This Can't be Life (50 page)

I pulled up in front of the office building where Talise worked and called to let her know that I was outside waiting for her. When I called her this morning to tell her that Joy was flying in, she decided she would leave work early to go with us. My phone beeped, alerting me of a new text message from
Carlton
saying that he loved me. I hadn’t felt this way about any man in my life. Instead of being scared, I was looking forward to opening up and letting him in and not worrying about what could go wrong.

Joy’s flight was on time and, surprisingly, we didn’t hit much traffic on the 405 north. When we got to the Studio City Bank of America branch on Ventura — where I first met Carlton — the manager had all of the necessary forms ready for Joy to sign and the locksmith was there waiting. When they went into the vault, Talise and I waited in a privacy room for Joy to come in with the safe deposit box so we could see what was inside. As we sat waiting, Talise and I didn’t say much at all. You could feel the nervous energy permeating the room as we waited as patiently as we could. When Joy finally came in with the
box
20
minutes later, we just looked at each other afraid of what we would find.

“You do it, Simone,” Joy suggested, after sitting the rectangular shaped box on the rectangular shaped table.

“All righty, here goes.” I lifted the lid of the grey, thin metal box to find a padded manila envelope with a DVD inside.

“What in the hell? That’s all that’s in there?” Talise asked incredulously.

“You see what we see. There’s nothing else,” Joy said.

“Well, whatever is on this DVD must be hella important if he paid to have it locked up in a bank vault. Let’s take it to my house and see what’s on it,” I suggested.

South on the 101 freeway to the 110 south, we were sitting in my living room inserting the DVD into the player no more than 30 minutes after we left the bank. We had a quiet ride over, as we were all caught up in our own thoughts. We had no idea what could be on the DVD and why it was so important that Stacey felt the need to protect it to such an extent. Once it was in, I pressed play and we waited for a picture to come on the screen. It would be an understatement to say that I wasn’t prepared for the scene that played out in front of my eyes. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to see what I saw. My mouth watered and my stomach immediately began to turn as I vomited on my newly mopped hardwood floor from the sight of Tyron sucking
Carlton
’s dick. I wished I were dreaming. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We sat in stunned silence as the video continued to play. When
Carlton
began fucking Tyron, I began hyperventilating uncontrollably.

“Oh, my God, that’s Tyron Marks and that rapper, C. Banks!” Joy said excitedly. She had no idea that I considered that man my boyfriend, that I’d confessed my love to him, and that he’d explored every inch of my body no more than a couple of hours ago. She had no idea that I could still feel his touch and feel him inside me. Talise sat with her hand over her mouth and her eyes wide with astonishment.

“Turn that shit off!” I stood and yelled with tears streaming down my face. I was trying to catch my breath as I bent forward heaving in and out from the wretched sobs that were escaping my body. You would’ve thought someone had died. I couldn’t breathe and I was beginning to feel light headed.

“Calm down, Simone. Breathe, Simone, breathe!” I heard Talise yelling.

“Breathe, Simone!” Joy and Talise yelled in a panic, until I finally caught my breath and gained control of my breathing. I was beyond being in a state of shock. My whole world was spinning. I was fucked up!

“Oh, my God, oh, my God, why didn’t Stacey tell me? What the fuck?” I wailed as Talise held me and Joy stood behind me, rubbing my back. She had no clue as to what was going on.

“Talise, please, I can’t take this. I can’t do this shit!” My legs gave out on me as I collapsed to the floor, crying convulsively. This couldn’t be happening. I was just with this man less than a couple of hours ago. I just had sex with this man!

“He is fucking gay…why didn’t Stacey tell me?” I wept. “What does this mean?” I asked, but no one answered. “Please, God, take my pain away. Make it go away. I can’t take this! This shit hurts, Tali,” I cried. Talise was sitting on the floor crying and holding onto me for dear life. Her arms were wrapped around my upper body and my head was resting on her chest soaking her shirt with my stream of tears as well as hers. Joy sat nearby, crying and looking confused.

“I don’t know what to do. I love him. What does this mean? What did Stacey know?” I asked, not expecting an answer. I used all of my strength to get up and try to get myself together. For each tear that I wiped off my face, 10 more emerged and poured out uncontrollably as I paced back and forth.

“What does this mean?” I whispered over and over again. I was so traumatized by what I’d seen. The possible implications of what was on that video had my mind spinning like a whirlwind. I wondered if they knew he had that tape and if that had anything to do with why he was tortured and then murdered. My mind was whirling and my heart was aching. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I knew in my heart of hearts that Tyron and
Carlton
had something to do with Stacey’s death. I knew it had something to do with that damned video. I was going to have
Carlton
’s and Tyron’s lives in the palm of my hand before all was said and done. Shit,
this can’t be fucking life
!