This Can't be Life (38 page)

“What do you mean? How can you just do me like this when I’m goin’ through this shit? This is not my fault!” This shit was not happenin’!

“I’m not saying it’s your fault, Stace. What I’m saying is that I can’t be involved in this bullshit. I’ll still be here when all is said and done. You just need to handle that.”

“Handle it? Handle it? Tyron, what in the fuck is wrong with you? If I could have just handled this shit, it would be done. How can you tell me that you won’t see me until this is over? How the fuck can you tell me that you love me and push me away because of some motha fucka stalkin' me? How is this fair? How is this fair?” I was pretty close to goin’ over the edge and dyin' right at his feet.

“I got too much to lose. You were the one that told me that he put the water bottle in your car when you were here. He almost followed you here! What do you think I’m supposed to say, Stacey? Get the fuck real, man!” Tyron yelled. I could only imagine what he would say if he knew that the sick bastard even mentioned him in one of his notes. At that moment, I was very glad that I kept that piece of information to myself.

“What in the fuck do you expect from me, Stace? We’ll still talk. I’ll still give you anything you need. We just can’t be together until you iron out your issues, man.” I felt like he stuck his hand inside my chest and just ripped my heart out of my body. I was having a hard time breathing, and I felt clammy all over. I felt my knees get weak and I knew I wasn’t goin’ to be able to stand much longer.

I plopped down on the edge of the bed and put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. Tears were stingin' my eyes and burnin' my cheeks as they slid down my face. I felt like my whole world was crumblin' around me.

“I just don’t understand,” I sobbed repeatedly. I felt like a straight up bitch at that moment, and it didn’t even matter. The burnin' in my chest was too much to bear.

“Why are you doin’ this to me? What did I do? I didn’t do anything but love you!” I cried. Tyron bent down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face. I tried my best to wipe the tears from my eyes so I could see clearly enough to look into his. He placed both of his hands on each side of my face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. This was one of the few times that I’d seen any form of compassion in Tyron’s eyes.

“Listen, Stacey. I don’t want to do this any more than you do. Don’t think this doesn’t hurt me, too. You know I love you and want to be with you, but I’ll be no good to you or anyone else, especially myself, if some foul shit went down. We just have to lay low, that’s all. I’m going away for the C. Banks tour and you can meet me on the road somewhere. We just can’t do this shit here. We both have too much to lose. Remember, if I lose, you lose.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice and it gave me hope. My heart was still hurtin', but it was more like an ache instead of the full-blown pain I was feelin just minutes ago. All I wanted was to be with him. It was that simple and that trivial. All I needed was him and his love. No food or water could sustain me. Without him, I would be useless…nothing. As quick as the compassion came to his eyes, it left at the sound of the doorbell.

“Now don’t come back over here until you have taken care of your problem and I say it’s okay. And don’t ever
, ever
just stop by here without calling like you did tonight.” He was back to bein’ the man I fell in love with, the seemingly uncaring, cold, callous man.

“What was I supposed to do, Tyron? I hadn’t heard from you since I was followed and you wouldn’t answer my calls for days. What was I supposed to do?” I asked again, pleadin' with my eyes for him to understand. He had no idea that the depth of love I had for him was so deep, maybe too deep.

“You weren’t supposed to just pop up over my house and you know that. Come on, it’s time for you to go.” He grabbed me by my arm like I needed help gettin’ up. I was so crushed. One minute, I felt hope. The next, it was shattered into tiny little pieces, just by the way he would say the simplest things.

“No, Tyron, I don’t want to leave. Give me one last night with you, please. Don’t do this.” I was desperate. I pulled down his lounge pants and had his dick in my mouth before he could even protest. I sucked his dick like dicks were goin’ out of style, like I was in a porno with the doorbell chime as my background music. I used every trick I’d ever learned about suckin' dick. This was the only chance I had to make sure that he would remember what I could do and how I do my shit like no other.

I sucked him dry and swallowed every drop. Then I got up and began gatherin' my things because, while suckin' Tyron’s dick, I had an epiphany. I wasn’t goin’ to leave here cryin’ like a bitch. Fuck that! This shit ain’t over until I say it’s over anyway.

While the taste of Tyron’s sweet cum lingered on my tongue, the doorbell rang once again. Whoever it was, had no plans to leave and I wanted to know who the hell it was. I made a dash for the door but was a little too slow. Tyron held me up against the wall preventin' me from gettin out of the room.

“Hold up, Stace. You trippin’, baby. That’s Banks at the door. I told him to come through. He knows I’m here. That’s why he’s not leaving. Quit buggin’ out, yo! Stay here. I’m gonna let him in, put him in the family room, then you leave, all right? Slow down, turbo, and quit thinking crazy shit in that brain of yours.” He started laughin’, and walked out of the room, closin' the door behind him. His laugh echoed down the hall and through the closed door.

When I heard the front door slam, I ran to the French doors that lead to the backyard and unlocked it. When Tyron came back into the room, I already had all my things gathered like I was just waitin’ to leave. He walked me to the door and gave me a very passionate kiss. It almost made me change my mind about what I was about to do, but I couldn’t let my heart get in the way of my brain again.

After I got in my truck and pulled out of his driveway, I made an immediate right into a secluded dirt road right outside of Tyron’s property. It belonged to a developer who was building a spec house, and was completely deserted. I parked, got out, opened the trunk, and retrieved the bag that I’d packed when I decided to come to Tyron’s house unannounced. I had a feeling that I might need a change of clothes in case I needed to do a little espionage mission, but hoped that it wouldn’t come to this. I changed into black cargo pants with a black hoodie, black knit facemask, and black leather gloves. I had on my wrestlin' sneakers because they wouldn’t make noise when I walked, no matter the surface. I grabbed my digital camera, closed the trunk, and ran to the side of the house. I punched in the code to let myself inside the walk-in gate. My car was hidden on the side of the incomplete structure of the house, well out of view of anyone who drove in, let alone someone who was just drivin' by. The small dirt road had a “Private Property-No Trespassing” sign at the entrance, so I was hopin’ my car would go undetected until I finished my business.

Dressed in all black like the omen, I crept across the lawn like a Navy Seal. I even did a drop and roll when I saw a light come on in the kitchen window. I truly felt like a commando; this was the manliest I’ve felt my whole life! The thought alone made me chuckle to myself and eased some of my nervousness.

I ran around the side of the house and finally made it to the French doors that lead to Tyron’s room. I kept my back planted firmly against the wall of the house and peeked through one of the windowpanes to make sure the room was empty. I waited a few minutes and then I made my move. I opened the door, stepped in, closed it slowly, and locked it. I slid my body across the room, stayin' close to the wall.

I finally made it out of the room and thought to myself,
so far, so good
. I was planning on looking around, eavesdropping for a bit to hear what I could hear, and hidin' out for at least a day to see what the hell I could see. If this motha fucka was betrayin' me in any way, it was on. I was about to get me a little leverage. I took my time walkin’ down the long hallway, goin’ toward the family room. A few doors later, I got closer to the wall, tryin' to become one with it without knockin' down any of Tyron’s platinum and gold plaques that hung on the wall. I couldn’t hear anything comin’ from the family room, so I got on my knees and peeked my head in to see if I could see somethin’.

There was no one in there. I knew that they couldn’t have left without me seein' or hearin' them. Then I heard sounds comin’ from the theater room. I ducked into the family room, did the second drop roll of my life, and hid behind the huge leather sectional just in time to conceal myself from Banks. He was walkin’ by, headin’ toward the kitchen. My heart was beating out of my chest and my adrenalin was pumpin'. I was tryin' to control my breathin' so no one would hear me. Crouched behind that sofa I began to wonder what in the hell I was expectin’ to see? It’s just him and Banks in there watchin’ TV. I decided to find a hidin' place once Banks went back into the theater room and just wait for a few hours or more, if need be. I heard Banks’ boomin' voice before I heard his footsteps.

“Yeah, son, this Patron ‘bout to be done tonight!” Banks was yelling loudly. For the first time since Banks’ name was mentioned tonight, I thought of Simone. I wondered where my friends were and what they would think and say if they knew what I was doin' right now…if they could see me. I felt embarrassed for like 20 seconds, and then it was back to the task at hand. When I knew that Banks was gone, I ran to the library and hid in a small coat closet that, just like the library, was empty and never used.

No more than an hour passed before I got too antsy and had to leave the small closet. It was way too quiet and I wanted to see what was goin’ on. If they were watchin' a movie, I wanted to see what movie it was. If they were talkin', I wanted to know about what. I crept out of the closet and made my way slowly and carefully across the hardwood floor and out of the library that held not even one book.

I looked out the door cautiously to make sure no one was there and crept to the theater. The door was completely open and there was no noise comin’ from the room. I got down on my knees and peeked through the door. What I saw knocked all the air out of my lungs. I pulled back and sat up against the wall, trying to regain my composure. I felt like I was in a Lamaze class. I had to regulate my breathin', but I had to do it silently.

“Hee hee hooo,” I repeated, barely audibly, over and over again, finally gettin’ my breathin' under control. I remembered that I had my little digital camera and pulled it out of one of the many pockets on the cargo pants I was wearin'. My hands were tremblin' and my heart was hurtin'. What I was about to attempt to do could cause me to lose my life if they caught me in here.

Again, I peeked around the doorway on my knees with the camera in hand and was greeted with the same scene from minutes before. Tyron was on his knees givin’ Banks head. I didn’t know how I was goin’ to be able to take some pictures of this without them seein' me. I couldn’t believe that Tyron was suckin' dick when he claimed he didn’t. And what the fuck was Banks doin’? This shit is crazy! I’ve been around him and Simone, and would have never ever guessed this shit.

Carlton made a move as if he was going to look my way and I jumped back around to the other side of the wall. My heart was beating like it might just give out at any moment. I knew this couldn’t be healthy. I was startin’ to worry that I might have a heart attack and they’d find me sittin’ right here dead, or half dead, and let me die! Loud moans of pleasure turned on without warnin' so loudly it could have been 50 Cents’ song
In Da Club
only really inside the damned club, it was so loud! It scared the shit out of me. I listened to the loud moans for about three minutes before I found the courage to peek in. I knew I had to keep my eyes on them because if they walked out, they would step right on top of me.

A Snoop Dogg porno was playin' on the big screen while Tyron was still at it. He gave me a run for my money, the way he was sucking Banks’ dick. It was huge, too. My goodness, no wonder Simone was on him like that. This nigga had a third leg for sure. I slowly crawled in, hid behind the last row of seats, and watched in disbelief feelin betrayal not arousal as they went at it. Tyron’s beautiful lips were wrapped around my best friend’s man’s big ass cock. Unbelievable. I pinched myself, although I knew I wasn’t dreamin'. Shit like this is always bound to happen to me. I swear to God that nigga will pay for this shit! I want him to see how it feels to have his “gay” lifestyle out in the open. Just maybe he would feel some semblance of the pain that I was feelin’ right then. I was tired of motha fuckas doing the cha cha on my heart when all I did was love with all I had in me.

Tears started runnin’ down my face when I came to the realization that there was no way I would be able to get a picture of this without them seein' me. The angle was horrible. You wouldn’t even be able to tell who they were to be damagin' enough. I laid on that floor watchin’ them, with my heart pounding so hard you would think they’d be able to hear it. My hidin' place was escalated six rows higher than where Banks stood shovin' his dick in and out of Tryon’s mouth. I was crouched there for what had to be 30 minutes, but it felt more like an hour and Tyron was still deep throatin'. I could not wrap my mind around the implications of what I was seein', nor what I was doin’. I cried because I was so hurt. More so, I cried because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get pictures and revenge on those bitches.