The Years Between (24 page)

She suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her face so she could kiss him. He grinned and twirled her. “You know what it kind of feels like?”

“What?” she asked, breathless at seeing his boyish smile, and the gleam of pride in his eyes for her. How many people were ever proud of Jessie?

“It feels like we won, Jessie. We beat everything and everyone who tried to destroy you, and
indirectly, me. We weren’t suppose to have a real relationship beyond the hero-worship you felt for me after saving you. We weren’t supposed to survive the Army, or all the shit regarding it that made you feel bad. We weren’t supposed to get revenge or justice for the terrible things you suffered. But we did. We made it. Two years later, we’re better than when we started. You’re still here. We’re still here,” he slowly lifted her feet off the ground as he wrapped her tightly against him. He whispered into her ear, “We fucking did it, Jessie.”

She held her breath and shut her eyes, slowly exhaling and basking in his words. She loved hearing his approval, and his vows of love for her, while accepting her love for him. “No one will ever really know what we went through.”

His shoulders shrugged under her hands. “It doesn’t matter. We know. That’s all that matters
. We know
. And living in butt-fuck-nowhere with you is as much a miracle as beating terminal cancer. It is now, and will always be, the greatest thing I ever achieved in my life. What happened to you could have killed you. Or ruined and destroyed you and us because it was so fucking wrong.”

She leaned back and cupped his chin in her hands. “I finally believe you. Fully.”

He tilted his head. “About what?”

“That you really want me. That you think you’re somehow lucky to have me as your wife.”

His laugh was soft and dry. “Finally? I proved it?”

“You prove it every day. All the time. Killing and humiliating rapists. Rescuing me. Loving me. I found it hard to see how you could. I finally believe it now, because you showed me your love.”

“And we won,” Will said, holding her stare, his eyebrows raised.

She grinned and exhaled a deep breath as if expelling all the years of pain, humiliation, agony and ungodly awful feelings and betrayals. “And we fucking won.”

His proud smile was enough for her heart to finally acknowledge that he really thought he was lucky to have her. She knew she was lucky to have him. Maybe she had finally won. But it was because she did not let all those things prevent her from accepting Will’s love and devotion. She felt finally fully ready to give him hers.

“What now, soldier?”

He wagged his eyebrows. “After having sex with me? I was thinking, I don’t know, we could do whatever the fucking hell we want.”

Her heart nearly exploded. “I guess we could do that.”

“You guess?” he growled as he lifted her up and started walking down the hallway. “I’ll show you what ‘I guess is’…”

The silly giggle that escaped her throat was how she imagined a sixteen-year-old girl would respond when flirting with her first boyfriend or crush. She never had that before. Not even once. She experienced it finally at the age of twenty-five years old and with her husband.

~Year Three~

At last, they pulled into Ellensburg. Jessie and the animals were exhausted. It was a long trek across the entire country. She should have appreciated the sights, but she merely wanted to get here. And far away from North Carolina. They sold both of their vehicles with the intent of buying two new ones once they arrived. They drove the moving truck together, and had to stop a lot for the pets, so they weren’t the most fun few days. But finally they were home! Or what they would soon call home. For now, they would stay with the Clapsmiths, who didn’t mind their pets and had the space for Jessie’s dogs to run safely. They brought along the few furnishings they acquired because Jessie refused to give up the small household they
already put together. When they pulled into the Clapsmiths’ driveway, the couple came out to hug and greet them, smiling their welcome. She remembered how nice they were to her when she lived there alone. They still revered Will, and were thrilled to have them staying there temporarily, but not as thrilled as Jessie was.

Sighing with pleasure, she set her purse down in her old apartment. Flashes of history, and the old Jessie spilled through her brain. Lindsey bringing her there, fresh from the hospital as an inpatient, while learning how to resist the urge to cut up her flesh when in pain. She remembered trying to channel all that grief in ways that
weren’t internally combusting inside her. That was not a good time in her life.

But amazingly, living here was. It was quiet. And although she had no happiness inside her, all of her pain, confusion and terror began to diminish. Being away from North Carolina, her father, and even Will, gave her a peace that she never experienced before.

Then… Will came there. She stared at the bed where he first touched her with love, and sex and need. It was the place he first told her he loved her, and also where he left her. She whirled around, trying to avoid the pain his departure caused. But this time, he was right there, behind her, carrying her suitcase and her cats in their small travel carrier. Her big soldier man was actually rather sweet and kind to her cats. Even though he claimed he didn’t like them, she readily observed the sweet way in which he petted and fussed over them. She suddenly threw herself on him and he awkwardly put his arms around her, bumping the bags against her back.

“Hey, I know I’m awesome, but it’s only been about five minutes.”

She giggled in mindless happiness. “I am so happy to be here. With you. For good this time.”

His face softened. “Yeah, me too.”

She was nearly jumping out of her skin, she felt so elated. It was similar to that first rush of happiness she had on their honeymoon. Will was right. There were many more times when she felt a flood of emotions in her stomach, heart and extremities. But it was never quite as shocking and special as the first time. Now she just gratefully accepted it.

Holy crap! She used to be fucked up. Imagine freaking out from feeling the simple, joyful rush of being happy. The thought made her smile.

“You’re like a little jumping bean. Go. I can tell you want to see Noah and the clinic. So go. I’ll get the animals all settled in.”

Her heart bumped. “Really? You don’t mind if I go alone?”

He paused from opening the cat carrier to meet her gaze. “Jessie, I trust you. Always.”

“Okay,” she kissed his cheek and ran out without another word.

****

“Jessie Hendricks?”

She flashed a huge grin when Noah spotted her as she rushed into his veterinary practice. “I can’t believe you actually came back! I didn’t think you really would.”

Noah stepped away from the counter where he was talking to a client, setting the chart down and approaching Jessie. He was tall and lanky with black hair and glasses. He could have appeared borderline nerdy if not for his handsome face and kind, electric blue eyes. She threw herself at him in a tight hug. “Oh, Noah! I didn’t either.”

Noah patted her shoulders. “Okay, okay. Back off. Where’s Will?”

She giggled and touched Noah’s cheek. “Back at the Clapsmiths, unloading our stuff. I could not wait to see you.”

Noah frowned. “You didn’t say that to Will, did you?”

“Oh my God! Are you still such a
wuss?”

He nodded. “That’s me. Now, are you really back to stay?”

She nodded, biting her lip in a huge, silly grin. Noah exclaimed, “Thank God.” He suddenly turned and walked over to the receptionist’s desk. Placing his hand on the woman’s shoulder, he leaned down and said something into her ear. The thirty-something lady glanced at Jessie with a scowl as her face fell. Then she stood up with a huff, and yanked her coat off the counter before passing Jessie with an angry jerk.

Jessie’s mouth dropped open. “Did you just fire her? Now? Just like that?”

Noah nodded, grinning. “Total asshole that I am, yes. She sucked. You don’t. Now, come on; and I’ll show you who we have in back and what’s new. I got some new toys for surgery. So awesome,” he said as he headed into the bowels of the building. He stopped and raised his eyebrows at her. “Are you coming?”

She gave him a big, toothy grin and nearly hopped after him. “You don’t have to ask me twice!”

****

She finally felt happy after spending two years just trying to fit into the places she had to be. She couldn’t fit into any of them, not at all. But she survived it, just as she told Will she could. Now, it wasn’t a struggle anymore. It wasn’t about getting through. It wasn’t ticking off the days on a calendar and whiling the time away, or
looking forward to the nights so she could cross another day off. She always tried to hurry her life along.

Now she was right there, in the present, and no worries about tomorrow, or next year. It was simply living and being. They set up the apartment, spending three weeks at the Clapsmiths and doing little else. Jessie went to the vet clinic, and Will slept a lot. He was tired for the first time in their marriage and possibly, his life. She knew he was going through withdrawal, depression, and adjusting to civilian life. It wasn’t as easy for him so she let him have more space than usual. It was something she couldn’t totally understand, and just like how he spent most of their relationship doing with her.

“Are you okay?” she whispered in his ear as he held her. His body pinned her to the bed. It was late at night and they just had sex. He stirred at the sound of her voice and his head popped up as his neck muscles flexed.

“Right now? I’m great. Why would you ask?”

She smiled slightly. “I meant, being here. With nothing to do. Without the Army looming over the future.”

“Well, I still have the Army Reserves, so that’s not completely true.”

“That’s not the kind of soldier you prefer to be.”

He sighed and flipped onto his back before pulling her closer, and tucking her into his side. “No. It’s not. But I love you more. It’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t pat me on the head as if I can’t help you figure it out. We figure our lives out
together.
Not, you figuring out mine and yours all alone. You really like to do that. Mexico. Revenge. The general’s friends. Anything involving me you think you have a say in, but you hide what you’re doing and thinking from me.”

“All of that turned out well.”

“Yes, but it’s not a way to manage how we, as partners, should handle the rest of our lives.”

Will was right; and it all did work out. They followed the stories of her father’s friends; and within a week of the information reaching the media, the reports about the men were aired. Most were m
ajor stories that attracted a lot of public attention. The photos were shown with the inappropriate parts digitized along with the men who hurt her. They were exposed in all their perverted glory. One was under investigation for statutory rape and another was charged with tax evasion. Two were just humiliated. The fifth, Senator Johnstone, watched his entire life fall apart. His wife left him, and his children refused to give statements, but were reported not to be on speaking terms with him. Jessie savored that. He was the most aggressive of the five perpetrators who violated her, and he also demanded it the most often.

“That’s not my point.”

He sighed. “I know. I still treat you like you’re the broken, messed up, in-need-of-me Jessie Bains sometimes.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t mean to. It isn’t like I sit around thinking that. I’m still not that great at sharing. Always working on it though.”

“Well,
this
you have to share. We were both in the Army for our marriage, so we’re both out.”

“Okay, okay,” he mumbled with a sigh. His hand lazily rubbed her arm. “So I guess, for now, I kind of feel like I’m on vacation. I feel like I’ll be getting back to it soon. I don’t think it’s hit me yet that this is for good. For real.”

“And that’s something you kind of want, isn’t it? Knowing this is for good?”

“Yeah. I do.” His eyebrows knitted. “But then, no, I don’t. I don’t want to be without you. But reporting back to the Army just seems normal for me. It might take awhile to get used to it.”

She nodded. “Exactly my point. So talk to me.”

He tickled her stomach. “I’d rather have sex with you instead. That gets my mind off it too. But to answer your question, I think I’m okay. I’m really tired, Jess. Since I was nineteen, I’ve always had something to do. I never figured out anything else. I just want to… I don’t know, be. With you.”

“I’m the opposite. I do better as long as I’m doing something.”

“I know. You work and
I’ll be here waiting when
you
get home,” he joked, smacking her butt with a happy, cocky grin.

She finally smiled back.
“You’re really okay?”

“I’m really okay.”

Will didn’t do much of anything for several months. Jessie taught him how to ride a horse on the weekends. She loved that, for once, he wasn’t as good at something as she was. She often took care of the horses not only as a meager payment to the Clapsmiths for letting them stay there, but also because she wanted to. She worked nearly full time with Noah at the clinic. He kept urging her to look into the veterinary program at the local college, Central Washington University. It had a pre-vet program. But that seemed like a pie-in-the-sky kind of dream. She doubted she could even enroll. Will and Noah kept encouraging her to try, and finally, she did. She was rejected. She needed credits that she didn’t have. However, an advisor suggested she attend the local community college and get the necessary credits and classes there, along with many of the lower classman requirements.

Unable to make a decision, she sat on it for a few weeks. The thought of walking into a classroom made her hands sweat. She was never good in school. She was always the fast, easy girl, which was all she remembered about classes and school. The boys and the mean girls. Herself notwithstanding. But everyone, including the Clapsmiths, were convinced she could do it. They persevered until finally, she signed up for the fall quarter.

****

“Come with me.”

Jessie swung around when she heard Will’s voice behind her. She was stocking the inventory for Noah in the stock room. Will leaned against the doorjamb, his arms crossed over his chest, grinning crazily. And again, her heart blipped in response to that grin.

“Now? I need to finish this.”

He rolled his eyes. “Please, Jess. I love your work ethic usually, but come on. I have something to show you. I swear it’s worth it. Noah doesn’t care.”

“I care.”

“I know. But just this one time, please come.”

His infectious smile piqued her curiosity and she sighed as she slipped off the lab coat. She wore it sometimes because she liked how it made her feel. Not that she was a smart professional like Noah or anything, but wearing it made her feel like that. She blushed when she realized how stupid that sounded… like she could ever become a professional veterinarian. Ha! As if.

She picked up her purse and let Will drag her by the hand. Noah waved them off as she shrugged helplessly with a grin.

She hunkered down in the new truck Will bought recently. He didn’t have any compunction about spending her father’s money. Jessie preferred an older model, reliable sedan, but Will bought a brand new, pimped out truck. It still startled her sometimes that he wasn’t a bit more frugal. She planned to encourage him
to start being so and listen to her once in awhile.

“Okay, so where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he grinned, wagging his eyebrows as he started the beastly truck. This one was loud. Choosing diesel, it rumbled and shook like a sick animal. She didn’t love it, but he did. His eyes lit up every freaking time he started it, as if the sound were a symbol of his manliness, or a testament to how large his penis was. Without the Army, Will sought other avenues to get his macho fix. For a guy who could be so sweet, tender and wonderful to her, he was also sometimes, a complete and utter cocky, macho man, verging on arrogant ass. Jessie was sometimes annoyed when she witnessed his testosterone-fueled displays; but it also tightened her stomach with desire for him. She just didn’t let him know that.