There You Stand (14 page)

“Fuck, Jude. You see how hard I am?” I said, groaning. “That was the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

A lazy smile stretched across his lips as he turned over on his back. “Your turn. I want to watch you come.”

His sexy, groggy voice was all it took. I pumped a few more times and then groaned out my release, half of it landing on his stomach. He tugged me down on top of him and I buried my head in his neck.

We lay panting into each other’s mouths and grasping at each other’s faces.

After my heart rate calmed, I found a washcloth in his bathroom to clean us off.

“Stay with me for a little while,” he whispered and I lay back down.

As his head settled against my chest, the room grew quiet and his breaths slowed.

I could tell he was on the verge of sleep and I figured I’d remain a bit longer before having to leave. The idea of getting up and walking out that door was killing me. I wanted to stay wrapped up with him all night.

“It’s Sam by the way,” he mumbled into my shoulder and I stilled. “My real name is Sam.”

After he shut his eyes I watched him for what seemed like hours, stroking his back, and marveling at this beautiful man who trusted me enough to fall soundly asleep in my arms. And soon enough, my drowsiness had consumed me as well.

I woke up a couple of hours later. Somehow we had switched positions and now his arms were wound tightly around me, my head was on his chest, and I felt warm and secure.

I didn’t want to move, but I knew we hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I was somewhat beginning to understand him, so I knew he’d wake in a panic and be concerned for my safety.

And given what he’d shared with me, I didn’t blame him. Still, I didn’t move because the idea of leaving him now after a mind-blowing night where we didn’t even have sex seemed impossible. A thick fog of melancholy set up camp directly on my chest and I knew I needed to face the inevitable.

I couldn’t have a relationship with Jude. At least not one that was steady or unguarded. I told myself I’d be fine with one night, but feeling his lips and seeing his eyes and hearing his voice when he came . . . goddamn. I was already in deep with him and I needed to extract myself and go home.

I attempted to squirm my way out of his arms but he tightened his hold.

“Are you trying to leave me, Cory Easton?”

“We fell asleep and it’s late.”

“You’re right,” he murmured. “But it feels too good to move. Your bike is in my garage and I’ve armed the security system.”

“You have a security system on a rental?” I said, realizing that his situation was bigger than a damn alarm. “Never mind, don’t answer that.”

I heard his soft chuckle and wished I could listen to it indefinitely.

“Not sure I’ll ever get the smell of you off of me,” I mumbled and snuggled further into his warmth. “Not sure I want to, either.”

“I knew one night with you would never feel like enough.” He reached down and kissed my throat. “If I could have one wish right now . . .”

“What would it be?” It was dark and I couldn’t even make out his expression but I could hear the tremble in his voice. The neediness.

“To be able to live out in the open . . . and try this, whatever this is, with you.”

My breath hitched and I turned to him, kissing his shoulder and his neck. “Me, too.”

As the light of dawn trickled through the window I said, “I need to let out my dogs and feed them.”

His arms stiffened and then he sighed. “They’ll be happy to see you.”

“Jude?” I said, knowing in the back of my brain what his real name was but tucking it in the safe pocket of my soul. I’d keep it there forever.

“You’re gearing up to ask me something,” he said. “So out with it.”

“The way you are with Chopper, it’s like . . .”

“You’re right. When we first moved to the States we had a dog.” There was a smile in his voice. “She somewhat resembled Chopper and was such a good girl. Mum had named her Queenie.”

“What happened to her?”

“Mum said she was run over by a car.” I felt him brace himself at the memory. “But I knew better.”

I raised my head. “What do you mean?”

“Elias had wanted me to do something for him that week and I refused,” he said. “I was like his little errand boy.”

“Fuck,” I said, as a bit more of his history fell into place.

“Mum and I tried to get out, to get away from that life,” he said. “But he wasn’t having it. She was just another possession to him.”

I couldn’t swallow past the boulder firmly lodged in my throat.

“The night he killed her was the last night I saw that bastard,” he said. “I knew he’d probably kill me, too, but I also knew I’d never do anything for him again.”

“I’m sorry,” I finally croaked out.

“Do you understand, Cory?” he said suddenly, his voice raised, his stiff muscles unyielding.

He grabbed my cheeks as he ground down on his jaw. “I need for you to understand.”

“I . . . y . . . yes.” I was at a loss for words as my mind fumbled through exactly what he was trying to tell me.

“No matter what happens, he will never hurt me again. Not like that,” he muttered. “I’d kill him first. Or kill myself trying.”

“Jude
no
,” I choked out, and then I captured his mouth in a reckless and desolate kiss. Because the only thing that was worse than not being able to be with him would be to know he was no longer on this earth.

When I pulled away, he held on to my face, our foreheads leaning together.

“Cory,” he said. “I wish with all my might that you could be mine.”

“I already am,” I whispered.

His lips crashed down as he pressed me solidly to the bed. His mouth was hot as a furnace and his kisses bruised. He nibbled his way down my body, where he proceeded to take me in his mouth and all the way back to his throat.

I whimpered and thrashed while he licked and sucked me into submission, giving me another mind-bending blow job.

After he swallowed every last drop, I lay practically lifeless, unable to move my limbs. He rested his head on my chest and then settled back into the warmth of the sheets.

“I’m yours, too, Cory Easton,” he whispered, before we drifted off again.

***

A couple of hours later, I arose from bed, needing to get to my dogs.

“I wanted to talk to you about Chopper,” he mumbled from the bed.

“What about him?” I asked, pulling on my jeans.

“I’d like to . . . I don’t know . . .” he said, opening one eye. “I haven’t had anything of my own in a long while.”

“What are you trying to say?” I said, sliding my shirt over my head.

“I want . . . how about if Chopper stays with me for a while?” he asked in a tentative voice. “That’ll free you up to adopt Patch.”

“I’m not grasping this,” I said, my pulse unsteady. “How can you—does this mean you plan on sticking around?”

It was the one question always in the back of my mind. He’d been on the run so much; what would make him stay in this town?

“Alex keeps telling me it’s time,” he said. “To get settled. This is the safest place for me right now.”

I was speechless, my mind bending in a million different directions. What did that mean for him and me?

“It feels good to do something nice for somebody else,” he said. “And besides, having Chopper is like having a piece of you with me. Always.”

I reached for his hand and interlaced our fingers. “I think it sounds like a plan.”

“But, Cory, that doesn’t mean . . .”

“I know,” I said cutting him off at the pass. I didn’t want to hear him say we couldn’t be together.

“We’ll have to pretend until I know you’re safe, and I don’t know when or even if that’ll happen,” he said, his voice dripping with sadness and fear. “You bloody well deserve so much more.”

“Safe is a relative word, Jude,” I said. “I could get hit by a bus crossing the street or crash my motorcycle. You can’t keep me in a box.”

“Please don’t,” he said in a tortured voice. “I’m already afraid of losing you. I’ve already lost everybody else.”

So have I.
I stretched across the bed and pulled him into my arms. “Shhhh . . . it’ll be okay.”

“It’s the only thing I can control,” he said. “The only way I know how to keep you protected.”

“I get it,” I said, sliding my lips across his.

His hands gripped me tight as his tongue delved past my lips, kissing me deep, as if it was the last time he’d have the chance.

I offered him one last peck on the lips and stood up.

“When will I see you again?” he asked, sitting up in bed.

“Let me finish your tattoo this week,” I said. “And then let me talk to Emmy about the dogs.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said, with a tilt to his lips, as if testing the foreign words in his mouth.

I left in a fog. Because it was early morning, I wheeled my bike to the street before firing it up, as Jude cautiously watched from the window.

On the way home, I passed by Smoke and another recruit from the Disciples who were obviously on some kind of patrol. Did the guy ever sleep? But I’d admit it gave me a sense of calm and security to always have them in sight.

After I showered and changed, I headed to the shelter. I was tempted to keep the same T-shirt on from last night simply because it smelled woodsy, like Jude.

Once Emmy and I were finished cleaning cages, I broke the news about Patch.

She threw her arms around me. “Are you sure?”

“I think it’ll work out,” I said into her shoulder. At least I hoped it did. But what would happen if Jude left town?

I couldn’t even consider that possibility.

“I’ll have to thank Jude, too.”

“We both know that dog will thrive with him.”

“Give yourself some credit, Cory,” she said, popping me in the shoulder. “You’ve been good to him.”

“I fed him and walked him,” I said. “I’m good for something, I guess.”

We strolled to the large front desk where Tristan stood talking to some staff.

“Want to walk me through the adoption steps?”

“Of course,” she said, tearing her eyes from her boss. “I need to see if you’re a fit owner.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Let’s go see Patch first and tell him the news.”

I hoped to hell I knew what I was getting into with Jude. It was like walking straight into a hurricane, knowing my head and heart would be tossed around like some rag doll. But the lure of the wind was just too strong.

Everything felt different since that night with Jude. Not only did I understand his perspective better, but I also realized that the world was an uglier place than I had envisioned.

That the everyday people who passed by you on the street might have a harrowing story of their own. That some of those same people might want to hurt you. And that bad guys may be hiding in plain sight.

Jude had suffered enough loss to trump us all and he wasn’t trying to forget—he was just trying to survive. That has an immediate sobering effect on me.

Tonight I was sitting at the bar in the Hog’s Den. It was a busier night but Vaughn was still telling his animated stories to anybody who would listen. The two regulars next to me were in a heated debate about the universal helmet law. Had David worn a helmet that night and cut off the number of beers he’d consumed, it might’ve saved his life. But I wasn’t about to share my opinion.

I just sucked on my beer, barely registering anything around me and only focusing on precisely what the hell it was that I wanted to do. The back room remained dark tonight and I was hoping for more action, so I could actually work up the nerve.

I knew that Jude wasn’t next door at the shop, because we had begun texting each other. We were careful to keep our conversations strictly platonic, just in case. Texting gave me a lifeline to him and I looked forward to his messages more than anything else in my day.

After a couple more patrons made their exit, Vaughn edged closer to my end of the bar. “Something on your mind, kid?”

He was probably a few years older than me, tops. But I felt like a teenager whenever he called me that. “Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re quiet and you ain’t never quiet,” he said pouring me a fresh beer.

I shrugged. “Don’t know if that’s true anymore.”

“Yeah?” he said, his elbows sinking down on the edge of the bar to study me. “This kind of life can change you.”

My eyes snapped to his. Guess he knew now that I was in deep.

“Malachi going to be around tonight?” I croaked out, trying to sound braver than I was.

“Mal’s out at the compound,” he said, looking at his watch. “Should be on his way back, though.”

“The compound?” I’d heard that word before, mostly in reference to parties being thrown by the Disciples, but I didn’t totally know the ins and outs of club business.

“The main base,” he said. “You got something you need to say to him?”

“Yeah,” I said.

He leaned down to look me in the eye. “Sure about that?”

“Yes,” I said, gritting my teeth. “Got to.”

He stared at me hard. “Jude tell you his business?”

I nodded. “I guessed most of it.”

He raked his hands through his hair. “You regret getting involved?”

“Not a chance,” I said, slapping my hand down on the bar. On that one point I was clear. I had no regrets about Jude York coming into my life.

There was the sound of a motorcycle revving its engine outside as if announcing its presence.

“Speak of the devil,” Vaughn said, and then moved to the far end of the bar to take a new drink order.

When I heard noise coming from the back room, I nearly jumped out of my skin. When Smoke emerged behind the vice president of the Disciples, named Jonas, Vaughn’s eyes followed him around the bar. I quickly peeked over my shoulder and saw how Smoke’s gaze appeared to soften.

“Maybe you should take the leap,” I said, when Vaughn stopped in front of me to retrieve a bottle of tequila from beneath the bar.

I knew that I was crossing the line and that my ass might get kicked for voicing it out loud.

“Ain’t never gonna happen,” Vaughn’s voice rumbled, his eyes never meeting mine. “Not with one of their own.”

“Sorry to hear that,” I said. Because it was true. It was killer to long so damn hard for somebody.

“Life sucks and then you die,” he said and moved away to retrieve a shot glass and lime for the customer.

His face went through a series of emotions as he filled the drink order at the end of the bar. After he was done pouring from the tap, he tipped his chin at Smoke, who then approached the bar.

“The prez come back with you?”

“Yeah,” Smoke said and I saw how his eyes lingered one moment too long on Vaughn’s face.

“Our boy Cory here would like five minutes of his time,” he said and my shoulders stiffened. I was really doing this. Inserting myself deeper.

Smoke’s eyes shot up and then his lip tilted in amusement. He didn’t look at me or address me. Only Vaughn. “Boy’s got it bad?”

I watched as their eyes fastened on each other. “For sure,” Vaughn said, swallowing visibly.

Smoke nodded and then headed toward the back room. Vaughn narrowed his eyes at me in warning and I kept my mouth shut. I heard Smoke open the office door and my heart began pounding in my chest.

After another minute, Smoke emerged and sidled up to the bar.

“Mal will see him now,” he said to Vaughn. “He’s busy, so only a couple of minutes.”

Smoke walked away and my eyes met Vaughn’s. “Better get going.”

Taking steps felt like moving through cement. After this meeting, I would no longer be a clueless tattoo artist living in this town and minding my own business.

I opened the door and stepped inside. I’d never been back here so I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe some armed guards instead of a couple of dudes with leather vests sitting at a table playing a game of cards.

Or maybe some seedy or gaudy fixtures. But all I saw was a normal office painted a light gray with a large wooden desk and a huge side table. The Disciples of the Road crest hung on the wall behind the desk, with its skulls, fire, and brimstone making it clear exactly to whom this space belonged.

Malachi was a good-looking guy with some gray showing around the temples and a physique and presence that were intimidating as hell.

“Have a seat, Cory.” Malachi was looking down at his phone as if this meeting was just a blip on his radar. Like he was talking to a pizza delivery guy or something.

He finally looked up and nodded to Jonas, silently telling his vice president to usher the other members outside the room.

When they left he said, “More comfortable now?”

I nodded and clasped my hands in order to hide the trembling.

“What’s this about, my man?”

“About Jude,” I said. “He . . . I . . .”

And suddenly what I’d planned on saying just wouldn’t come out.

“I know you’re together,” he said with a slight twist to his lip. “Is it just fucking around or is it something else?”

“It’s not just fucking around,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I . . . care about Jude.”

He nodded and then stared at me.

“So you’re here because you’re looking out for him?”

“Yeah, something like that,” I said. “It’s just . . . what he’s told me about his life . . .I don’t want him to be a pawn in some game Elias is playing against you guys. He’s been used enough.”

“No way around that, really,” he said. “Elias is not stupid, he knows Jude can pin plenty on him. But we’ve got ammunition, too. Proof that he stole a warehouse full of goods from the Scorpions’ club on the West Coast.”

I wasn’t going to ask what kind of goods they stole straight out. These were pretty intricate stories of secrets and betrayal, and I needed to preserve my own safety at this point.

“I don’t think Elias knows Jude is with us,” he said. “But if or when he finds out, he’s going to be pissed and he might come looking for what he feels is rightfully his.”

His?
He’d reduced Jude to a piece of property. Some type of possessive and animalistic instinct flared in my gut and I had the urge to growl and pound my fucking chest.

“We’ll keep him protected; it’s what we promised. And you as well, now that you’re involved,” he said, sitting back in his seat. “But we don’t owe you nothing; let’s make that clear.”

I shut my eyes as the grim reality sank in. I tucked my lips, attempting to keep my frowning to a minimum. My fists clenched the chair so hard, my knuckles turned white.

I wasn’t sure how Jude got through his everyday life without cracking under the pressure, but he’d had way more practice than I did. He was used to this kind of life—not that he asked for it—and his reasons for closing himself off this entire time had never been clearer.

“Never thought I’d have a queer under my care but I get that love is love,” he said. “I’d be heartless if I didn’t. I understand feelings. I had an old lady once.”

I shivered as a dark look passed through his eyes. “Business is business.”

I got it; there was no way I could convince him to have more heart. This was a professional exchange and nothing more. My stomach pitched. I nodded and stood up before I blew chunks all over his floor.

“Despite what you think, I like the boy. You’re a good kid, too. Keep your nose clean and continue providing a good service at the ink shop. We’ll do what we can to keep him safe,” he said, his fingers steepled in front of him. “Best to remain all business in public, you feel me? There’s no reason to make you a target, so no slipups between you and the boy. You make it look like you got a casual friendship, that’s fine.”

My eyes shot to his as shock registered, my limbs growing numb. Even though it was what Jude and I already knew we had to do. Hearing it voiced out loud had somehow diminished it. What the fuck ever.

I didn’t say anything more, just walked dully toward the door until his deep voice stopped me.

“This is what you signed up for, Cory.”