket car seat. “Let’s sit outside. It’s nice tonight.”

“Sounds good.”

Viv’s house didn’t have a front porch to speak of, so Pepper set up the lawn chairs at the end of the path to the sidewalk, so the kids didn’t have to come the extra twenty feet. The temperature hovered in the mid-sixties and a gentle breeze lifted the leaves on the trees and bushes. The block was crammed with children and their parents rushing from door to door.

“I can’t wait for next year!” Pepper gushed with ideas for costumes for Jane.

“Hold on there, Auntie. This kid isn’t trick or treating till she’s at least five. I’m not dragging a toddler around who won’t understand anything except mean mommy not letting her have all the candy when she gets home.”

Pepper smirked.
We’ll see about that
!

Will came up to join them, cocktails in hand, giving the first to his wife. They were discreetly disguised in travel mugs.

“I thought you were breast feeding?” Pepper took one of them.

“Heh, me too. Jane had other ideas. She stopped taking the breast and I couldn’t pump enough, so she’s on formula now.” Vivienne swallowed a third of her drink with a greedy slurp.

Pepper laughed and took a taste of hers. It was a perfect watermelon martini. “Mmm, that’s great, Will! Thanks!”

“Cheers!” He thunked his plastic against hers and grinned. “How’s Gabe doing? Thought he was coming over, too.”

Pepper felt her good mood retreating, but tried hard to maintain her outwardly happy appearance. “I tried, but he had to work late.”

Viv took Jane, who had fallen asleep, out of the bucket and nestled her into the crook of her arm. “It might be helping him to keep his mind off things.”

“Probably. He’s trying to reorganize the whole company before his chemo starts. He’s scared to death something will fall through the cracks if he doesn’t do it now.”

Viv’s smile was patient and sympathetic. “Can’t say I blame him.”

Pepper nodded with forced enthusiasm. “I don’t either. Doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed, though. He would have loved seeing Jane in her costume in person.” She had sent him a text with a picture, but received no response.

More trick or treaters arrived, putting a halt to further conversation, and Pepper was glad. She didn’t want them to know that Gabe was actually at home, holed up in the bedroom watching TV. They’d had a gigantic argument not an hour before they were due to leave. He hadn’t wanted to go and Pepper tried to talk him into it. Gabe had never denied her anything, so she pressured him and he’d put his foot down. That in and of itself didn’t bother her, given his mood since the diagnosis, which had been up and down, back and forth, and all over the place. But the way he had done it: shouting at her and stomping off to the bedroom. It had shocked Pepper badly. She stared down at her engagement ring, twinkling in the setting sun. The diamonds sent sparkles dancing on her legs.

“Hello? Earth to Pepper!”

Will was waving his hand in front of her nose.

“Yo!”

“Sorry!” Pepper shook her head, dragging herself out of her bedroom and back to the present.

More kids were standing in front of her, waiting impatiently for their treats. She doled them out, clamoring over all their costumes, telling each one how cute they were.

Will went in the house to get more candy and Viv watched him go. “What day does chemo start?”

“Next Wednesday,” Pepper mumbled, watching a little girl dressed like Barbie walk away.

“He’s probably very scared.” Viv didn’t look at her, but focused on Jane.

“Of course,” Pepper admitted. “But I wouldn’t know. He’s not talking about it. He’s been pretty closed mouth since the biopsy. And when he had his port put in, he wouldn’t even let me go with him.” She hated unloading on her best friend, but there was no one else to talk to. And it wasn’t like she could clam up about the whole situation, because Vivienne would know something was up anyway and then she would be worried too. Pepper couldn’t have that on her conscious, along with everything else.

Viv sighed and put a light hand on Pepper’s shoulder. It felt warm and gentle, and was more physical contact than she’d had from Gabe in days. “He’s going through a lot right now.”

“I know that. I want to be there for him. He’s just not letting me.” Pepper hated the whiney tone her voice took on, but was powerless to stop it. She was going through a lot, too.

“He will. He’s still processing. You guys have really moved this whole thing along a lot faster than most people.”

Pepper’s shoulders shrunk down, settling into the chair as she waited for more kids. “I guess. I’m trying really hard to be understanding, but you know me. I don’t necessarily have the most tact in the world.”

Viv laughed at that. “No, you don’t. He knows you love him. He’ll lean on you when he’s ready. Just try to be patient.”

“I’m trying, Vivvy. I’m trying.”

* * * * *

Gabe was asleep when she finally got home. Pepper undressed and climbed into bed. When she snuggled up next to him, he wrapped his arms around her but didn’t wake up. At least she had that. If they couldn’t be physically or emotionally close when they were awake, there was always the night.