This is What I Did (6 page)

I wonder if Zyler would’ve thought a play was dumb.

He probably would’ve liked it. Especially since he would have been a lead part like Captain Hook, I bet.

Because of the play and because of Scouts, I think Mom and Dad thought I was okay.

I never told them about Bruce or Toby or Luke.

They thought we were friends maybe.

They thought things were better.

After the thing with Zyler, I was alone and I wouldn’t leave my room.

And.

I.

Was.

Sad.

So they thought I had friends at Judge.

At first.

But then they figured it out.

They were already worried about me enough and Mom had the pregnancy and Dad had the new mortgage and there were so many things.

I was always the one they were worried worried worried about and I was always the one I heard them talking talking talking about.

They thought Judge was the answer to everything and Zyler.

I sort of wanted them to think that, too, so I tried not to stay in my room so long and I talked more and I did Scouts and I told Mom I was fine.

I didn’t want them to know about Bruce or Toby or Luke.

Mom says I should hang out with Mack and Ryan.

She sometimes comes in my room and says things like: They love you and they want to hang out with you.

Me:

Mom: You guys used to go play basketball and run around.

Me: Not really.

Mom: Yes.

Me:

Mom: And Ryan was just saying the other day how much he wished you would do stuff with the two of them more.

I knew she was making that up. Ryan and Mack didn’t need me. They did everything together and they were always doing sports or talking to Dad about the NBA or NFL or NHL. Or about how they got in trouble at school. Dad would act mad but then I knew he thought they were maybe cool like him.

So I said to Mom: I’m fine.

But I know she didn’t leave it alone because a couple hours later Ryan comes walking in my room without even knocking.

Ryan: What’s up, dork?

Me: Nothing.

Ryan: Why do you sit down here all the time?

Me: Where’s Mack?

Ryan: Helping Dad with something.

Me:

Ryan:

Me:

Ryan: Okay. I think I’m going to go back upstairs.

And then he left.

When we were younger Ryan fell out of a tree and broke his arm. It was only the three of us at home and I was in charge and we didn’t know what to do.

Ryan was bawling and bawling: It hurts so bad. I can’t move it. It hurts so bad.

Mack was just sitting next to him in the grass staring at the bone.

At first I didn’t know what to do.

I was scared.

But then I did this:

I told Ryan it was going to be okay.

I told Mack to talk to Ryan rather than just sit and stare.

I called Mom on her cell but she didn’t answer.

I called Dad at work but he didn’t answer.

And then I called 911 and said: My brother has fallen out of a tree and I think he broke his arm.

I was outside on the cordless phone and the lady told me what to do:

To see if he was in shock.

To see if he was bleeding.

To see if he was cold.

To see if it hurt anywhere else.

I said: Ryan, you have to stop crying, okay?

And he did.

And then I checked for everything.

Mom came home right then and we all went to the hospital and it was going to be okay.

While we were in the waiting room Mack said: It’s a good thing Logan was there.

Mom looked at me and smiled.

That’s how I used to be.

Now I don’t do anything.

Here’s how I met Zyler: At school in Mrs. Frazier’s fourth grade class.

Here’s why: We were made partners for a diorama project where you have to re-create an old village or civilization in a big cardboard box with sticks and action figures and stuff and then write a report on the people.

Here’s what I was when I found out my assignment: Sort of scared.

Here’s why: Zyler moved in in the middle of the year and he was so tough because you could just tell.

I mean, he wore T-shirts that had all these bands on them and I don’t know any bands or anything, and he also had some really funny T-shirts that said things like “Get out of my face, bucket of nerd pus.” And on it was this huge bucket with green and yellow stuff coming out of it, plus stuff like broken eyeglasses and bow ties.

And at recess he didn’t play kickball or anything.

He just drew stuff.

Or he’d run really fast around the playground over and over.

He was the fastest in our grade for sure.

And pretty strong — forty-seven pull-ups in the presidential PE challenge.

I could do four.

So at first none of us guys ever talked to him really.

But the girls did.

Girls always liked Zyler.

So anyway, Mrs. Frazier assigned us together for the diorama and I was going to ask her to switch me but then Zyler came up to me and said: So what should we do it on?

Me:

Zyler:

Me:

Zyler:

Me:

Zyler:

Me: I don’t know.

Zyler: What about on the Japanese samurai?

We were best friends ever since.

Until now.

Dad keeps talking about Scouts.

And even Mack and Ryan talk about it.

I don’t.

Yesterday I drank another one of my mom’s weight-loss shakes.

Actually, they’re not really hers.

She doesn’t need weight-loss shakes because she’s about to have the baby, but my dad does so she buys them and then she never says she got them for him because Dad gets mad or “self-conscious.”

Mom told me that awhile ago when we were at Costco and she was buying them.

Me: Why are you getting those?

Mom: They’re delicious.

Me: Are you trying to lose weight?

Mom: Maybe.

And I was suspicious because even though we could never get Coke or Twinkies or good stuff like that, she usually lets us have raisin oatmeal cookies or the chicken wings with ranch or some normal stuff.

This time she said no.

No junk whatsoever.

Just the usual no-sugar cereals, soy milk, spinach, apples, and fish.