This is Living (Living #1.5) (7 page)

“I will. Thanks. See you later.”

We disconnect and I park in the driveway behind Chloe’s car. I sit there for a moment while my head pounds even more ferociously than before. I’m also aware that my body is aching all over, but that’s probably just from lack of sleep. There’s no way I can be getting sick…with everything I’m exposed to; I have an iron immune system.

Realizing I’m delaying the inevitable, I lock up my truck and walk towards the back door. The door isn’t locked and as I walk in, I see Chloe and my mother sitting at the table talking. They don’t hear me come in and for a second, I take in my wife’s appearance. She looks beautiful as ever, but I can see the effects of everything that has happened on her face.
Way to go, asshole.

Just as I’m about to announce my arrival, I hear my mom insist that Chloe is pregnant. I think that maybe I might be delusional from lack of sleep until I hear Chloe reply, “Since I’m not telling you before him, I will only say that I may or may not be with a very strong emphasis towards yes.” My mom freaks out and runs around the table to hug her. While they are hugging and mom is celebrating, they both notice I’m standing there.

Nobody moves or speaks. I blink heavily and it pains me to see that Chloe looks worried or scared that I’m going to freak out about the news. Without another thought, I make my way to my wife and hug her to me as tightly as possible. Whispering in her ear, I tell her how sorry I am for being such an idiot.

She presses into me as close as she can and says she’s sorry, too. I tighten my arms around her hoping it communicates my feelings, “Don’t be sorry; I’m the one that screwed up.”

I feel a tremor go through her body and I want to kick myself for putting her through this especially knowing she’s pregnant. Suddenly, it occurs to me what a wonderful wife I have…did I forget that along the way?

My dad is right. I’ve put my job ahead of her, but that’s going to change. I may not be able to change my hours until my residency is completed, but I can do other things to make sure she knows she and the boys are my world. And hopefully a little girl for me to spoil in the near future as well.

I whisper, “thank you,” in her ear. I don’t say what I’m thanking her for, but she knows it’s for the new baby. Sitting down at the table, I pull her on to my lap. “How far along are you?”

She smiles blindingly at me in a way that warms me from the inside out. “I think about 7 weeks. I’m not exactly sure. I had what I thought was a light period last month, but now I think it may have been just some spotting.

Fear rushes through me and I ask, “Are you sure you’re ok?”

Nodding her head, she says, “Yes, I’m fine. It was very light; there’s no way it could have been a miscarriage.”

We sit there holding on to each other as tightly as possible. She’s everything to me; I know I can’t live without her and the thought of her not being there is one I can’t even consider. I feel like I need to reassure her as much as I do myself. I pull her chin up so I can see her gorgeous eyes that have fascinated me from the very first time I looked into them. “No matter what life throws at us, I’m never letting you go.”

She smiles at me and says, “I wouldn’t let you even if you tried.”

There’s only one thing left to do. I pull her mouth up to mine and kiss the hell out of her. We start to get lost in each other until I hear both of my sons yell, “Daddy!”

Both boys try to climb up in my lap even though I’m still holding Chloe and I do what I can to shield her stomach from them. For a moment, I hold my family until the boys have had enough. Soon, they disappear back into the living room with their Nanna as quickly as they came.

I look over at Chloe and ask, “Are you ready for another one of them?”

She grins at me and says, “Yes, but if it’s more than one, I’m coming after you.”

Winking at her, I say, “You could try, princess. If you do, I’ll make it interesting.”

Without another word, she leans into my chest and I feel the connection that has been with us since the beginning.

I
breathe a sigh of relief knowing that things are getting back to normal. We still have some issues to talk about, but at least there’s no more screaming ugly accusations at each other. Instead, I’m sitting right where I always want to be: my husband’s lap.

With my face buried in his neck, I smell his familiar scent: CK Free, the antiseptic from the hospital, and something that’s just him…warm, spicy man. I could get lost in that smell.

Right then, I want him to know how much I love him and that nothing will ever change that. I try to pull away and his body falls with me. I realize then that he has fallen asleep while holding me.

For the moment, all of today seems insignificant to the fact that he is so exhausted, he has fallen asleep while sitting up and hugging me. I also notice that his skin feels hot to the touch; I wonder if he is sick or at least getting there. He has been burning the candle from both ends so to speak.

Trying not to disturb him, I whisper yell for Ava. Thankfully she hears me somehow over the TV and the twins’ chatter.

She walks into the kitchen and asks, “What do you need, honey?”

Not wanting to wake Jayson up, I gestured at his sleeping form partially draped over me.

Ava grins and says, “Y’all are welcome to stay in his old room tonight. I promised Bren and Brax we would camp out tonight.”

I gape at Ava because she is the antithesis of roughing it. Seeing my look, she says, “Camping out in the living room…no way am I sleeping outside with all the bugs. I need my Egyptian cotton sheets, my eye mask, and my sleep sounds machine.”

I giggle at her description especially because I know she is dead serious. Since we are staying here tonight, I can’t wait to sneak down and snaps some shots of her for the boys’ scrapbook. I can see it now…1
st
Campout with Nanna. I laugh outright at the idea and she narrows her eyes at me, but I put on my most innocent face. I’m pretty sure she’s not falling for it though.

“Chloe, let’s get him up to bed and you need to take his temperature. He feels pretty warm to me.”

I start shaking him, “Jayson, you need to wake up; let’s go get in bed so you can rest.”

Not moving from my shoulder, I hear him mutter, “I don’t want to go to bed yet, I need to fuck you first.”

My face goes up in flames because of course Ava had to be standing there.

She holds her stomach while laughing and says, “He gets that from his dad.”

Shaking my head, I laugh with her, but tell her that I know she had a hand in creating his dirty mouth.

“Ok, Casanova, you have to wake up. You’re too big for me…”

Jayson interrupts with, “I know I’m big, baby, but we always make it work.”

Oh my God, I’m going to kill him. By this time, Ava has tears pouring down her cheeks from laughing. I fake glare at her and ask, “Do you think you can help me with your son before he spills our whole sex life?”

Still laughing, she walks over to us and says, “Watch and learn, my friend.”

All of a sudden she whistles loudly near his ear and yells, “Jayson, get up now!”

Immediately, he jerks up and glares at his mom while rubbing his ear. “Jesus, I’m awake. You almost blew out my hearing.”

She blows him a kiss and I tell him, “Let’s go to bed; your mom is going to watch the boys. We can spend the night here tonight.”

After I get him going towards the stairs, I remember his job. “Wait, do you have to go back to work soon?”

“No, I have the next two nights off.”

I grin to myself and think that this is perfect timing. Once we get to his old bedroom, I insist on taking his temperature, which he’s not happy about. Its 99.8, so not too bad, but it worries me a bit because he never gets sick.

Deciding to leave it until tomorrow, I help him get undressed,
yum,
and he goes into the bathroom to get a shower. He always says he can’t get in bed without washing the hospital off of him.

I lie down to wait for him and without realizing it, I drift off to sleep. I don’t hear him come back into the bedroom or slide into bed next to me. But, I wake up enough to feel him wrap around me, which brings back that old familiar safe feeling. Even though he’s probably already asleep, I quietly say, “I love you.” He doesn’t answer, but this time, he doesn’t have to, I know it.

W
aking up with the early evening darkness seeping through the blinds, I wonder how long we’ve been asleep. Apparently, it’s been quite some time and when I look over at the bedside clock, I’m floored. The clock shows 8:19 PM…that means we’ve been asleep for nearly 8 hours. Evidently, we both needed it and from the deep sleep Jayson is in, he still needs more.

Once the sleep fog clears from my brain, I immediately worry about the boys. With their Nanna taking care of them, I doubt they’ve missed us, but it’s second nature for me to worry about them. I decide that if they need me, Ava will let me know.

I also wonder what she has been doing with them to keep them from trying to find us. It’s probably best I don’t know. Ava is one of those fun grandmothers who spoils her grandbabies without shame and then sends the kids home with the parents all while hiding the grin on her face. Or so she thinks. She always says I’m so transparent, but really, she’s one to talk. I know her game very well. I laugh to myself when I think of my mother-in-law; she’s definitely got all of us marching to the beat of her drum, but she’s great so why fight it?

At this point, my bladder lets me know I better find a bathroom soon. Getting out of bed, I move as quietly as possible so I don’t wake up Jayson. I find my way without turning on a light allowing my body to rely on muscle memory even though it’s been a while since I was in this room during the nighttime hours.

After getting much needed relief, I wash my hands and sit on the side of the tub allowing myself to think about everything that has transpired today. I decide I can either wallow in bad memories or I can pull up my big girl panties and move on. And moving on sounds good to me.

As I leave the bathroom, I keep the light on and close the door so a small amount of light fills the room. Once I’m done and back in bed, I think about the times that Jayson and I spent in this room. Although he and Connor had moved out by the time we started dating, we still stayed here a lot of weekends visiting Ava and Phillip. At that time in my life, I needed a family in the worst way and Jayson, always knowing what I needed, made sure I had one even if staying here put a cramp in being together.

I was always so scared of getting caught even though Ava is the most outspoken person on earth when it comes to the topic of sex. Obviously, it didn’t slow us down too much because as scenes flash though my mind, my body flushes and grows hot at the memories.

Speaking of flushed, I remember the slight fever Jayson had before we went to bed. Feeling guilty that I’m taking a stroll down sex memory lane while he might be sick, I feel his forehead and cheeks and his skin is even hotter than before. I grab the thermometer and roll it across his forehead…the display says 102 degrees.

I can also feel that his body is sweating, trying to get rid of the fever. Though I hate to do it, I pull the covers off of him and fold them up at the end of the bed. The longer he is under the covers, the higher the fever will climb.

Now that the covers are pulled away, I’m a little distracted. If it’s even possible, his body is better than it was at 23 and that includes his heart as well but that’s not the body part I’m thinking of right now.

The small amount of light shines over his face, his beautiful full lips, down over his the planes in his chest and stomach, and down to…ok, that’s enough. Can the man at least wear some clothes to bed? I’ve got pregnancy hormones remember? And they are taking over my brain.

Inwardly scolding myself for ogling my sick husband, I go about the task of getting some fever reducer into him, I look in my purse for Tylenol. And since I’m super mom with a side of OCD, I also have bottled water in my bag as well.

I lay both on the nightstand next to him and try to wake him up. As I grab his shoulder and pull on him while calling his name, I notice how pinched his mouth is as well as some purplish bruising under his eyes.

He doesn’t even make a peep; it’s like he’s in a coma or something. I know he’s not, but it sends a chill over me anyway. How could I not have noticed how rundown he is?

Trying to think of a way to wake him without doing it Ava’s way, I go into the bathroom, dampen a washcloth with cool water, and head back to the bed. I start wiping his face and neck with the rag and by the time I’ve made my way to his chest, he’s awake.

I turn on the lamp next to the bed and he’s looking at me in a confused way. He looks tired and unwell; it makes my heart hurt for him.

In a voice that sounds like he swallowed glass, he asks, “What time is it?”

He also tries to pull the covers up, but I stop him just in time.

“It’s about 8:30 at night and you’re running a fever. I hated to wake you up, but I need you to take this Tylenol so your fever will come down. The thermometer says its 102 degrees.”

Of course, he has to tell me that unless it gets to 104, he’s ok. Inwardly, I roll my eyes, but on the outside I keep a calm serene face.

He tries to laugh, but it comes out as a painful raspy sound.               Knowing my reactions well, he says, “I know you just rolled your eyes in your mind.”

Giving him a punch in the arm, I tell him to just take the medicine already.

He swallows the medicine but acts like he’s mortally wounded from my punch. I outwardly roll my eyes this time and say, “Yes, I’m sure I hurt your big arm with my little fist.”

Even though he’s sick, I see the gleam in his eyes and he starts to make a joke about my ‘big’ comment, but stops and closes his eyes. Now I’m starting to worry. As ridiculous as it sounds, the fact that he let my comment go by lets me know he’s really not feeling well. Because he loves to embarrass me and believe me, he still can, even 9 years later.

“When did you start feeling bad?”

His voice comes out in a croak that I can tell is painful. “I’ve had a headache for two days and I’ve been extra tired. I thought once I slept I would feel better, but I feel even worse than before. My throat is so raw I can barely swallow.”

“Why don’t you try to sleep a bit more? I’m going to go down and check on the boys. I know you want to see them and they are going to be upset, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for them to be around you especially while you’re running a fever.”

With his eyes closed, he nods his head in agreement and I lean over and kiss his forehead before I go.

Before I can pull away, he pulls me into a hug and says, “I miss your lips, princess. I miss all of you. But, I’m worried you’re going to get sick. And we also have the baby to worry about.”

I whisper back, “I miss yours, too. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Close your eyes and try to get some more sleep. I’ll be back soon. If you need me, text me, that way you won’t have to get up.”

Before leaving, I make sure his phone is charged up and within his reach. His breathing is already getting deeper so I know he’s falling back to sleep. Normally, I would be happy that he’s resting, but his breathing sounds labored and it worries me. I place another kiss on his forehead and then close the door behind me.             

I stop in to check on Ava and the twins and they are sprawled across her both sleeping soundly. She’s watching an old rerun of the Real Housewives of New Jersey…one of our mutual guilty pleasures. When she sees me, she mutes it and asks if Jayson is still asleep.

When I tell her about him waking up with an elevated temperature and exactly how sick he is, a pained look crosses her face. She may give Jayson and Connor a hard time, but when it comes down to it, they are still her babies.

“I’m really concerned, Ava. His temperature is a 102 and he can barely talk. And he has some majorly dark circles under his eyes. I feel awful that I haven’t noticed how run down he is. I don’t think he has ever been this sick since I’ve known him.”

Shaking her head in agreement, she says, “He really is running himself ragged. I know residencies are tough but he works way too many shifts beyond what is required of him. Although, that’s how he’s been since he was a little boy. Always doing more than what had to be done.”

I tell her he is off for the next two days and she says we should just stay with them since I’m going to need help with the boys along with taking care of Jayson.

At first, I think we should go home, but quickly change my mind at her next words.

“Honey, get ready to pull your hair out…men are not fun patients…and when they are doctors and are sick…trust me, he’s going to make you crazy.”

We both laugh and then lapse into silence. We’re both thinking the same thing. His being sick is not really the problem; it’s just a symptom. And neither one of us knows what to do or how to fix the situation.

While we’re sitting there, Phillip comes in and I fill him in on Jayson’s condition. Not wanting Phillip or Ava to think I’m being unsupportive, I tell them how I feel.

“I know this is his career choice and I will always support him in every way possible. I only wish there was a way to make things easier for him. If I know him, he’s just going to say that this is a little thing and there’s nothing to it.”

Both are agreeing with me so I decide to let it all out. “I don’t know how he can keep going at the rate he is now, especially with the fact that even with his residency ending, his never-ending shifts aren’t going to change.”

I stare down at my hands with my next words because I’m afraid to see their reaction. “I’m afraid our marriage is going to suffer…in fact, it has already started to.”

Tears fill my eyes and I’m surprised when I feel Phillip’s arms wrap around me. He’s not usually demonstrative like this so it makes the moment even more poignant.

After a moment, he pulls back and says, “Don’t give up yet. I know Jayson will figure this out. Tell him how you feel.”

He grins at me and I can see so much of Jayson and Connor in that gesture. “Of course, it might be good to wait until he’s not delirious with fever.”

“I don’t know…that might be when I need to tell him.”

I tell them both that I need to do something to keep myself from dwelling on it too much. I decide to go and pick up some medicine at Walgreens and some soup from Panera Bread…if nothing else, I can at least try to help him feel better.

Leaning down, I give my babies soft kisses so they won’t wake up. Ava tells me not to worry and that they will be fine with her while I’m gone.

Grabbing my purse, I head out to my car and mentally begin making a list of what we’re going to need for the next couple of days. I decide to stop by our house first before my other errands to get everything we will need for our stay with Jayson’s parents. If nothing else, it will take my mind off of the problem at hand because at this moment, I don’t have an answer and I know we are going to need one soon.