This Can't be Life (44 page)

“You don’t have shit to say for yourself, do you?” I questioned, but changed my mind immediately. I didn’t want to hear shit she had to say. I walked away from her and headed down the stairs. I left her standing in the same damned spot she stood in when this whole ordeal jumped off, the same spot that she stood in last night when she lied to me with a straight face. I just couldn’t understand why someone would do something like this. It just didn’t make any sense. Was my judgment that fucked up? I was so angry with myself for being so fucking stupid. For acting like a teenager. For acting like I forgot how conniving women could be. I wanted to punch something! I fucked up big this time. This could possibly mean my life! I could have HIV and my whole world could crumble!

Simone

My phone wouldn’t stop ringing in my office, so I knew something had to be wrong. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach as I dragged myself out of bed. I was immediately awake as I walked toward my office rubbing my hands up and down my arms trying to calm the chill bumps that surfaced. I checked the caller ID and recognized that it was a
New York
number that looked familiar, but I just couldn’t place it. I knew it wasn’t
Carlton
because he didn’t have my fax number.

My hands were shaking before I even picked up the receiver and when I did, the wailing that came through the phone nearly buckled my knees. It was so piercing and heartbreaking that at first I couldn’t figure out who was on the other end of my line screaming and crying this way.

“Who is this? What happened? Oh, my God, what happened?” Now hysterical myself, I dropped to my knees when it finally clicked that this was Stacey’s sister’s number in
Brooklyn
.

“Joy, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong! Please tell me what’s wrong!” I screamed into the phone.

“Simone, they called me, they called…they said we have to go to
Las Vegas
…they said my brother is dead, Simone!” The pure agony in her voice didn’t give me any opportunity to doubt what she was saying. I knew I wasn’t sleeping. I knew this wasn’t a nightmare.

“No, no, no…what are you saying, Joy? Are you sure? Are they sure? Are they 100 percent sure it’s Stacey?” I tried to hold it together. I needed to get all the information I could. I knew that I would have a much harder time thinking if I allowed myself to let go and grieve.

“They said we have to go identify his body, Monie… They said we have to go and get him… They found him dead in a fucking…ditch, Simone…in Vegas. He had his wallet on him and my number was in there,” Joy moaned into the phone.

“Where is your mom, Joy?” I asked, trying my hardest to hold it together. My heart felt like it had been pulled out of my chest. I just couldn’t understand how this could be.

“I don’t know…I can’t reach her…I can’t move…I can’t breathe,” Joy whispered.

“Joy, just keep trying to reach your mother and tell her that I am going to book your flights to Vegas. I’ll call you back when I have your flight information. Do you have my cell phone number, Joy?” I asked urgently and got no answer. “Joy do you have my cell number?” I asked again more forcefully.

“Yes…hurry up, Simone…please, hurry up…I can’t tell my mother this…how am I supposed…to tell my mother this?” she sobbed into the phone. Her raw emotion tore through me like a knife. I knew just how she was feeling. Stacey was my brother, too.

With shaking hands and all the willpower that I’d ever mustered, I dialed Talise and waited for her to pick up. When I heard her voice, I could no longer hold it together. My sobs were uncontrollable. My heart was broken and I didn’t know how much more I could take. I just knew I had to get to Stacey. I knew I had to be there. I was finally able to tell her what Joy had told me. Thankfully, she was on her way in from
Santa Barbara
and would be at my house in no more than an hour.

Sitting on the floor in the corner of my office, still cradling the phone, I cried harder than I’ve ever cried in my life. I dialed Stacey’s cell number over and over wishing he’d pick up and say this was all a mistake. I kept listening to his voice as it went straight to voicemail each time praying that somehow this was all a misunderstanding. The longer I sat there, the angrier I became. I got into that
what the fuck happened to my friend
mode. I got into that
I’m going to kill whoever did this to my brother
mode. I dialed
Carlton
’s cell, praying that he would answer the unknown number, but no luck. He didn’t. I walked to the nightstand beside my bed and powered on my cell to try him from a recognizable number.

When he answered, he sounded so happy to hear from me that it made me cry even harder. I was barely able to tell him what happened through my heavy flow of tears.

“Babe, what the fuck! He’s in Vegas? Do you need me to come back? Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it! Do they know who did this, Simone?” he asked, sounding alarmed.

“I don’t know,
Carlton
! I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m about to get a flight out there now so we can meet his mother and sister to identify his body. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe someone would do this to him,” I cried.

“Baby, I’ll get your flights booked. Don’t worry about it. You know I got you. Who are you coming with? Is Talise coming with you?”

“Yes. Me and Talise from LA. I need the next thing out of here and I need two flights from
New York
for his mom and sister. I’m going to send you a text with the names right now.” He said his assistant would email me the information as soon as everything was booked.

It took no more than 30 minutes for me to receive the first class flight information. I called Joy and gave her their itinerary. She had reached her mother at work and they would be on their way to the airport within the hour to make their flight to Vegas. Talise and I would be at least two hours ahead of them when we got to Vegas, so I told them that there would be a car there waiting for them when they arrived.

When Talise and Malachi pulled up, I was standing outside waiting, with just my handbag. It was a quiet ride to LAX, surreal actually. No words were spoken between the three of us as we made our way up the 10 to the 405 south. We arrived at the airport with 45 minutes to wait until our flight would be taking off. Talise and I just sat at our gate, crying silently, wishing this were the nightmare that it felt like. All I knew was that I had to find out what happened to Stacey. I had to find out why someone would do this to him. Deep in my gut, I knew that Tryon was responsible for whatever happened to Stacey and I prayed that there was some way that I could prove it. Whether I go to jail or die, one way or the other he was going to pay!

Talise

Stacey was buried at Forrest Lawn Mortuary in
Burbank
. It had been a week since we’d returned from Vegas with his body, made funeral arrangements, and contacted all of his friends so they could say their last goodbyes. Simone and I were relieved that his mother decided to have his funeral and burial in LA. She knew how much he loved this city and called it home. All of his friends were here and he considered himself a
Cali
boy until the day he died.

Seeing my best friend’s bruised and battered dead body was something that I never thought I’d have to do. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Stacey was unrecognizable and no longer the beautiful man he once was. Looking at him laying there on that cold metal slab when we went to identify his body was something I would never forget. His tattoo was the only identifying mark. Other than that, there was no way to tell if that was the man I knew for most of my adult life. With the decomposition, bruising, and swelling, we were grateful that he had the tattoo on his leg. Otherwise, it would have taken much longer to get his body released.

Just the thought of what he had to have suffered through was tearing me up inside. I would never understand how anyone could do this to another human being. The atrocity of Stacey’s violent death was way too much for me to even think about without losing my mind. I had to block out how he was killed or I wouldn’t be able to make it.

My whole body ached. I couldn’t find peace in sleep, let alone while I was awake. Malachi was so worried about me and the baby that he hated going to the hospital, but I wouldn’t let him even think about trying to take more time off from work. A month and a half was long enough, and he had just gone back.

I was in mourning for my friend, thinking of all the times we had together laughing and just being silly. I knew I would mourn him for the rest of my life. I had only gotten out of bed to go to his funeral, and since, have had no desire to do anything more.

While we were in Vegas, we each interviewed with the homicide detectives that were assigned to his case. I told them about his relationship with Tyron Marks, who he was visiting when he went out there. I also told them about the person who had been stalking him. I didn’t know what to think or who to point the finger at. I was thankful that with today’s technology and the advancement of forensics, it would only be a matter of time before it was all figured out.

Simone

The day after we buried Stacey,
Carlton
left for
Seattle
for the next leg of his tour. Stacey’s sister, Joy, and I went through his belongings in his house and started packing his things. Trying to decide what we’d keep and what we’d give away to charity was painstaking. Stacey’s mother had gone back to
New York
but a shell of the person she was before. Talise wasn’t getting out of the bed, nor sleeping well.

The detectives had already been down and gathered what evidence they could from his house and picked up the stalker packages that Stacey had received from the
North Hollywood
police station that had been holding the evidence since we’d made the report. It seemed like just yesterday when we were worried about this sicko stalker, but never in a million years would we have thought this would happen.

It took us two days to get Stacey’s house completely cleaned out. I had his mail forwarded to my house, so I could make sure that anything that needed attention was taken care of. Over the next few days, we received his death certificate, closed out all of his bank accounts and paid the small amount of outstanding bills he had with his creditors. Joy wanted to keep his truck, so we made arrangements to have it shipped to
New York
. We talked a lot about Stacey and the times they had growing up. I shared with her some of our more memorable moments here in LA — with Stacey, there was never a dull moment. It was therapeutic being with his sister. She looked so much like him. I got a lot of comfort from her being around that it was hard to see her go after more than two weeks had passed. She had to get back to her mother and her job, although it was hard for her to leave.

Carlton
called multiple times a day to check on me and turned out to be my rock during this difficult time. I’d called an old client of mine who was a realtor with Sotheby’s to list Stacey’s house for sale. I got her in contact with Joy in
New York
who was the executor of his estate.