This Girl Stripped (23 page)

“Yes, I can’t stay in Woodstock. I have too many bad memories here. My childhood, Zane, everything that I’ve gotten into since I got here really. I made so many mistakes and if I stay here, I’m only going to be constantly reminded of all the bad choices I made.” He looks as though I just slapped him across the face.

“Was I one of those bad choices, Paisley?” Of course he would automatically think the worst, that’s just the type of person he is. He won’t make eye contact with me. The one thing I will miss about him are those green eyes. They always made me melt on the spot. They pulled me to him.

“No, River. You’re not one of the bad choices I made I just wish things could have been different.” I’m sincere and I reach across the table to take his hand. For the first time in a long time he actually allows me to touch him.

“I’m sorry everything worked out this way. I know I hurt you and I never meant to, River. Ever. I’m hoping you will continue to be a friend and keep in touch.” It’s the truth. I want him to stay in touch. I want to see him move on with his life and find happiness.

“There’s always email and Facebook.” I add, and hope he takes the bait.

“So, were you ever going to come to me and tell me the baby wasn’t mine?” I knew he would ask. I should have began our conversation with this.

“Yes, I was. But, I was worried and upset how you would take it.”

“I took it worse hearing it from my brother.” He’s honest, I can see the pain in his clouded eyes. The happiness I once saw in his bright expression is missing. I hate that it’s my fault it’s gone.

“I’m sorry River. I really am. But, you have a lot of things you need to work out before you can have a real relationship with someone. I tried to get through your walls, but you wouldn’t even let me in. No one is going to give you everything I know you want until you open up.” I smile at him and start to get up from the booth. With my belly in the way, it is becoming increasingly harder.

“I know Paisley. I’m sorry. I pushed you away, and that’s something I will regret for the rest of my life.” He runs his fingers through his hair and stands next to me.

“Take care of yourself, River. Or I’ll worry.” I push a single piece of hair from his forehead, and give him a peck on the cheek before I turn and walk out of Maggie’s and head for my sister’s house. Tonight I’m going to be broken saying goodbye to my family, especially my nieces.

“Wait! Paisley!” I hear River running up behind me. Before I can turn around and face him, he wraps his arms around me and spins me around so we are face-to-face.

“Thank you.” He kisses me on the cheek and starts to pull away.

“Thank you for what, River?” I’m confused. But I can see his bright light has returned. He’s the River I met the moment I rolled back into Woodstock.

“Thank you for making such an impact on my life. Thank you for breaking me down. Thank you for helping my walls come down. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it in time to be with you. I’m sorry I waited so fucking long. But Paisley, you mean the world to me, and you will always be the first woman I trusted enough to love.”

Once again, I’m dumbfounded and confused by River. Something he’ll probably continue to do for the rest of my life. I’m too damaged myself to keep up with him and his ever-changing moods. It isn’t in my soul to deal with it.

“You’re welcome, River. And thank you for helping me when I came to town. I hope you find someone who can love you as much as I did.”

And like that, we say our goodbyes.

I can only hope that some day River is able to get a happily ever after like I’ve been able to have with Diesel. No matter how fucked up our journey has been.

“I brought cake!” I yell through the front door as Diesel follows behind me. I begged him to drive an extra twenty miles out of the way to this little hole in the wall bakery I’ve become obsessed with since I found it when I was just out of my first trimester. The death by chocolate is literally to die for. No, I’m not being dramatic.

I could live on it.

“It better be chocolate or Star may shank you.” Chrome laughs as he rounds the corner from the kitchen.

“Cravings already?” Just this morning we found out she was expecting and now she’s going homicidal over cake? Yeah, that sounds about right for her.

“It’s chocolate alright. Mmmmm,” I round the corner, and Star is standing there with a fork in her hand.

“Give me the cake, and no one gets hurt.” She laughs.

“Give me a fork or you get none.” I reply, as I hand the cake to Diesel and sprint for the silverware drawer. She takes that opportunity to run towards Diesel and the cake. He lifts it in his hand above his head and Star just stands there jumping up trying to grab at the cake while Diesel laughs at her.

“Got a couple feet to go there, shorty,” he taunts her.

“Give me the cake!” Star screams as she keeps jumping up trying to get the cake, not even coming close.

I’m laughing hysterically, watching the show. This would make for an amazing Youtube video. Comedy gold!

“OW! What the FUCK, Star?” Diesel yells, as he holds onto his side. He slides the cake onto the counter and lifts his shirt to look at the wound.

“Did you just stab him with a fork?” Chrome laughs across the kitchen. Apparently shit just got real regarding that damn cake.

“You stabbed me with the fork! Seriously Star?” Diesel is pissed but laughing at the same time. She seriously just stabbed him with a fork for that stupid cake. She wants cake? She’s gonna get it!

Before she can reach the bakery box, I grab it and start opening it. She starts running in my direction, but before she can get to it I have the big chocolate treat in my hands.

“Give me the…” she screams, but before she can get the word
cake
out, I smash the entire thing in her face. Cake splattered everywhere. All over the floor, her clothes, the counters, my hands, my clothes. It looks like a chocolate bomb went off.

Star is pissed. I’m laughing hysterically with Chrome and Diesel joining me. The girls pick that moment to walk into the kitchen. I am sure they heard Star screaming all the way up stairs and decided they just had to investigate what was going on.

“Mom, what the…” Magnolia trails off.

“Not another word.” Star says, trying to be stern. But she fails miserably. She is pretending to be pissed, but I can see a smile breaking under the layers of cake. Soon enough her bright white smile is shining through, and we are all laughing.

“Oh my god, I am going to piss my pants,” I run for the bathroom praying I don’t piss before I get there. It wouldn’t be the first time I pissed my pants this pregnancy. Typically fucking sneezing is the culprit though.

Star is wiping cake off of her face, and we are all sitting down to dinner when Chrome leaves the room to take a phone call. We all bicker back and forth getting ready for the pasta feast Star prepared. I have to give it to her, her cooking is kind of amazing these days. Being domesticated has done wonders for her.

Chrome comes back into the room and we all stop talking. His face is stone, and I think he has a tear in the corner of his eye. What the fuck? I’ve never seen him look like that, let alone get upset. Something is wrong and my heart skips a couple beats with nerves.

“That was Levi.” He lets out a sigh and cracks his knuckles.

“Seven had the baby, they are at the medical center upstate.” Star and I gasp at the same time.

“It’s too early! I was just with her this morning! What the fuck?!” I’m crying now. That baby wasn’t due for another ten weeks at least.

“They aren’t sure why she went into labor. Levi only said they couldn’t stop it. The baby is in the NICU and not breathing on her own. Something about a lot of machines.” Chrome says. He’s clearly impacted by this news. Almost as badly as the rest of us are. I rub my belly and send a silent
I love you
to my little boy, and pray he stays healthy and safe.

“We have to go up there.” Star gets up from the table and heads for her bedroom to change out of her cake covered clothing.

What a world we live in when one minute we can be laughing and joking about cake. Throwing it around the kitchen at each other. And in the next breath we are praying for a previous little life that is hanging in the balance.

“She is only thirty weeks,” I whisper to Diesel. “That baby wasn’t due for another two months or so. She must be a wreck. I can’t imagine how she is feeling right now. She has been through so much.” I can’t help but sniffle and melt against Diesel. I couldn’t even imagine being in Seven’s situation.

“That would be like me having the baby in ten more weeks.” I say to myself, trying to hammer the whole situation home. I am only upsetting myself even more.

“Come on, Princess. Let’s get ready to head to the hospital with them.” We follow them on the two hour ride. I try to keep myself occupied to relax by the time we get to the hospital, but it is no use at all. I’m just as much of a mess as I was when we got in the car.

Star checks in at the front desk and we find out Seven is on the 8th floor. We ride in the elevator in silence. The only audible noise is the sniffling of Star and me and the bell alerting us when we have finally stopped on the floor. Diesel never once lets go of my hand, and Chrome does the same for my big sister. The mood is so somber as we walk through the sterile, bright hallways of the maternity ward.

The sounds of the hospital have my anxiety going through the roof. The beeps and bings of all the machines. The nurses speaking and the intercoms buzzing is just way too much. I know instantly there is no way I can give birth in the hospital. It’s all too much for me to deal with. I would lose my mind before I was able to give birth.

Star quietly knocks on the door, and we can hear sniffling on the other side. Levi’s voice is loud when he tells them to come in. As we slowly file into the dark room, Levi is laying in bed with Seven and she is curled up into a ball crying.

“Is this a bad time?” Chrome asks, as we all start to back up for the door.

“No, please. We need you all right now,” Levi says, and Seven slowly begins to sit up.

Her hair is tied in a knot on the top of her head. Her eyes are completely bloodshot, matching her puffy red, tear stained cheeks. Her nose is running, and it’s clear as day that she is in a lot of pain.

“Thank you for coming,” she whispers, and clings to Levi.

“Do you two need anything?” Star asks as she makes her way to Seven’s hospital bed. She climbs up next to her and pulls her into her arms. Star and Seven lay there for a while and Levi gets up to make his way back to the NICU to spend some time with their daughter, Marley Star Parker.

“I’m okay, but Levi might be hungry.” Chrome and Diesel leave to grab something before Levi gets back. I’m sure they are both hungry as well since we weren’t able to eat our dinner.

“She’s tiny.” Seven cries. “Three pounds, and eight ounces. She almost fully fits in Levi’s hand.” She wails harder. “It’s all my fault. I couldn’t even do this right.” Star just holds her tightly as she lets it all out.

“You couldn’t have stopped this Seven. It happens, she’ll be okay.” Star comforts her. And I just sit and watch. I can’t speak; every time I try, my words end up in a lump in my throat. I’m trying to hold my tears back but it is impossible, so I excuse myself from the room and have a good cry in the family waiting room.

“Paisley?” I hear Levi come up from behind me.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, and turn to face him. “I’m sorry, I held it together as long as I could in there for Seven, but I needed to come out here and let it all out.” He nods in agreement, and I’m sure he knows the feeling because his eyes are just as red and bloodshot as Seven’s.

“I never thought it would happen to us. Ya know? You see it on television and read about it in the pregnancy books. But, when you live like us, you begin to think you are above it happening because you can buy all the best medical care and testing.” He lets out a sigh and scrubs his hands over his eyes.

“This is all my fault. I should have never pushed her. I’m responsible for it all. The break. Her running to Woodstock. The baby coming early. It’s all my fault. I can’t believe I pushed my wife that far. My wife! Paisley. God, I am a fucking idiot!” I feel bad for him. He’s beating himself up about it all just like I was.