Their New Beginning (Oh Captain, My Captain #5) (10 page)

“I kept wondering how you were going to support yourself if we did this. I would give you everything, whether you wanted it or not, just to know that you would be taken care of. Then I wanted to know why you would do this because I’m not giving up. Not now, not ever. During the game, I was keeping track of how many minutes were left before I was done, so I could go talk to you. I got injured because I wasn’t paying attention and couldn’t stop thinking about you and what I was going to do to fix this.

“You came for me, Avery. You came, you took me home, and you stayed. You didn’t leave. You don’t want a divorce any more than I do because you still love me and I still love you. So, no, I’m not signing any damn divorce papers.”

“Oh my God, what kind of pills did they give you? Are you hearing what you’re saying?” she questions me incredulously. “I gave some random guy something only you should ever have, and you still want to be with me?” Avery takes a deep breath. “Jax, I think you need to lay down and rest. I’ll go fix you something to eat.” She goes to leave but turns around. “And if you love me so much, why didn’t I hear from you from you? Not even a reply back to let me know you were okay.”

“I told you; I’m tired of being angry and I wanted to let go of that first. I felt guilty for what I said and that you were staying somewhere else. I’m sorry for not replying. I’ve fucked up as much as you have, but I’m not giving up,” I state firmly.

“Jax, I’m going to make you something to eat. You can’t take the pain pills on an empty stomach. Rest. I’ll bring it up here to you.”

“Damn it, Avery. No!” Why won’t she just listen to me? “I don’t care about eating or taking pain pills. You aren’t going anywhere until we settle this. I’m not going to do anything else until we settle this. You’re my wife, Avery, and I love you. Stop making this about something else. You only wanted to get married once, so stay married and let’s fix this. I want to fix this more than anything else. You’re my wife,” I finish, hoping that’s going to change her mind.

She stares at me for a second. “How about a compromise? Let me go make you something to eat, and then you can take your pills and rest. I understand what you’re saying and we will talk about it, but Jax, you were hurt last night and the only way you’re going to get back on the ice is with rest and without stress. So, us yelling and going back and forth isn’t helping your recovery time. If you love me like you say you do then let me get you well. Okay?”

I want to say no, but I don’t. Maybe if I agree to what she wants, she’ll listen to me later. “Fine, I’ll compromise.”

Avery

I stir the soup and try to process everything that has happened in the past twenty-four hours. I almost had a heart attack when the trainer called me to say Jax was hurt. I was so shaken up that Regina had to drive. I didn’t know what had happened.

I had begun to accept that I was getting a divorce and was going to be alone. Jax has to be under the influence of the pain meds. I know he is upset about the divorce, but this is what we need.

I put the soup in the bowl and grab the pain pills along with a bottle of water. I set it all on the tray and carry it upstairs. Jax is sitting up in the bed and I place the tray down on his lap.

“Take these. Eat the soup. Rest.”

“When will we talk?”

I roll my eyes. Man, he’s hard headed. “Tomorrow.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

“Fine, I’m going to clean the kitchen. I’ll be back in a few.” 

I walk out of the room and back to the kitchen. As I’m putting everything in the dishwasher, there’s a knock on the door. I figure it’s a teammate to check on Jax, but it’s Regina.

“Hey, what’s up?” I step aside as she walks in with my suitcase. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I’m kicking you out.”

“What?” I yelp in disbelief.

“Yep.” She drops the luggage in the middle of the floor. “See, I figured out something last night. Do you want to hear what?”

“Not–”

“Last night,” she cuts me off loudly. “I saw a wife very concerned for her husband. I also figured out that there might be one more round of fighting in you.”

I cross my arms at her. “There isn’t. Jax and I are done. He will figure it out.”

“So, let me see if I understand this: there’s this guy who you married in six weeks, who you called your ‘soul mate’, who got hurt last night and the first person he wanted to call was the wife who left him. Yeah, that sounds like a guy who wants divorce.”

“Stop, Genie. I mean it. He doesn’t understand that I’m not good for him. Do you know what he told me? He got hurt because he was thinking about me. Does that sound sane?”

“Completely, when the dumb hockey player is in love.”

“Genie–”

“Hey,” she grabs my shoulders. “I’m your smart, very beautiful, slightly older sister, and here is my advice: pull your head out of your ass and talk to your husband.” She kisses my cheek loudly and walks out. Well, I’m now able to relate to Dorothy when she fell out of the tornado into Oz. My sister has always been like that though.

I go upstairs and Jax is asleep. He looks peaceful. The black hair has fallen over his forehead, and his long eyelashes are flared on his cheeks. His full lips are shut tight and I want to kiss them so badly. I miss them. Damn it, I miss him.

I need a drink.

I grab the tray and head back to the kitchen. I grab a bottle of wine, a glass, and sit at the table. After four glasses, and still no closer to figuring out how to keep this divorce going, I go up to the bedroom.

Jax is still asleep, and I don’t want to disturb him. I grab one of his T-shirts and go across the hall to sleep.

~ ~ ~

I jerk awake to see Jax staring down at me.

“Are you okay? Do you need something?” I ask in a groggy voice, trying to wake up.

“What are you doing in here?” His voice is harsh.

“Sleeping. What time is it?” The bedroom is still dark.

“Tomorrow. Time to talk, Avery.”

“Jax, it’s the middle of the night.” I pull the covers up to my chin. “You need to rest. Go to bed. We’ll talk when the suns up.”

“I did rest. In
our
bedroom. Please? I’m not going to be able to fall asleep anyway.” He lightly tugs the blankets away.

“Do I really have a choice?” I groan.

“No,” he growls.

“Fine. Let’s go to
your
bedroom.” I swing my legs to the side of the bed, and like a teenager, stomp over to our bedroom. I jump into the bed, sitting up against the headboard.

Jax shuts the door, and carefully climbs into bed, staring at me.

“Talk,” I order him. This is his show.

He frowns at me. “Why are you trying to distance yourself from this? This is our stuff.”

“Jax, on our third date you said you loved me. On our fifth wedding anniversary, I had you served with divorce papers. Don’t you find this very strange?”

Sometimes Jax Godwin frustrates me so much. Doesn’t he see what a crazy, mixed up relationship we have?

“Yes because I don’t know why the hell you did it. I mean, I do, but I don’t understand it. I don’t want a divorce, Avery.”

I throw my hands up. “I did it for
us
. That’s why. I wanted you to break free of everything that I did that was keeping you down. I mean, shit, you got hurt because of me. You called me a whore, and God only knows what you didn’t say. You lied to your parents by pretending we were this perfect couple. Look what I’ve done to you. And let’s not forget the biggest thing: I cheated on you!” I raise my voice at him, hoping that he starts hearing what I’m trying to say.

“Our marriage was bad long before that. It didn’t collapse all of a sudden because of that. I got hurt because I wasn’t paying attention and I could get hurt at any time. It’s part of my job. I don’t really think you’re a whore. We lied to my parents, sure, but we don’t need everyone to know our marriage problems. Look at what you’re doing to yourself, Avery. You’re giving up. Don’t do that to us.” He’s getting upset because I am doing just that, but it’s for him.

I need to try to use a different tactic. “Why did you ask me to marry you?” He looks at me strangely. “It’s a serious question. Why?”

Without any hesitation in his voice, he says, “Because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. That hasn’t changed.”

“So, can you, Jax Godwin, say at this very moment that you still feel the exact same way as you did five years ago? Can you really say that to me?”

“Yes. Without a doubt. You married me for the same reasons, right? Can you still say you feel the same as you did five years ago? Can you, Avery?”

I didn’t expect him to toss that question back at me. I thought I would have been able to twist this around, but I’m wrong. “I wasn’t the one that was cheated on. I am the cheater. I can’t believe you’re truly sitting here saying this. It’s like I’m in a dream.” I rub my temples.

“Then wake up and realize it’s real. None of what you just said was an answer to my question either.”

Damn, he caught that. “Jax, you know I only married you because you’re great in bed,” I say in a joking tone. I take a deep breath and give up fighting with him. I mean, what’s the point? He’ll just keep on. “And because you’re my soul mate. Damn, nothing has changed for me, either. It hasn’t.”

He picks up the divorce papers on his nightstand and holds them out to me. “Then tear them up.” He gives me a half smile. “I can’t really do it myself.” He nods at his sling.

“Under one condition, and I mean it.”

“Anything.”

“We start over again. I don’t want to dive into the deep end of the pool and in a week, you realize that this was a mistake. I mean it; we take this slow. Only then, will I rip these up.”

“Okay. I can do that because you and me, Avery,
we
have never been a mistake.”

I feel the tears bubbling up behind my eyes. “Damn it, Jax. No one would ever believe that you were a poet, you tough hockey player.”

Jax gives me the smile I fell in love with. “I only need you to believe it.”

I take the papers and give him a small smile.

Jax

Slow has never really existed in our relationship. We haven’t been slow since the day we met, but if that’s what she wants, then I can do it. Avery is holding the divorce papers, and she’s wearing a small smile. She looks down at them before holding them up sideways and ripping them in half. She puts them together and then does it again.

When Avery turns to me for my reaction, I’m grinning from ear to ear. “What happened to going slow first?”

“Oh, we’re still going to do that, Jax.”

“Okay, well, I guess we can go to bed now.”

“Good. I’m tired.”

I slip under the sheets and tease her much like she did to me one night, “I promise to stay on my side.” If I could, I would pat the bed, but I would have to reach over myself and it’d be more of a hassle than it’s worth.

Avery rolls her eyes, but climbs beneath the sheets as well. As I close my eyes, I repeat the word in my head over and over.

Slow. Slow. Slow.

When I wake up, the beautiful aroma of bacon has drifted into my room. I mosey on down to the kitchen to find Avery at the stove.

“Morning.”

She glances at me and smiles. “Good morning, Jax.”

“Smells good. Hey,” she quickly looks at me again, “I need a shower. Is my nurse going to give me a sponge bath?”

Avery laughs. “I don’t think you’re that hurt, Jax. As long as you don’t lift your arm, you’ll be fine.”

“Trust me, I won’t be doing that.”

I watch her move around, put the food on our plates, and bring them over to the table before going back for drinks. She does take care of me and I think she likes to take care of people. I mean, she was a nurse.

“Thanks for breakfast,” I say once she sits down.

She smiles. “You’re welcome.”

We begin to eat and I hum in appreciation.

“You’re going to rest today and relax,” Avery starts. “Like you said, I’m your nurse, so you have to do whatever I tell you to without being a pain in the ass.”

I laugh. “Me? A pain in the ass? It was one time, and it turned out pretty great, I think.”

“Yeah, well, we don’t need a repeat performance, Jax,” she replies while trying to hide a smile.

“Do you miss your job, Avery?” I blurt out.

“What?” She seems surprised by the change of topic.

“You’ve said yourself that you take care of me all the time. You’re doing it right now. Do you miss being a nurse?”

Avery takes the time to think about it. “I liked it better before the promotion.” She laughs softly. “That’s backward, right? But it’s true. I don’t miss it too much, Jax. And I liked working for you. You were a good boss.” She goes to nudge my elbow, but has to stop because she’s on my right side.

I frown. “I don’t like you calling me that, you know.”

“What? Boss?”

“Yeah, it… feels wrong. I’m your husband, not your boss. I mean, I know you’re teasing, but–”

“I understand what you’re saying. How about we look at it this way? We’re in a partnership and I run the business side of our empire,” she laughs with the last word, making me laugh with her.

“Better.”

She goes to take our empty plates, so I carefully grab both our glasses with one hand by my forefinger and thumb holding one and the rest with the other.

“Jax, I could have gotten those,” Avery frowns when I walk into the kitchen. She quickly comes to take them from me.

“I could, too, so I did. Thanks again for breakfast; I’m going to go shower.”

“Okay. Holler if you need me, but only if you really need me. I’m still not giving you a sponge bath.”

I laugh. “I know. Hey, maybe we can lay on the couch and watch movies all day. We haven’t had a Netflix marathon in a long time.”

“That sounds fun.”

I smile before heading for the shower. When I step out, I hear my phone ringing in the bedroom and Avery’s footsteps on the hardwood floor.

“Will you get that for me, please?”

“Sure,” she answers. By her responses, it sounds like it’s Reed. I glance down at myself, knowing I can’t talk on the phone and hold my towel. “Jax? It’s Reed.” Her voice is close, so I know she must be standing right outside the door.

“You can come in.”

Avery pushes open the door, her eyes not hesitating before running up and down my body. Her hand is out with the phone, so I drop the towel and take it. She looks over me again, lingering for a couple of seconds, before she gives me a mean look.

I shrug and grin. “Hey, Reed. What’s up?”

She disappears, but a moment later, as Reed questions me about my injury, she comes back and throws clothes at me. Like I could grab them. So, they hit me in the chest and then fall to the floor.

“I hurt my shoulder a little bit, but it’s nothing too bad. You weren’t worried about your Uncle Jax, were you? I’m the strongest man you know.”

Avery rolls her eyes before finally leaving me in the bedroom once and for all.

“Yeah, but Mom said even strong people get hurt sometimes. I just wanted to make sure.” He pauses and I faintly hear Ashton in the background. “But, Dad, I’m still talking to him.” Another pause. “Yes, sir,” he grumbles. “Dad wants to talk to you. Bye, love you.”

“Love you too, Reed.”

As he gives the phone to Ashton, I press the speaker button and set it on the dresser.

“Hey, Jax. How are things going?”

I know he’s not asking about the injury so as I slowly dress myself, I answer him. “Better. A lot has happened since the last time I talked to you, but all that really matters is that things are better. How are things with you?”

“Oh, great. Especially when Reed opened his package and Brooke called me to fuss. Me, not you, the person who bought it, me.”

I laugh. “C’mon. The kid is learning new things. At this rate, he’ll be able to play any instrument he wants by the time he’s ten. She should be thanking you and me both.” Once my boxer-briefs are on, I give up on the lower half of my body. I don’t really want to bother with a shirt, but I do only because I don’t want the straps from the sling to rub against my skin.

“Well, she’s not.”

“She’ll survive and thank us one day. I gotta go. We’re watching movies today.”

“All right. I’m glad to hear things are better, Jax.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Avery is sitting on the couch with the laptop in her lap. She does a double take when she sees me.

“Problem?” I grin as I sit next to her.

“Nope. Feel better after your shower?” she questions, closing the laptop and reaching for the TV remote.

“Not really. My chest hurts because someone threw clothes at me and they hit me pretty hard.”

Avery giggles. “You’ll be okay.”

When she leans back into the couch, I go to get more comfortable and we both lift our feet to prop on the coffee table. I smile and reach for her hand. I’m about to lay them in my lap, but Avery shoots me another mean look before resting them in her lap instead.

“What are we going to watch?”

“I don’t care. Pick whatever you want.”

She scrolls for a bit before deciding we’ll just watch the TV show,
White Collar,
from the beginning. It feels good to be lazy like this with her. It makes me wonder how it was possible for us to get so far from this place to start with, but I push those thoughts away. We’re starting over. With each passing episode, I realize more and more exactly how long it’s been since I’ve touched or kissed my wife. We manage to stay in front of the TV until I hear Avery’s stomach growling.

A nervous, soft laugh escapes her as if she’s embarrassed. It makes me want to laugh, but I don’t. Avery pauses at the start of a new episode.

“So, I’m hungry.” She smiles.

I laugh. “Let’s see what’s in the kitchen then.”

“I need to go grocery shopping really soon,’’ she says as we enter the kitchen and she goes to open the fridge.

“I could go with you,” I offer.

She glances over her shoulder with surprise. “Sure, if you want. Sandwiches sound okay? There might be some chips in the pantry.”

“Sounds good, I’ll check.” I grab a bag and toss it onto the counter. Facing Avery, I watch her movements. My eyes travel from her shoulders, down her back, over her ass, and all the way down her legs. I’ve stepped toward her before I really realize it. “Avery?”

“Yeah, Jax?” she replies without looking at me. When I don’t reply, she turns around, curiously. That smile I love so much is faintly playing with her lips.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Because I’m making you a sandwich?” she laughs.

I chuckle, but shake my head. I come closer to her and see her breath catch. “No, I just meant you.” Another step and I cup her cheek with my free hand. She relaxes into it, briefly closing her eyes, long enough for me to close the gap between us.

The kiss is soft at first, but then Avery’s fingers grip my left arm and I press my lips to hers harder. She moans as I part her lips with my tongue. Damn, it’s been way too long since I heard that sound. Avery’s grip tightens when I push against her, my hand sliding down to the back of her neck. Her jeans rub against me. I groan at the friction, instantly tempted to inch things further.

Instead, I kiss her good one more time and, with much reluctance and strength, pull away.