The Widow's Friend (21 page)

You and I are similar in that we get a little carried away
romantically and then back off and try to straighten out again, Sister Wilson.
But I guess that’s only natural for two lonely people. That’s the reason I want
to come down and have a heart to heart with you, literally. I want to hear you
say a few things that will help me make a decision, one way or the other. You
didn’t know you had so much power over me, did you?

I was thinking today that my financial situation is just the
same as yours. If I walk away I lose one half of everything I own, so I know
how you feel. Only my next marriage is not guaranteed. I would lose one half
and then have an opportunity to find someone to marry. In your case you would
only lose half if the marriage was already signed, sealed, and delivered. There
is more risk for me. I could walk away and then get “kicked to the curb”, as
you say, in a week or two, and then proceed from there. This is really tricky
business isn’t it? And I have to say, this old January already seems awfully
cold.

I’ve written all of this on Monday night, after you went to
bed. I think of you now, asleep in your bedroom. I envision you curled up in
some warm pajamas in an oversized bed, giving the appearance of a tiny child
under those cozy and colorful covers. I don’t envision you any other way, just
curled up and cozy. And if I had to guess, I guess that your bedroom colors
are…gold! Or green! I have no idea, why don’t you tell me.

Well, I have spent too much time on you this last week or
so, girlfriend. I sometimes think I need to send you just one simple paragraph
most of the time, but I always get carried away and ramble on. One thing just
leads to another. I hope you don’t mind, and I hope you don’t mind me calling
you girlfriend. It’s just a slang term and is meant to be sent in a friendly
kind of way.

I’ve been getting bored lately too, and I’ve decided I need
to get a new hobby or two. I’m sure Mary would appreciate it if I would do a
little more cooking and cleaning, and that might not be a bad idea. I think I’m
going to get college football tickets next year, no matter what my station in
life may be. I think that would be a fun thing to do. My little wife has
crimped me in many ways over the years. I tell folks the truth, “She’s rated G
and I’m rated PG-13.” Go to Vegas? Not with Mary, Wendover either. Action
movies? Not often. I had recent thoughts of going to the Dana Carvey show in
Wendover, but those thoughts were just fleeting—I couldn’t do it with Mary.
Jeff Dunham would be great—or not. I ask, “Where do you want to go on vacation?
Or where do you want to eat? Or what do you want to do? And she always defers
to me and concocts these stories in her head that I’m some kind of an Ass-hat
that she dares not give her opinion to, because I don’t listen to her anyway.
Bottom line, I don’t really know what she likes to do. I often think, “She
doesn’t have a fun bone in her body.” Her life is driven by duty, but I think
folks need a little balance in their life. Don’t you?

So there you go. I went off again. It’s only been thirty
five years that I’ve struggled, not very long at all. When I left your house a
few weeks ago, you gave me some sage advice. You said, “Don’t rush your
decision.” I appreciated it but I thought,
Geez,
after all these years it’s not like I haven’t thought about it
. I gave up
trying to make her happy about ten years ago, because nothing ever seemed to
work, after countless years of effort.

I hope you don’t think that I’m terrible. This just shows
you some of my frustrations. And by the way, she went off like a firework
yesterday, right into her January mode, and now I can’t even remember what it
was all about. Men are that way—we just forget. But she rolled her terrible
eyes and she gnashed her terrible teeth. She howled at the moon and then went
into the bedroom and closed her door tight for the rest of the night, sealing
me off in the family room. I could have used a visit to your house, I was
feeling pretty low.

Well, I’ll miss you when you’re gone for a week. So I’ll
send you off with this one more long e-mail, then when you come back I’ll get
in the habit of writing just short ones. Do you believe that? Neither do I. I’ll
watch and see what you write tomorrow night and I might not even send any of
this off. Your e-mail could change the dynamics of everything.

I have the distinct feeling that you’re not going to let me
come to your house before you leave, and that’s okay, but I would like to talk
to you about a few things, sometime. And I’m a little nervous to come again,
probably like you are, but don’t be scared. I’m a gentleman and will not push
things too far.

And you’re a foxy grandma, Callii. That’s why I want to
come.

Goodnight again dear Jo. Your friend, Levi

***

Well, it’s Tuesday night, and what a day it was today. I had
a legion of Firemen tromping through my house at five o’clock this morning.
After a full inspection they said the burning smell was coming through the
vents and I needed to call in a heating and air conditioning guy. I will likely
need a new furnace. The old one is not working now so we go upstairs to get
warm. I’m sitting by an open fire in the family room right now. It’s my only
choice. And I finally gave up on rebuilding my old computer that has crashed.
The Geek Squad guy agreed, so I bought a new laptop as well. There is a large
sucking sound coming from the Stone household right now. Dollar bills are
flying out the doorway and into the night—or are those twenties.

I don’t know what else to say, so I’m gonna’ stop.

Goodnight, Levi

***

Well, here I am again at four a.m. The alarm clock goes off
at five. The main furnace is not working so I’m upstairs where it’s warm. Mary
is sleeping in the master bedroom. It’s cold down there, about fifty according
to the thermostat, and so Mary is sleeping in a cold bed again. That seems
about right.

I was lying in bed, semi-comatose just now, when I thought
about your trip and began worrying about the weather. (See how you affect me?)
I just checked the ten day forecast on weather.com and it looks like your
Friday driving day will be good, but it shows snow when you’re driving back.
But not to worry, ten days out they can’t really tell. So you should keep an
eye on it anyway.

I was feeling a bit unsettled the last few days. It’s hard
to share the inner workings of your soul, with someone on the other end, when
you think they are cooling to you. I was afraid I was making a fool of myself.
The way I see it, if I’m going to trade in one grandma for another, the new one
needs to love me dearly, or it simply isn’t worth it. That’s what I want. I don’t
want to die being hated and held in contempt. When I die I want to break
someone’s heart. Or if she dies first I want to be devastated, because I love
her so much and will miss her so much that I will never get over it.

I’m reminded of a customer I talked to last year. He was
sixty five years old and he was redeeming money to buy a new convertible. His
wife had died about seven years previous and he was just beginning to date a
bit. I asked him what his late wife would have thought about the car. He got
emotional and said, “Oh, she would have loved it.” I could just feel the
tenderness.

So there you go, some more rambling in a note that was
written in a state of semi-despair.

And so, dear Callii, you don’t know how “into” you I really
am. This has never happened to me before. I have a love for you that is deep
and real, no matter what may come, and I think you realize that.

Well, I’m gonna’ go catch a little sleep before the alarm
goes off, very little sleep, but some anyway.

We’ll talk later. Your friend, Levi

***

Well, now it’s ten o’clock, Wednesday, and I’m going to bed.
I am exhausted. I’m a little worried about you. You’re leaving for Disneyland
soon, and you’re probably feeling a little responsible. After all, you are now
both the mom, the dad, and the grandma, all rolled into one. Remember when your
mother had a similar role, and how well she played it?

I have other things to say but I’m too tired to say them.

Goodnight, dear friend

***

This time it’s eight thirty on Thursday evening and I’m
tired again, so I’m gonna end this soon. Does it seem like thirty something
years has passed since we dated? It doesn’t to me. I do want to reemphasize
that you shouldn’t worry about sending me notes from California on that little
phone of yours. Just a goodnight, or great day, or went to the beach, or
something like that. I’m happy to be patient while you’re down there, and I’ll
keep feeding “stuff” to you on a daily basis.

We’re getting to that stage in our lives where we are
grandma and grandpa. It’s fun but it’s a responsibility at the same time. It’s
a little more work in some ways.

And finally Callii, I wish I could go with you. What great
fun it would be. I love your eyes, I love your nose, I love your hair, I love
your face, I love your body, I love your sense of humor and I love your zest
for life. So have a good time and I’ll write you every day.

Have fun girlfriend, Levi

P.S. By the time I read your reply you’ll probably be on the
road to LA, but reply anyway.

From Callii Wilson (One hour later)

Wow Guy-Friend. I really enjoyed reading your e-mail. It was
worth waiting for. You are so sweet and so upfront about your feelings. I wish
I was better at that. I have to say, though, that you scare me a bit. The only
other person, in my recent life that said he cared for me was Tom, and you can
see where that got him. I haven’t said much as far as he is concerned, but he
really did turn me off. When he started visiting me he was still living with
his wife. He said she lived upstairs and he lived down. I guess one day she
invited the children over, and then she left with the girls and sent word back
that she was moving out, and that was that. We went out two different times and
then I ended it. It was all I could do to go on the second date with him. Then
he made a big mistake with an aggressive move, and I told him we were done. It
was cruel, I know, but I really had no interest in him. It is way different
with you, and you know that I mean it. Some things seem similar, (married) but
most things are largely different. I would love to talk with you again. When I
get back we will get together. It will give me something to look forward to
after the vacation. I will keep in touch while I’m gone.

I need to finish getting ready now so I have to end this,
but know that I will be thinking of you.

Love ya, the vacation Granny

***

From Levi Stone (Ten minutes later)

Love ya back. More later, Levi

***

From Levi Stone

Jan 7th

Hi traveling Grandma, it’s me again. I will try and feed you
e-mails every day this next week for your emotional nourishment, and besides, I
get to think of you that way. Be sure and eat your green leafy vegetables. I’ll
try to send you a little of that along with the meat and potatoes. I’ll also
try to send you a little sugar each day to keep you sweet. I wouldn’t want you
to get stale or sour like some other grandmas I may know.

I had to go back to Facebook and steal your picture to place
on my new laptop. I hope you don’t mind. You are a bit addicting you know.

I have to tell you something funny. Little Becca, my first
grader from Rexburg, got her tongue stuck on a lamp post last weekend, just
like in Christmas Story. I would have loved to have been there. The other girls
were freaking out. Becca is the tiny one of the three. Now I don’t have any
favorites, but if I did have a favorite she might be the one. She is a tiny
little girl with a loud voice and an attitude. She is also somewhat
affectionate to her grandpa. Her mother and Mary both think she looks like my
mom—I guess.

An old friend just shot me an e-mail and told me how
intriguing the writing was on the back of my new book. He sounds like he’s
gotten into it so far, but I haven’t had much feedback on the book from most
others yet—the holidays are a busy time. (But I love that you loved it.) You
asked if my wife appreciates my “talent”. About half way through the book she
said, “I’m not sure you should put a question mark here.” And then she said, “I
found a spelling error. I should have marked it. I can’t remember what it was.”
And then when she finished the book she said, “That ending is too scary for my
grandkids. I can’t let them read that!” And that was it, total feedback from my
wife of thirty five years. It didn’t affect me much—I pretty much expect it at
this point. Maybe after thirty five years of marriage most women would act that
way, though I would certainly hope not.

Speaking of Mary, she came home in a nasty mood tonight—bad
for me, good for you. She gave me a tongue lashing for leaving the door open in
the garage. (The little door in the back.) She doesn’t want cats in there, and
it didn’t help that her mom and dad came today and left two chairs in there.
Anyway, she’s in the bedroom with the door sealed shut again. I’m out here
watching the ballgame—same old. Maybe after the game I’ll drop down the hill
and get some fast-food. Wanna come?

So, on to a happier note, I was thinking about what you said
about working again, and I thought,
Callii
should get a part time job
. Working just two or three days a week might be
perfect for you. It was just a thought. I know how much you love to be home.

I find it funny that we’re both bored right now. I just
imagine that you get bored easily. After all, you are the sparkling little
party girl. And me, I’ve always been a bit boring, but I still like to have
something to do. Just think, you could drag me along to all the fun places you
go, and Anne could come too. But mostly we could just stay home. That’s a nice
quiet little thought.