The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (203 page)

I nodded. It was similar to what I'd felt when I worked with those kids, getting them excited about waves and standing up. I'd never felt so accomplished than I did that day at the state beach.

“So, in that way, he was the exact opposite of Leo,” she said.

“How's that?”

“Leo was the epitome of locals only.” Her voice was bitter. “Always saw himself as the protector of the break or some shit like that. Organized some little asshole crew that ran around like they owned the beaches. Idiots.”

I shifted on the couch. “So they didn't get along?”

“Not even a little,” She shook her head. “They were polar opposites in nearly every way. Anthony tried to play peacemaker. He idolized Leo because he was his older brother, but he liked Luke, too. But he could never bridge the gap. No one could. Sure as hell not me.

“They managed to get along for awhile,” she continued. “And that was probably about me. But it was never real. It was always forced. Leo thought Luke was an idiot and Luke thought Leo was an arrogant prick. And the longer Luke held the lifeguarding job, the worse it got. Every time Leo saw him helping out some family with their rental boards, Leo would get pissed, like it was offensive to him. So he'd always make a remark to Luke when he saw him. And for a long time, Luke didn't say anything. For me. He didn't want to make it a big deal.” She paused for a second. “But I got tired of hearing it, too. So Luke started barking back at him. Got to the point where they literally couldn't be in the same room together. They just couldn't get along.”

“Jesus.” I couldn't imagine someone being such an asshole about the ocean. Not someone I knew, someone I was related to. There were plenty of pricks who acted like that out in the water but my hometown break had never been like that. And by the time I was surfing other places, my reputation had already been established. No one had ever messed with me, had ever made me feel unwelcome.

“Yeah. It really did,” she said. “So Luke and I were at a party one night. End of summer thing. Lots of people, lots of friends. Luke had a couple beers, but nothing horrific. Anthony was there with some of his friends. Everything's totally fine. Luke and I got separated at some point, which was no big deal. Just figured he was out back with other people or whatever. Then Anthony starts yelling for me. Like, loud. He's at the front of the house we were in and I could see his face over the top of people's heads. And I could tell something was wrong.

“He was waving at me, trying to get me to come to him,” she said. Her voice had lowered almost to a whisper and I had to lean closer to hear her. “But there's a ton of people and it's taking me forever to get to him. And when I finally do, he just grabs my hand and pulls me outside.”

I knew what was coming. I'd read enough to know what happened next. But it didn't keep my heart from beating faster or my mouth from drying up as I waited for her to finish.

“Luke is out in the street,” she said slowly. “Standing with a younger kid I didn't know. They were faced off with three guys. Ruben Castillo, Brad Jakers and my big brother. Leo.”

I shook my head. “Shit.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Shit. And I can tell, just the way they're standing, that it's gonna go down. They're finally gonna fight. And for just a moment, I thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. They could get after one another and maybe it would take some of the tension out of the relationship. I don't know. But then I snapped back to reality and was like, no, that's stupid. Stop them.”

“Who was the other kid?”

“Some unlucky guy who had been out on the water earlier and that Leo had taken a disliking to.” Her voice was filled with disgust. “He'd apparently chased him out earlier in the day, then recognized him at the party and gone off on him. Luke saw him yelling at the kid and went to intervene. And it just got...heated.”

She paused.

“Before I could even yell at them, Luke turned to Ruben to say something.” She blinked rapidly. “And Leo just swung at him. Took him right off his feet. And he just dropped to the ground.”

I leaned forward and touched her hand.

“I ran to him,” she said, swallowing hard. “Leo and his two asshole pals took off running, panicked. Rightly so.” She ran a hand through her hair and I saw that her fingers were shaking. “Luke was out cold on the ground. His jaw was out of place...you could tell it was broken. And there was this...black blood coming through his nose and mouth, puddling under his face.” She looked at me then, and her eyes were bright with tears. “I just knew it was...not good. But you don't think that the person you love is going to die, you know? You think they'll live forever. Like they're invincible or something.”

I knew exactly what she meant. Jay.

She shook her head. “But that's just not true. They kept him alive for a couple of days, but he never woke up. I wasn't there when they turned off the machines. I couldn't.”

I didn't know what to say to her, what I could say that would make it better. There weren't words. So I said the only words I could say.

“I'm sorry.”

“So I know you're not him,” she said, clearing her throat. “I do know that. But it's like seeing flashbacks sometimes. There's just enough there to remind me.”

“But I'm not him,” I repeated. “I can't be. I'm Kellen. Gina. Remember?”

“I know.” She looked down at the floor. “But the similarities are there. I thought I could do it, block the memories long enough to work with you. And I did. You know?”

I nodded. She'd done an excellent job at staying professional.

“But then...” Her voice trailed off. “Then I don't know what happened. You weren't just a job anymore. I liked you. Liked spending time with you, liked your sense of humor, liked knowing I could get you to do things you didn't want to do. All of that.”

I knew exactly what she meant. It was how she'd somehow managed to morph into something more for me.

“And then you kissed me.” She closed her eyes. “And it scared the shit out of me. I couldn't go down that path again. Not when you reminded me so much of Luke. Of what I'd loved and what I'd lost.”

I reached out and touched her chin, tilted her head so she was staring at me. “Hey,” I said, my voice soft. “Let me introduce myself. I'm Kellen. Kellen Handler.”

She smiled and cast her eyes down again. “I know. But every time I tell myself that, I see something that makes me think differently. Like today. Seeing you wail on Branagan. And all I can think is, a fight. He's fighting. Brought it all crashing back. Not like it was far from my memory today, but still. It all just hit me. I don't know if I can get past that.”

“Look at me.” My voice was sharper than I'd intended.

She stared straight ahead.

“Gina. Look at me.”

She finally turned, her eyes full of sadness and tears.

“I'm not him,” I said. “I'm not. I'm not going to end up like that. I promise.”

“You can't make that promise.”

“Yeah, I can.” I reached for both of her hands and folded them into mine. “Because I'm doing it. I'm promising. No more bullshit from me.”

Her lower lip quivered and she bit down on it. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you promise?” She chewed her lower lip, her eyes not meeting mine.

I stroked one of her hands with my thumb. Her skin was smooth, soft. “You wanna know what I see when I look at you?”

She swallowed. “I don't know. Do I?”

I smiled. “Well, first off, I see this insanely beautiful woman.” She rolled her eyes but I continued. “A woman who's smart. Funny. Doesn't take any crap from me. And doesn't give a shit about how famous I am.”

She pursed her lips, trying not to smile. “You got that part right, anyway.”

I chuckled. “I know. And it's one of the things I like best about you. Being famous is not a point in my favor with you. At all.”

She nodded.

“But I see something else.” I squeezed her hand and took a deep breath. “I see me.”

She raised her eyebrows in question.

“I see you holding on to the past. Letting it control what you do, what you allow into your life. I don't want that for you. And I don't want that for me.” I leaned closer, bringing my eyes level with hers. “Neither of us can change the past. You can't bring Luke back and I...” I faltered a little. I cleared my throat and continued. “And I can't bring back Jay.”

She closed her eyes and squeezed my hand in return. “I know.”

“And I'm not saying that things are gonna be perfect,” I told her. “I'm not saying we're gonna wake up tomorrow and all our demons will be gone. But I think we can keep them locked away. Deal with them on our own time. In our own way. You know?”

Gina nodded again and I saw the tears glistening in her eyes. She lowered her gaze to my mouth and then looked back up at me.

It was all the invitation I needed. I leaned toward her, our lips just inches apart.

“You sure you want this?” I whispered. “Because I'm not gonna apologize this time.”

She didn't answer with words. Instead, she reached up and pulled me toward her, touching her lips to mine. I stifled a groan and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her with every ounce of emotion I felt.

Neither of us held back. Not when we kissed and not later when she pulled off my shirt and tugged off my shorts. We both knew what we were doing. We both wanted it.

I stroked her through the fabric of her shorts. “I want you,” I breathed against her neck. “All of you.”

Her hands were in my boxers, sliding them down my legs. “You have me,” she murmured, her fingers trailing lightly over the tip of my cock.

I moaned and shifted her on to her back. Her hair fell in loose waves against the couch cushions and I plunged my hand into the mass of curls. I unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down her legs, taking my time. My mind was razor-sharp, not fuzzy with alcohol this time, and I wanted to savor every minute, sear her and this moment into my memory.

I lifted her shirt and unclasped her bra, tossing both to the floor. Gina lay before me naked, exposed and vulnerable and beautiful. I caressed her thigh, my eyes roving over her body. She lay still and watched me. I moved my hand to the soft curve of her stomach, then higher so I could cover her breast with my hand. She whimpered and reached out, pulling me to her, crushing her mouth against mine.

“Don't make me wait,” she said, pressing her hips into mine. “I'm done waiting. I want this. I want you.”

I eased myself into her, inhaling sharply as her warmth enveloped me.

“No more waiting. Ever.”

FORTY THREE

Gina

The alarm sounded and I sat up quickly, silencing it. I fell back on my pillow and Kellen's arm came around me, drawing me close. I snuggled up against him, letting his warmth seep into me. We'd slept with the windows open and the early morning air was chilly, thick with salt and moisture.

I lay there, my eyes open, not really looking at anything, just thinking. I did that often, especially in the early morning hours, before I left for work and before Kellen slipped out for a morning session. I would spend the time in silence, replaying memories, some of them over and over.

But they weren't memories of Luke anymore, or of Leo and all that had happened after that fateful night three years ago. I spent my time instead thinking about the new memories I was making. With Kellen.

It had been two months since the anniversary, two months since he'd stripped down my defenses, and I'd surrendered myself completely to him. But there was one thing I'd held on to, one thing I couldn't let go.

And I was finally ready to change it.

I rubbed Kellen's leg with my foot and he shifted closer to me. He slept in the nude and I loved how his body felt against mine, even through the thin fabric of my tank top and panties. I pushed my backside against him and he responded sleepily, thrusting into me just a little. I smiled and pushed again, my head turned so I could see his face.

He opened an eye. “You trying to wake me up?”

I nodded, smiling. “Uh huh.”

He pressed into me again and I could feel his arousal. We moved against each other for a little longer, letting the desire build until he grew impatient, yanking my panties down. He grabbed my hips, positioning me, then sliding into me, his entire body pressed into my backside. I sighed and moved with him, loving how he felt and the sounds he made. His pace quickened and I matched it, lifting up and into him. He inhaled sharply, his fingers digging into my hips as he came.

After, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “I love waking up like that,” he murmured, his lips against my hair.

“Me, too.”

He yawned. “Why are you up so early? It's Saturday, isn't it?”

“Yeah.”

He stole a quick glance out the window. “What time is it? Seven o'clock?”

He had the uncanny ability of knowing what time it was just by looking at the sun.

“Almost seven-thirty.”

He sighed. “Jesus. Why are we up this early? Why?”

I propped myself up on an elbow. “Because I think I want to do something.”

“I don't wanna do anything this early in the morning except sleep.” He closed his eyes. “And have sex with you. Those two things.”

I smiled. I was pretty sure that once I told him what I wanted to do, what I was finally ready to do, he'd bolt out of bed before me.

So I told him.

Ten minutes later, we were standing on the beach. The sand was empty, the only other beachgoer a man out walking his dog. They followed the shoreline, the lab frolicking in the waves, chasing and retrieving a tennis ball the man threw. Before long, they were blurry dots, heading north up the beach.

Kellen looked at me. “You're sure you're ready to do this?”

I gazed out at the water. I wasn't completely sure. I didn't think I'd ever be. But I was tired of waiting, tired of having this one thing hanging over me. Everything else had fallen into place. Being with Kellen. Beginning to repair my relationship with Leo. I was picking up the pieces, focusing on the here and now and not worrying so much about the past. And Kellen had done the same. After his suspension, he'd opted to drop out of the remainder of the tour. The tour officials had not been pleased but, with me at his side, we'd explained why. He needed to take the time to get over Jay. And he couldn't do it on tour, knowing every single thing he was doing should have been shared with Jay.