This Broken Beautiful Thing (19 page)

“I just want
you
Harley, I want you safe…with me. Please baby…don’t be scared of me…I’m done hurting you…I promise.” he says sadly as he lifts my shirt and places his hand on my lower belly and rubs it softly. Once again I’m stuck in a nirvana like state and I forget everything he’s put me through.

“I had a sister once, well I never met her but I had one. Mom was an addict and we thought she would stop with the drugs when she fell pregnant. She was eight months pregnant when she overdosed. She killed the baby…. I lost my little sister.” He says out of the blue, the sadness coming from his voice causes tears in my eyes.
No wonder he is so protective over me and my baby.

“I’m sorry Jace. I’m
so…so sorry. That is horrible.” I let out a shaky breath as the tears fall and soak into my pillow, I cover his warm rough hand that’s resting on my belly with my much smaller cold one.

“Yeah…me too.” He whispers.

I pick up his hand and kiss it then place it back on my tummy.

“Did you really feel that way when you saw him? Did you feel safe with him? Even after everything he did?” Jace says flatly.

“The truth?” I ask him and he hesitantly nods.

“Yeah I did, I’m scared of you J
ace. You can do really hurtful things. One minute you say you want me and you care about me then the next you’re…you’re….the next I hear is some girl screaming your name or I see some girl’s head in your lap but then I’m good enough to be your sleeping buddy because you sleep easy when you’re next to me? How do you think that makes me feel? It hurts so much Jace. It feels like I’m not good enough for you. This hurts more than what Caleb did to me… with you it’s as if that night I caught him with Ashley is on repeat, except it’s a different girl and you’re trying to rub it in my face continuously to hurt me.” He tries to talk but I place my hand on his mouth to stop him.

“I know this is ridiculous because
it’s not as if I’m your girl. I don’t know why it hurts so much seeing what I did or hearing it but it does. It’s okay though…now you can do whatever you like to whatever girl you want. I just won’t be here when you do it…” I trail off.

“I…I’m so sorry Harley. Please don’t leave, just stay here please. I promise I’ll be good. You are good enough baby…you are too good
for me and I get so frustrated. The only way to ease the tension is to fuck someone or fuck them up. You know which I chose…”He whispers ashamed.

“I’m sorry you saw what happened with Rache
lle, I didn’t mean for it to happen but she was around and…Yeah…I was just upset about you staying with Jesse and I had to get back at you somehow. Childish, I know. I’m sorry about earlier too…it doesn’t mean anything with any of them you must know that…it’s just sex baby. I didn’t know it would hurt you, I swear it feels like you hate me sometimes and I felt like I was pushing my feelings onto you, I’ve never felt what I feel for you with any other woman and that was nerve-racking. I thought pushing you away would do the trick but I can’t get you out my head. I didn’t know you felt what I felt. Baby you
are
my girl…you always were. I was too stupid to see that.  I only want you Harley, well both of you…please don’t leave. No more of these sluts…I promise baby. Just us.” He leans on his elbows looking down at me. His damp hair tickling my collar bone he’s so close. Looking from his pink lips, I look down at his neck at the tribal tattoos that runs from just behind his right ear then follow it as it travels over his once peck ,not touching his pierced nipple, and then over his arm. I look back to his lips as I notice a small little mark there on the right, just below his bottom lip line. I lift my index finger and gently touch the mark.

I’ve seen the same mark
before, Ashley and I went to a tattoo parlor to get our tongues pierced, instead she wanted her piercing to be seen so she got her lip pierced but once her parents saw it they forced her to remove it, leaving her with a small little mark where the hole once was. The night of the crash I took my tongue ring out, I forgot it and haven’t put one back in since.

“My lips pierced babe,
haven’t worn the ring for a while, being punched in the face with that metal in hurts bad.” Jace says and I watch his lips move but I don’t look up at him instead keep my gaze on his perfect lips.

“I’m moving out.” I whisper in my daze.

“What?” This makes me look up into his eyes.

I shake my head trying to clear my head. “I’m not going far, just next door. Dad got me an apartment. I
can’t stay here Jace, not only because of you but also because of this place. It’s not healthy for a baby.”

“
I know Harlz…I know. This environment isn’t good for the both of you.” He says as his hand starts to rub my stomach again. The way he says Harlz reminds me of Caleb and the way he used to say it.

“It’s going to be scary staying by myself though. I know when I stayed with mom I was alone most of t
he time but this is different…I know you guys will be next door but still…I’m worried.” I mumble as my eyes drift down to his lips again.

“You won’t be alone baby. You’ll never be alone again.” I watch his lips move.

“You’ll be with me? You’ll stay with me?” I whisper afraid of his rejection.

I watch his short intake of breath then I watch as his lips form into a perfect smile making me grin in response. “You still want me with you? You still want me to sleep next to you?”

“Yeah I still want you…” I know I’m making a terrible mistake but I can’t help the words from spilling out my mouth. I don’t correct myself because what I said is true. I want Jace. I want him all to myself, he said he would stop with the girls and I finally got an apology from him. I know I’ve given him enough chances and I don’t know if I’m only letting him stay with me because I’m afraid of being alone but all I know is I want him with me. He may scare me and when he’s upset say horrible things but I want him…despite all of that…I still want him.

I watch the dimples in his left
cheek, I place my finger over it and I’m close enough to feel his breath on my skin and his eyes on mine watching my every move.

I t
race my fingers on his jaw line, his hand moves from my stomach to my hip then gentle makes its way to my lower back as he pulls my body into his closing the distance between us.

The room is
quiet, not sure if it’s because I’m so focused on Jace or if it’s because there isn’t music playing from downstairs. I lean my face into his and run my nose up and down his. I lean my lips near his as I feel and taste our breath intertwine. I run my lips over his feeling the softness of his warm ones. His lips part and he lets out a moan before his hands wrap around my waist but he doesn’t deepen the barely there kiss, he’s letting me take control.

The
butterflies in my stomach are wild but I force my nerves to remain calm and gently slip my tongue out as I watch his eyes close and his hands squeeze me into him. I run my tongue over his bottom lip and then the top as I taste his minty breath on my tongue. I feel his lips spread wider, I latch my lips round his bottom lip biting it and letting it go, I kiss it gently and he lets out a deep moan causing goose-bumps down my entire body.

He’s obviously given me all the control he could muster because his lips attack mine with such hunger and want. He rolls me over and climbs over me with his large
body pushing me deeper into the mattress. He lifts both my legs so they wrap around his waist, then leans down and rests on his one elbow as his other hand moves from my upper thigh up the length of my body and rests on my jaw. He is so gentle with me and I recognize this kindness as the Jace I met the night of the accident.  His thumb brushes against my jaw line gently and I open my lips a little and suck on his lower lip. He gently slides his tongue into my mouth and soon our tongues are colliding. I feel his chest rumbles as he moans out deep pushing his lower body into mine.

I’ve only ever kissed one guy, I’ve only ever touched one person the way I’m touching Jace but that person wasn’t a man. Jace may only be twenty
five but he acts as if he carries the world on his shoulders. He’s mature and even though he portrays that hard scary edge, I know this sweet loving man was hiding inside somewhere and right now is evidence of that. He doesn’t need to speak, I can feel the emotion rolling off as he touches and caresses me.

Our lips part and he
starts down my neck as he speaks for the first time since I kissed him.

“
I’ve been waiting for you to do that from that first night I held you in my arms.” He says looking down at me smiling.

“Why?
You’ve kissed me before and I’ve kissed you?” I ask as I try to catch my breath.

“I
’m usually the one to initiate it so I wanted you to kiss
me
. I can be controlling and I suppose it can be overwhelming for someone like you. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to be with me because I was forcing my lips on you. I wanted you to choose it…to choose me…and you did.” He smiles again pecking my lips.

“I did…” I say smiling back at him.

“I’m sorry for hurting you baby. I never want to see that hate in your eyes like I did today.” He says looking off. “Don’t think I can live without you.” He whispers but I catch it.

“What does this mean Jace?” I whisper.

“It means you’re my girl now baby, it means no other guy gets to put their hands on you. Not even Hunter, saw how he held you on that floor today and didn’t like it. It means you sleep with me and only me. It means you are the girl I come home to after a long day’s work, you are mine and only mine.” He says planting kisses down my neck. I remember the night I told him about having a girlfriend and having someone to come home to that was waiting for you and only you. In his own way he’s telling me I’m his girlfriend. I don’t care for labels but as long as he knows we belong to each other I don’t care what he wants to call us.

He bends down as he
kneels between my legs, he lifts my shirt just enough to see my bump. Then he plants soft kisses on my tummy. This melts my heart.
Why can’t he be this compassionate person all the time?

“Are you mine too Jace?” my voice is shaky and even though I’m scared to ask, afraid what the answer might be, I need to hear him say the words
, whatever they might be.

He stops kissing my stomach and looks up at me. Then he smiles. “If you want me, I’ll be yours Harley.”

“I want you Jace.” I whisper loud enough for him to hear then smile.

“Then I’m all yours.” He smiles at me.

“This doesn’t mean I’m over all the shit you put me through. We have a lot to deal with and sort out. I don’t trust you Jace but I’d like to sometime in the future.” I look down at him as his lips linger on my belly.

“I know Harlz…we will work through everything. I’ll do anything to make this right.” He whispers looking down at my stomach beneath him. He continues to kiss my belly and I let him, enjoying the moment.

“Come with me tomorrow…. I mean you don’t have to…I just wanted to ask if you’d like to. “I ramble then shake my head at the stupid idea. “Never mind… don’t worry about it…stupid idea, you’re probably busy in any case.” I ramble on shaking my head.
What guy would want to go to a doctor’s appointment that has to do with a baby that isn’t even theirs?

He chuckles against my stomach as he lets his lips linger there.

“Where do you want me tomorrow baby?” he asks.

“I ha
ve an appointment with the doc-” he interrupts me.

“Okay.” He says and continues to kiss me.

“Okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, if you want me to come then I will.”

“Thanks Jace, hopefully I get to find out whether it’s a boy or girl.” I say smiling and he abruptly stops and looks up at me.

“Appointment?
To see the baby?” he says all serious now. He obviously didn’t realize it was for the baby specifically.

“Yeah
… it’s okay if you want to back out. I didn’t think you would want to go with me anyway. Anna’s going to be there so I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it, forget I asked.” I say smiling down at him and brushing my hands through his long hair, reassuring him its fine if he doesn’t go.

“No, I’ll come with. I want to be there.” He looks down at my stomach and smiles then looks up at me. “You really want me to go with you when you find out the sex of
the baby?” He smiles so happily.

“Yeah, I want you there.
Aside from all the shit you’ve put me through these past days, you’ve been here for me from the moment we met. I want you there too, Anna too because she never got to experience all of this when they were trying to get pregnant. I think it will make her happy.” I continue to run my hand through his hair as he rests his head on my stomach.

“
So sweet. She’d love that. Thank you for this, you don’t know how much this means to me.” he smiles then looks down at my stomach and whispers, “Your mommy is one amazing person.”

CHAPTER 17
:

“Ready Babes?” Anna knocks on the bathroom door. I’ve had bad morning sickness; I’ve been awake since five but finally after a shower I’m feeling better. Jace stayed with me the entire time until I had to force him to go get ready so we weren’t late for the appointment.