This is What I Did (17 page)

She sort of yelled-whispered it and shoved my head toward my legs. It hurt.

Girls like Carmen and Vanessa and Mallory.

Them: I hate that! Are you serious? No way. Yep. Really? Who said? I know.

And then they were gone.

Me: They’re gone.

Laurel: I don’t care.

And she was picking at her toes.

Laurel: Hey, do you like corn dogs?

Me: Uhhh, I guess.

Laurel: Well, I do. I do so much. And they used to have them in elementary on Tuesdays but they never have them here. Have you noticed that?

I wasn’t quite sure what to do because she was staring right at me so I said:

And then she said: Well?

Me: What?

Laurel: Anyway, I think you’re cool. Better than those dorks and not what they say and one day I’m going to work at the Corn Dog Factory.

And then she was looking even harder at me. I think the dorks were supposed to be girls like Carmen and Vanessa and Mallory.

Me:

Laurel: Do you know the Corn Dog Factory?

Of course I knew the Corn Dog Factory. There was one at both the Cherry Creek Mall and the Park Meadows Mall. It’s the one where the workers have to wear tall red-yellow-and-white-striped hats that look like popcorn buckets, and then matching shirts and shorts.

Me: Yeah.

Laurel: Do you think it’d be dumb to work there?

Me: No.

Laurel: I don’t either. I think it would be so cool. Free corn dogs all day and fresh lemonade too. If you wanted, I could probably get you a discount.

Me:

Laurel:

Me: Okay.

Then she said she had to go and then: Be back here tomorrow.

Me: Okay.

But she was too loud and moving her stuff and gone.

When we finally drove into the national park I was glad.

I was sitting in front.

Mouth shut.

No moving.

Even at pit stops.

Jack: Okay, guys. We’re here!

And everyone started getting out.

I didn’t really know what to do because I wasn’t supposed to move, so I just sat there.

And they were all outside getting their stuff out of the back.

Jack: Paloney, where the hell are you?

Me:

I just sort of got out and my stuff was in the snow outside the back of the Suburban.

Everyone else was already walking up the trail.

I tried to get all my stuff together but then

Me: Hey, Jack!

I yelled it because they were all talking.

Jack:

Me: Jack!

Really loud.

Me: Where’s my sleeping bag?!

They all kept walking.

So I didn’t have a sleeping bag for the Klondike Derby and I know Dad even gave Jack extras.

When I finally caught up to them

Jack: Okay, boys. We’ll set up right over there.

He pointed to a clearing.

Everyone sort of grumbled or said stuff and then Jack: Let’s start shoveling.

Me when everyone was doing other things: Jack?

Jack:

Me:

I decided not to bring up the sleeping bag for a while.

So I helped build the snow caves and I didn’t talk to anyone.

And no one talked to me.

Jack and Richard reminded us how to build and then said: You guys are on your own.

First you make a huge mound of snow.

Huge.

And then you dig it out.

It took us hours.

Lots of hours, and even though I thought they were doing it a stupid way — they weren’t even thinking about the pressure of the snow on the roof and it kept falling in so we’d have to start over and Bruce would yell and Jack wouldn’t help us because it was for our merit badge — I didn’t say anything.

By the time we were done it was really dark and really cold.

Jack: We’ve got beans and hot dogs and hot chocolate over here.

He and Richard had a fire going.

I had to sit the farthest from the fire because there wasn’t that much room.

I didn’t care.

Later that night.

Jack: I know we brought your bag, Paloney. Maybe one of the other boys picked it up.

Me:

Jack: What do you want me to do about it?

And he was now almost in my face with his flashlight and I wished he wouldn’t be so loud.

Jack: I’m sick of your stunts, Logan. Go to sleep.

I wanted to ask him about the extra stuff my dad had given him and how come he didn’t have that stuff.

But I didn’t ask.

Me:

And so he walked away.

Over to his snow cave.

Me standing there.

Looking at his cave and then over at our cave.

It was ten at night.

And the moon had finally come out from behind the clouds.

Lighter.

Almost bright off the snow and the trees’ shadows.

I closed my eyes and wasn’t with Jack and any of those guys.

Just me and Zyler.

Hanging out.

Like that one night when it was so snowy and we rode our bikes in the blizzard.

Down the middle of the road because there were no cars anywhere.

We didn’t even have coats on but it didn’t feel cold.

And Zyler was yelling things like: Santa Claus is dead! We own you all!

I was laughing. And riding around. And wasn’t even scared about what Mom would say.

The snow landing on my tongue.

On my cheeks.

On my bare arms.

In circles and circles and circles.

And I was not here. Not here. Not HERE. Not here.

I don’t know how long I stood there in the snow

With the moon

And Zyler

And my bike

But then

Bruce: Hey, fairy, bring your flashlight back!

Dad told me that if you had the right equipment, snow mountaineering was the most exhilarating blah blah ever.

But without the right equipment, hypothermia would start and even the strongest men could die.

I weigh 131 pounds and it’s mostly fat.

Not strong.

I had a lot of clothes on and plus some really good boots and gloves.

I walked over to the Scout cave.

It was silent, but then whispers.

I started to crawl in.

It smelled worse than Mack and Ryan farting.

Too many guys.

So I was starting to crawl in when Bruce said: I don’t think so.

Me:

I was just kneeling there and he said: I don’t think so.

Me: What?

Him: It’s not safe.

Me:

Toby: Yeah, we don’t want to get attacked or anything while we sleep. Go dig your own cave.

And then he threw a shovel at me.

It wasn’t a big shovel or anything like that.

Just a small red one you use for snow.

But it still hurt.

Kind of.

And all the guys were laughing and I didn’t care.

I didn’t care except it sort of hurt.

Bruce: Well, guys, maybe we should let him stay in here. It’s really quite cold out.

Me:

I didn’t want to be out there alone and my face hurt and I was cold.

Them: Laughing.

Me:

Bruce: I guess we could let you. But why don’t you try to convince us first. Feed us some of your crap that you fed your parents about how you were innocent.

Me:

Chris: Innocent about what?

Me:

Bruce: Oh yeah. My mom said he hurt this girl real bad. Probably did worse stuff but the girl didn’t say. She won’t talk.

Chris: Really?

Me:

Bruce:

Me:

Bruce: It doesn’t matter. He has a court restraint on him and he probably can’t ever get a job in his life. Dad said that.

The guys were staring at me.

I stared back.

Bruce: I’m tired. Aren’t you guys tired?

Them:

Bruce: We have to get up early tomorrow.

And it was true.

We had the stupid Klondike sled competition and other stuff starting at seven the next day.

They all sort of got into their sleeping bags and they were turning out their flashlights when I saw this: My sleeping bag.

Bruce: Sorry, Logan, we were just kidding. You can sleep in here.

My sleeping bag, over by the far snow wall — all laid out.

I didn’t know who had my sleeping bag and who set it up, but at that point I didn’t care.

Jack probably made them give it to me.

If I died he could get sued.

It smelled seriously sick in the cave.

But I didn’t say anything.

I crawled over and put my pack down.

The sleeping bag really was perfectly laid out.

So I slid in and that’s when

I

Realized.

Them: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Bruce: You really are crapstock, Paloney.

It was all over.

I was all over in it.

I couldn’t breathe.

I

Couldn’t

Breathe.

What to do?

I crawled back out.

Them: Oh, sick. SICK! You stink, man. That is disgusting. Someone light a match.

And on and on and on.

Outside I tried to get some of it off in the snow but it was really all over.

My sleeping bag came flying out of the snow cave.

I tried not to cry.

Me: I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry.

But then I did.